Suge Knight: What Had Happened Was…

They say they guy who knocked Suge out was 5’10” 175. Well here he is.

You can’t tell his height from the picture, but he sure doesn’t look 175.  I still can’t believe this cat got the jump on Suge.

Damn, Suge looks like a hard m’fer until you punch his ass.  The interns at UvT found the real reason Suge stayed down.

A whale tail surfaced right as he hit the ground.  Seriously, what is that draws situation all about.  I’ve heard that the biggest complaint about the thong is that it rides up your ass.  Why get the extra big thong piece?  Can one of the ladies of UvT explain that to me?

-Brock

Say It Aint So: Did Eliot Hit This?

We all know Eliot Spitzer hit a panoply of hoes over the past couple of decades, but now the Feds are linking him to yet another prostitution ring and some are even saying her got personal service from the organization’s ring leader, Kristin “Billie” Davis.

And no, that is not some photoshopped, frosted out picture.  That’s really what this chick looks like.  I don’t get it. How do you go from smooth Ashley Dupre to this plastic looking she-he thing?

Better but still not right. I don’t get the fasination some dudes have with plastic broads. I hate the fake J, hate the bottled blond hair and definitely can’t stand the Mt. Rushmore grill piece with the 4 layers of polyurethane shellacked up on top of a gallon of liquid foundation.

Yeah, yeah, if you catch those breasts at the right angle you might think they’re tight. I get that but that face is just terrible at any angle. Her nose is Hungry Man skrong and that extra edged and etched Jaw piece is a Rumer Willis special.

Hey, I know Eliot has shown some horrible judgement, but you don’t go from hitting this:

Damn, let’s get another Ashley Dupre shot in there.

Last one:

Damn.. I can’t lie, this chick is fine. Ok, now I’ve sufficiently cleansed my palate for that horrible tranny (sorry Roxy Rose) looking babe.

– Lake

Belmont Fans & Duke Haters Almost Had One

Oh yeah, all those cats I like to call “Dook Fans,” meaning people who claim to “hate Dook” but actually know more about Duke Basketball than they do their own teams, really thought they had something. Can’t you just imagine watching them as Belmont took the lead? I mean, pure joy and ecstasy had to be coursing through their veins.

Then reality set in and G did that damn thing.

Which left yall realizing that just like so many times before:

Look, the almost Duke loss is all I’m hearing all over sports talk radio and all over ESPN. Yes, if Duke had lost, that would have been the biggest debacle in the Program’s history. But yall gotta understand one thing: Duke didn’t lose. It was in fact “the other way” as Marlo learned that clown security guard that dared test him.

Now to be fair, Duke has played lackluster ball since the first Carolina game. Why I don’t know. But let’s just understand one thing, our lackluster ball is still better than yall haters’ best 95% of the time. Go ask the Murrland Terps whether it was a down year for “Dook”… Yeah, I quickly tuned in to see if what’s there name and them got at Maryland’s Basketball team tonight too… Since NOBODY gives a rat’s ass about the NIT or Terps Hoops, you might ax “who”…

Dasrite (Shouts to Larry Dutchinson), while Duke struggled to WIN in the NCAA Tournament, those oh so talented Maryland Terps LOST to hapless Syracuse in the NIT. Very nice. Now, what hurt more, Maryland losing to SU and the taste of those salty nizzuts or Duke winning at the end?

Don’t lie. Yall know you HATED to see Duke pull that out. In fact, you hate Duke more than you like Murrland, UNC, UK, and all the rest of those other “Dook” schools. Hilarious.

Go Duke…no seriously, Duke, go and do something about this terrible play.

There, at least I did my part.

– Lake

Tiger Woods Mauls the PGA

When people thought of golf, they used to think of this:

White man, white fans, they’ve even got the American flag flying in the background. Black people were caddies and on the maintenance crew. Well, that’s changed. Here was the scene this weekend.

Oh hell yeah. Mind you, this is after Tiger drained a 30 foot putt and spiked his hat to the turf like he just broke a 30 yard run between the tackles. This was not what people want to see. Especially since he was won every tournament he’s played in this season. Look Tiger, here is the only way the PGA wants to see you.

Hell at UvT we know you need to remind people how dominant you are…flex on em homey.

Look, Tiger might go ahead and win all four majors this year, The way he’s going, he might try to win all of the tournaments that he’s in this year. Jack Nicklaus as 18 majors and 73 tour wins. Tiger has 13 majors and 64 wins. At the pace he’s going, he should have the record by uhhhhh, long about next Tuesday. He really doesn’t want anyone else to win this season. Tiger is staying up in that gym, he’s going to be breaking out the 500 yard drives and 80 foot puts from the bunkers. We got an exclusive picture of Tiger’s latest workout routine.

That’s right, Tiger’s on swole and ready to roll.

-Brock

Belly Dancing Practice

This is hilarious.  You gotta give ol girl credit for working on her craft at home.  This gives new meaning to “let the beat ride out”.

Damn, there’s a little shuffling in there at the beginning.  Hope she was OK.

-Brock

Classic material: Laettner rips out UK’s heart

People didn’t like Christian Laettner and Christian liked it that way.

Wow… That was pretty gangster, “shoots, scooooooores” was how I remember it on the radio call. He really ripped out the heart of the UK fans and eat it in front of them with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Go Duke

– Lake

Trapped in the closet: Another gay Republican is exposed

Oh look, two weeks have passed so I guess it’s time for yet another Gay, Anti-Gay hypocrite Republican story. Let’s see who we got this time. Meet State Senator Rep. Richard “Dick” Curtis (R) from Washington State (and no I’m not making up that nickname. Not only is he a phony gay cat, but he’s a Dick, literally, LOL).

