Archive for the ‘Basketball’ Category

Coach K did the damn thing

August 26, 2008

I don’t have much to say about this.  All I can express is that if K had not gotten the gold, it would have been a debacle.  But guess what?

It’s lovely and I love it.  Now it’s time for those recruits to come on in so the rest of the basketball world can come and get some. Oh and by the way, what do yall think Gary Williams and those Murrland terps were doing while Kobe, LeBron and Coach K were getting that gold?


– Lake

Man Up Monday: Olympic Recap

August 25, 2008

While I didn’t stay up until 2:30am EST (although I guess the start time of that game could have made some sense on the west coast) when Espana had it at four at the two and a half minute mark, I thought Man Up Monday was about to be for the “Redeem Team” and all of USA Basketball.

Then the Black Mamba took over.  (Did he give himself that nickname?  Seriously, where did that come from?)  It does answer my question of whether Kobe can switch on him dominance like a switch  The answer is apparently yes.  That three at the three minute mark with nothing but a jab step from twenty something feet was craaaaazy.  I do like how they just call him “Mamba” now.  Which is not only a deadly snake, but also a delicious candy.  Chew, Chew, Chew chew Mamba!

This time I’ve got a whole bunch of man up moments.  The first goes to German Sprinter Tobais Unger.  Check out this bitchin’ and moanin’.

Unger voiced his complaints about the Jamaican sprinter to BILD sport, saying: “Bolt didn’t even warm up for the semi final. He showed up in shorts and jogging shoes, did his pickups and practice starts, put on his spikes and then ran the 100m in 9.92 seconds.

“Bolt ran a time of 9.8 seconds in May and again at the end of September. He showed no tiredness during training,” an annoyed Unger added.

“They do whatever they want on their island. Nothing happens to them. I’m the only one here at the Olympics who is registering with the doping controllers.”

Bolt apparently didn’t even know how to fill out the doping forms. The American sprinters’ coaches actually laughed when they heard about German doping controls.

Unger, who was cut in the semi-finals, threatened to quit: “I just don’t have the desire anymore.”

And by, “I don’t have the desire anymore”, he means, “I can’t beat any of these people and get into the finals”.  Come on Tobias, we’ve already established that the melanin challenged can’t make the finals of the 100m dash.  Give it up.

Oh, and Usain Bolt just called Us Versus Them HQ with a message for you.  Here’s where you can take that shit.

I also need whoever decides which sports make the Olympic games to man up.  After swimming ended it all went downhill from there.  I was looking for Olympic Hoops and ended up catching…uhhhh Mountain Biking.  This shit was crazy.  It looked like someone ran some tape around some trees and had cats just ride around in the woods.  Up a hill, down a hill around a corner, not enough room to pass each other.  Stupid.  Not to mention the fact that X Games BMX biking in a half pipe makes the cut now too.  How about Badminton?  Why?  Handball?  Seriously, where is that popular?  If you going to do that, why can’t Jai Alai get in there?

That guy wants a gold medal too.  He’s got a helmet and a hook thingy attached on his arm.  He’s a badass.  What about football?  (and the first asshole that points out that the Olympics has “Futbol” gets kicked in the teeth)  Let’s get Ultimate Fighting in there too.  They’ve already got wrestling, boxing, and tae kwon do in there, why not kick it up and drop em in the Octagon?  Anderson Silva needs a gold medal too.  Oh and China, I don’t want to hear about how you “won” the Olympics either.  You won on table tennis, air rifle and the aforementioned badminton.  Just stop.

Oh and a final man up to this dude.

Yes I’m talking about the guy on the right.  My man Matos did not like that disqualification, ok?

So all of the above.  MAN UP!


Someone Need a Mascot?

April 17, 2008

Japanese TV is great. Honestly , I don’t know the common thread to whatever turns them on, but it is consistently great. Ninja Warrior, crazy ass game shows, tentacle porn, hey I can’t call it.

