Archive for the ‘Jay Z’ Category

Top Ten Hollywood Breasts List…YES!

July 3, 2008

Hey, I didn’t come up with this list but I’m happy to discuss it. You know, as I look down at this InTouch Weekly “Best Hollywood Tits” list, I’m actually kind of embarrassed that I know all these broads. Ahh, who am I kidding, let’s get going on this here list. Now remember, this is the list according to InTouch Weekly.. Not us. But we have plenty to say.

1. Jessica Simpson

Yep, the top titty goes to Jessica Simpson. Wouldn’t have been my choice, but I can live with it.

After all, even her pops said that her ridiculous J’s were top notch.

Now you know you’ve got some serious tittay when pops is peeping them on the slide.

2. Tyra Banks

Say what? Now I know Tyra’s got giant J’s, but does she really belong inside the top three of ALL the breast tah sis in Hollywood?

Sure, her fundamentals are sound and she used to have the rest of the body to go with it. But this is a current J list, not a historical retrospective. The classic Janet song “What Have You Done For Me Lately” seems to come to mind. Answer?

Not enough. Not even close.

3. Scarlett Johansson

Ummmm, HELL YES!!! I’m not sure how it’s possible, but I think this chick is underrated across the board. Maybe it’s the lack of a nude photo shoot and sex tape. Hopefully someone can remedy that. But on the boobs front, she’s LOVELY.

Gotta run that one more gin.

4. Carmen Electra

Huh? Is she even in show business anymore? Why not Pamela Anderson? Hell, Loni Anderson.

And maybe it’s just me, but shouldn’t there be a reasonable expectation that the boobs are actually real if you’re going to call them the 4th best set in all of Hollywood? At least pic a chick with a debate, like Kimmy K…. With Carmen, she’ll tell you her joints are fake. Nah, I can’t support that.

5. Lindsay Lohan

Again, anyone who knows this blog understands my affection for Lindsay Lohan.

She’s one of my favorite celebs and yes, those ridiculous J’s have something to do with it.

On the J front, Lindsay has it all and we’ve seen it all.

You can’t hate, not on this discussion. Definitely underrated and waaaaay under appreciated. Her breasts I mean…lol.

6. Katherine Heigl

I recognize that this near no talent chick would be nothing without the superior boobs, but I just don’t like this broad.

That’s right, I don’t like her, can’t stand that character “Izzy” or whatever it is on Grey’s Anatomy and just can’t get past all the bullshit, yes, even for a pair of advanced J’s like those.

She doesn’t even make my list. Terrible. Though she does look reaaaaaally good in this next pic.

Mercy!

7. Audrina Patridge

Whaaat? You don’t mean to tell me we all feel for that completely transparent “I did some nudes back in the day and now they will be released the day before my show so please make me a star” treatment?

You bet we did. And please note how much she has truly stepped up that belly game. Wow. This babe is everywhere right now. If she had a shred of talent she’d really have something too. Though, I must say, having the nude pictures of her to refer back to whenever I see her looking right in a magazine or online is a nice luxury.

8. Jennifer Aniston

Come on now. Jennifer aint been hot since Ross was hittin’. Again, just too old, too romantic comedy. It’s just not right. Sure she’s got some J’s (NSFW), she wouldn’t be in the business if she didn’t.

But come on. She does not have some of the best tits in all of Hollywood. But these NSFW of Aniston are worth a peep. Half the time she doesn’t even have the best tits in her own relationship. She’s literally not in the same conversation with these other babes. Horrible.

9. Megan Fox

Ah, I don’t buy it. This seems very political. I do like that she stands for the fact that a chick doesn’t have to have monster boobs for them to be sexy, but this chick is not a top flight titty talent.

I mean, come on. She doesn’t have the chops and never will until she orders that full upgrade. Right? She’s got average J’s just for a regular girl, but in Hollywood, she’s squarely below average. Hell, most of the regular women walk around with better ones than that. Not even close.

10. Beyonce

Huh? Did I miss something? I don’t know, maybe B’s tittays wrote the lyrics to “Upgrade”…wait no, that was Jay Z. Curses. I hate to do this because I like Beyonce a lot. But she has no damn business on this list.

I think she’s beautiful, but if you forced me to diss her, right after I spoke on that assortment of unacceptable weaves, I’d go right to the breasts. I mean, she’s keeping it real and natural as she should and she looks damn good chest and all.

So there you have it. Are you satisfied? I’m not. I mean, where was Kim Kardashian, Halle Berry, JESSICA BIEL, hell, Mel B., Gisele….I mean, the list goes on and on. Sorry, I can’t endorse this list period. Let me give you my list.

