Jermaine Dupri definitely does not have his lady in check

Hey, I’m no male chauvinist, but even I’d have to firmly put my foot down if my lady was caught behaving like this.

And no, I don’t care if it’s on stage or not, faux mic checks would make me wonder what was really going on in that tour bus, especially if she had a clean foot on me.

Jeez.

I mean, look at the expression on that freak dancer’s face!  And that angle on that tail piece.. I just aint right.  But I guess she’s like 48 or something, so it’s like whatev.  Anyway, let’s not forget that Janet has a history of letting her dancers hit, too.

Oh, hell naw.  Cat are really into some other shit.  Whatever happened to just getting after some tail the old, All American way?

Jer-mang.. Please, get your lady man.  She aint doing anything for your image right here.  Be a man, take a stand.  Put this shit to a stop.

– Lake

Fake or Real Part 3: You Decide

I know a few cats don’t like my Fake v. Real aka Them v Us posts, but I like a repeated theme.  Anyway, so tell me.  Is it all hers?  (Sorry for this)

AHNT.  Lord Jesus, send help fast.

– Brock err Lake (yikes)

Feds to Americans: Our Money’s Funny and Our Credit Won’t Get It

Daaaayum son.  This damn financial crisis has finally bubbled over to a level I can’t accept.  I spoke to my boys today in NYC, both bankers, and neither could guarantee me a spot at TenJune upon my next trip to the city.  As such, this was the conclusion I came to with regard to our financial solvency going forward:

Oh well, since shit aint going right, I figured I’d double down on Aubrey O’Day pictures.  Here she is with her allegedly lesbo girlfriend Lydia Hearst at a photo op errrr in the club having an unstaged good time with her closest friends.

Interesting faux dack work.

Ha, why not?  Can I ask women why yall rock that flesh color lipstick?  It’s rarely a good look.  As for this Lydia Hearst chick.  I’m told she’s some sort of Paris Hilton-like heiress.  No wonder Aubrey is sidling up to her.  Oh and my research tells me she’s a model too.

Sheeeeeit, this chick seems like fun.  Plus she’s got loot?  We’ll have to keep our eyes on her.

Shout out to MRod for the pics.  Good lookin’.

– Lake

Kat DeLuna And Other Horrible National Athems

Listen, if you’re destined to be an R&B star, an actress or even just a solid citizen, just go ahead and be proud of who you are, but don’t fuck with the Star Spangled Banner.  First of all, it’s not really an easy song to sing.  It starts low, goes high and just has a veritable minefield of dynamics and notes that are challenging for even the most advanced singers.  Still, not surprisingly, plenty of cats want to sing it and can’t.  I especially don’t appreciate a cat who tries to put all kinds of personal freaks on the song.   You know, when they add in that extra soul sauce so they can really nail the joint.  I think that’s where Kat DeLuna aka Tina Marie Jr. Jr. went wrong:

Jeez… Can you be a “Pop Sensation” and have a speech impediment?  A few pitch problems maybe?  Lol  Yooo, that “Land of the Free” was CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, even Simon was speechless after that joint.

And by the way, who in the hell is Kat DeLuna?

Damn, thick in the thigh, light in the eye and jeez, the FIRST and ONLY chick I’ve seen that actually sold those high waist shawt shorts, respek.  But why do that when you can always freak the original shorts?

Damn, I need another angle on this:

Wow, that’s a lot of hip for a young girl.  Interesting.  Let’s just hope she steers clear of the enhanced breast plate.  Anyway, I like that first name, Kat.  Ha.  Aint nothing wrong with that, but is she talented enough, well, musically?

Anyway, Kat’s cat ass performance got my thinking, what’s the worst rendition of the Star Spangled Banner I’ve ever heard, oh yes, Carl Lewis’ for sure:

Hilarious.  And while we’re in the jabbing mood, look how this cat murdered the Anthem words:

My goodness.  Haaaaaaaaa  And all those “Middle Amuricans” were just hating my man killing that song.  Come on people, please get those words right, ok?  And if you get into pitch problems on “Rocket’s Red Glare” pull a Carl Lewis and take that “Land of the Free” an octave down, ok?  Oh fuck it, here’s one more.  This cat just tried to power through it.

Ha, terrible.  Thanks for nothing.  USA, USA, USA….

– Lake

I hate to do this, but: “It’s So Cold In the D”

Dude, I really thought long and hard about not putting up this video, but I just couldn’t lay off that heat.  Now, I know we have a number of readers who live in or hail from the Greater Detroit area.  But I bet all of you didn’t know you had an anthem bouncing around the internet.  So I give you, “It’s So Cold In The D”:

…ummm… well..now..errr.  Who’s more shocked about this video, me, Shaq

Or Kwame Kilpatrick.

