Bow Wow Wow Yippie Yo Yippie Yeeeeee-haw

I love Snoop.  He’s been in the game for 15 years and is still so legit that he can get away with this.

Where do I start?  The Cowboy hat?  The belt buckle?  The leather vest?  That shirt?  That chain?  The jheri curl?  Man, if he had cut the sides of the curl in a full on mullet he really would have stuck the landing on this one.  Pedro knew how to lock it in.

Damn, that curl is shiny as hell.  I know the back of his neck is so slick that he’d probably get suspended for throwing a curve ball after he touched it.  Baseball really needs to look into this.

Seriously though, Snoop is rolling cowboy style when he started looking like this:

Really real, really gangster.  To this:

I had to get the full length joint so I can peep the cowboy boots.  He still looks like he’s wearing Stacy Adams.  I knew that damn belt had a metal tip too.  Haaaa!

-Brock

Hip Hop 101: Hip Hop Decoded!

I’ve already brought you a short class on Assology.  There will be another lesson upcoming for the Spring Semester with a deeper look into the tail piece along with some new findings.  But I also wanted to introduce a new topic.  Rap music.

I know that everyone doesn’t like or understand Rap music.  For some people, maybe they just can’t get down with the lyrics, the beats, or the artists.  In reality, rap music brings important messages to everyone, so to help bring this message to a broader audience, popular songs have been reduced to easy to understand mathmatics based graphs.

Let’s start off simple.  UvT has studied the work of the late great Christopher Wallace who adopted the oxymoranic nomenclature of Biggie Smalls and determined that there is a direct relationship between Money and Problems.

We also found that if you look closely at a unique phenomenon called “1,2,3 & to the Fo'”.  When it occurs, both Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre will be at the Doe 100% of the time.  We’ve called this the “G-Thang effect“.

This one become a bit confusing.  Ultimately we know that “Bitches Ain’t Shit but Hoes and Tricks“, but the use of the vernacular “ain’t” keeps this in the realm of mere theory for now. 

We suspect that the true finding of this study will be that but stating “Bitches ain’t shit” it means that they are in fact always less than or equivalent to shit.  Such a revelation would throw the entire space time continuum into flux, so we will be careful with the announcement.

In the meantime, there are tributes to our finding popping up already:

In our final finding, we’ve found a way to determine when, in fact, you gotta say it was a good day.  This finding is based on the field research of O’Shea Jackson.  Like Samson his work was better before he cut his hair, but he will be remembered as one of the greatest.

Class Dismissed.

-Professor Brock

Hot Video: Snoop Dogg “Sensual Seduction”

Snoop has been in the game for a long time, he’s got his ninth album coming out next year. There was original young Snoop ripping it on the original Deep Cover track (creep with me, as I crawl through the hood). Death Row Snoop, No Limit Snoop, and now he’s done it again.

When I first heard it, it was a little tired of hearing rappers singing on their tracks. (It made Andre 3000 disappear for a good three years, but he’s started killing remixes about a year ago, and is back with a vengeance on Art of Storytelling Pt. 4) But this video from Snoop really puts it over the top.

Snoop brought back everything.

The “talk box” made famous by Roger Troutman and now being abused by T-Pain.

The old school Keytar:

No matter how hard you try to look, you still play keyboard.

The feathered hair.

Is that a perm, a curl, or both?

Lake said how ridiculous R&B stars look when they try to be gangster in pictures, but it was even more ridiculous in the 80’s. But Snoop also brought back the old school keep it real posse picture.

Cameo did it best, but you can’t look hard with that gear and that hair. Oh man, that’s great, one more.

Keep it gangsta fellas. Morris Day is killing it in the leopard jacket.

Snoop keeps himself relevant 15 years later, still making music I want to hear.

LL, you should take notes.

-Brock

Kid Rock Gets Scattered, Smothered and Chunked in a Waffle House

Kid Rock was cruising through the ATL last weekend when he got into a fight in a Waffle House.   This breaks several of Brock’s Rules.  Rule #1: Never eat at a place that is open 24 hours a day.  There is no way for the place to ever get clean.  Rule #2: Never listen to the cat in your crew who wants something to eat at 5am.  Lake is gooooood for that bullshit.

Lake:  Hey mang, you hungry?

Brock:  Hell no.  I’m drunk and tired.

Lake:  You need to soak that up, let’s get some food mang.

First of all, that “soak it up” theory is terrible.  Second of all, there is not a person on earth that is happy about working the night shift serving your rowdy and loud, drunk, think all your jokes are funny, under tipping, smelling like liquor and cigarette smoke, and really drunk ass at 5am.

At this point, it usually means that you end up in an IHOP, but I’ll give Kid Rock some credit since the food at Waffle House is actually decent.  So Mr. Rock was ordering up his Waffle with hash browns scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, peppered, tomatered, old burnt grill caked, and whatever the hell else they do to them, with a large sweet tea (gotta have it), when a fan gave him some beef (not the steak and eggs meal from the menu…you know not to order steak at Waffle House, right?) and promptly got beat down by Kid Rock entourage and security team.

That’s gonna cost you some loot Kid.  Hopefully you got a few shots in so it was money well spent.

From the look of his mug shot, they let him finish the waffle before hauling him off to jail.  That’s the face of a full belly and professional mug shot taker right there.  A little bit of research shows this is his fourth time.  Let’s take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Up top we have Kid Rock 2007, the seasoned vet.

Below we have a slightly less recent, a little skuzzier, a little more country version.

Bottom left we get the fresh faced kid, probably did a little time in juvi for that one.  My favorite is bottom right with the full on pube ‘stache and the only slightly concerned look on his face.

There is way too much smiling in all of these pics for me.  Never smile in the mug shot.  You are not happy to be there.  Even Backstreet Boy Nick Carter knew not to smile.

Oh that is straight Studio Gangster if I’ve ever seen it.  I mean, he’s trying, but that is the opposite of hard right there.  You can see it in his eyes.  You gotta at least try to go hard though.

Snoop knows whats up. I mean this cat has beads in his hair and he still keeps it real.  He doesn’t even look high, which I’m 98% positive he is.

Moral of the story?  Take your ass home after the club.

-Brock