Archive for the ‘Rudy Giuliani’ Category

The Mentality of the Masses

February 3, 2008

With the Superbowl going down in just a few hours, and Super Tuesday just 72 hours away, we have a unique opportunity to look at the mentality of the American people. Here’s the basic story, when it comes to a competitive event, Us Versus Them if you will, there are two kinds of people in the world. There are people who will decide on, and stick with, who they want to win.  Then there are people who just want to pick the eventual winner…just so they can be right about their choice. Let’s look at sports first.

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So this weekend we’ve got the Patriots v. the Giants. So here’s how the camps break down. There are the die hard fans. You know, the people who either grew up in the NY or Boston. They’ve been fans all their lives. The dudes who have Pats gear with that terrible minuteman in the three point stance. These are dyed in the wool fans, they will support their team no matter how bad the odds are. You know, the Notre Dame fan who thinks they have a chance every single weekend, the Green Bay fan that won’t watch tomorrow because the Golden Boy, Brett Favre threw the season away in overtime, the Mets fan that had their playoff dreams dashed as they watched one of the worst implosions in baseball history last September.  Or this guy, I’m thinking he would root for the Pats even if they were 0-18 (impossible I know) instead of 18-0.

Don’t get me wrong I know the pain well, every March I struggle with tossing the Blue Devils out in the round of 16 or 8 where they should go out of the tourney, or picking them to go all the way. Is there anything potentially worse than not picking your team to go all the way and seeing them win? I mean what kind of fan would you be if you didn’t have faith? So in sports it is cool, what is the big deal, right? But when you apply this to politics, that is when it gets dangerous.

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No one knows better than Rudy Guiliani. I mean this cat forgot the number one rule of the masses. People think what they are told to think. Rudy G tried to get fancy and pretend like Iowa, New Hampshire, Michigan and South Carolina didn’t matter. Wrong…wrong. By time they got to Florida, Rudy was already a loser. Once they said he was losing in the late polling he was really in trouble. Here’s where it comes in…even the people who believed Rudy G was the right candidate wanted to vote for the winner. Who wants to be on the losing team? When you go the casino, you aren’t rewarded for picking what you believe, you win for picking the winner.

So who knows who the winner is ahead of time?  That’s the problem, the media, their polls, the stories that are written, the soundbytes that are edited for youtube proliferation; and that is the stuff that gets to people who actually care.  I bet if I walked into a Michigan or Florida mall and asked ten random people why the Democratic votes didn’t count in the primary, I’d be lucky to find one.  I’m still pissed about that by the way.  Look, I wanted to know, I sought out the answers and it still took me a few days to sort it out.  I bet if you asked people throughout the nation who has more delegates in the race for the Democratic nomination, most people would say Hillary because she “won” Michigan and Florida.

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Yeah, Brock got as many delegates as Hillary did in those two states, which is only one less than Rudy Giuliani got, and I didn’t have to spend  $60 Million to get there.

So tonight, go with your gut.  I’m pulling for the Patriots because I want to see history, I want to see if the ’72 Dolphins invite Brady and the boys to their champagne toasts.  But if the Falcons were in the big game, you best believe that all better judgment would be gone and I’d be pulling from the home town boys.  As far as the election is concerned, pull for who you believe in, win or lose.  You’ll feel better in the morning.

-Brock

By they way…it’s 2:00…they just started the Fox Pregame.  Kickoff is over four hours from now, is there seriously that much to say?  We’ll be talking about Tom Brady’s neighbors cat before all this is said and done.

Rudy Giuliani – Now You Know You Done Fucked Up, Right?

January 29, 2008

Oh Rudy. You thought you were going to out thinkerate the system with a little trickeration, huh? Well it looks like the joke is on you. I don’t know what political genius lined up your strategy to skip the entire first month of voting, effectively making you disappear from the national scene, but whoever it is deserves a crisp asswhoopin’ tonight.

