Sponge Broad Square Arse: Angel Lola Luv!

Albany, NY is the State Capital of New York and a hotbed for progressive ideas around education.  So it was no wonder that the fine public servants in that district choose a true role model to kick off their “Back to School Extravaganza” last week.  Peep the highly motivational speaker, Angel Lola Love at the school assembly.

Haaa, and no, I’m not kidding!  This really is the outfit ole girl rocked at the school as she spoke to our nation’s youth. What possible message could this chick have for the kids?  “If you aren’t smart, don’t have a great personality and lack the proper fatness of the ass to excel in the objectification bidness, maybe you can sell your soul to the local ass gel bootlegger.”

And we wonder why kids are completely fucked in the head.

“Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice.”

Goddamn.  Where’s the Gap when you need it?  Anyway, back to discussion at hand.  Can any of you explain to me:

1.  Why Albany Public Schools would EVER invite an ass gelling, breast “through some E’s on that b*tch” enhancing, neck tatting, booty shaking, chick like this to talk to children?

2.  How the ass in question actually became SQUARED the fuck out?

I mean, that shit is just bizarre!  Look at the way the tail gives up high.  It’s creepy.  And I guess I already know the answer, but I still gotta ask, Angel Lola Love’s Ass. Real or FAKE?

Lol…  I tend to agree.  Hey Albany Superintendent of Schools.

YOU’RE FIRED!!!!

– Lake

Are You Gellin’? The Kardashian Arse Debate Rages On

If you’re a loyal reader of UvT you know there has been a crazy debate about Kim K’s ass in the comments section.

A self described and admitted ass geller (lol) “Zsa Zsa Cookie” told us that she knows Kardashian’s ass is not real. She further alleges that Kardashian’s dumper is filled up with the same substance, ass-a-licious love gel, that she put into her very own ass to give herself that synthetic thunder.

I shit you not. And then, she commanded me to google that “Hydrogel Butt Injections” to prove her point. Well, sheeeit, as a committed life long learner, you know her will I did obey and what I learnt astonished me. WOW.. There really is some wild chick flying around the country, selling bagged up ass to the highest bidder! What is this, some kind of bastardized Robin Hood, rob from the lab, give to the needy stripper? And it appears that dat ass is selling like HOE CAKES!!! Dude, I’m like my boy Will from the comments, if the ass gel is so good and so effective in the fight against negative arse-ness, why doesn’t everyone have it? Or do they?

Right and that’s when you start to feel those walls closing in on you. I mean, could you have been hittin gel for all these years and not even know it? If you were running your hands through Barbaro Mane for the better part of your adult life, why not?

Just as an aside, don’t you love how they make the broad so miserable in the “before” pic? I mean, she aint got no lip chap, is in desperate need of Proactiv and from the looks of it just got popped for trying to lift condoms from her local 7-11. I mean, basically they give you a mug shot, right? Then it’s weave time and everything changes. Suddenly our convicted felon has the custom fit and feel of Aubrey from Making the Band. And yes, I’ll resist expounding on Aubrey….this time.

Yo, I’m here to say that I can’t tell you if Kimmy K’s ass is gellin’ like magellean, ok? Lola Luv’s neither.

What I can tell you is that they’re both banging like a benzy and just like Mario Winans, I don’t wanna know. I mean, if you’re gellin, keep it on the lo.

Dude, let’s just try to put that crazy Angel Lola Luv arse into perspective.

I mean, it’s just hilarious to actually think for a microsecond that such an ass could even possibly be “real”. I mean, come on. Has ANYONE seen a body like that? Fine, I’ve seen asses that big, but they’re attached to a regulation sized lower back, a skrong thigh and study calf. I mean, could her shit be any more out of proportion?

I just don’t have that kind of expertise, but the ladies in the comments sections, some that have first ass errr hand knowledge of today’s technology, swear up and down that her ass (and Kimmy K’s) is as phony as a $3 bill.

Man, I hate this shit. It’s like when I first learned that chicks had weaves. Dude, literally, I really didn’t know and I aint been right since! I mean, you can’t trust anything these days. Double D breass-tah-sis have to be looked upon with suspicion, sub prime mortgage backed securities got my 401k actin’ a bitch, Jello allegedly has swine hoof in it (that’s why it’s so good?), and Petro costs $5 a gallon!!! I can’t trust long silky hair without a background check and two witnesses from the hairdressers. 1 in 4 mufuckas in NYC have herpes and now ass aint even ass! Seriously, this is what you call Lake Arlington hell. Forget the culture wars, can a nilla get a honest and wholesome table dance?

Oh yes, it’s all fucked up.

– Lake

Rihanna got more thigh than KFC?

We all know Rihanna’s arse piece has basically been put into that witness protection program. But I can’t lie, these thighs are looking like a Popeye’s dinner special with Red Beans and Rice.

And let’s be clear, that is the perfect angle to just take it all in (go where you want with that). I mean, having the thunder that Ginuwine talked about is only half the equation. Those thighs are looking fairly useful. It’s a rare bird, but sometimes chicks can come with the pencil leg with the exploding arse piece.

But a phenomenon that’s achieved far less attention has to be that skrong thigh moving into the receding tail game. I don’t know, maybe it’s the garter belts or those random leggings I have no use for, but that shot is the most intriguing Rih Rih joint I’ve seen since this one.

