Archive for December, 2007

Lakers rock the throwback shawt shorts

December 31, 2007

This is what Kevin Garnett looked like during Sunday’s game.

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But it wasn’t because of a blow he sustained to the dome. Oh no, his eyes started bleeding like this as soon as the Lakers took off the warm up sweats and headed to center court for the opening tip!

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And can you blame him? And though I thought nothing could EVER top those shorts, look at homeys footers? I mean, WTF is that?!?!!!! I never though it until now, but the Lakes may need to consider a colors change…either that or just bold them joints up some. Goodness.

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“Now I aint gonna tell you again, stop rubbin’ up all close to me on those screens.”

Hot dammit, in case you didn’t hear, the Lakers went with the Kurt Rambis throwback uniforms for their game against the Boston Celtics on Sunday. Now normally that wouldn’t be a big deal, but this time they rocked the old school shawt shorts too! Whooo wee, it wasn’t pretty.

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Damn. John Stockton and Jeff Hornacek would be proud. You know there’s something wrong when the caption legitimately reads “more thigh than KFC ” and we’re talking about Derek Fisher.

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I hate that Luke Walter looks completely normal in those shorts… By the way, how did Luke ever get into the league in the first place? Arrggh.. That’s more of Andrew Bynum than I needed to see. I do appreciate how Lamar Odom tried to meet up half way and high sock his way to respectability though. Dude, this is ridiculous. What’s next, will all our pop culture icons just lose their minds?

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Muthafucka….Woman, where’s my eggnog err Sham-Pag-Nee!

-Lake

Guilty pleasure: Shawty is a 10

December 31, 2007

Despite the fact that this is yet another high-pitched cat doing his best Alvin and the Chipmunks do R&B impression, I must admit, I like this song. Roll the tape.

I don’t know, maybe it’s the way he pronounces the word “ten”. Anyone who says “Tea-ee-in” is relatively cool with me. Additionally, this song is a clear nod to R. Kelly. I mean, everything about the way the song goes is pure aRa and I’m all in as a lifelong R. Kelly music fan (he’s a low cat otherwise). I’m also down with the Jay Z “And I don’t need no hook for this sheeeit” reference, eventhough this clown rocks that line right before he goes straight into the hook. In fact, damn near the entire song is a hook. Oh well, I also have to give it up for the French Bulldog cameo too.

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I know, I know… Need I remind you suckers that this is MY BLOG?! Ha..

Of course, there are some glaring negative issues with this song as well. First, you have that garbage cat Jazzy Pha, then you’ve got that inexplicably poor choreography that looks like some sort of terrible Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority sisters do fraternity steps gone waaaay wrong and finally, you have the fact that the song is done by a dude named “Dream”. I mean, why not just go ahead and call yourself Delicious, Really-Fine or something equally absurd. Ok, enough, I like the song, I’m embarrassed about it and I put it all out here as my public confession right before the new year ends. I’ll do better in 2008.

– Lake

Oh and by the way, I just took a vote and by my calculations Lake is UvT man of the year. I would like to thank all the readers, the voters (which was me) and Brock for this great honor. I nudged out Justin Timberlake by a nose I’m told..pretty hot.

Huckabee fo’ Pres-o-dent!!!

December 31, 2007

I haven’t spoke to Brock about it, but I’m about to put my support for the GOP Presidential nomination behind my main man (finger snap) Mike Huckabee….It’s not because I believe in anything he stands for, no. It’s because of this hot ad I just saw on Youtube. It’s pretty hot.

Doesn’t that just say it all? The Republican platform is simple, no gay shit (Giuliani is out), no none “evangelical” (whatever that means) cult-ish religions started in Upstate New York (Romney, kindly hit the bricks), no real credentials or legitimate bravery (McCain’s gotta go) no intelligence or thoughtfulness (Obama, peace out), no women who are smarter than them (Hillary, put yo apron on) and no non-white immigrants (Adios non blancos amigos)… Yep, that’s the GOP I know.

God Bless Amurica…

– Lake

I Can’t Wait for New Year’s Day

December 31, 2007

You already know my opinion on the BCS.  I think the entire thing is completely bogus, and they just made up the matchups that they wanted to see.  They need a playoff system, and the “football” version of March Madness would be great.  All of that being said, I forgot about the worst part of the bowl system.

Three Words: PetroSun Independence Bowl.

