Shaq’s wife livin la vida loca on the DL?

by

shaq-to-shaunie-peace.jpg

(Shaq says “peace out” to Shaunie for allegedly “getting her empanada on” with an unnamed Latin lover)

Yo, when I saw the story that Shaq and his wife, Shaunie, were splitting I thought to myself what everybody usually thinks when a couple break up. “Too bad, I hope they’re both able to be happy eventually“.. Or “Hey, they say marriage is a 50/50 prospect” and I guess you just kind of accept that it’s even harder when a cat is rich and famous like Shaq because let’s face it, on the open dating market, he’s got every option in the world.

shaq-options-after-shaunie.jpg

Anyway, I thought the same about Shaq and Shaunie, hence, no post on here because it wasn’t really big news. That was until I heard that:

1. Shaunie is selling Shaq’s stuff on Ebay and hiding the proceeds;

2. Shaq had an airtight Prenuptial Agreement (at least he knew it could be shaky); and

3. Shaunie supposedly has had a one year affair with her Cuban personal trainer (¿QUÉ?) and allegedly has been taking Shaq’s money and giving it to this cat which included her purchase of a HOUSE that Shaq Diesel did not know about!!!! WOW

shaunie-o-neal-is-no-joke.jpg

(isn’t it funny how a previously innocent picture with a smile suddenly looks shady? Check out that “twankle” in her eye. Guys, if your lady has that twankle, leave her immediately, lest she make a run for the boarder on yo’ azz…shady man)

Shaq said that Shaunie was “secretive about her assets”… sheeeyut, you aint lied. This man Shaq had endorsement deals, title runs, all kinds of appearances and such, meanwhile, Shaunie was getting “worked out” probably just about everyday. Meanwhile, the chick has like 6 kids, 5 by a real life Chewbacca:

chewie-getting-after-it.jpg

But yet, her body is looking like she’s ready to go and try to be the Next Pussycat Doll or something.

shaqandshaunie.jpg

(she does look niiice.. Boy, you know ole Cubano was really getting after that)

She looks too fresh, too revived.. I mean what could those “workout sessions” have entailed? I don’t even want to think about it. All I know is that this Cuban cat best watch his back. It aint like he’s messing with Mr. Parker’s wife from Friday or something. I mean, this cat is nooooooooo joke. He could come at you on some, “I’ve got all the money in the world, m people will handle it and nobody will ever find you” or he could really get on some wild ShaqFu inspired gangsta sh*t and literally whoop that dude’s ass beyond recognition.

shaqfu.jpg

I don’t know. I always just figured cats know not to mess with certain people’s wives and Shaq squarely falls within that category right behind Mike Tyson, Allen Iverson, and Chris Benoit (ooh, I feel bad for that one). I mean, this dude is 7, 2 ish, 350 ish and ATHLETIC, which basically means, he aint to be played wit unless you’ve got similar physical stats:

chewie-shaq-dunk.jpg

(Like this dude)

But I guess this sort of thing isn’t too unprecedented, after all, this sort of thing was the basis for R. Kelly’s smash hit “Down Low” and as crazy as “Kelly” is, you know that was autobiographical.

whooooo wee.. that’s a good throwback if you’re a true Kelly fan like me. Mr. Bigs wasn’t f*cking around either. Watching that joint makes me think of the Shaq v. Rico Suave version:

(Warning, this is NOT funny unless you played the video and can follow the cadence of these lyrics)

The original is “Down Low” and the Spanglish version is called “Bajo”:

Bajo Bajo
Ooooooooooh-whoooo-oooooooh
Bajo Bajo
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
Bajo, Bajo
Whooooooaaa-ohhhhhh
Bajo Bajo
Ju stretch out me
Die stretch out ju
Wha’ we gone do ’bout dis freaky ‘shady’ love e-ffair
If Mr. Shaq come home and catch us Hey-Zeus Cristo
He might kill me, I aint legal, immigration isn’t fair
Somethin about all dis money and me casa Shaunie got me
How he no see, I like the shape that she in too
Stoopid gringo he no no ‘bout Cuban sandwich or me hip shake
Valid fear, 350 plus y 7, 2 (seven twoooooooo)

– Senor Lake

8 Responses to “Shaq’s wife livin la vida loca on the DL?”

  1. Shardae Says:

    all that hoeing sround shaq does he get what he deserves and as for shaunie i wish her all the luck in the world and next time be more careful.

  2. Lake Arlington Says:

    How you know Shaq been running hoes? Girl…All I know, your name gives me da sweetest taboo… too good to me.

  3. Juanita Jordan: I get money, I get money, I get I get I get… « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] of course, this just in, Juanita has herself a 29 year old boyfriend. Of course she does. Taking notes from Shaunie O’Neal I see. I wonder if he was her “personal trainer” too? Lol. Hey, look at it this way […]

  4. Shaunie ‘$30 Mil’ O’Neal to the World: “Big Stacks, my pockets on Creatine” « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] a good pay day for a baby maker who is allegedly getting her body “back in shape” by getting hammered by her Cuban trainer. How many pesos does $30 make? How many times did she use that other Miami condo, the one Shaq […]

  5. Howard Says:

    I hope this wake people up. This is one of the reasons you don’t let people kiss your kids. These affairs are mostly freak seens, and deceases are being spread like crazy. AID’s is being spread to kids through these type affairs at and alarming rate. THINK FOOLS, YOUR BUTT need to cool down.

  6. Howard Says:

    OK

  7. Shaq Raps About Kobe and the Taste of His Arse? Awful. « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] Raps About Kobe and the Taste of His Arse? Awful. Shaq’s act got old quickly. I mean, I was with my man when his good for nothing, ungrateful wife piece was doing the vida loca with the “personal trainer” but this shit is ridiculous. I guess Shaq was free styling, […]

  8. Shaunie to Shaq: Big Man, Tell Me How My Ass Tastes « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] when I heard Shaq and Shaunie got back together, especially after she played out of position and got jiggy with that Dominican “trainer.” Clearly Mrs. O’Neal didn’t get the memo regarding her duties as the Wife […]

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