1. Lindsay Lohan

2. Scarlett Johansson

3. Jessica Simpson

4. Kim Kardashian

5. Salma Hayek

6. Jessica Biel

7. Katherine Heigl (what can I say, that pic is still in my head)

8. Halle Berry

9. Mel B.

10. Audrina Patridge (hey, she’s already been mentioned, what could I do?)

Honorable mention: Serena Williams (don’t sleep)

Then I have to add a section for best fake boobs in the business. Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Tila Tequila, Pam Anderson and Heidi Montage.

Damn, after all that, even I’ve grown tired of tittays. I must be getting really old.

– Lake

You ready B?

December 14, 2007

I’m not much of a crotch shot guy. You won’t see the south of Paris or Britney’s open-faced roast beef sandwhich or even Lindsay’s fire starter on this blog. It’s just not where it’s at. It’s not who we are. With that said, if she wants to keep her naked ass off this blog, Beyonce is going to have to learn to keep her damn clothes on (not that I’m complaining).

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Big girls gone good. This is an aside, but we all know that big chick with the cute face and the solid core body frame that just needs to lose a clean 25-38 pounds to live gloriously. Well, B is that chick. She’s done it. Look at that perfect melding of the strong, fit core with the thick laid over the top perfectly. Pretty impressive. Back to what I was saying, young B has had a rash of illicit body part sightings. First it was the NSFW, ‘ready when you are B’, dip it low, pick it up slow, baby maker faux pas. Now this:

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My bad, I meant, this:

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Hey, you gotta respect the au natural J game, but why can’t we apply those same principles to that wig piece? She’s gotta have enough under there to just kick it on vacay, no? What about this joint?

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I own, know, whoever that little rug rat is Jay seems to be enjoying his company thoroughly (more even than the company of that exposed nipple-breast combo he’s got to his immediate right), but B doesn’t seem to share his enthusiasm. If I had to put my money down, I’d say we’re looking at the back of Joseph Camel Jr. Jr.?

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Probably. Much respect to the first family of hip hop though. Now hurry up and get that marriage done so my man Brock can run the over-under numbers on the divorce date.

– Hatin’ Lake (why must I hate on these two?)

Jay Z is trying a little too hard

December 6, 2007

Ok, I get it, so you’re a fashion icon.

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But can’t just just roll out the hotel in some regular gear? Do you have to pair the sagging slacks, zipper up, and sport coat with that extra long and wide scarf? Somebody get this cat something new to rap about. I mean, what’s he got on his person in this picture of him in Paris, 5 bars?

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This cat looks like Jeevs on his off day, yes I’m hatin, but why rock this get up? Paparazzi searching?

I rather enjoy when Jay rhymes about his new gear, expensive liquor and late model cars. I’m with it. I just can’t figure out why this dude who is 38 years old and a multimillionaire, alleged fashion icon, minority owner in a franchise, restaurateurs, and overall media mogul is still rapping about the drugs his boys will tell you he scarcely sold.

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I guess dude is right, he really is more Frank Lucas than Ludacris. Meaning an old, self-centered, one dimensional cat who would rather to continue to lay the ball up with his right hand (rap about bullshit) than learn to lay it up with his left (evolve and actually do some good with his messages). I’m not impressed. Love the music, but I’m not impressed with the content. I must say though, Beyonce’ is just an upper level chick at this point.

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She may be Houston basic, but she just gives you everything you want and somehow cleans up very nicely too. She’s damn near flawless above. Gotta love it.

– Lake

LJ and the Roc: Not sure I get it

November 21, 2007

Can someone explain to me why Larry Johnson is such a fan of Roc-A-Fella?

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(LJ, care to explain this?)

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. But homey is an NFL player, so why is he throwing up the Roc sign whenever he scores a touchdown, why does he alwasy refer to Jay Z as his “Best friend” and why does this fool rock not one, but two Roc chains?

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I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but it all seems a bit over the top and quite frankly, a bit suspect. I’m not down.

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(There’s only one thing right about this picture and she’s got a dress on, ya dig?)

Kindly cease and desist player..oh and by the way, you shouldn’t be on camera poppin’ bottles like you literally don’t care that you haven’t done a damn thing for the team you’re pulling checks from this year or more importantly, my fantasy team. Terrible.

