Archive for the ‘Valentines Day’ Category

Valentine’s Day Is Player’s New Year!

February 14, 2008


Loyal Ladies of Us Versus Them, I need you to step away for a moment. Your man Brock needs to talk to the fellas. You know I still love you though, right?

…They gone? Did you check over by the Making the Band 4 Posts? They love those…

We cool?

Allright fellas, bring it on in. It’s V-Day 2-14-08 and it is 9am. I know how you feel. The cell phone is off or “accidentally” left in the car. Your card and dinner reservations game is not tight right now. We are at t-minus 8 hours and counting until the moment of truth. The moment when you have to choose and your choice is broadcast to your entire player network.

You’ve got to choose which lady is coming out on Valentines Day.


This is like having the #1 draft pick. David Stern has your ass on the clock right now. Do you go with the investment pick where the long term output is good? Where they will be an important part of you team going forward? You know, wifey?


Or do you go with that hot young prospect, good to put up some fast points, but could run out of gas by the all-star break. You know the flash in the pan…


You know they will give you a good hard run tonight though, know what I’m sayin’?

Either way, here is to stone cold truth. Whoever you are with tonight long about 8:45pm, that is your main lady. Make no mistake. Anyone else on the roster knows that they are second place at best. No matter what game you lay down tomorrow morning.

That’s why we here at UvT call it Player’s New Year! It’s a celebration! Look, this is the end of your fiscal year, spring cleaning, year end close, the blowout sale, everything must go! You will have one lady and one lady only on February 15th, why not revel in it? Plus, tomorrow is a Friday, just in time to hit the recruiting trail again.

Of course there is one last option. If your game is tight…and don’t trick yourself…it is NOT this tight. But if you think you can pull it off…and only a few ever have. We’re talking some Saudi Sheik, Sixteenth Century King, Mitt Romney Big Love style pimperishness here. You could be like the man, the icon himself, Hugh Hefner.


Look he put on his red shirt for the occasion and everything. The crazy thing is the other two know which one he claims as his main chick!

Pimp Hard, Pimp Harder!



Yo, I’m definitely feeling this post, but the truth of the matter is if you’re just putting Operation V Day Smoke and Mirrors into production right now, then you’ve already lost. How about this? Just read my keys for V Day/Pimp success and start planning for next year now. Let’s just assume you’re juggling 3 chicks of relatively equal value but with different strong suits. I’ll just say you’ve got:

A. Wife Potential Chick

B. Cater To You Chick

C. I Wish She Had Some Common Sense and Three Less Tatoos, but dammit, Look at that Ass Chick.

1. Identify your top rated chick (Early January) Yes, take all of what Brock said into account. Run the flow chart, crunch the numbers, reflect deeply on what she’s bringing to the table both for that particular night AND in the long run, with in my opinion, an edge given to what she’s going to bring for that particular night (yes, Lake is an asshole).

2. Reverse it, (taken from the classic Boomerang, “don’t be pussy whipped, whip that pussy” speech). Unless you’re Robert from Making the Band 4, normally, you’d hate drama. But now you’ve got to tap into her natural inclination to start drama (this is true for about 85% of the chicks out there). Around January 22nd, stage a conflict about how she’s treating you and what you need to “take this relationship to the next level.”

Don’t lay it on too thick, but make sure she knows you’re somewhat serious (wink wink) and perhaps ice her down for two to three days until you bring it all back with some solid make-up sex (knock it out). Then wait until February 6th (exactly one week and one day before V Day) to start another fight on the exact same topic. Of course, your position is that she didn’t live up to “her end of the bargain” and clearly, she “doesn’t care for you.” LOL.


A smart chick will say that “You’re just doing this because V Day is coming.” Ah, but not so fast, after all, “we’ve talked about this before” and she’s “just avoiding the core issues, which is the problem in the first place.” So good.

Then thoroughly apply ice to her person up to and through V Day, with occasional phone calls lasting no more than 8 minutes in length, but do not see her. Completely ice her for V Day. Resist your inclination to call her at 11 PM after you’re done with No. 1, it’s too obvious. If anything, she won’t call you and then you can send her a text saying, “thanks for caring enough to holler at me on V Day.”

Turn the phone off and then blame the V Day fiasco on her, culminating in more make-up sex one week later. One down, one to go.

3. The Pre-V Day Trick. Tell Chick Number 2 that you’ll be busy at work or out of town for V day, but that you’d love to celebrate the occasion with a “Special Day” the Saturday before Valentine’s Day. Execute your full V Day love plan with whatever it is you do.


Call her from your crib errr Colorado/Your office that night to tell her how much fun you had on Saturday and how you can’t wait to kick it again soon. Simple, effective. Two girls down.

4. Don’t slip up. Ok, it’s Feb. 14th, so you take your number 1 babe out of town or far away to a random spot because you “want to try something different”.. Of course you just don’t want to get caught out there by one of the many hater spies that could dime you out. Now granted, most of her hater friends will be at home, eating a tub of chocolate ice cream cursing you, all men and the world, but you just never know so play it cool and safe. If you can cook, cook over at HER HOUSE. You don’t want a crazy broad to roll up on you at the crib for that full-on Valentine’s Day Massacre (but then again, if you don’t give a F, sometimes those are fun, too). TURN YOUR CELL PHONE OFF AND LEAVE IT IN THE CAR!

That my friends, is how a playa runs the V day pick and roll. That’s how you do this here Valentines Day Juggling act. Now Lake, he aint gone do anything for V Day.. Nothing at all. Can’t give ’em the satisfaction.

– Lake