The New American Gladiators: Good or Terrible?

Ok, so after I took in the Rocket man, I went ahead and watched the New Nu American Gladiators. Haaa, maaaan, I don’t know. I mean, it used to be cool back when I was 8, but nowadays, it kind of seemed like some WWE rejects with X-Men costumes on. One thing we know for sure, HGH, steroids, EPO, the clear, the cream and testosterone were definitely in the house.

Is it just me or something just not right with this cat. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but I’m willing to be that the dude who was standing outside of those UNC player’s apt. butt (yes, I said it) ass naked with a knife in his hand had this exact expression and body position when homey opened the door.

Oh no…I must say, I liked the old standby challenges. That one where they score the balls into those holes should have been standard in gym class and that Joust is always hot.

One thing I did not appreciate were these disqualifications and constant references to “the rules”.. it’s American Gladiators, a random ass show, there are no rules!!! Just entertain me and the more injuries the better. It should be just like in the real gladiator pit. Just throw another cat into a blue or red unitard and get the show poppin.

I must give it up to show contributors for the addition of Helga the Big Big girl to the female Gladiators roster.

Big girls need love too. Damn, do yall see that waist line? As for Ali and Hulk, I don’t know. They add very little for me. I don’t need someone with ass kicking credentials, I need someone who is funny to give me a little bit better commentary. Give me Joe Rogan (though he’s only mildly funny) or some wise cracking a-hole from Best Week Ever. Overall, I can’t quite decide if I like this show or not. What did yall think?

– Lake

———–UPDATE—————

That American Gladiators was the definition of good and Turrible. First of all, I think Layla Ali’s voice is deeper than the Hulksters. Where do they find these cats? Seriously, are these cats reality TV show rejects? I know ol girl Crush, Gina Carano is a female ultimate fighter. That actually makes some sense. She whoops ass in real life.

Still a little too strong looking to be fine, but probably the best of the bunch. I know the brother up top with the frohawk was on the WWE Tough Enough challenge a few years ago. So they are basically fielding cats who couldn’t make it elsewhere.

Speaking of cats who formerly worked in other professions. This dude here:

Tough guy, right? Militia is what they call him. Well, what did he do before American Gladiators?

That would be gay porn. But he’s not gay, right? I love these cats who work in gay bars talking about how it was just a job. Nah player, you’re gay. The worst thing? It really breaks everything that makes it almost acceptable to watch these cats prancing around in those shawt shorts X-Men outfits. It breaks the damn fourth wall. Now everytime this dude grabs someone in powerball, is he supposed to whisper “no homo” in their ear when he grabs them? That breaks the T-Pain rule of misuse of “no homo”.

Let’s see, American Gladiators runs out ex reality stars? How long before Punk…errrr….David, and Buddha from I Love New York try to make the cut?

-Brock

American Gladiator

What do you get when you cross this:

With this?

You get this:

American Gladiators is back?  The Hulkster is the host?  Are they breaking out the Joust?  What about that joint where they shoot tennis balls out of an air cannon at people?  Or the one where you have to dunk the soccer balls in the little trash cans?

First of all you’ve gotta brink back Nitro, right?

Actually, that dude is probably fifty something by now.  Still you can’t have American Gladiators without Nitro.

By the way, where do they find those mannish women to compete as Gladiators on the show?

I mean these chicks have got to be on the Balco cocktail.  Hell, maybe Marion Jones can find a new job. The new show debuts on January 6th.  I guess the writers strike is cutting the options more quickly than I thought.  We will all be watching eating competitions and freaking You Tube clip shows before we know it.

Damn, I just remembered the contest where they put you in the little hamster ball and you had to roll around scoring points!  This is going to be great!

-Brock

Wrestlemania 25: Hulk Hogan Vs. The Million Dollar Woman

Daaaaaamn. Now this just ain’t right. Hulk Hogan’s wife rolled out to California a few weeks ago and drops divorce papers on the Hulkster from afar.

Is that like a steel chair attack? What else can Hogan take right now? He son is looking to be heading to jail for street racing that ended up in a manslaughter charge. His daughter dresses like this:

I don’t even need to put her in the UvT lab to analyze whether she is tight or not. That is just a big chick right there, no two ways about that. Unless they airbrush her up.

How is this divorce going to work out? She wants a share of their millions of dollars worth of property and child support for their son. Does Hulk get to have those terrible obviously fake J’s back?

I already know what’s going to happen at the trial. I’ve seen it a million times.

Hulkster walks into the court with his yellow tank top on. When the judge asks him for his opening statement, he just stands up and does this:

Hogan starts off strong. Throwing lefts and rights. Body slam here, atomic drop there. But Linda rallys back. Child support, the house in Miami, the car collection, the master tapes of Thunder in Paradise. Hogan looks like he’s done for. He snaps back up shakes his head and gives her the point.

That is when Linda is in trouble. We all know what comes next.

Big boot:

Leg drop:

Cue up “I am a real American”

Linda doesn’t have a chance.

-Brock

WWE: One Wrestler Who Lived a Full Life

With all the wrestlers dying from steroids side effects uhhhhh heart conditions in their 40’s it is nice to know that one lived a full life before passing away. Ironically it wasn’t one of the hulking 200+ pound athletes that made the WWE famous, it was the Fabulous Moolah, a female wrestler.

She was the champ in 2001. At 77 years old. Now this is the Fabulous Moolah I always knew. Was she ever hot?

Yikes, she definitely looks like a fighter. What do the modern Divas look like?

Right…I guess they aren’t really wrestlers now though. I’m with Vince McMahon, this is still better.

Now why is it that the only wrestler that makes it to a ripe old age is the Fabulous Moolah? Let’s take a look at the current roster:

Batista

I don’t have that cat making out of the middle of next month.

Bobby Lashley:

That ain’t natural either. But he’s supposedly hitting fine ass Krystal, so I ain’t mad at him.

How about a little before and after?

Johnny Nitro Before:

and after:

So his head just blew up like Barry Bonds, huh? What, were you doing, jaw lifts?

The Rock had it right. Cash in before you need to get your neck fused or you can’t walk anymore. The Hulkster says you gotta eat your vitamins, just keep em legal.

-Brock