Archive for the ‘2 Girls 1 Cup’ Category

Aubrey O’Day Pulls Yet Another Publicity Stunt

August 7, 2008

Didn’t Diddy tell this chick to mind her image that night in the office?

Now she’s out in the public streets swapping spit with a “I want to work for diddy” contestant errr fake lesbian, what gives?

Ohhhhh, that fully closed lipped kiss?  Veeeeery passionate, sooooo sexy.  I almost makes me want to jack errrr go on iTunes and buy that Danity Kane album.  AHNT

Look, I get it.  Aubrey sees literal no talents like Audrina from the Hills making dough off nonsense like this, plus Making the Band 4, Season 3 is about to start.

Nice try.  Dude, with all this Bad Boy wildness running around, I think it’s safe to assume that Biggie’s death is just about catching up with Diddy right about now. They did have a good run though.

– Lake

OH MY WORD: Ashley Dupre Sex Tape

July 15, 2008

Dude, usually I’ll tell you that I don’t see these things, but some rat bastard hit me with a “look at this” link and I just went there, foolishly, and this is what I found:

Homey, all I can say is that Eliot Spitzer knew EXACTLY what he was doing when he got a 7 diamond, 8 star, 6 out of 6 turned around baseball cap level whore.

Dog, I feel like I just saw a ghost.  All I can say about this chick is that if you took a vial of pure sex and somehow morphed it into a fleshy form with enough brain to dance around and hit, that’d be THIS chick.  Link is definitely NSFW and it’s definitely right here.

There’s that sideways hat again. lol  Maaaaaaayne, I think Eliot should run for reelection in NY.  After cats see this joint, they won’t be able to fault the man.

I mean, lord help us, what do yall expect the cat to do, NOT hit that?

Wow.

– Lake

2 Girls 1 Cup…Cake

June 6, 2008

I’ve told you before that you should never try to find the 2 girls 1 cup video.  If you listened to your boy Brock (and I pray that you did), you should still have pure thoughts.  Once again, there are plenty of ways for you to figure out what happens on that video without actually watching it.  Here’s another piece of the puzzle.

My eyes are watering just looking at the cake.  Can’t you tell by looking at that cake that you want no parts of that video? Seriously, do you see that cup?  WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT IS YOU SICK, SICK FREAK!?!?!  Seriously, never go looking for that video, ever.

-Brock

2 Elephants 1 Trunk

February 5, 2008

I don’t know if this is gay, or animal erotica, or what the hell it is. It’s not quite funny, it is kinda disgusting, although not as bad as whatever happened here, and I don’t quite know what to think of the family who taped it with kids clearly present…or how long this elephant was doing this before they caught it on tape. Fine, take a look…wait until the end for the “money shot”.

Okay fine, we at least need some classic UvT humor to break the uncomfortable silence, right? Uhhhhh, “How’s that for Junk in the Trunk?”, or “When it comes to brown-nosing, elephants really know how to kiss ass!”, or awwww fuck it. That shit ain’t right.

-Brock

Shout to MRod for finding that video. Should I actually thank him for that? Is he sicker than I am because he found it first? I’m out, dammit.

The Return of Tay Zonday: The Get Paid Edition

December 6, 2007

Remember Tay Zonday, the Chocolate Rain guy? Well, he’s back and trying to get paid.

Shilling Chocolate Cherry Dr. Pepper, getting covered in Chocolate? That’s crazy.  At least they didn’t hit him with the chocolate 2 Girls 1 Cup style.  Whoever was behind this was tight enough to preserve the joke, unlike all those terrible tv performances that happened after the video blew up the first time.  You gotta move away from the mic to breathe!  That is the best part.  Otherwise this is just a weird dude singing with a deep voice.

Where’s that chick who posted about how deep Tay Z’s lyrics were?  About how Big Brock was just a hater and needed to see how reflective and thought provoking Tay could be.  Was that Hugh Hefner jacket Tay is rocking thought provoking enough for you?  How about all those videhos he’s surrounded by?  Tay to the Z indeed.

