Archive for the ‘Chocolate Rain’ Category

Guess Who’s 5 Minutes of Fame Just Expired?

September 16, 2007

Us Versus Them favorite Tay Zonday. Here’s his latest offering: “Do the Can’t Dance”

Bad Hair Cut, stupid movements, deep baritone. It has all the elements that made Chocolate Rain a hit. Unfortunately Tay is trying to be too cool now, trying to catch tightning in a bottle twice. He lost that “blissfully unaware of his awkwardness” element that made it great.

Sorry Tay, it’s over.

See you on “I Love the 2000’s” in 5 or 6 years.


Made in China? Watch yo ass…

August 28, 2007


Damn China, I remember the good old days when America could get some good cheap toys, grade F dog food, and cheap clothes and sleep well at night. Now, we don’t know what the hell to do. First, you start killing dogs and cats with dysentery or some kind of BS in the food. Now there is that minor issue with lead paint (who the hell still uses that? Seriously, when were those toys made 1950?) in toys for kids, then we find out that every Dora, Elmo and Sesame Street toy shorter than 4 inches is leaded. Good thing you didn’t do it on the two most popular kids characters ever and in a size that kids wouldn’t put in their mouth. As*holes.


By the way, I’ve got my eyes on those Olympics too. I’ve seen the smog in China. I hear you are going to simply shut down and tell everyone to stay home for 3 months. Ahhh, the beauty of Communism. You better hope the winds are blowing the other way during the three weeks of the Olympics, or some Croatian steeplechase runner is going to keel over with the damn iron lung. If you don’t clean it up, the official song of the Olympics is going to be Chocolate Rain by Tay Zonday, maybe that kid is a modern day Nostradamus, predicting the future. That stadium looks hot though. I just hope that someone can actually see it when the time comes. Oh, and don’t count on Americans watching it on TV, no matter how many of those corny profiles Bob Costas does.


Make it (Chocolate) Rain!

August 5, 2007

We’ve already covered Making it Rain on them hoes like Pacman Jones. Now if Making it Rain means throwing money on strippers…what the hell is Chocolate Rain? Maybe my man Tay Zonday can explain it for me.

Is that joint a freestyle? Is he reading lyrics off of the wall in front of him? There isn’t a line that makes sense in the whole damn song. “School books say it can’t be here again”? “The prisons make you wonder where it went?” First of all, this cat sounds like a smoothed out Louis Armstrong. Then, what is that note at the beginning of the video? I move to the side to breathe? Word up Tay? Here’s the crazy thing, he only moves to the side every four verses. Is he holding his damn breath the rest of the time?

So what the hell does Chocolate Rain mean? It is a good thing that aRa Kelly didn’t make this song. Cook County prosecutors were already looking into the lyrics of “Make it Rain”, thinking that it meant that he was peeing on people as opposed to showering them with money. I guess unless it was the 1600’s and you were throwing gold…then I guess technically it would be a “golden shower”, but I digress. They would probably think Chocolate Rain is waiting until you had the bubble guts and taking a shizzle on these bizzles.

In recognition of Tay Zonday’s musical breakthrough. UvT must take a moment to recognize other great rain in history.

Purple Rain:


Candy Rain by Soul for Real:

The sharp chinned Rain Pryor:


and the most fertile man in NBA history, the Reignman:


Tay-Z, we salute you.