BUSTED: Joakim Noah Smokes The Dope

This really isn’t news so I’ll give it a few seconds of actual story time until I move on to more worthy pursuits.  But Joakim Noah, the back-to-back NCAA Basketball National Champion and Chicago Bull Forward, just got busted for possession the hippie lettuce and unauthorized public liquor sippin the ‘nother day in Florida.

I know, I know, the next thing I’ll tell you is that water is wet, R. Kelly enjoys pissing on teens and the Yankees Suck this year.  Believe me, Joakim Noah smoking tweed is about as much of a lock as you can possibly get in life. 

And while we’re at it, hell, why not, let’s just go ahead and roll back that ridiculous celebration dance homey pulled last year.

Hard to imagine that dude is on some banned substances, huh?  And even better, his pops doesn’t understand what all the fuss is about, hmmmm, I wonder why?

“In the newspapers, there’s a lot of talk about my son who is 23 and has a drink with his friends and who is caught with a joint in his pocket,” said Noah senior.

“He called me. He said: ‘Dad, I think I’ve blundered’. I said: ‘Yes, it’s a mistake but it’s not serious. Don’t change. Make me happy, don’t let it happen again’.”

Hey, it’s hard to fault pops for taking the smooth and easy approach when he can smoke the finest herbs over in Paris with an assortment of extra light skinned bunnies he seems to hold in his pockets like so many nickels and dimes (Godfather I reference).

Yannick is so pimp.  I’m sure Joakim needs some “home grown” to just get his mind off how much cooler his pops is than him.  Anyway, While I was looking up the particulars on this Joakim “blunder” I noticed something: Joakim’s sister Yelena Noah is pretty decent.

Whoops, that’s “Black” from Flavor of Love 3.. not sure how she got in there… Yelana?

Very nice.. now lean with it…

Ahhh, interesting, but only average.  Maybe she needs to be glammed up a bit:

Better, but still unimpressive.  Hey, mid post, I’ve reversed myself.  Not only is this babe not UvT quality, but now I finally know how Pac felt on “Hit Em Up” when he pronounced, “I don’t even know why I’m on this mufuckin track,” because this chick is scarcely post worthy.  To cleanse my palate let me lace up one of Yannick Noah’s ladies of yore, Heather Stewart Whyte, his second wife.

Now she was/is Euro-flow, Bolivian Marching Powder, celery for breakfast, lunch and dinner hot.  Sheeeeiit, she was even Maxim ugly American hot…

Hell, she’s even got some Not Safe For Work street cred right here.  I like it.  Sheeeeit, Heather saved my post.  Can’t have the “you’re ho game is weak” boo birds blowing up my celly like last week. 

– Lake

Vanilla Ice take the wheel…

Now see, this is what gives us cool white dudes a bad name. Cats just have to learn to stay in their lane, play it cool and you’ll get the best of both worlds as a down ass white dude. This cat, I mean, WOW, this is just fucking deplorable, but HILARIOUS. If you can stand it to wait for that second verse, please do. I mean, it took me that long to begin to actually laugh. I think prior to that I was just in shock. Haa, wow.

Wow. Somebody call child protection, the bloods, crips and the aryan brotherhood. All four entities need to give this fool a good once over. Awful.

– Lake

———–UPDATE————

All I want to know is, where the hell did this kid get the “Let it Burn” instrumental from?  I’m sure he did Usher proud with that one.  And what was that date he kept dropping?  The first time he hunched this chick out in front of his white fence?

Hey Ladies! Party at Our House…

We’ve got a new toy in the UvT office. We already throw the wild parties, and someone finally invented something to make it official.

Oh yeah, we’ve got that Chandelier trapeze. Keep em swinging from the rafters.

Okay, so it is more swing than lamp. The execution isn’t too elegant. Still, it’s hot though. You know the sexy ladies are invited. Big girls, it will hold you too. Hell, you can even bring your moms.

Tell her to upgrade that gear though.

-Brock

Amy Winehouse smokes rocks on tape

Damn homey. I mean, it’s not shocking or anything, but how do you get caught on video smoking crack?

It’s 2008, you’d think she’d know that when a cat is holding their cell phone up to her face and she’s lighting up the glass dizzick she might consider turning away, right? Jeez.. Well, I guess we finally understand how this happened.

She really went from thick, one ham sandwich away from being too much to this?

Damn… That crazy, fugly, crackhead skinny flow aint right. Seek help baby.  I wonder who will get caught on tape doing something crazy next?

