Archive for the ‘Mitt Romney’ Category

Unfit Mitt hits the f*ckin bricks

February 7, 2008

Mitt Romney and his campaign got the fuck out of dodge “for America” as he just put it in his quitter’s speech just minutes ago.

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Well, finally something Mitt and I agree on. Mitt, you had no business running for President in the first place.

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Now go back to your Malibu Barbie playhouse, kiss wives number 6,12 and 23 and figure out a way to get Bill Hendrickson out of the bind he’s having with Alby, Roman and those wild compound renegades he’s beefing with over Weber gaming.

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Oh well, I’ll miss cracking jokes at Mitt’s expense, but look at the bright side, at least those illegals can get back to work on Mitt’s lawn. Lol.

God bless Amurica,

– Lake Romney

Mitt Romney: Errytime I see Black children Bling Bling, MLK Day obligations Bling Bling

January 22, 2008

There isn’t much to say about this video because it’s just so self explanatory. Just put this display at the bottom of your “Why Mitt Romney Shouldn’t be President” list (also known as my “Mitt’s a mufucka” list) which if it’s like mine, should be numbered at about half a c-note ‘long about now.

Simply awful and actually pretty hard for me to watch. Yep, I went ahead and slotted that mini debacle on my running “Mitt’s a mufucka” list like this:

65. Some Boston Big Dig ceiling planks (errors made on Mitt’s watch as Gobner of Mass) fell on one of my neighbors two years ago, she’s dead.

66. Tang inspired sun tanning oil and the white house don’t mix.

67. Mitt saw dark skinned people for the first time in his life, ON MLK DAY and immediately said “Who let the dogs out” and “Bling Bling” to fill the void.

68. Black people weren’t allowed in Mormon Church until 1978!!!! Actually, this one has been repeated 4 times at numbers 3, 7, 15, and now since I first saw this horrible video and thought about why Mitt actually went directly to racial stereotypes to ingratiate himself to those kids and make himself feel comfortable with their mere presence.

Don’t worry Mitt. The truth is that you probably didn’t have much of a chance with black folks anyway. Being told by your Church that they “bear the mark of cain” probably soured them on your candidacy long ago, ya know? People are just funny like that. But your strategy was flawed from the start, let’s face it, that never worked for Al Gore.

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It sure didn’t work for Hillary.

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Hell, it didn’t do much for Jesse neither.

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Lol.. oooh boy…I’m in trouble now. Brock’s gonna kick my ass! Hey, it was worth it. Hopefully he’ll just beat on my legs like Eddie and Charlie Murphy did to Rick James.

Anyway, Mitt, knowing your Republican constituents like I do, might I suggest a more ahem “traditional” approach? Yep, just go ahead and channel Rudy Guiliani for tips how to “celebrate” Dr. King’s dream as you guys see it:

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Oh yes, Rudy has definitely kept it real over the years.

– Lake

That’s why we pray: Mitt takes Michigan

January 16, 2008

Mitt won’t tell you he had to have Michigan, but quietly, homey needed that win really bad.

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Look, I have no idea what people in Michigan are thinking beyond name recognition, after all, Mitt’s pops was the Governor there back when he was running around with Joseph Smith and Brigham Young ‘n dem.

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Because as I understand it, Michigan is all about economic turnaround. So you pick Mitt to hook it up? Why, because he was a venture capitalist? How did that help people in Massachusetts? Anyway, nice win and let’s see how you do against Huckabee in South Carolina. Not sure how a plastic, bottle tanned Ken Doll will go over down there… Not sure how Big Love goes over either.  Well, at least not formally.  More later…

– Lake

Hillary strikes back & Mitt who?

January 9, 2008

You just knew young Hilly had more fight in her than to just lay down and let Barack run all over her twice in a row.

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No, question, Hillary won a hard-fought victory in New Hampshire, but she had to pull out all the stops with Bill in corner.

