Archive for the ‘Puerto Rico!…hoooo!’ Category

“Hip Hop Artist” Daddy Yankee Endorses John McCain?

August 26, 2008

I have one question about this story: Who in the fizzuck is Daddy Yankee?

OK, I’ll ask one more time, who in the hell is Daddy Yankee?

Ohhhhh, it’s the “Gasolina” dude.  HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!  Only in the Republican world would it matter if THIS dude endorsed John McCain.  First of all, I’m better known in “hip hop” than this clown.  And that Gasolina song was just code for “it’s now time to leave the dance floor and get myself another drank” back when it was popular.  Terrible.  That song wasn’t shit until Lil Jon added “skeet skeet skeet” to the damn remix. Fucking horrible.  I will say though, woman liked the song, so it had it’s purposes, so I can’t completely hate on it.  But can someone tell me what else this “hip hop” artist did?  And since when is Reggaeton considered hip hop?  Maybe it’s just me, but Raggaeton aint shit, which probably explains why this cat’s albums have all gone double wood on the billboard charts.


– Lake

Bow Wow’s Chick Brings that THUNDER!

May 22, 2008

Hey, if there is one thing that’s for certain, it’s that they will continue to produce ridiculously hot babes.  Take this chick for instance, Dollicia Bryan, she’s basically the next Vida Guerra and I’m happy to have made her acquaintance. 

Wow, say what you want about that King, but they bring the heat more often than they don’t.  I can’t believe Lil Bow Wow bagged this broad, but I guess it’s true.

Sheeeeeeeeeiiiit!  That cat is looking like he’s seeing some things, man.  One more. 

That aint no airbrush neither.  Damn.  Something tells me, we’ll be seeing more of this chick.  I know, I know, Video Hizzie is just like the skrip who is just like the pro and the knee bone is connected to the hip bone.. i know. 

– Lake

Threesomes in the Governor’s Mansion

March 18, 2008

I know what you’re thinking, but it wasn’t Eliot “Money Pay” Spitzer..nah, this was the only cat who Eliot can look in the eye and then legitimately call a fuck up.. Yep, that crazy ass clown, Jim “I am a gay Legend” McGreevey and his wild Portuguese wife Dina Matos McGreevey allegedly had “Friday Night Specials” which involved three-ways (and I aint talking Verizon my nillas) with their driver.


Jesus, what a debacle this cat McGreevey is. First off, homey is now fully living with his “gay life partner” up in some wild house in NJ. That’s wild, at least to me. I mean, dude was a full-on family man and GOVERNOR of one of our Nation’s largest States and now he’s got funky window treatments, a disco ball for a chandelier and “What is Love” on a constant loop in the crib piece?


Damn homey, it goes down like that? And how long do you think that clown has that “I am a Gay American” speech canned up? Was it me or did homey deliver that joint a little too well. Not only that, but his wife, you know the one who was getting spanked up by the limo driver (allegedly), was it just me or did she take the news that her world was crumbling a little too well?


Please note that this photo was taken AFTER he announced that he was a “Gay American”…. How would you take it if your man called that out? Contrast it against my homegirl Silda and her expression when Eliot got loose. She was NOT pleased, not one bit.


Anyway, now the cat is getting divorced and predictably his lady is trying to take him to the cleaners for their kid and his dough, which is understandable. Her argument, of course is that he used her for his own political gain and lied about his gay tendencies. He’s countering by saying that she knew he was into some freaky shit as evidenced by the threesomes they enjoyed with the limo driver. And by the way, the limo driver has said, under oath, that he banged her out too.


How weird is this chick for smiling at the presser where her Husband, THE Gay GOVERNOR, resigns in disgrace and tells the world that she’s been getting played for all these years? Not I’m a Bi-American or that I like to “cut on the edge” no, it was “I’m a Gay American,” meanwhile, she looks like she pleasantly taking in an episode of the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Odd. But then her vibe changed up once the ole Gay Gobner came out with his book and decided that he wanted to take their daughter and stick her for support… Wow, now that’s how you reverse it!


Next thing you know, she’s “writing” books and going on Oprah. Hey, I don’t know this babe, but I know she’s international weird. That look on her face, that tricked out body she’s still got and this wild book she came with way after the fact. Something don’t add up. So do I think the limo driver was getting his Friday Night cut session on.. Hell yes. Who knows what kind of wild freakiness they be doing over there in Portugal? Sounds about right to me.

I know, I know, he just married you to further his political career (like you just married him because he’s a nice guy). As if you were the only stepford in town. Hey, I aint saying you definitely know if your man is gay, because a good switch hitter who likes an occasional “card game” (yes I saw that Law and Order and it was awful) can get anybody… But if your dude is truly gay, like, “I don’t want to mess with women at all AND I’m a Gay American” gay, you’re gonna know that. Don’t tell me she didn’t know ole boy was a bit off, because you know he tried to stay in the game with the tools ole girl provided him. That’s all I’ll say about that. But anyway, she denies that she was banging out the driver or that she knew he was gay until she discovered his affair with some staffer. Lol… Riiiight and meanwhile, word on the street is that everybody in Jersey knew that cat was gay as Johnny Cakes on Easter Sunday.