This right here is pretty hot though.

I don’t know what yokemeidashundelaschwieke means. But, I’m using that joint from now on. It takes him a long ass time to get ready, but he commits once he is ready to go.


Ok, I get it: Roy Williams Loves Kansas

April 8, 2008

HEY EVERYBODY, Roy Williams wants you to know something, he just loooooooooves KU, Lawrence and the Jayhawks Fans so much that he just happned to rock that ridiculous Kansas Jayhawks sticker/pin or whatever last night on National TV. Not that anybody was going to see it or anything. No way a “classy guy” like Roy would ever use the National title game to make another one of his spontaneous, homespun, hokey statements to try and improve his image.

Is there a less sincere cat in all of America than Roy Williams? Seriously, this guy is made for political office.

All that cat ass crying, lying about what jobs he’s going to take, who he cares about, and what he thinks. Remember when he didm’t give a “flip” about the University of North Carolina job riiiight before he ACCEPTED the University of North Carolina job?

I know Roy, you’ve got kids in the locker room, the same ones you’re about to abandon after saying that you’d never leave Kansas, that you love. Right. What about when he told that story about “mama” and how she used to scrub floors back when he “wuza boy” just so he could drink a Coca-Cola “soda pop.”

Riight, it’s because of “whut” your “mama” did for you that you keep a case of Coke strategically placed behind your desk during a commericial, not because of all that dough you’re stacking as a result of this ad campagin. Is this guy serious? Is anyone falling for this nonsense?

Look, standing in the fan section of a team that just broke the hearts of your “kids” and ruined your season is not evidence of your “giant heart,” it’s weak. It’s wack. It’s well, something that a phony snake oil salesmen from Ashville Norf Cuurlina would pull. The next time you do something that isn’t all about your image, your pocket book and your winning percentage will be the first time Roy. We’ve got you figured out buddy. You walk into recruits’ homes, wrap your arms around their mothers, have a good cry and pull hot players like a mufucka.. I’ll give him that. The boy can recruit! But can he coach? I’m not sold. After you get your face caved in by Kansas it isn’t time to go sit in their VIP section, strap on the Jayhawk sticker, which was strategically affixed to a plain black shirt by the way, and play “good ole Roy from Lawrence errrrr Chapel Hill errrr Ashville.” Whatever. This guy is as slippery as John Calipari. He just comes at you differently.

Roy, your team got embarrassed in a year where they were the prohibitive favorite to win it all. Do you think your fans in NC want to see yo’ candy ass on National TV with a Jayhawk sticker after they just dismantled your squad like that?

(Image from

I know, I know, you have “great affection” for the Kansas “pro-grim,” it broke your heart to play that Final Four game, you’ll never do it again and it’s all because you’re just a class act. It shows. Phony.

– Lake

Andrew Bogut Knows the Sound of One Hand Clapping

April 4, 2008

I get the whole team thing, but I honestly don’t understand the huddle after every free throw or the high five every time they shoot.  You hit the shot…get a high five.  You miss the shot…get a high five.  At least in college they pretend like they are calling in the next play, or getting focused for the next exchange.  In the NBA it all seems like pure BS.

Well, I guess either Andrew Bogut or his teammates agree.  Peep this free throw by Bogut.

I mean his team didn’t even try to dap him up.  So that dude just handled his own business.  At least he knows it is all absurd.


Man Up Monday

March 31, 2008

On the last day of March we have a very special March Madness edition of Man Up Monday. I’ve got to send a big Man Up to all of the cats who didn’t have the balls to pick all four number one seeds to make the Final Four.


Your boy Brock has all four seeds left in the Final Four.  I know, I know all you punks think taking all four Number 1 seeds is actually the b*tch move.  Well how about this, you can talk all the junk you want until I’m right.  Don’t double think yourself here, think about it.  Anyone who makes their choices based on the individual games and sees that they end up with four #1 seeds usually goes back and makes some changes.  I pushed on through and rode that baby to the top of my pool.