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Come on man, they didn’t even try on the logo.  That just looks like some BS.  Look, I don’t have any problem with the PetroSun bowl specifically, but there are just too many bowl out there.  With Alabama and Colorado, this game is semi-legit.  But Cinci v. Southern Miss. in the “Papa Johns.com Bowl?  The Sheraton Bowl?  The Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl?

That is really now necessary.  Donovan, you played ball, did you watch the “San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl”?

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Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I know there is a lot of money to be made on these bowl games, but hasn’t it gone too far?  I know the “unpaid” students get to load up on free sweatsuits, Nintendo Wii’s, iPods, Stereo systems, and all of that other free swag, and the schools get to drop a few million in their pockets, but how do these cats even get hype for the game.  The players haven’t played in a month and a half, the game is literally for nothing.  Wait, maybe you get a Jostens Championship ring…but are you really going to rock your Gaylord Hotels ring?  I think not.

New Year’s day can’t come fast enough.  That way I can at least watch popular teams that probably don’t deserve to be playing a high profile game.  Right now, I can’t take it.  Hell, Lake and I are throwing the Us Versus Them Bowl in 2008.  It might be more like the lingerie bowl than an actual football game though.

-Brock

Perfect? Pats cap off controversial regular season

December 30, 2007

I hate to say I told yall so, but of course, Lake was right again as the Pats made short work of the New York Giants. Eli put up a nice fight early, but he suddenly remembered that he was who we thought he was in that second half.

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Anyway, this post has nothing to do with those fakers in blue (have fun losing in that first round playoff game fellas). What I want to focus on is this turmoil filled season for the Pats. Sure, the Pats are 16-0 and perfect on the field, but when you put it all into context, it’s more like a “Prefect” season than anything else. Can you believe all the controversy these cats had to deal with this year? Here’s my year in review rundown:

1. Pimps up hoes down, Brady style

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Oh yes, ole Bridge wasn’t very happy when Tom traded in her iRobot level career and played out her real life Sex and the City Natasha scenario en route to bagging supermodel Gisele.

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Boy Gisele is attractive, but I wonder how she stays so thin.

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Gisele riding the white horse, is there anything better than that? Plus this chick has an estimated $150 million in the bank. Tom Brady truly is great.

2. The Revenge of Bridgette

Unfortunately, young B wasn’t going to go quietly when Tom moved on to a better version of her.

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Tom got caught out there with the okie doke and got a little egg on his face. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue, but Tom had previously branded himself as a “golden boy” of sorts. Maybe it was a media creation and maybe it was just him. Either way, this didn’t help that or any image of Tom’s.

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Damn, wild torpedo belly, I wonder what that kid was doing up in there.

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Oh well, it’s not a big deal to me. But the dirt under Tom’s fingernails worked for his mojo this year. If you ax me, he needs to go ahead and get Gizzy preggers and then upgrade to a newer and younger chick….this all would be for the glory of the Pats of course. Tom needs his medicine.

3. Beli-Cheat and Spygate

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Say what you want about the Pats, but this season should not be minimized by the Spygate scandal. Again, the Pats needed spygate to motivate them and make them nasty. Clearly it worked. Hey, there really isn’t much more to say about this part of the story, but I just like the pictures I have depicting spygate so much that I’ll just throw another up for my own amusement.

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4. Everything that makes Bill Belichick the Hoody

First is that ridiculous cut-off sweatshirt hoody that he rocks. I mean dude looks like a freaking homeless person on the sideline. He’s got the wrinkled up, wrinkle free dockers, the thugged out hoody joint and that freaking crazy concrete mug. It’s just hilarious.

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Then you have the fact that he got dimed out by the Man-genius for being a cheater even though the League warned him to stop taping his opponents sidelines.

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That foolishness earned him that hot $500,000 fine and about $500,000,000 in embarrassment. But you can’t stop Bill. My favorite story about him from this year was how he ran hoes out of that Brooklyn brownstone.

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You just gotta love it.

At any rate, this certainly is a team for the ages. Like all great teams, there is more to pay attention to than just the games themselves. Please note that Randy Moss has done nothing but make this team better this year and hasn’t brought ANY off field foolishness to the table.

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Randy is the man and if he was the one running some dude’s wife like a ho or knocking up multiple actress/models, the media would be all over him. What can you do… Congrats to the Pats. I’ve enjoyed it

– Lake

From bad to worse: Raz B reverses himself

December 29, 2007

I actually hate this story, but it’s just so wild that I feel like I have to write on it. As I said before, Raz B, formerly of B2K and his brother Ricky Romance (ha) claimed that their manager and cousin Chris Stokes molested them as children.