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You’re gonna need a big hug tonight when the headline reads “Now entering the race, Rudy Giuliani, now leaving the race Rudy Giuliani”. I mean you came and left the race faster than a cat who logs into IM and sees someone they don’t want to talk to. (Accompanied by that classic door swinging open then immediately slamming shut sound)

After seeing a Rudy that is this big of a loser, I need a Rudy who is a winner to cheer me up. Interns, cue my clip!

More later once this debacle is final.

-Brock

===========UPDATE===========

Damn, Rudy just dropped out of the race and endorsed McCain.  Thanks for coming homey, you spent just about as much time campaigning as Lake did.  I know your entire White House bid was based on the assumption that you’d keep America safe from terrorists.  Only, I didn’t feel so safe knowing that my “savior” was willing to wear a damn dress.

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Sorry, that was just a bad move all around.  Not even Hillary looks this bitchy in pink.  Then you went ahead and endorsed McCain?  On what grounds?  I know Mitt won’t like that.  Still posturing for that Vice President position I guess.  Hey, you never know.. NY is a big state and you’ve got traction in “the city”.  I wonder when Huck will drop out, you know it’s coming.  President McCain, nah….doesn’t sound right.

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Definitely don’t look right.

Gambling Rudy losing ground in Florida

January 25, 2008

Well, well, well… If it aint ole Rudy Giuliani, “America’s Mayor,” finding himself in a pickle in Florida right about now.

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Right, this is a guy with the brilliant plan to not campaign in Iowa, Michigan, Nevada, or South Cackalacky. Who’s his campaign manager, George Castanza, with that “everyone is doing something, I’ll just do nothing” strategy? Yeah, I know everyone else is tired from fighting hard to stay alive and Rudy is refreshed, but he also hasn’t won shit and completely lacks momentum in a state that is essentially NYC South. I don’t know, maybe he should put another dress on, drag queen it up….AGAIN, cut a rug and tell the people one of his grandparents was part Cuban.

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Oh yes, it’s on for real now. It actually reminds me of when Joe Clark rolled up on Sams and the rest of that C list group of sangers in the bathroom at Eastside High. You know, that hot scene in Lean on Me, where Joe hit them with that “you better know the school song and if you don’t, you’re suspended, now let’s here it, the school song”….

Only, those cats delivered. I’m not so sure about Rudy.

Anyway, like a second rate singer who just isn’t quite ready for Hollywood, homey’s plan seems to be backfiring and I must admit, I’m enjoying it. Recent polls have Rudy running in 4th place down there in New York South, behind McCain, Mitt, and ole Hucky. How does that taste? Hell, Rudy G. aint even in the picture at this point.

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Take yo ass back to NYC so you can continue to profit off terrorism errrr keep freedom on the march in the world’s greatest city.

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Well, homey has two days before the primary, so he best get to work. Seriously Rudy, even your own children don’t fuck with you. Doesn’t that tell you something? Shouldn’t it tell everyone else something? All I know is that there’s gonna be a lot of slow singing and flower bringing if Rudy doesn’t win in the sun shine state and I’ll be laughing with a pina colada in one hand and a mojito in the other.

– Lake

Mitt Romney: Errytime I see Black children Bling Bling, MLK Day obligations Bling Bling

January 22, 2008

There isn’t much to say about this video because it’s just so self explanatory. Just put this display at the bottom of your “Why Mitt Romney Shouldn’t be President” list (also known as my “Mitt’s a mufucka” list) which if it’s like mine, should be numbered at about half a c-note ‘long about now.

Simply awful and actually pretty hard for me to watch. Yep, I went ahead and slotted that mini debacle on my running “Mitt’s a mufucka” list like this:

65. Some Boston Big Dig ceiling planks (errors made on Mitt’s watch as Gobner of Mass) fell on one of my neighbors two years ago, she’s dead.

66. Tang inspired sun tanning oil and the white house don’t mix.

67. Mitt saw dark skinned people for the first time in his life, ON MLK DAY and immediately said “Who let the dogs out” and “Bling Bling” to fill the void.