Lake was actually at the top of the UvT office rankings until I blazed him up today.  The big money is to win the whole pool, but I won this by picking the Final Four.


Oh yeah, been pimpin’ since pimpn’ been pimpin.

Second place goes to Steph Curry and whoever that cat was who ended up taking that last shot in the Davidson-Kansas game.


By the way, did anyone else see Stephen Curry’s moms?  Damn Dell Curry, way to get all the mileage out of that mediocre career.


Rafer Alston with a $21 Million Contract is Still Skip 2 My Lou

March 20, 2008

There will always be a debate about streetball players and if they had the “discipline” to pay organized NBA ball. Enter Skip 2 My Lou. Sure, when he entered the league he signed a string of 10-day contracts, was a bit player off the bench, just worked on the fundamentals. Well, now he is a starter on the Houston Rockets, and up until they ran into the Boston buzzsaw, had a second of all time record 22 win streak under his belt.

Skip found himself up by 12 in the final seconds a game against the Lakers and decided to straight boogie on Sasha Vujacic.

I’ve watched that video about 10 times, and I still don’t know what he did. I like how Sasha just wanted to fight him after that though.

Sasha, trust me, it could have been much worse. At least he didn’t bounce it off your head like he does this cat in his And 1 Mixtape.

Skip knows how to work the rock like I know how to work the…



I’ll tell you this.  I fully believe that Sasha would have gotten in dat ass.  Skip don’t want none of that Eastern Block drama.


All those cats do is blow fools up, hold hostages and kill mufuckers.  Had it really gone down, Skip would have been waiting for Hot Sauce, AO and that rather rotund announcer (Aooow Bay-bee) to jump in, but those cats would never have came.  I know, I know, white cat standing up for his fellow Aryan, believe you me, I’m more White Chocolate than I am Vlade, more The Professor than I am AK 47….


In short, USA, USA…but I still say Rafer would have gotten dat ass whooped.

– Lake

Man Up Monday: NCAA Basketball Coach Edition

March 17, 2008

In honor of the NCAA Tournament, this weeks Man-Up Monday is a tribute to the coaches who really went out like some punks this weekend. First, let’s talk about Dennis Felton of Georgia.


So here’s the situation. The SEC tournament was delayed because of tornadoes in downtown Atlanta. So what was the solution? They scheduled the games in the Georgia Tech stadium and didn’t invite anyone to actually come to the games. But Georgia had to play two games in one day. So after they win game one, in between games they go to the post game interview with Dennis Felton and he basically gives up on his team saying that having two games in one day is going to keep him out of the tournament. He straight GAVE UP ON HIS SQUAD. Thanks coach. Not only that, but his job was on the line. Felton was supposed to get fired if he didn’t make the tournament. That means he gave up on himself too. Here’s the kicker…his team WON the second game of the day, and last night wrapped up the SEC Championship.. Once again, thanks for believing in us coach.  On a side note, why is he rocking that old school Billy Dee Williams, Lando Calrissian style mustache?  Man Up!

Man Up part 2:

Check this call by the Kentucky coach:

He was down by three and didn’t want Georgia to go for the intentional miss, so he had his player goaltend the shot. Wellllll, the rule is that the shot counts anyway, putting his team down by four and his guy got the tech. It isn’t in this clip, but the look on that players face when he realized that his coach just gave away the game was priceless. Coach, Man Up, Box Out and take the shot to win the game like a man. You tried to break the rules of the game. Not going to happen that way buddy.

Bonus Man Up:

Goes to Clark Kellogg for picking all four number one seeds as his Final Four.


UCLA, UNC, Memphis, and Kansas? Way to go out on a limb, buddy. That is really some crack analysis you broke out there. Grow a pair Clark. Also, if you are going to rock the “forced baldy” (where you have the bald head not because you wanted to shave it, but because your hair was retreating already) you’ve got to keep your shape up tight. You can’t rock the George Jefferson pattern stubble.