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They even went so far as to say “my assh*le hurt”.. What? Well, now he’s going back on that claim. His brother, Mr. Romance, says that his 180 degree turn was done under duress. Who knows. All I know is, that if you say publicly that you did some ole gay sh*t like this, you’ve done some, regardless of whether Chris Stokes did it or not. It’s all wild and out of control to me. Peep the video of collage of this nonsense.

Geez. Somehow “Sike” doesn’t really do it for me on the denial tip. Oh and Omarion has come out to say that he never saw any “inappropriate activity” back in the day.

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Dude, damn near everything about you is “inappropriate”.

– Lake

===============UPDATE================

Hey, R&B fans, what’s worse, getting molested by Chris Stokes while he runs your horrible music career or this new Raz B “video”.

Geez, that was fucking horrible.  I mean, from that garbage Arabian princess sample to this fool poppin’ and lockin’ in someone’s backyard, literally, to Raz B standing up on top of someone’s crib in all black.. it’s just all horrible.  That cat just ran up on that wall and jumped off it…ha  At least I think he did, the screen cut out.  Dude, you can’t do your beats on a Casio keyboard, then edit your video on your iBook and expect the thing to be hot.

ESPN needs to give Mercury Morris a full-time gig

December 29, 2007

This cat Mercury Morris has some really hot rhetoric. He’s a hilarious cat and he’s really got those advanced oratory skills to match his natural comedic skill. I’ve been all over the web looking for the video of him undressing the NFL Countdown crew, especially Keyshawn (who I really like on that show by the way, but I still miss Michael Irvin), about the Pats’ place in history relative to the ’72 Dolphins. Couldn’t find it, but I’ll just post up a few samples of this cat’s rhetoric. It’s great.

Then there is this smack he ran on the set with Berman about Don Shula and the team’s perspective on their perfect season.

I’ll update it when it comes and no, I did not post that horrible freestyle he tried to lace up on ESPN. LOL. All I know is that this dude needs a regular seat over at ESPN. He’s simple entertaining and that’s what it’s all about. Certainly better than that clown Skip Bayless or that botox filled part tanner Mike Greenberg…

– Lake

Foregone conclusion: Pats will get to 16-0

December 29, 2007

This is barely worth posting on, but I’ve been gone for a minute so I figured I’d just check in. Today I’m in Boston and all you see is Pats gear everywhere. Normally that wouldn’t mean much but in a place where the Red Sox outshine EVERYTHING it’s pretty significant to see all this Pats stuff so prominently placed.

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And I’m told that even more people nationwide want the Pats to lose today.

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Well, guess what, it aint gonna happen. The Pats are a LOCK to win today. And why? First of all, Eli Manning just sucks and there’s really nothing more than needs to be said about that. He’s nothing like his brother and something like his father. He’s a below average NFL quarterback with an unfortunate name. The second issue is that the Giants aren’t that good. Sure they’ve got 10 wins, but they had a soft schedule and failed to show up against stiff comp. The Giants are going nowhere in the playoffs and they’ll be completely outmatched today by Darth Hoody.

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With that said, you gotta give it to the Hoody Billy Beli-cheat and the dirty pretty boy Tommy Skywalker. Just as a side note, I like this new Tom Brady. Homey has a little dirt under his fingernails and I think I like it.

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I mean, he’s running high profile hoes, got kids out of wedlock, he’s been running some hot smack during games…. sheyut, this aint your girlfriend’s Tom. He’s officially gone over to the Dark Side and I think he likes it.

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Anyway, great season, but will any of it matter if they can’t put away Peyton and the Colts?

– Lake

Top Hispanics Who We Forget Are Hispanic

December 28, 2007

I love America.  You ask people how they feel about immigration and they are willing to build a wall across the entire Mexican border.  Not the Canadian border mind you, those are nothing more than French speaking white people up there, they must be cool, just the Mexicansand Haitians…and Cubans who don’t look like Elian Gonzalez.

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The same people who are ready to send any actual Spanish speaking person to make a run for the freaking border also think Jessica Alba is freaking hot.

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And they would be 100% right, she is hot.  But that got me thinking, there are a lot of Hispanic Celebrities that America just starts treating like they are white people.  I know, Alba just looks like a hot white babe with a tan.  No, she’s Latina.  This never happens to Black people by the way, no matter how many white people like you, you’re still Black.  So let’s explore this phenomenon, here is a list:

First, the aforementioned Jessica Alba.  The only time she even remotely claimed her Hispanic heritage was when she paid “hip hop chick” in Honey.