In reality, all this is a low budget William Hung to me.

She bangs!

You know I have no professional training…in singing.

-Brock

The best Bachelor ever: Brad Womack is ICY…

November 21, 2007

Aside from the fact that he’s got a brother named Chad (I never did understand that corny rhyming named twins thing) this cat Brad Womack, the Bachelor, has to go up there as one of the best reality stars ever.

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For real dough, you just gotta etch his name in that Reality TV Stanley Cup right behind Flavor Flav, Dr. Will Kirby/Mike Boogie, William Hung, Chance, Nathaniel Golden, and Hoopz (of course)…in fact, let’s go ahead and run a picture of Hoopz..

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More Hoopz is always good for this and any other site. And yes, I will hit you with that reverse angle.

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(with no airbrush in sight or site. What, she’s got a g-string on)

Ahem, back to where I was. This cat Brad is an awesome dude. I mean, he reminds me of an older and less pimperish version of myself because homey has dry ice running through those veins. Listen, I’ve always loved the Bachelor. It’s just a good concept. One dude gets to romp with 25 women, then see about half of them in bikinis, only to kiss about 8 or so of them. Ok, so that’s cool and I always enjoyed those kind of odds in my younger years. But the greatest innovation by far has to be those “Fantasy Suite” dates where the Bachelor basically leverages sex for a rose. I mean, really making those chicas put their money maker and their mouths were that dude is.

Classic. What’s so great about it is that each one of them really go into that suite as if ole boy isn’t doing the exact same thing with 2 other chicks. I know, I know, he — no, they just have to connect on a “higher level” do figure out if it’s true love. I’m quite sure “true love” is something like what Andre 3000 described in his song A Life in the Day of Benjamin Undre:

15 love, fit like glove
description was like
15 doves in a jacuzzi catching the holy ghost
making one woozy in the head and comatose

So he hits all three chicks of course and then eliminates one. This year that decision was easy. The one chick was ridiculous and her family was even worse. She just had to go. Hit her and quit her was actually quite fitting for her punk ass.

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But this cat, he hits the other two and then goes to that final rose ceremony, ring in hand, after they both tell him they love him and disses BOTH finalists.

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I like how he set it up too. Insert country drawl which was half Dubyah Bush half Forrest Gump, “I jus- said goodbye to Jen-nee“. Then ole girl smiles (not too fast now). And then he just acts like he needs a shot of Dasani, followed by that “excuse me” where he jumps off the throne. Oh man..

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“Eye jus caint tell you that I’m in luv wit you..and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to dew”. Sure it is. Yes, ole boy ices out both chicks, a Bachelor first!!! Oh man, now if ABC will only have the vision to go with The Bachelor, this is the Remix Part Deux, Brad does it again. I know I’d be watching. And how ballsy was it for him to come with that “you know, I wouldn’t change a thing and I have no regrets” with regard to how things turned out. He knew that he iced all 25 babes out, he just didn’t care. Love it. Thanks Brad.

– Lake Womack

===========Update=============

Wow, so they have this After the Final Rose show. Boy, Brad is on the spot. Dude actually caught some boos when he came out. Ugly. Then the show’s host, Chris, reveals that he asked the show to send DeAnna’s dad out there because he was going to propose to her. So homey asks him, “why did you do that?”, answer, “Obviously I have some problems”….lol Homey, you aint got no problems. You’ve got all the right answers and all the right moves. And by the way, Jenni, the Phoenix Suns dancer is a solid thick white woman. Did I ever say that? Let’s see what the interns have for us in the way of evidence of thickness.

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Hmmm, not really good enough, but I’ll take it. Again, this show should be run by UvT entertainment, then all the angles, hell, all their measurements and vital statistics would be up on screen at all times like the NFL combine or something.