Damn, that now you see me, now you don’t arse is baffling. Hey, I know it’s just the dress…has to be, right? I never liked these female illusionist. Keep it honest ladies.. Like Kim K, now that’s some honesty a nilla can live with…lol. Don’t hate.

– Lake

——————–UPDATE————————

Lake, now I told you back in Assology 102: Rihanna, that she doesn’t tuck it back in.  Here’s the thing…the more I think about it, it might not be a bad thing.  Like you said, the thighs might be thick.  And who is going to say they don’t like thick thighs…not me…I know you wouldn’t bet your fur coat on it.  Look I like a butt crease in my tail piece, but I’d rather take a big booty that tucks into some thighs that are a little too skrong than a negative arse.  Rihanna doesn’t have the “Milian Golden Ratio“, but she can play with Lil’ Brock anytime.

These are two of my favorite things…

This banger Angel Lola Luv and anything from “The Wire” are definitely two of my favs. I’ll give you guys a chance to guess what’s on Snoop’s mind right here.

I know, I know, Snoop is about to hit Chris on the burner so he can help her take this up into a Baltimore vacant so she can “kill it”. Believe me, we all knew that’s exactly what was on her mind. LOL. I can’t resist one more pic of this babe.

OK, maybe two:

Or three….dammit!

Yo, I’m pretty sure that’s Brock’s hand right there.. Ha.

– Lake

We need a congressional hearing on butt implants

Forget steroids, what we really need to find out is are these asses really what they proclaim to be. Like many of us, I’ve heard the stories about the butt pads the haters say Kim K rocks. But now this controversy is really heating up. I can’t lie, you really have to wonder how asses are getting so fat while stomachs and getting smoother and smoother. On the real, if it looks too good to be real, it probably isn’t real and now cats are actually coming for these video chick’s asses, literally. Peep Angel Lola Luv’s posterior game…

Unbelievable right? Yeah, but is it really unbelievable? Airbrush aside, you don’t go from Weaver’s chicken strip thighs, to an abrupt bowling ball tail like that. I mean, seriously, have you ever seen ANYTHING like that in nature? Me neither. And maybe here’s why:

I can’t lie, something really doesn’t look right. That little under ripple looks more like the ends of my air mattress than something the good lawd brought to us. Who knows, maybe the enhanced tail piece will be as common and accepted as the enhanced J. I mean, I just assume Lola’s breasts are fake, but I really don’t care. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not a fan of the fake J for personal use, but what do I care if it’s in a picture?

I don’t. Anyway, we’ve officially put Lola and Coco on fake ass watch. With Coco the evidence seems pretty strong, though you can never really know in the photoshop era. Still here’s the before:

Let’s get another angle.

And clearly here’s the after:

Here transformation makes Barry Bonds’ look like a junior high growth spurt. I just want these chicks to show up to congress, pull a Raffy Palmeiro and say:

“I have never, pulled back the skin on my ass and laid another coat of thickness down over top my tail feather. I don’t know how to say it more plainly than that. Never. The reference to my enhanced back on Mr. Arlington’s blog is completely false. ”

Uh huh.. To be continued….

– Lake

Assymetically thick yes, but is it all hers?

When I first saw the Asymmetrically thick Angel Lola Luv, I just figured it was a Coco T special. And in all fairness, we’ll give you one “airbrush free”:

And one, “airbrush please”:

Wow. Dude, looking at this, it just makes me want to shut the post down right here. I mean, are you serious? Still I must push on.

I mean, who among us doesn’t 1. Know that’s Coco’s boobs are fake –

and 2. Think that ass is fake –

Alright, that’s fine. Call it cultural bias, but I always just assumed that Lola Luv’s ass was so crazy that it just had to be real. I mean, even if you could build that ass, you probably wouldn’t. You wouldn’t go with that low hanger, you’d raise it up a little, right? I mean, you can’t complain as a dude, but if you had to build it from scratch, I think most people would set it a bit higher while maintaining the thunder, punch and overall mass.

But what about those breast-tah-sises? I mean, I just figure when you’re killing it to the south, you just give the north a free pass. I’ll be honest, I figure whatever you have it’s better than the silicone enhancements, but once you’re into entertainment, all bets are off. Like I’m quite sure Melyssa Ford is not all natural.

I saw her in person and it looked like two torpedoes were coming for me (not that I was complaining or anything).

Anyway, I’m getting way off track. The point of all this is that I was bumping around the internet today, just doing what I do, and I saw this video of ole girl doing her photo shoot for XXL Mag. Now maybe it’s just me, but I’m beginning to believe that this chick Lola Luv is completely au natural. Judge for yourselves.
Vodpod videos no longer available. from www.worldstarhiphop. posted with vodpod

Dude, wasn’t that wild? Did you see the way everything just laid in there? I really think the chick is all natural. It’s all hers. Next thing you’ll tell me that wig piece is hers too. I know, I know, she’s got Ethiopian in her… believe me, I already know the arguments for it being her real hair. Only, almost nobody rolls weave free these days. I mean, Beyonce rocks a new weave every single day! Which I hate by the way. Out.

– Lake