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Yeah, that was about as convincing as Mariah Carey playing a hard on her luck Black chick in “Glitter“.

Second there’s Cameron Diaz:

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Somehow she just became everyone ‘s favorite skinny white chick.  Her last name is Diaz people, and her hair is not naturally blonde.

Alex Rodriguez:

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Ok fine.  I don’t really think that people forget that A Rod is Hispanic.  Although his white wife and “biggest contract in all of sports ever” seems to point to the fact that most people don’t associate Alex Rodriguez with these dudes.

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That picture has nothing to do with anything.  It is just fully ridiculous.

Next, there is Eva Longoria:

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I guess she gets a pass because she’s hot?  Don’t get me wrong, she’s got a pretty face.  I know Lake and the interns like her, but I really can’t pinpoint why.  Her body is only decent, nothing really stands out about it.  Biel’s got the tail, Britney had the legs, and Paris had the sex tape.  I just don’t know why I care about this chick yet.

Jennifer Lopez probably doesn’t belong on this list.  She played Selena, so she doesn’t exactly shy away from Hispanic Roles.  Here’s the deal, she was definitely drifting somewhere around the Diddy/Ben Affleck years.

The key difference here?  That ass always let you know you were dealing with something special.

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Damn, she really lets that thang hang.  Yeah, no one thought they were dealing with a white girl here.

Here’s the real killer.  Charlie and Martin Sheen:

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Charlie, do you think we really forgot you have a brother named Emilio Estevez?  Hell, Martin Sheen’s real name is Mondergard Ramón Gerardo Antonio Estévez.    Mondergard?  Doesn’t get more authentic than that. That sounds like a name you choose when you start playing World of Warcraft.  I think Mondergard is a level 37 Dwarf Shaman.  Even Charlie’s real name is Carlos Estevez.

I know the Sheen family meeting where Emilio decided he wasn’t “selling out” the family name and staying a Estevez had to be heated.  The messed up thing?  Emilio hasn’t had a hot movie since “Young Guns“.  I guess becoming “Eddie Sheen” wouldn’t have been such a bad idea after all.

-Brock

UvT Holiday Travel Edition

December 27, 2007

I’ve got a problem.  So I’m rolling through the airport, already pissed I’ve got to roll through that jacked up TSA security take off your shoes, take off your belt, take off your jacket, your watch, your cell phone, take out your laptop, take out your one plastic bag of toothpaste, and whatever the hell else you need, get half butt naked, but don’t forget to carry your ticket in your pocket, as if you can remember that once you’ve done that laundry list of tasks above.  And that is if we are on a Code Orange, if we go back up to Code Red I’m going to be expecting full on cavity searches like I’m a drug mule.

Fine, I get it.  Here’s my problem, what’s up with that damn “puffer” machine down on the end, and why does every security guard always want to send you down there.  “Lane 6 is open!  Move on down to Lane 6!”  First of all, Lane 6 isn’t open either.  The line is just as long as all the rest, I just have to go through that BS machine before I walk through the metal detector.  I know, I know the TSA ladies want to check for Little Rock.

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Not the gun.  I’m talking about the other Lil Rock, the anaconda, the baby maker.  I might make a security guard pass out if she checks me in the middle of her work day.  Then, after they make you wait in that long ass line, take half the stuff out of your bag and remove half your clothing they give you about 15 seconds to grab your shit and no where to reassemble yourself.  So you end up doing a shoeless shuffle with your hands full looking like a complete jackass until you can put yourself back together.

Seriously though, do they get some kind of bonus money for making people go through there?  Is it some kind of horrible joke?  Do the TSA guards all get together at the end of the night to watch the video tape of peoples faces as the puffer hits them like some twisted, non-sexual version of Beautiful Agony?

I’m not even close to dumb enough to roll through security strapped.  Check out this dude.

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Now you know you aren’t making it through security like that.  Here’s the other thing, not that you’d make it through the metal detector with all that firepower strapped to your body, but if you were going to give it a shot…you wouldn’t go through the damn puffer machine.   The thing is supposed to check for explosives.  If I’ve got a bomb, I’m not going through it.  You can’t give people a choice, that thing is nothing but a glorified toy.  Ol’ Otis could’ve done better than that.

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I’m gettin’ ready ta take ya down bwoy, gettin’ ready ta take ya down.

-Brock