Archive for the ‘Crack Kills’ Category

Amy Winehouse is on that Stuff…

June 24, 2008

And as Lake would say, ones of people are surprised. Look, the chick went from this:

Regular looking babe. To this:

You can tell from the arm shrinkage that she has already signed up for that street pharmaceutical diet. then she hit you with this.

And this is unconfirmed, but apparently they tried to make her go to rehab and she said no, no, no.

Well I guess Amy has taken it all too far because she just got checked into the hospital with emphysema triggered by smoking that crack. 65 year olds who smoke three packs a day get emphysema. How much crack did this chick smoke? Someone should have intervened a little earlier dont’cha think? We’ll see if she wakes up after this incident and lays off the rocks. In the meantime, can someone explain to me why everyone likes her music? Thanks.



I aint right to say, but this babe is officially on death watch. I mean, look at the broad:

I mean, just look at her.  Coked up, dacked down..  All kinds of wild cuts and scars.  Looks like the babe just came out of battle.  Jesus.  You know, I think I’d be at peace with her fate if she’d only kill that bird’s nest that rests atop her dome.  I mean, what the fuck is that and how is it that the rest of her is falling apart, but the lump somehow manages to sit on high, chillin like, “drugs cannot harm me”… I mean, what is that, a wig, toupé?  Like, for real.. what’s going on?

– Lake

Dru Hill Reunites for 10 Minutes

April 2, 2008

I’ll admit it, I’m a Dru Hill fan. I know Sisqo is probably one of the worst cats ever to hit the music industry, but dude could sing.


The way I look at it, Dru Hill was just an extension of Jodeci once all that crack finally caught up with K-Ci.


Anyway, I was looking forward to the Dru Hill reunion album for all of about 10 minutes, because that’s how long they were back together. Peep it.

Hilarious. What’s with you people with that “God called me to do some other things” flow? I never really got that. I always wondered if these nut jobs really believe they’re literally speaking with the Almighty or is it just that all their bullshit and excuses are preordained and “anointed” by “Him”… Can I get a Jesus freak in the comments section to help me out with that one?


Now my spidey sense tells me this 10 minute reunion breakout and cat fight might have been a set up. Either that or these cats are reeeal soft (ding), because that “fight” looked extremely bitchy. Terrible….and great.

– Lake

She finally took dat azz to rehab..yes, yes, yes

January 24, 2008

After being recorded lighting up the glass dizzick and tooting the boogar sugar Amy Winehouse has finally checked her skinny ass into rehab.


Hopefully they’ll have burgers up in there. Forget methodone, get that chick a Royal with Cheese.

– Lake

Amy Winehouse smokes rocks on tape

January 23, 2008

Damn homey. I mean, it’s not shocking or anything, but how do you get caught on video smoking crack?

It’s 2008, you’d think she’d know that when a cat is holding their cell phone up to her face and she’s lighting up the glass dizzick she might consider turning away, right? Jeez.. Well, I guess we finally understand how this happened.


She really went from thick, one ham sandwich away from being too much to this?


Damn… That crazy, fugly, crackhead skinny flow aint right. Seek help baby.  I wonder who will get caught on tape doing something crazy next?


Oh yeah, horse, sex tape, child abuse, pick your pleasure.

– Lake

And you thought it couldn’t get any worse….

January 10, 2008


I’m not a big Wino guy. I don’t really listen to her music aside from the obligatory “Rehab” bridge each and every Club DJ felt they had to hit me with back in 2007, but when I saw this I just had to post it. She gets a few points for going retro Johnny Depp, but let’s face it, this chick is just terrible. Yes she is talented and yes she has done wonders for my strange interest in the Bolivian Marching Powder, but otherwise, what has she contributed to popular culture?


And in case you were wondering, that’s the ole “Not Kardashian” negative arse piece. “Ass so flat you can see it from the front!”


I must admit, Mos Def got that one (reversed of course) as right as this chick is wrong on Ms. Fat Booty.

– Lake

What’s up with Tracy Morgan?

November 16, 2007

More proof to my theory that in order to be truly hilarious, like genius level, you have to actually be crazy. Like, on the brink, can’t function normally, got a screw loose, aint right, all wrong, self medicating, chemically imbalanced and just all together fucking loony kind of crazy.

We saw it with Martin Lawrence‘s crazy ass sitting in the middle of the LA Freeway in a plastic track suit with a bag of twizzlers and a .45, we saw it with Eddie picking up that he-she, getting Mel B. preggers and just generally having that weird ass look on his face that says “I aint right” ever since Boomerang, and of course we saw it from Dave Chappelle’s $50 million peace out/back to Africa tour. Now, we see a glimpse of it again. I ask you, what in the hell was Tracy Morgan doing? I guess the craziness is proportional with the funniness, so TM is only but so crazy.. See, if he had Richard Pryor’s skills, he would have been trying to hit ole girl when she leaned up on him.

– Lake

Jacob The Jeweler: Diamonds weren’t the only Rocks he was Slangin’

November 2, 2007


Jacob the Jeweler, known for his gaudy watches and custom “Jesus Pieces“, was hooking people up with more than that bling. He was apparently also laundering money through his company for the “Black Mafia Family” and their cocaine ring. Nooooooo, you’re telling me the guy hooking up famous people with custom million dollar baubles had spare cash around? Yeah, diamonds, ridiculous mark ups on your product and rappers everywhere? That makes you a prime candidate for the Black Mafia.

You see Jacob didn’t flip like Mike Vick and OJ’s boys though. He did the crime, so he’s doing the time. Actually flipping on the “Black Mafia Family” is probably a lot more dangerous than going out on a NFL football player or uhhhhhhh an ex-NFL football player who allegedly killed some people already.

Is this thing going to shake out like the BALCO trial, with lists of customers and confidants?


Is Diddy going to say he he thought it was only flaxseed diamonds?


Is Pharrell going to have back his gold and platinum albums in a scandal several years from now? Jacob is rocking that Kanye in the back by the way…hilarious.

Anyway, Jacob better watch his back in jail, before cats try to roll up on him. I don’t think “jeweler” is one of those intimidating professions that affords you protection in jail. Otherwise he is going to end up rolling with this dude.


Don’t drop the Ice!


Crack Attack: Down Goes Bobby Brown!

October 13, 2007


I guess Bobby Brown was rushed to the hospital earlier this week for a mild heart attack regularly schedule checkup (according to him). Yeah, that doesn’t look like the face of a liar.


Uhhh, Bobby. In a regularly scheduled checkup they just run a few tests, listen to your heart and lungs, and hit your knee with that hammer thing. They don’t hook you up to I.V. fluid and heart monitors.

So, let’s see what else would just make Bobby collapse and need to be rushed to the hospital. Especially someone in such great shape?


Riiiiight, Bobby’s on that stuff. I almost forgot.

Oh the good old days of “Don’t Be Cruel”, “My Prerogative” and gumby slopes with lines cut in the side are long gone.


Don’t be cruel Bobby. Stop now before you end up looking like your ex-wife.


She cleaned herself up, you can too.

‘Cause I’m a crack-cr-cr-cr-crack crack crack head.