Archive for the ‘Good and Terrible’ Category

Ugly Chicks Wanted in the Outback. Bonzer!

August 20, 2008

This is a great story.  The Mayor of Mt Isa Canberra, Australia just sent out an APB.  You see Mt Isa is a mining town and the mayor believes they have a shortage of ladies.  So he figured he’d go for the low hanging fruit.  He’s inviting all the ugly women of Australia to his little town.  Here’s a quote.  “With five Blokes to every girl, I suggest the ‘beauty disadvantaged’ women should proceed to Mt Isa.”  Way to soften it up with the euphemisms.

He’s just looking out for the fellas.  He really thinks he’s performing a public service here.  Here’s another quote.

“Quite often you will see walking down the street a lass who is not so attractive with a wide smile on her face. Whether it is recollection of something previous or anticipation for the next evening, there is a degree of happiness”

Hilarious.  He’s basically saying, “if you can’t find a man and get laid in whatever part of Australia you are in, come on out to Mt Isa and get banged out.  I’ve seen ugly women walking down the street happy to be here.  wink. wink. nudge. nudge.”

He’s like a Mayoral Pimp.  Seriously, he’s basically selling sex to the entire continent.  Now that the story has broken worldwide, I’m sure there are a few infrequently viewed ladies on match.com researching tickets to Mt Isa right now.

Bonzer!  I have no idea what Bonzer means, they just have it in the menu a lot at Outback Steakhouse so what the hell.

-Brock

If You Need Any Additional Assistance…

July 24, 2008

I travel a lot.  I’ve got it down to a science.  One bag, fits in the overhead.  Take my frequent flyer upgrade and slam brews and/or vodka until I reach my destination or get cut off at 30,000 feet.  Unpack, repack, repeat.

So all the airlines have these systems for getting people on and off the planes, load from the back, get on by sections, sometimes they just launch into a complete clusterfuck and go every man for himself.  But they all have one thing in common.

“If you need any additional assistance, or extra time to get on the plane, please board now”

Why does this happen first?  If you need more time, your ass should be getting on last when you’ve got all the time in the world.  Old people, people with babies, anyone who is faking a limp so they can get to all the overhead space.  Let those cats on last and we’ll really see how much extra time they need.  I bet they won’t feel the need to be special then.  Seriously, how do you let the slower people on first in interest of speed?  That doesn’t even make sense on paper.  All that means is that everyone else gets backed up for 10 minutes waiting for them to get settled.  It’s like a traffic jam, once the damage is done, it might be a half an hour before it gets right.

Let em on last once the coast is clear so they don’t hold up the other 140 people trying to get on the plane.  Then they can stand in the aisle, there’s no pressure to move faster, no one staring at you as you schlep up the walkway with all your crap.

So there ya go airlines.  That one is free.  See, every industry needs a little sprinkle of Us Versus Them.  It’s like Tussin, it makes everything better.

-Brock

Quick Question. When Do You Convert To The Business Fro?

May 23, 2008

Seriously, I don’t know. I’m a low even steven cat myself. I’ve rocked the temple taper, and the ain’t no barbers round these parts I trust and too young to know I look ridiculous afro, but haven’t had the desire to bring it back. What I want to know is, when do you make the conversion to the black man business afro?

If I currently walk in the to barber shop and say “Let me get that one guard all the way around”, when do I go in and say, “you know what, go ahead and give me that #1”. Then I’ll end up looking like this.

See that the the black businessman everyone knows. You don’t think this is a serious phenomenon? You know your boy Brock comes with the evidence. Like this:

Mike Vick was keeping it real…suddenly:

When it is time to get serious, here comes the business fro. Still trying to keep it real with the waves though. Okay fine, those were extenuating circumstances. How about this. Here’s Avery Johnson the player.

smoothed out fade. Then you get Avery Johnson the coach.

Business fro all day long.

I don’t want to cross it over too late, but it is worse to cross it over too early. I saw a cat yesterday..about 23 with the business fro. It was terrible. Just watch, I guarantee Barack Obama will be rocking a cut about twice as long by the end of his second term.

-Brock

LSU Fan Celebrates the Big Win

January 14, 2008

This is probably the polar opposite of the riots we see in Ohio State and Maryland.

That’s hilarious.  Someone needs to tell him the jersey pop is usually done much faster than that.  I thought he was just feeling himself up for a second there.

-Brock

White People Dancing is Always Funny

December 8, 2007

I know people want to do something special and unique at their wedding, but these two went the extra mile.

The best part is that whenever something like this goes down at a wedding you know one person was more into it than the other. You know the story, the wife wants to do the dance from Dirty Dancing, or to make her husband learn how to tango so she feels like Cinderella. Or the guy wants “Live or Let Die” to be the first song. These two look like they were both pretty in to it.

What is up with the “water sprinkler” move? I was waiting for them to throw the dice and break out the centipede.

I think this is good because of the low expectations. It is just like Rudy, you don’t expect the waterboy to get the big tackle so it is even better when something good happens. You don’t expect these two to be able to dance at all, so it’s cool. You try to break this act out at a Black wedding, and everyone will look at you like this:

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Party on!

-Brock

==========================

Awww man. Now see. This is the problem. Why does the media always try to portray us in such a negative light. This has set my people back at least 20 steps. It aint right and I won’t stand for it. Why don’t you post up some Justin Timbers getting jiggy with a sistah or 8. Why not give me a little Robin Thicke keeping it real with the stationary feet and head nod game? I know, yall just view us as ignorant nillers with no rhythm, conscience or shame. You won’t be talkin that mess when my countryman Ricky P knocks that flashy fast twitch Floyd the f*^k out.

And den what?

– Lake

When a Little Bit Terrible is Just Right

October 11, 2007

A few days ago, in his Kanye post, Lake mentioned Kanye and Mos Def’s effort “Drunk and Hot Girls” as not going far enough, or going way to far. In fact, Mos Def errrr Black Jack Johnson has been really good at going to far lately with his rock band, and barely selling albums. There is a fine line between a good and funny parody and going waaay to far. You cross that line and you end up in the land of terrible. Just like Kanye’s leather jacket, bow tie combo. Anyway, apparently Soulja Boy Tell Em must be a great inspiration for getting people just to the right point of hilarious. Check this dance to “I got me some Bapes”

Oh man, that is great. I mean don’t get me wrong, it is bad…but it is perfectly bad. They aren’t trying so hard that it is corny and they aren’t so bad it is unbearable. Here’s an example of the same thing going to far:

WTF? First the cat tries to act all gangster, then tightens (literally) right up into first position, or a plie’, or some ol’ cat sh*t. Terrible from top to bottom. From that extra loose wife beater and those pajama pants, to his boy who is all ballet and no gangster, to that wild choreographed dance.

More examples:

Andre 3000 usually keeps it hot.

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I mean I wouldn’t wear it, but he pulled it together.

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Then he decided to throw on the Croatian national flag scarf, the Pocahontas boots, and the Navajo blanket with the stunna shades…and yes the hat has ear flaps. Too far, and working too hard.

Kanye:

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The shirt is aggressive, that belt is probably worse than you can tell, but it comes together great.

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Then he goes three buttons too far, adds racing gloves and gold chains with his gold watches and pairs it up with the gold stunnas and takes the journey into ridiculousness. He even admitted on his last album that this was too much (“I know my tuxedo was a little too guido”).

White Girls Dancing:

Working with something…

she had nothing to shake, but she is working hard.

This chick goes too hard…

That’s just funny.

Black Eyed Peas

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just pick one. it’s not blissfully ironic, it’s just horribly wack.

-Brock