Archive for the ‘Timbaland’ Category

Who The Hell is Flo-Rida?

February 22, 2008

I’ll be straight out with you. When I saw him launch his first single with T-Pain, I knew two things. First, I didn’t trust him. Second, no matter what I think, the song is going to be ridiculously popular.

“Low” is one of those songs that get’s stuck in your head all day. “Shawty had those Apple Bottom Jeeeeanns, and dem boots wit da furrrrrrr.” DAMN YOU T-PAIN. I wish I could quit you! The song is hot, those damn “Step Up 2 Da Streets” clips in that video are completely off key and unnecessary by the way. By the way, how many times are they going to make that movie? Step Up, Honey, You’ve Been Served, Stomp the Yard, hell even Drumline. Lake said it best, we know how all these movies go. A hot headed dancer from “da skreets” shows up with his “mad skillz”, but needs to understand “real/old school/classic” in order to take his “Ill Crizzew” to a “Whole nudda level”. Of course the climax of the movie is some sort of “throwdown crew battle dance/step/play your instrument while looking mad”-off. Seriously, that shit ain’t hard, you aren’t a gangster…you’re still a dancer.

Back to Flo-Rida. I was ready to write him off as a one-hit wonder until I heard this:

I mean my goodness. Listen to that joint with some good speakers too. Timbaland laid some naaaaasty bass underneath that thing. Timbo’s wild “ficky-ficky errr-errr-errr” hasn’t sounded that hot over a beat since Aaliyah’s second album. He flipped Rihanna’s Umbrella-ella-ella into an Ella-Ella-Elevator, but I’m not mad at him for that.

Look, Flo Rida is never going to be in the discussion for “Top 5, Dead or Alive” with lyrics like these:

“Hey
My first flo stopped on a gold digging woman
Money cash flow all big faced hundreds
Frontin’ on the pole got them d-boys running
Shorty got both broke can’t see what’s comin’
Wear them apple bottoms, wear them apple bottoms honey
Dolce and Gabbana and she get it from her mommy
Louie, Von D ,Gucci, Fendi and Armani
See the carrots on her wrist now she pimps bugs bunny
Used to date Kanye now she want me
While I got my juice wanna take my OJ
It ain’t her birthday with her name on a cake
If I ever pay for pu**y, grade A”

Bottom line. It bumps in the truck. Check it out.

-Brock

===============Update=============

Damn, I didn’t know T-Pain was on “Low”… I thought for sure that was Nelly on the hook. Terrible. But like all things T-Pain, it’s literally good and terrible all at once. Let me tell you when you hear that “Apple bottom Jeaaaaan, boots with da fuuuuur” things get poppin in the club. Perfect club banger.  And what about that Travis Barker remix?

I hate to admit it, but T-Pain is a hit maker…dead up.

– Lake

Classic Material: “Pony” by Ginuwine

February 13, 2008

I know Lake’s classic material usually focuses on stuff that is actually good. I prefer to go with the ridiculous.

That video is foolish from the first open-shirt shimmy slide that Ginuwine does across the stage. Wait, lets back up to the fact that this cat spells his name Ginuwine. Where did he get that spelling, from Flavor of Love? Did Deelishis, Buckeey, and Hoopz help him with the spelling of that name? Lake mentioned that he thought this song was being performed by a woman the first time he heard it. I mean the “baby hair” slicked down, ridiculous sideburns, the full on stripper dance moves. This is pure comedy. The black guy in the saloon theme, everything.

What the hell do the lyrics mean?

I’m just a bachelorrrrrr,

Lookin’ for a Part-na!

Someone who knows how to riiiiiiiide,

Without even falling ooofffffffff.

Seriously, this dude launched his whole career on that BS.

You know what is hot though, is that Timbaland beat. The glorified beatbox, the wild sound effects, the pre-neptunes mid 90’s belonged to Timbaland. Here’s another hot one:

That beat was hot too. On a side note, how dame fine would Aaliyah be right now?

aaliyah10.jpg

She’d be fully marinated and thickened up by now. Damn.

Back to the subjectI think timbaland had me buy at least six albums I would not have bought otherwise. Ginuwine, Missy, Aaliyah, the whole crew. Quietly, that man Timbaland is having the most success ever on that Shock Therapy album. The crazy thing is there are still some hot joints on there. This dude may be five singles in right now. Beyonce and Rihanna albums are about the only joints that get five singles deep these days. Not only that, but this dude is killing white radio. You know what that means. It means Lake and his boys will be running these joints for at least another 9 months.

Give it to Me

The Way I Are

Scream

Apologize (two Versions)

Throw It On Me

Seriously, five singles off of a Timbaland album? With videos and everything? Do you know how much loot this cat has to be raking in right now? Old Timbo albums (let’s call it the Magoo era) were usually good for one radio ready beat and a big pile of BS. I guess he put is album on that Roger Clemons treatment like he did himself, because this album is on swole.

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I wonder if the album is also greasy…and silly looking…and playing itself. My Bad.

-Brock

Timbaland…We Need To Talk

December 18, 2007

Usually, Lake and I just talk about people who do stupid things. But this time it’s different. Sometimes, people just need help. So in the spirit of the holiday season, Us Versus Them is giving back.

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This picture really sums it all up. Timbaland has a major lack of self awareness issue. You know, those people who think they are smarter, funnier, better looking, or more popular than they actually are. Well Timbo has all those problems.

Lets start with the inspiration of the outfit above:

swole-timbaland.jpg

So yeah, Timbaland worked out sometime between now and when he used to just be a fat dude from Virginia. Here’s where the problem starts. I know, I know Dr. Dre came out on swole too in the extra smedium shirt on national TV. What is the difference between Dr. Dre and Timbaland? Dr. Dre didn’t oil himself down like a damn model in King Magazine before he did it. Come on man, that looks ridiculous. That interpretational wife beater is bad enough by itself, but that grease is too much.

Here’s another example.

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How many albums did he release with that clown Magoo? Wait, let me back up…what made him think it was a good idea to align with a rapper named Magoo? A rapper named Magoo is like naming a professional sports team the Poodles, or the Wizards. (I know they used to be waaaaay out there as the Bullets, but did you have to go to the complete other side of the spectrum?)  What happened to Magoo anyway?

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The only reason we’re reaching out is because Timbo is responsible for every hot beat that came out between 1995 and 1999 before Pharrell and the Neptunes started killing the game. So here we go. For starters, you are not funny, and people don’t really like you that much. Therefore, when you are in public, you are not allowed to make faces like this:

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You aren’t a member of the Jackass crew, so you just look like an idiot. In fact you also aren’t allowed to dress like this:

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Is that a fur jacket or is it made out of feathers?

Look Timbaland. Justin Timberlake likes working with you, Nelly Furtado sounds great over your beats, your singles are even getting airplay, but people probably don’t even realize that the song is on your album. Stay behind the boards big fella. Stop dressing up in a suit and dancing on stage with Justin during SexyBack. No one is looking at you. No one needs that from you. No one wants that from you. So stop, just stop. Thanks.

-Brock