68. Black people weren’t allowed in Mormon Church until 1978!!!! Actually, this one has been repeated 4 times at numbers 3, 7, 15, and now since I first saw this horrible video and thought about why Mitt actually went directly to racial stereotypes to ingratiate himself to those kids and make himself feel comfortable with their mere presence.

Don’t worry Mitt. The truth is that you probably didn’t have much of a chance with black folks anyway. Being told by your Church that they “bear the mark of cain” probably soured them on your candidacy long ago, ya know? People are just funny like that. But your strategy was flawed from the start, let’s face it, that never worked for Al Gore.

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It sure didn’t work for Hillary.

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Hell, it didn’t do much for Jesse neither.

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Lol.. oooh boy…I’m in trouble now. Brock’s gonna kick my ass! Hey, it was worth it. Hopefully he’ll just beat on my legs like Eddie and Charlie Murphy did to Rick James.

Anyway, Mitt, knowing your Republican constituents like I do, might I suggest a more ahem “traditional” approach? Yep, just go ahead and channel Rudy Guiliani for tips how to “celebrate” Dr. King’s dream as you guys see it:

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Oh yes, Rudy has definitely kept it real over the years.

– Lake

Huckabee fo’ Pres-o-dent!!!

December 31, 2007

I haven’t spoke to Brock about it, but I’m about to put my support for the GOP Presidential nomination behind my main man (finger snap) Mike Huckabee….It’s not because I believe in anything he stands for, no. It’s because of this hot ad I just saw on Youtube. It’s pretty hot.

Doesn’t that just say it all? The Republican platform is simple, no gay shit (Giuliani is out), no none “evangelical” (whatever that means) cult-ish religions started in Upstate New York (Romney, kindly hit the bricks), no real credentials or legitimate bravery (McCain’s gotta go) no intelligence or thoughtfulness (Obama, peace out), no women who are smarter than them (Hillary, put yo apron on) and no non-white immigrants (Adios non blancos amigos)… Yep, that’s the GOP I know.

God Bless Amurica…

– Lake

The South comes to their senses as Huckabee rises

December 17, 2007

Yes indeedy, finally realizing that they don’t trust Mormons.

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That they hate gays.

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And love guns.

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The Southern Republicans are finally saying what I’ve said for months, that they need yet another white dude, who talks about Jesus, hunting, low taxes and governing (in that order) for their Presidential candidate.

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I mean, isn’t it obvious that Mitt was pro gay, pro abortion, hell, pro Democrat, back when he needed to be? And now he’s trying to change up?

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Nah, I don’t think so. Similarly, Rudy was IN DRAG, pro gay, anti gun and pro abortion his entire career and now he’s suddenly some kind of solid social conservative?

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Nah, you can’t fool the Southern Republican! Where’s the intolerance? Where’s the simplicity? Sure, they’re both pandering, but it’s not insincere enough. I mean, you gotta really get in there and appeal to their most basic stupidity like ole Dubyah, a dude who really grew up in Connecticut, did back in 2000.

I know one thing, they better hurry up, because a slow talkin’, southern drawlin’, ice tea sippin’, Reverend, Brother, Deacon, Dr. Gobner named My-ike Huckabee is sneaking up on them and he speaks their language.

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He’s keeping it real.

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I kind of like it actually. Go ‘head Ma-Eye-Ike. At least we know where you’re from and what you’re about. See, they understand My-ike and My-ike understands them.

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He jus- lie one-a dem. Sure he’s a little soft on his racism, but he can improve on that. He’s surging in the polls I tell you. I like it, I started to think America had lost it’s mind. Good to see I can rely on the backwards, non progressive and ignorant Southerner GOP types that I’ve grown so accustomed to.

I can tell you this, if you’re a illegal errrr non-citizen, immigrant to the United States and you don’t have your damn paperwork contemplated, filled out, signed, sealed and delivered, you might as well book your flight back home early, because this coming year is going to be a bitch for yall. Well, that is unless you’re a white Cuban or from Europe… My GOP friends tell me that you can stay. 😉

God Bless Amurica,

-Lake W.