Oh yeah, horse, sex tape, child abuse, pick your pleasure.

– Lake

And you thought it couldn’t get any worse….

I’m not a big Wino guy. I don’t really listen to her music aside from the obligatory “Rehab” bridge each and every Club DJ felt they had to hit me with back in 2007, but when I saw this I just had to post it. She gets a few points for going retro Johnny Depp, but let’s face it, this chick is just terrible. Yes she is talented and yes she has done wonders for my strange interest in the Bolivian Marching Powder, but otherwise, what has she contributed to popular culture?

And in case you were wondering, that’s the ole “Not Kardashian” negative arse piece. “Ass so flat you can see it from the front!”

I must admit, Mos Def got that one (reversed of course) as right as this chick is wrong on Ms. Fat Booty.

– Lake

UvT Bowl 2: Lake n Bake

And the winner is Lake…my man. SPEECH

First of all I want to thank Brock,

he’s got a good squad

still Lake got it locked…Yeeeeeaaaah

LOL

Hey, my main man Brock put up a good fight, but Lake’s boys went ahead and put him away after the Eagles gave Tom Brady (Brock’s QB) and the Pats all they wanted and more Sunday night.

We came out with a good game plan, executed our plays and came away with the victory. Now, I can’t talk too much shat, because Brock has a better record than me and he’s scored more overall points than me in our Fantasy League. With that being said, it’s a boarder skirmish I’m quite sure Mr. Hardon would have liked to have won. And let’s not forget, that’s the second time Lake’s boys put that thang on Brock’s team in one year. 😉

Alas, he could not pull it out and Lake takes home the UvT trophy which is a bronzed, life sized cast of Kim Kardashian’s ass piece for my mantle.

I’ll take it.

– Lake

I’m dreaming of a whiiiiiite Thanksgiving….

“Just like the ones, she used to blow.”

Some of us enjoy some Turkey, some ham… hell, you get your Mac n Cheese on. A little stuffing rounds it out nicely, oh and the cranberry sauce, you gotta go with that, right? Well, not if you’re Amy Winehouse. Now let me preface this by saying we never talk Amy Winehouse on this blog. I’ve never really talked to Mr. Hardon as to why that is, but I guess it’s just because the babe is just ugly and not very interesting.

Sure, she’s got a nice voice and she did rock that “Rehab” song, but she’s got the concave tail, the bullshit hair piece, terrible skin, no chest, no breast, no meat, no lovers.. just nothing I want to hear from, see or talk about. But I’ve gotta admit, I’m becoming a bigger fan of her’s now. Not because of her music, oh hells no.. It’s because she was photographed, in public mind you, with the White Horse all up in that Toucan Sam Beak she calls a nose. Peep it.

“Cocaine is a hell of a drug“ – Rick James

Lord Jesus!!! That is awesome!! Why so glum, though? Yo, let me ask yall a serious question. If your hair was a mess, you had some dish rag tying it back, then you had fangs for teeth, a flamingo beak for a nose and my 3rd grade version of the Run DMC rope chain around your neck would you take the time to apply a respectable amount of make-up?

Boy, let me tell you, that Bolivan marching powder must be some real powerful shit.

(I can only assume this is a post and pre booger sugar pictorial)

I’ve never tried it, but I’m beginning to consider giving myself a toot for Christmas maybe? It’s either that or HGH — that many people can’t be wrong, right?

How about this, Amy needs a new song. “Trying tell go to rehab, I say, Yes, Yes, Yes….”

– Lake

What’s up with Tracy Morgan?

More proof to my theory that in order to be truly hilarious, like genius level, you have to actually be crazy. Like, on the brink, can’t function normally, got a screw loose, aint right, all wrong, self medicating, chemically imbalanced and just all together fucking loony kind of crazy.

We saw it with Martin Lawrence‘s crazy ass sitting in the middle of the LA Freeway in a plastic track suit with a bag of twizzlers and a .45, we saw it with Eddie picking up that he-she, getting Mel B. preggers and just generally having that weird ass look on his face that says “I aint right” ever since Boomerang, and of course we saw it from Dave Chappelle’s $50 million peace out/back to Africa tour. Now, we see a glimpse of it again. I ask you, what in the hell was Tracy Morgan doing? I guess the craziness is proportional with the funniness, so TM is only but so crazy.. See, if he had Richard Pryor’s skills, he would have been trying to hit ole girl when she leaned up on him.

– Lake