The first lady was getting hammered by the help… Geez…God bless Amurica.

– Lake

Top Hispanics Who We Forget Are Hispanic

December 28, 2007

I love America.  You ask people how they feel about immigration and they are willing to build a wall across the entire Mexican border.  Not the Canadian border mind you, those are nothing more than French speaking white people up there, they must be cool, just the Mexicansand Haitians…and Cubans who don’t look like Elian Gonzalez.


The same people who are ready to send any actual Spanish speaking person to make a run for the freaking border also think Jessica Alba is freaking hot.


And they would be 100% right, she is hot.  But that got me thinking, there are a lot of Hispanic Celebrities that America just starts treating like they are white people.  I know, Alba just looks like a hot white babe with a tan.  No, she’s Latina.  This never happens to Black people by the way, no matter how many white people like you, you’re still Black.  So let’s explore this phenomenon, here is a list:

First, the aforementioned Jessica Alba.  The only time she even remotely claimed her Hispanic heritage was when she paid “hip hop chick” in Honey.


Yeah, that was about as convincing as Mariah Carey playing a hard on her luck Black chick in “Glitter“.

Second there’s Cameron Diaz:


Somehow she just became everyone ‘s favorite skinny white chick.  Her last name is Diaz people, and her hair is not naturally blonde.

Alex Rodriguez:


Ok fine.  I don’t really think that people forget that A Rod is Hispanic.  Although his white wife and “biggest contract in all of sports ever” seems to point to the fact that most people don’t associate Alex Rodriguez with these dudes.


That picture has nothing to do with anything.  It is just fully ridiculous.

Next, there is Eva Longoria:


I guess she gets a pass because she’s hot?  Don’t get me wrong, she’s got a pretty face.  I know Lake and the interns like her, but I really can’t pinpoint why.  Her body is only decent, nothing really stands out about it.  Biel’s got the tail, Britney had the legs, and Paris had the sex tape.  I just don’t know why I care about this chick yet.

Jennifer Lopez probably doesn’t belong on this list.  She played Selena, so she doesn’t exactly shy away from Hispanic Roles.  Here’s the deal, she was definitely drifting somewhere around the Diddy/Ben Affleck years.

The key difference here?  That ass always let you know you were dealing with something special.


Damn, she really lets that thang hang.  Yeah, no one thought they were dealing with a white girl here.

Here’s the real killer.  Charlie and Martin Sheen:


Charlie, do you think we really forgot you have a brother named Emilio Estevez?  Hell, Martin Sheen’s real name is Mondergard Ramón Gerardo Antonio Estévez.    Mondergard?  Doesn’t get more authentic than that. That sounds like a name you choose when you start playing World of Warcraft.  I think Mondergard is a level 37 Dwarf Shaman.  Even Charlie’s real name is Carlos Estevez.

I know the Sheen family meeting where Emilio decided he wasn’t “selling out” the family name and staying a Estevez had to be heated.  The messed up thing?  Emilio hasn’t had a hot movie since “Young Guns“.  I guess becoming “Eddie Sheen” wouldn’t have been such a bad idea after all.


Miss Puerto Rico: Feelin’ Hot Hot Hot…

December 7, 2007

This is a good one that is spinning out of control. The winner of the Miss Puerto Rico contest, Ingrid Marie Rivera, is claiming that her fellow contestants tried to sabotage her by putting pepper spray in her makeup and bathing suit.


She claims that she was backstage with her face and cho cha burning up complete with ice packs and cortisone shots. But, uhhhh, no one saw that. Oh, and the police saw no evidence of pepper spray in her clothes or makeup. First of all, why didn’t the lab check for other things? Could it have been cayenne pepper? Good old fashioned joke itching powder? Second, was Ingrid chopping jalapenos for her post crowning dinner later that day?  You put some contacts in or give your self some pre-contest self satisfaction and you’ll be in trouble. Maybe she just had a bad case of the bubble guts.

By the way Ingrid Marie, here is what you look like when you get pepper spray on your face:


Look we normally wouldn’t gave this much attention. These are usually the only kind of hot pants we usually cover:


But we heard scandal and Puerto Rican beauty queens and couldn’t resist. To be honest, we were a little disappointed. We were hoping that the Miss Puerto Rico contest would at least have a little resemblance to the Puerto Rican Day Parade out in NY.


Hell, it seems like any one of these babes could’ve won to me. Was there a “drop a club pose in the middle of the street” competition between swim suit and the interview? No? Should’ve been.

Oh and speaking of the swimsuit competition, the standard issue suit should look like this:


Muy caliente.

So it looks like Ingrid either bent the truth or imagined the whole thing. Does that make her a liar, liar, pants on fire?