Yikes.  I know, I know, “It’s so cold at UvT, gonna get Lake in his sleep… wake him with my 9.”  I know. lol

– Lake

Don’t Count Kanye Out Just Yet

Every time I’m ready to count Kanye out, he pulls me back in.

Jeez.  I mean, one do I start.  One, I’m finally starting to feel Kanye’s outfit.  That’s a good thing.  Second, this wild goth tribal thing is enticing.  Video shoot perhaps or just the way ‘Ye likes to get down on a Saturday night?  And yes, that is video “lady” Dolicia Bryan, somehow finding her way onto my blog again. Let me get an angle two on that.

On second thought, why play around with it.  Too much art, not enough arse.  Keep it simple.  Hook up a pool, a few chicks of different ethnicities but the exact same skin color, some Cham-pag-nee spilling all over the place, a hot beat and some gimmick dance move or hand gesture.  Come on.  I don’t care about your artistic point of view or integrity.  Just put Angel Lola Luv in a tank of ass gel, with R. Kelly in the background singing “remix” and I’ll be happy.  That’s really all I need in this life. Kind of like that Bud Lite Commercial with “P-Can”:

Thx.

– Lake

Sponge Broad Square Arse: Angel Lola Luv!

Albany, NY is the State Capital of New York and a hotbed for progressive ideas around education.  So it was no wonder that the fine public servants in that district choose a true role model to kick off their “Back to School Extravaganza” last week.  Peep the highly motivational speaker, Angel Lola Love at the school assembly.

Haaa, and no, I’m not kidding!  This really is the outfit ole girl rocked at the school as she spoke to our nation’s youth. What possible message could this chick have for the kids?  “If you aren’t smart, don’t have a great personality and lack the proper fatness of the ass to excel in the objectification bidness, maybe you can sell your soul to the local ass gel bootlegger.”

And we wonder why kids are completely fucked in the head.

“Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice.”

Goddamn.  Where’s the Gap when you need it?  Anyway, back to discussion at hand.  Can any of you explain to me:

1.  Why Albany Public Schools would EVER invite an ass gelling, breast “through some E’s on that b*tch” enhancing, neck tatting, booty shaking, chick like this to talk to children?

2.  How the ass in question actually became SQUARED the fuck out?

I mean, that shit is just bizarre!  Look at the way the tail gives up high.  It’s creepy.  And I guess I already know the answer, but I still gotta ask, Angel Lola Love’s Ass. Real or FAKE?

Lol…  I tend to agree.  Hey Albany Superintendent of Schools.

YOU’RE FIRED!!!!

– Lake

Jennifer Hudson Gets Punk’d?

This story is just too weird.  Haaavard Law Grad, Tiffany “New York” Pollard reject and former UvT punching bag David “Punk” Otunga allegedly got engaged to Jennifer Hudson yesterday.

Dude, this is just too weird.  LOL.  I mean, Punk?  First of all, dude’s name is Punk.  Second, he went on I LOVE NEW YORK.  Didn’t that raise somewhat of a red flag for Ms. Hudson?  Hey Huddy, you may want to check in with Star Jones and Terry McMillan before you’re out here getting your groove back with a cat who uses more hair product than you.

And then there’s Punk.  How does a cat go from talking to zero black cats at HLS, to going onto I Love New York (which according to you was to promote your Hollywood carer errrr show positive images of black men in the media) to marry certified real deal sister Jennifer Hudson?

I already know the answer which is YES, but I still have to ask:  Is this cat serious? Ha, what a cornball.  LOL.  JHud, when it all goes wrong, don’t say Lake didn’t warn ya.  And just so we’re clear, you should be looking for a cornball dude, especially when you’re in entertainment.  But you’ve got things a bit mixed up.  When looking for the proper corn, you want something that looks more like this:

And run away from a dude who would ever pose like this:

I know, I know, he’s Abs-solutely fit.  Sure, but you have to understand the mentality of a black cat who spikes his hair, rolls around shirtless or dares put himself in a frosted pic.  Believe me, it aint right and somehow the fact that he went to HLS makes it that much worse.

– Lake

Matt Damon Drops a Little Knowledge

Finally, someone, ANYONE, just comes out and says straight:

Come on, who among us doesn’t realize:

1. Palin is a joke candidate for Vice President of the United States of America

2. John McCain has a 1 in 3 chance of dying in office, leaving us with hockey mom Palin as our VP, a concept that literally is about as ridiculous as ME bring President two years from now.

