Archive for the ‘Video Games’ Category

The REAL Ending to Super Mario Brothers

September 12, 2008

This is funny.  From Seth McFarlane, creator of Family Guy:

I wonder if that is how it went down at the end of Legend of Zelda too?

Link is a lefty though, so Princess Zelda was probably down with him.  (If you don’t get that joke, check the comments on this post)

-Brock

This is Crazy…

April 3, 2008

Look.  I don’t know why this dude is playing two guitars.  I don’t know who built that little holding thingy that allows him to do it.  I don’t know why his momma picked out those terrible ass drapes.  I do know that this shit is hot.

Man I used to kill Tetris on the old Game Boy.  I’m talking about level 20 playing on pure instinct, space shuttle takes off when you finish type skills.  I stayed in the zone.  But wait, this isn’t all the Zack Kim has in the arsenal.  Check this out.

Are you kidding me?  That is clean as hell.

Okay.  I confes.  I was going to stop there.  But you really have to see this.

Seriously.  This dude is some kind of musical genius right?  He even did that wild honking horn in the middle of it.  Honestly, I didn’t even know you could make some of those sounds on a guitar.  No one teached you how to do that.  This kid is sick.

-Brock

Grand Theft Auto IV: This is Going to be Great!

April 2, 2008

Grand Theft Auto has always been a favorite here in the Us Versus Them offices. I didn’t see Lake for about two and a half months when Vice City came out, and we both put a ridiculous amount of hours into San Andreas (CJ reminded me of myself back in my bangin’ and slangin’ days. OK, fine. It wasn’t guns and drugs…but I was bangin out and slangin’ them thangs) So GTA IV is about to hit PS3 and XBOX and we’ve got the new trailer.

HAAAAAA. Damn, That would actually be hilarious. I guess they pulled quotes from when Chris Tucker was actually funny. Let me tell you, I’d buy the game the day it came out if I could yank a cat out of their car and scream “you got knocked the fuggout!” as I drove off.

Some say Chris Tucker stopped being funny right after Friday and Money Talks. Some people draw the line right after Rush Hour. I draw the line about halfway through The Fifth Element when he popped up looking like this:

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Once again, as I’ve explained before, this is not a situation where you can just drop a “no homo” and get yourself off the hook. You’ve already gone too far. Waaaaaaay too far.

On the real though, I’m getting that GTA IV. No one gives you wide open gameplay like Grand Theft Auto and Rockstar.

-Brock

Street Fighter 4: The Fighters Quit Their Day Jobs

March 25, 2008

Street Fighter 4 is about to come out so the World Fighters are going to have to come back together to do epic battle. What have then been doing all this time?

Dhalsim apparently took his long legged skills to the soccer field.

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Let me tell you, that damn Dhalsim was a motherfuck*r to fight. My man K Reem used to dominate with that damn dude, couldn’t even get near him. I know sounds crazy, but that long leg, long punch combo was impossible to break down.

The UvT interns actually tracked down Guile too…

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I guess he’s been working in a Karaoke bar with the son of E. Honda? Damn, he’s gonna need to do some push ups before he gets his ass whooped.

-Brock

Let me know if anyone finds Chun-Li with those thick ass thighs. She might be the first virtual UvT girl. You know I’m right!

Halo 3 Midnight Madness: You’re Still Dorks

September 26, 2007

Halo 3 dropped for the XBox 360 last night. I saw yellow Best Buy bag packing fan boys strolling through the streets of New York city last night to rush home and fire up their XBox Live accounts and start slinging anonymous racist insults at each other. Grown men, teenagers, and college students shut it down today to run through solo mode and start the competition to become the biggest badass in multiplayer.

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(Is it really that serious bruh?)

Let’s see, we are at 24 hours after launch, so there are a few hundred thousand stinking, non-shower taking Spartans learning how to pwnzor ur n00b a55. I’ll admit, after 24 hours there are people playing this game right now who are already better than I would ever be even if I took are year to practice. I’d whoop that ass in Mortal Kombat II though. I was unconscious in 1998. Plus, Halo inspires people to do this, so it can’t be all bad.

This is the game Microsoft is banking on to push those XBox 360’s over the edge. They are already running into problems with scratched disks, as well as the dreaded recall-worthy red ring of death (the XBox 360 version of the Windows Blue Screen of Death). If you don’t know, it means that every early XBox 360 will break eventually. Not some, not most, ALL OF THEM. That’s crazy. But Microsoft is manning up and paying for all of them to be fixed.

Bottom line, Halo is a billion dollar franchise. Prepare to see all the articles about how video games are where all the the movie and music dollars are going and how this would be the biggest movie launch ever…if…it…were…a…movie. At $60 a pop, that probably isn’t a fair comparison. That is a 6 to 1 advantage.

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Yeah, Master Chief makes that LOOT. But ringing the bell at the Nasdaq, that’s a little ridiculous.

Have fun fellas, this is the best game you’ll see for a loooong time. The well is a little dry after Gears, Bioshock and Halo.

Keep stacking that cash and keep your pimp game tight Bill Gates. Strike that pose.

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-Brock

Curses!…Will Madden Strike Again?

August 27, 2007

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Madden 2008 launched last week as fanboys struggled to figure out why they spent another $50-$60 on the same game that came out last year. Sure, the rosters are updated, but with your system connected to the internet, you can get the same thing. They’ve taken Tiki off of the Giants, Reggie Bush won’t be hamstrung with rookie stats. Fine, you get “special attributes” for your players, Payton is smart, Larry Johnson will bowl your ass over, and Ray Lewis will read your play if you run the same thing over and over again…great.

The only thing Madden is good for these days is predicting who is going to get faded during the football season. This year’s lucky victim?

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None other than Vince Young. Vince, have you looked at history? Let’s work backwards…

2007 Shawn Alexander – Broken Foot, missed 6 starts and never did much for the rest of the season.

2006 Donovan McNabb – Sports Hernia during the ’06 season, and a blown knee in ’07.

2005 Ray Lewis – This is a back to the future curse, I don’t know how this cat made the cover after the murder case, but he did. Actually, Ray is the only argument in recent history that the curse isn’t real.

2004 Mike Vick – Well damn. Does it get worse? Anyway, he actually broke his leg this season too. He apparently also drowned a pitbull while he was rehabbing.

2003 Marshall Faulk – missed five games with an ankle injury.

2002 Daunte Culpepper – hurt for the season in week 11, when he injured his back.

2001 Eddie George had his worst season ever.

Do I need more? In fact, perennial fantasy first pick LaDainian Tomlinson is said to have turned down the cover just to avoid the curse. Good luck Vince!

-Brock