– Bitter Lake

Hot Video: Jay-Z – Roc Boys (And The Winner Is)

November 9, 2007

I’m not sure if cats have seen this video or maybe I’m just late.  Anyway, this joint is hot.  You gotta love seeing Puff, Jay Z and Nas together.   The video also has a number of other stars making cameos.  Makes you wonder though, where was Kanye?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I was definitely happy to see my man Michael from “The Wire” in this joint too.  That cat was one the hottest characters on the hottest show on TV…  Anyway, it looks like Jay Z hit another stand-up triple with this American Gangster album.  The more I listen to it, the more I like it.  Enjoy.

– Lake

Why Kanye, why?

October 9, 2007

‘Ye laced us up with 13 tracks (a little bit light if you ask me) of lovely music to get your mouth watering and I appreciate him for that. Still, he’s been acting a bit off key of late. First, you’ve got the staged temper tantrums, which at this point can’t really be respected. Kanye is no fool. All pub is good pub and when you’ve got substance like he does, you have to make your mark someway other than the music itself.

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(Case in point)

His way is to act like a Diva, something that thanks to MTV we can now definitely call a Divo. Terrible. Lil Wayne’s gimmick is drug use. No question, the boy gets high, but it can’t be like he says. After all, dude is a savvy bitniz man, artist and college student. At any rate, part of Ye’s persona is that he dresses different that “you aint up on this” element of his game. Like he’s somehow on another level fashion wise. Oh he’s on another level alright. The problem is it’s lower than your boy Lake, Brock and most the reasonable, non crazy, non Divo world. I mean, look at this cat’s getup he was rocking in gay Paree.

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He had the nerve to talk about this gear on his blog, like it was that real cutting edge hotness.. I think not:

1. I’m not feeling the tongue over the jean thing.. I mean, that’d be suspect if you were a 14 year old chick. It’s patently horrible as a grown ass man. Stop that

2. Them jeans you’re rocking are skinnier than your lady’s. Why not just rock her heels too? That aint fashionable, it’s corny and gay. Stoppit.

3. The extra smedium (small at the waist, medium through the breast plate) jacket is like your song Drunken Hot Girls. I can see where you want to go with it, but you either went too far or not far enough. No matter how you slice it, you missed the mark.

4. I call this Lake’s fashion rule No. 43: If you see a man’s outfit on the runway, pretty much any outfit, it’s not fit for real world consumption.

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I am not impressed with King Divo Kanye bitting the style of some Euro art critic’s gay boy toy name Sven. I know you hate the jerseys, but I’d rather be stereotypical Timbo and throwback dude than stereotypical cocaine and gay sex dude. But that’s just me.

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(Here’s a picture with BOTH these stereotypical dudes.)

All in all, I’m just hoping Kanye learns to stay in his lane. I know he doesn’t believe that he should do that. I recognize that people have told him what he can’t do and then he’s done it and it’s worked for him. I get all that. Still, this trying to be different just so you can rock that verse on “Good ass job” or whatever you next album will be named is not cool. Actually, it’s pretty tired. And no I don’t appreciate how this might impact Jay Z who promises to go “way out there” on his next album, American Gangster.

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Jay, we don’t want you “way out there” or over our heads with your rhymes. We want “Give it to me,” “The Takeover,” “Is that your chick” and “Excuse me Miss (Remix)” Jay Z. The minute you attempt to drop knowledge like you did on “Beach Chair” is exactly when I tune out. When you go to see the Rock, you want the People’s Elbow, followed by the People’s Eyebrow, followed by a Rock Bottom and then a cover. You don’t want to see some ole introspective Brahma Bull, trying to put a Boston Crab on a cat in tribute to Rick “the Model” Martel. Damn that. You and Nas will never understand that cats don’t want that from you. We read books for that. Do what we like. Witty, shit-talking, money, beeyatches and hizzoes all over a Kanye or Just Blaze Beat.. Leave the acting to Denzel.

– Lake

Message to Jay-Z, retire…again, please!

July 11, 2007

Sorry homey, there is no question that you are one of the best rappers of all times. No lie, we have rocked to your shit now for a clean 10 years and I appreciate it. But all these pictures of you on foreign sands playing the role of a slow old man with a young thang, it’s just too much to bear.

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(can I get a hell yes for this angle and facial expression yung B is giving us right now?)

It’s crazy, because you rapped about on Encore you came back wearing that No. 45 like Jordan. Indeed, you are rocking that four-five throwback right now homey and it aint pretty. You are truly beginning to look your age. I mean, first we have these shirtless, bare breasted joints.

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Awwww, I can’t take it.

Then we go with Jigga man does the waltz…

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AHNT!!!!! Sorry dawg, cornball just doesn’t look good on you. Either thug it back out or stop rapping, but you can’t do all this sh*t and keep any shape or form of street credibility and I’m not even a street cred cat, but this shit is absurd. Just stop.