Thanks…and Fellas….MAN UP!


March Madness is the Worst, Best Thing Ever

March 16, 2008

March Madness is widely recognized as the best sports tournament on television. It let’s you know everything that is wrong with College Football, it gives you great storylines to follow, it gives the little team a chance to win it all. Anyone who goes on a six game winning streak goes home national champion.


I know, I know it has been seven years, but this is my house dammit. Respect the Blue Devils. Here’s the deal. Starting tomorrow, people will be spending hours trying to figure out if Indiana is going to beat Arkansas (by the way, it’s a toss up…I’m picking Arkansas to bounce back from that terrible loss to Georgia to clip the Hoosiers) Also, I know my man J. Maal Nahmsayin in the NYC is about to come down with a terrible disease that usually seems to flare up about this time every year. 48 hour flu, always starts on a Thursday in March, craziest thing.

UVT NEWS FLASH: Indiana has a chance to win if they bring back Kelvin Sampson and that naked Indiana cheerleader. What do you think about that gameplan Kelvin?


Yeah, Indiana….I pick Indiana.


So here’s what I hate. As of this moment there has already been over five hours of coverage about the matchups, the bubble teams that should have made it in, all the teams that might not have deserved to get in that made it, all that BS. Look I get it, theoretically any team can win. Practically those teams in discussion aren’t making it past next Sunday…mmmk? Arizona State was 19 and 12. You want to get into the tourney? Don’t lose so many damn games…how about that. Dayton? Let me tell you something, there aren’t any awards for RPI rankings. You want to matter in College basketball? Don’t lose so many damn games…in fact, don’t be in the Atlantic 10 conference, and while you are at it don’t finish the season 6-6 and don’t lose on the second day of your conference tournament. Thanks but no thanks. Virginia Tech?


I know coach, you’d have to be stupid not to let your squad in because of your “quality loss” to UNC. Go ask Brady Quinn and Charlie Weis about quality losses homey. An L is still an L. Enjoy that #1 seed in the NIT. You won’t win that either…that’s why your squad isn’t in the tournament.

See, Brock cuts straight to the chase I just did in five minutes what Digger Phelps and Jay Bilas have been trying to do for the last five hours. As a matter of fact, let’s address the “bad” teams in the tournament. Cornell, Baylor, Kentucky…you’ll be going home too.

Oh, and I usually don’t do this but uhhhhhh, Carolina got the overall #1 top seed. Roy, how will you celebrate?


Roy hit the flo, next thing you know, Roy got low, low, low , low, low, low, low low.

Psych-lo T, How about you?

Seriously…what was that “celebration” about? He looks like a nine year old fighting.. Ridiculous.


Can You Say Bubble Burst? Maryland’s Season is OVA!!!!

March 14, 2008

Hilarious. Break out the co-eds and chicken waaangs, Murrland is coming home.


I told you Murrland fans that you didn’t have the players, coaching and nizzuts for this here season.


And all the smack talking haters on this blog just had so much to say early on. Slowly but surely, we stopped hearing from them though. “TerpFan” was running smack early on in the year. First it was before Duke Game No. 1. Then, Duke spanked them in their own house.


Then “TerpGrad” started in about how Maryland was a better academic institution than Duke. That was laughable, but I had to direct him to US News and World Reports Rankings and then that rhetoric ceased. Then Duke spanked that candy ass in Game 2 and I heard even less.


Oh wait, do you hear that? Yep, it’s the sound of silence. Boston College just took that old dog named Maryland Basketball out back shot it. You will not pass go, will not go to the NCAA and you will not collect any more recruits. Now go to sleep bitches!!! Game, set, match, season, done!


Let the riots in College Park begin….


That’s your season going up in flames.. Enjoy that first round exit from the NIT.

Go Duke.

– Lake