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Honey had to go sensitive.

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Then she relied on Billy C, a dude I actually like a lot, to get gangsta with it as he attacked Barack Obama’s message as a “fairy tale.”

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Hmm… It’s tough. I own know. We shall see. On to South Carolina to see whether Black voters will turn out for Barack or follow their pastors to the ballot box for Hillary and big machine Democratic politics. Interesting stuff.

Oh yeah, then there is the Ken Doll Mitt Romney. He lost again and John Mac won. I know, I know, you’re just waiting for that Utah primary.

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Mitt, you lost in Iowa AND New Hampshire despite spending the most money of all the candidates. Do me a favor, suck less.

– Lake

The South comes to their senses as Huckabee rises

December 17, 2007

Yes indeedy, finally realizing that they don’t trust Mormons.

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That they hate gays.

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And love guns.

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The Southern Republicans are finally saying what I’ve said for months, that they need yet another white dude, who talks about Jesus, hunting, low taxes and governing (in that order) for their Presidential candidate.

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I mean, isn’t it obvious that Mitt was pro gay, pro abortion, hell, pro Democrat, back when he needed to be? And now he’s trying to change up?

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Nah, I don’t think so. Similarly, Rudy was IN DRAG, pro gay, anti gun and pro abortion his entire career and now he’s suddenly some kind of solid social conservative?

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Nah, you can’t fool the Southern Republican! Where’s the intolerance? Where’s the simplicity? Sure, they’re both pandering, but it’s not insincere enough. I mean, you gotta really get in there and appeal to their most basic stupidity like ole Dubyah, a dude who really grew up in Connecticut, did back in 2000.

I know one thing, they better hurry up, because a slow talkin’, southern drawlin’, ice tea sippin’, Reverend, Brother, Deacon, Dr. Gobner named My-ike Huckabee is sneaking up on them and he speaks their language.

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He’s keeping it real.

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I kind of like it actually. Go ‘head Ma-Eye-Ike. At least we know where you’re from and what you’re about. See, they understand My-ike and My-ike understands them.

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He jus- lie one-a dem. Sure he’s a little soft on his racism, but he can improve on that. He’s surging in the polls I tell you. I like it, I started to think America had lost it’s mind. Good to see I can rely on the backwards, non progressive and ignorant Southerner GOP types that I’ve grown so accustomed to.

I can tell you this, if you’re a illegal errrr non-citizen, immigrant to the United States and you don’t have your damn paperwork contemplated, filled out, signed, sealed and delivered, you might as well book your flight back home early, because this coming year is going to be a bitch for yall. Well, that is unless you’re a white Cuban or from Europe… My GOP friends tell me that you can stay. 😉

God Bless Amurica,

-Lake W.

Mitt Romney talks religion in Texas

December 6, 2007

Today, Presidential hopeful Mitt Hendrickson errrr Romney tried to explain away his religious beliefs to a bunch of zealots and freaks down there in the heart of Texas. Thanks Mitt, but I’m quite sure we already know what you’re about. We’ve all got HBO.

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I just want to meet that Margene. She’s a handful, aint she?

Oh and Mitt, don’t bother with those lunatics down there in the “Bible Belt.” Bigotry and racism doesn’t just wash off with Hurricane Katrina water and guess what, THEY DON’T LIKE YOUR KIND, never will. It takes some time for those old coots to die off, get some edumacation and such.

Then again, up until 1970s, your religion thought blacks “carried the mark of Cain” and you guys did officially say the only way a black person could receive salvation from your Heavenly Father was as a slave….Wow, so righteous! So come to think about it, maybe you and them good fellers down there will get along jus’ fine. Only, be sure not to mention Massachusetts, Utah, Harvard, Priesthood Holders, your previous position on abortion, and definitely don’t talk about your boy Roman Grant, his son Alby or the compound.

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Take cur now, ya hee-ya?

– Lake, living ‘the Principle’ errryday