Archive for the ‘Vanessa Simmons’ Category

Ladies roundup: Good girls, bad girls

August 30, 2007

A few of you have emailed me about Rihanna and her alleged sexual relationship with Transformers star, Shia LeBeouf.

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Well, my first statement is that if she was going to go YT, she should have gotten with the baddest white dude of all times….no not Justin Timberlake, ME, Lakey the Don!!! Anyway and let me just say that I’ve always thought Rihanna was with white dudes. Just look and I’ve said this before, SHE CAN’T DANCE. That certainly is some white folks stuff. Whatev, do what you want to do is all I can say. If you want to enjoy a Hollywood lifestyle, you gotta sample the Hollywood white man. “You go gurl” ahnt.

The next order of business is Ciara. Hey, I’ve always thought she was fine, but I usually end up looking more at her background dancers than her. Unlike Rihanna, Ci Ci can shake a leg (and a tail), but something about her just never really clicked for me. I don’t know, maybe it was the Lil Bow Wow affiliation. Well, anyway, those reservations ended when I saw this picture the ‘nother day.

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Wow, very impressive. Particularly in her “lower register”.. I can’t lie, seeing this pic forced me to look a bit closer at the rest of her.

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Oh yes, that wig piece is looking just about right. Hey, I’m a hair dude and enjoy some purty hair. I realize that it’s unrealistic for celebrities and entertainers to go without weave, but I still appreciate that her hair looks good. I’m feeling this. One more…

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Oh damn, Ciara and Eve… hmm, Eve looks pretty good next to Ci Ci, looking all legit and dignified. I gotta hand it to Eve, she’s really cleaned herself up and is a far cry from some of her thug chicken female rapper counterparts like Remy Ma and Foxy Brown. Not only that, but Eve was a stripper back in the day and thus, has the sex tape (which I’m told you can see right HERE) and the lesbian shots on stage (NOT SAFE FOR WORK) to prove it.

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Finally we come to the good girls (or so we think), Vanessa and Angela Simmons from Run’s House fame. Ok, I like these girls, but I have a few questions and comments. Question, is Vanessa always going to use that exact same pose, with that exact same face for the rest of her modeling/acting and probably one day singing/rapping career? Dear, you’re a beautiful girl and seemingly cool… I enjoy the show. Expand your game though. And Angela. Again, cool girl and I love her, but that belly simply aint looking right in this pic and if that’s your real haircut, I’ll reverse myself from above and state that you should go out not now, but RIGHT NOW,get a weave and put it into action!!!

Finally and I won’t spend too much of my time on this, but I’ll just say, I don’t know exactly what Bill Clinton is looking at in this picture, but I’m fairly certain that Jesse Jackson is getting that oh so perfect, sittin on high, lookin down lo, side view angle on Oprah’s tailpiece.

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I mean, any dude with  a modicum of appreciation for the female anatomy, especially the backside, understands what Jesse is doing right there and yes, it’s hilarious!!!

– Lake