5 years ago, Paliln was selling camping equipment.  CAMPING EQUIPMENT!!!!  Two years ago she was running a “city” that’s literally smaller than my neighborhood.  In all seriousness, exactly 20 months ago, I HAD A SUPERIOR RESUME TO SARAH PALIN and I wouldn’t let her run the comments section on this website without a proper UvT vetting and some advanced schooling.  If Sarah Palin, due to her academic and professional substance, isn’t qualified to write for this blog, and believe me, she isn’t, then how in the hell is she qualified to even be a candidate for Vice President?

Hey, this is the Presidency of the United States, it’s not “Brownie, doin’ a heck of a job” running FEMA or Harriet Myers getting appointed to the Supreme Court.  I mean, this is literally a Wu Tang Financial moment, “Protect Your Fucking Neck!”  Enough with the moose hunting and ice fishing jokes, this woman is not ready to be President of a goddamn thing and sure as hell aint ready to be VP of the US of A.  Thx.

– Lake

————–UPDATE—————–

The best quote is “I really need to know if she thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago.  That’s an important…I want to know that.  I really do.  Because she’s gonna have the nuclear codes.”

I don’t think there is a better summary of the situation than that quote.

-Brock

Gary Coleman Keeps it Gangsta

UPDATED:  UvT is getting so strong, the comments are as good as the original post.  Check out the Ladies of UvT getting loose below.

Sure, he might be wearing denim on denim, he might have on green crocs, he might be 4’8″, but if you mess with him he will straight whoop that ass.

Here’s the story.  Gary Coleman was bowling in Utah…wait, let’s stop there for a second.  Why the hell was Gary Coleman bowling in Utah?  That is about the most random thing I’ve ever heard.  Ross Perot was paddleboating in Montana.  Warren Moon was playing Uno in Caracas.  It’s fun, try a few yourself.  Anyway.  So Gary was getting his bowl on with his wife, chillin and shit, when come dude rolls up on him with a camera phone to take some pics.  Gary asked him not to, and Gary’s bodyguard tried to keep him away.  OK.  Second WTF moment.  Gary thought he needed a bodyguard to go bowling in Utah?

The victim said that Gary rolled up on him, threw a few punches, jumped into his truck and tried to run the dude over. Third WTF moment…if Gary Coleman’s croc wearing ass rolls up throwing punches on your boy, I’d be the famous dude who whooped Gary Coleman’s ass.  My CNN story would be titled “Whydchu knockemout Willis?”  Emmanuel Lewis, Little kids, the Chinese Olympic gymnastics team, and Wee Man from Jackass wouldn’t wanth to come near me.  I’d be dangerous, son, dangerous.

My bad, Gary.  My bad.

You better watch out for Gary though.  He might flip on you any second.

Gary, you need a new hobby, and you need to chill the hell out.  You should be happy people still want to take your picture.  Just ask Todd Bridges.

-Brock

——————————————–

KIR in NV:

Let’s break this down: how’d his bitty ass get all the way up into SLC undetected? Last I knew, the only colored folk permitted within the city limits had the surname Malone.

And he had to wear that cowboy hat just to keep a low profile.

This does explain the need for the bodyguard though. I’m not sure it’s even legal to be a “brunette” in the Beehive state. It was the late 70s before the revelation was handed down that the extra tanned were not marked by the curse of God.  Or as they call it, the “good ol days”.

Second, of course he’s bowling. If you aren’t on your Family Home Teaching or churning up the butter for tomorrow’s breakfast for 12, that’s what you do. Unless it’s after 8:30PM and then you’re screwed.

And yeah, if Arnold whoop my ass, I take that beating quietly, change my name and slide into that Bitch Ass Protection Program. For real.

—————————————

Rosy F:

@Kir on point as usual. The revelation took too long. I like my drank and the streets too much. And if ashy virginal croc wearing arnold manage to land more than one punch on me I’d be in BAPP.

———————————

Be On It:

Rule #1: Never fight short people.

They have years of built up aggression waiting to be poured out on any fool that dare try them.

Rule #2: If fighting short people, use your knees. A groin shot on a regular person is a chin check for the midgies. Just saying.

Rule #3: If you get your @ss whooped by a short person, please turn in your cool card and proceed to the BAPP.

Rule #4: Never get in an altercation with a short person known to kick ass and take names. Did this fool not hear that Gary was stomping his wife? Isn’t she like 8x bigger than him? I mean, I ain’t never scared, but I pick my battles.

Starting mess with LaKeisha Thomas, the girl who took out a senior linebacker twice her size? No sir!