We all remember the story of Republican State Rep. Bob Allen, the cat who offered to perform oral sex on an undercover MALE cop. Sure, how could anyone forget. Well, what we didn’t know at the time our UvT Florida bureau was breaking this story was that Representative Allen had a perfectly good explanation as to why he was soliciting errrr offering up mic checks at a KNOWN den of gay prostitution: It’s because he was in the presence of black people! Of course, Eddie Murphy should have used that. Peep the quote:
“I certainly wasn’t there to have sex with anybody and certainly wasn’t there to exchange money for it.”
Now let me get this straight, the cops were doing an undercover sting operation at a known haven for gay male prostitution and you got busted offering an undercover brother a mic check for MONEY, but you “certainly” weren’t there for sex and “certainly” weren’t going to give that dude 20 bones for it? Look, I don’t think the word “certain” or any derivation thereof should be used, unless it’s to state that you are CERTAINLY lying not now, but right now AND that you are CERTAINLY a cack sucker, who has before sucked cack!
“B-but wait it gets worse (Onyx, Slam)”. Ole boy had something to say about that big bad undercover law enforcement officer who popped him:
“This was a pretty stocky black guy (just how he ‘likeded’ them?), and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park,” Allen, who is white, told police in a taped statement after his arrest. Allen said he feared he “was about to be a statistic” and told the fuzz he was just “playing along” when an undercover officer “suggested” that the legislator give him oral sex and $20 in a public restroom (nasty) because he was “intimidated”.
Look, I’m one of the whitest cats in all of America. I’m happy about this and yes, I’ve been intimidated by many cats here and there in my travels. Now, upon the rare occurrence that I was intimidated by a black man, even a “stocky black man” (after all, there was that one time when Mike Tyson tried to holler at my girl at Republic Gardens in DC, true story), it never occurred to me that in an effort to diffuse the situation and neutralize my antagonist I could go with a Karrine Steffans inspired polishing act. I can see it now, you polish a cat off, stand up and say, “Now what, now what punk, you punk beeyatch, what? You want some more!?” I mean was Adebisi suddenly working as an undercover copper or something?
This aint Oz and you aint Tobias Beecher (or are you?). You’re a publicly elected official who CHOSE to put his candy ass in that place, at that time. I mean, how many times, as a straight man, do you just find yourself surrounded by stocky black men in the public restroom at a park? I mean, how many times has a grown man, white or black, rolled up on you and demanded oral? I know, I know, happens every Tuesday…
And then ole boy had the audacity to mention his wife and daughter (who is going off to college mind you) as if they were in support of him. I aint saying your wife knew you were a cack sucker, but when your husband is on the DL, you may not know he’s sacking cack, but you KNOW something aint right in the bedroom and something aint been right a long long time. I’m not sure how, maybe one too many attempted trips to the back door, maybe some ole freaky gear, some unspeakable toys, something. But believe you me, when his wife heard of this, she was not shocked and if anyone in this world is certain of Allen’s cack sucking credentials, it’s his wife, followed by me.. Asshole!