Boy, this cat is just the best. He reapplied that ice to DeAnna on the wrap up show. “I’m confident in my decision from that day..” Let me translate that for you baby.. “Hit the bricks baby, I got bars to run and chicks to get at…this is what I do.”

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Respek.

It’s still a problem: Negative Arse Part 2

November 14, 2007

I took a lot of shit for my hard-hitting negative ass exposé from back in the day. Still, I pushed on because I really believe that it was and still is an important issue that has been largely ignored by the mainstream media.

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(Negative arse syndrome, has it hurt you or someone you love(d)?)

Still, some of these babes I run with, they just weren’t feeling it.

“But Lake” they said. “It’s bad enough that society sexually objectifies the female body as if women are objects to be evaluated, critiqued and even treated like currency. Your observations of the female form only complicates the issue as you further perpetuate these prevailing sociocultural attitudes themselves!!!!” My response: AS THEY SHOULD BE!!! My people have suffered far too long with these no ass having chicks.

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Bone on bone crime is as serious as any other crime and it should be treated as such! What these chicks should be doing is working with conscientious people like myself to eradicate skeletal butt…for the children. Take Demi Moore for instance. She’s generally regarded as an very attractive, albeit, older woman.

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Now see, it’s all good until she turns around and then:

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Boom, no ass at home!

I know, I know, some dudes don’t need ass. I’ve heard it all before. My boy told me… He doesn’t work with the ass so the negative ass doesn’t bother him. Nonsense. If you don’t work with the ass, there’s probably something wrong with it…but more importantly, you’ve got something wrong with yourself. THIS is what you’re missing:

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(My favorite part of this pic is the hat…Tasena, hip hop model if you need her)

Now that’s a tailpiece. This too..

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(Best part of this pic is the intense look in her eyes and that ring on her right pinky finger)

Dats azz.. Ok, just one more…

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(My word!)

It’s like Kanye said, “Dog, are yall fuckin kidding?” Forget “shoulders, chest, pants, shoes.” The new mantra needs to be “squat, thrust, lunge, cool…” Do all these thangs and you too can have and enjoy…DAT AZZ. Peace.

– Lake n Bake

Internet Sensation: 2 Girls 1 Cup

November 10, 2007

I guess I’m a little late to this twisted party, but this…uhhhhh…shit, is craaaaazy. So here’s the deal. You absolutely should not go to the website http://www.2girls1cup.com, found here. Seriously, don’t go. DEFINITELY DO NOT GO AT WORK, don’t go on your momma’s computer. Don’t go if your girlfriend is sitting next to you on the couch. Don’t go if you love Jesus. Don’t go if you are eating. Don’t go if you are planning on eating any time in the next few hours. Don’t go if you have a photographic memory. Are we clear? OK, if you gotta go, I’ll let you know when to go. At least you will know what you are getting into.

Yeah, you wish this was the real 2 girls 1 cup.

So 2 girls 1 cup is literally the most disgusting thing on the internet. I mean the description is disgusting. In fact, I won’t even describe it. Just watch this: a video of someone watching it for the first time.

Now see, you know it is terrible right? In fact, there is an entire underground section of youtube devoted to cats watching this for the first time. Need to know more? Try this:

Can you figure out what’s going on? Fine, this dude does a running commentary:

A little disturbing that this dude smiles and laughs through the whole thing when everyone else could barely watch it. Nice hair buddy.

Fine so now you have an idea of what goes on in the video. If you want to go see it, feel free to go to the site or click the link above. You definitely don’t need to see it for this last piece to be funny, but here is a parody called 2 guys 1 cup by singer, John Mayer, and Sherrod Small from Best Week Ever. This gives you a good idea of the real video and is hilarious.

I guess that settles the controversy of what is in Pinkberry. If Pinkberry is 2 girls 1 cup flavored, I’d rather eat the Soylent Green.

This is a party I don’t mind being late to.

-Brock

P.S. You didn’t go watch it did you? If so, are your eyes done burning yet?