(What’s the deal with these walrus looking gay cats? Boy, this must be an interview, because homey is sweating like an Oz prison bitch with Schillinger and the boys around the corner in this pic. Yikes.)

Anyway, it was reported that some dude out in Spokane, Washington was trying to extort $1,000 out of Senator Dick. Dude said he was just looking for payment for ahem services rendered after a tryst in a hotel…You see, it turns out ole boy was a male prostitute. Awww heeell naw.

Whoa, this fool looks like a deflated John Cena. Not the upside down visor piece. Homo thugs activate. Anyway, the male prostitute was later identified as Cody Castagna, pictured above. Cody said that they had sex in the hotel room with Senator Curtis, but that the Senator Dick didn’t want to pay up after the deed was done. I guess Dick figured he’d put that ass on layaway (ok, even that was too much for me..haa). Wrong. WRONG. Ole boy wanted his stack piece right then and threatened to out Senator Dick for being a closeted gay man with a wife and three kids… Supa uglay!!

Worst of all, Senator Dick was a strong supporter of what? You guessed it, Anti Gay legislation!!!! Ding, ding, ding!!!! In 2005 and 2006, Curtis voted against a bill that granted civil rights protections to gays and lesbians. In 2007, Curtis voted against a bill that created domestic partnerships for same-sex couples. Still, both bills passed despite his opposition.

Initially on Monday when the story broke, ole Senator Dick said publicly “I am not gay, I have not had sex with a guy. I was just trying to help someone out” Is that what they’re calling it these days? Perhaps he needs to get with fellow “not gay until we found out he had sex with mens” fix-it man/con artist Ted Haggard, the once leader of some 10 million evangelical Christians.

Give him a week and he’ll knock that gay stain right off and he’ll keep it off. I mean, after all, he’s cured and delivered.. good as new.

(Uh Ted, I think it’d be best if you just stopped taking the knee all together. Thx)

You’ll be rejuvinated, purified, sanctified and feeling like your old, self righteous self again.

Anyway, once the story unraveled some, then it all started to come out. First, someone saw Senator Curtis at an adult store dressed up as a damn woman (wow) having a “sexual act” performed on him that very same day by “a man with a cane”… Ok, I’m uncomfortable. The workers at the store said that Senator Curtis came to the store often, “he’s our cross-dresser” they said… Wow. Senator Curtis’ reaction upon hearing all the beans spilling was, and I’m not making this up, “I need a divorce lawyer”…. haaaaa Ya think? These gay, anti gay cats are hilarious. They kind of remind me of the fictional blind, black white supremacist character, Clayton Bigsby, on the Chappelle Show.

When will they learn? This cat didn’t mind anti-gay legislation because all of his gay shit was happening on the down low, just how he likededed that shit. Fucking awful. Guess what player, in case you didn’t notice:

And everyone knows it… I guess that’s why he resigned today and now Cody Castagna, the gay prostitute dude, is doing interviews saying he was victimized by the Senator. Yikes… Senator, next time you better just pay up. I hope the G spot you saved on some premium homo thug tail was worth your entire career, reputation and marriage.

Don’t worry, some other hypocrite will just take his place. It will be some cat who doesn’t want drugs near schools, but yet he’s a coke addict. Or some cat who wants to “strengthen the family” as long as it doesn’t interfere with them hoes he’s got on the side. I love the GOP. So brave. So Moral. So brazen. So hypocritical.

– Lake

Senator Larry Craig (R) Idaho is still gay…

And now his past is coming after him. Meet gay man and half (black bear) about Washington, DC, David Phillips, he’s decided to ahem ‘come out’ and say what he knows about Larry Craig and his underground sexual trysts with men. Only this time it’s not foot positions, drifting fingers, and toe tappitties…nah, this time it’s personal.

Still no word of denial from Sen. Craig, though you just know it’s coming. Did any of you check out that guy’s act on Matt Lauer’s show?

If you can go on air and try to sell us that bill of goods, you’re capable of anything. And don’t you just love how he tries to laugh off the whole, “you may have had some paper on your foot, whoa ho ho hoooooo”.. LOL.. Nilla please. You’re gay. We know it. You’re a liar. We know that.

You know what I particularly enjoyed about that interview? His lying wife. You can just look on her face while he’s proffering those asinine explanations and realize A. even she doesn’t believe this fool and B. Notwithstanding that fact, she’ll still lie to the end of time because she realizes that her well-being is inextricably linked to his well-being.

Normally I’d say ‘just go away’, but in this case, I’ll say ‘stick around’. After all, you and all those brazen lies may just have the effect of opening the eyes of some of these voters out here in 2008. I can see it now, “my opponent isn’t being straight with you, he’s a Larry Craig Republican”… Then they flash this picture up on the screen.

Classic.

– Lake

Kraft Recalls White Chocolate

Lake, your people need you back.

My bad, you still my nilla though.

Hilarious how White people who play like brothers immediately get the “White Chocolate” pseudonym.

There’s Jason (not shotgun, not “smiles like he’s smelling sh*t” Jay) Williams:

White Strippers built like this:

And this phone by Verizon Wireless:

They do need to recall Lake though. He’s been out of control lately. A lady has got to bust out a sex tape to even hit his radar these days. I think if there was an Allison Stokke sex tape he might just completely lose his mind.

-Brock