Archive for the ‘Nude photos’ Category

Perfect: A-Rod v. Madonna Sex Tape

July 23, 2008

Only something this intriguing could motivate me to actually do my job this morning.  Oh yes, if you believe the reports, that Madonna and A-Rod sex tape (how crazy does that sound) is officially being shopped by some voyeur slug for a cool $2mil as we speak.

What’s crazy is that at this point Madonna really isn’t any better looking than Alex’s old lady C-Rod.  So I can’t quite understand what he’s thinking.

I know, I know, that face is looking a bit battered and beaten.  Why are we so critical of our women, our queens these days?  And before you accuse ole girl of getting her Skeletor meets the Crypt Keeper on, don’t forget that at this point Madonna is literally looking like an extra bright light version of Castle Greyskull:

Jeez!  It’s like old girl is hooking up nuclear cold fusion in her bicep or at least I think that’s a bicep.  lol  Seriously?  Have you EVER seen someone more befitting of the title of Skeletor than this broad?

A major part of skeletor’s power was that you couldn’t tell if he was rocking muscle on top of super skrong skeleton or exoskeleton on top of super krunk muscle.  And now I ask you, can you tell if Madonna is rocking skeleton on top of muscle or muscle on top of skeleton?

It aint right.  And I know you need to eat 5 to 7 meals a day to get those cuts, so might I suggest that Madonna eat 1 very large lard infused meal a day to attempt to return to normalcy?

And make no mistake about it, Madonna was RIGHT back in her NSFW hitchiking days.

Dude, is it just me or is Alex kind of missing the boat here?  I mean, if the old saying is true that when you have sex with someone you’re having sex with ALL their past sexual partners (and their sexual partners, but I won’t go there) then by my count, and this is just a cat sitting at a pc, A-Rod is banging out Dennis Rodman, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, a wild bisexual porn star named Tony Ward, VANILLA ICE and a list of personal trainers, dancers, rappers, musicians and actors!  Seriously, can you think of any single female celebrity that you’d put more bodies on than Madonna?  And let’s be clear, though it hasn’t been reported, she did have sex with a wild Pauly Shore, Theo Huxtable and a cat like oh I don’t know The Ultimate Warrior, too.

But I guess when you’ve got a babe who is an international superstar and has been for decades (yikes) even a dude like A-Rod can get those groupie love puppy dog beer goggle eyes going and lose his mind for a clean 5 months or so.

True, I don’t get it either.  Honestly, and I haven’t said this about ANY other Sex Tape that’s come across my desk, but I think this is one tape I’ll have to completely sit out.  And why?  This is why:

Does it get any worse?  Sure, I’d like to see if Madonna can back up all her swagger (more likely than not she can), but something about seeing his A-Rod doesn’t sit right with me.  I don’t know, male genitalia is always nasty, but A-Rod with his purple lipstick, frosted hair and Miami perma-tan just weirds me out.  Then you pair that with Madonna’s middle earth, ash rock skin tone, it’s just unseemly.

– Lake

Cristiano Ronaldo is the Dumbest Sumbitch on the Planet!!!!

July 14, 2008

Not to rain on our 1,000th post (word up to my boy Brock and all our readers), but post 1,001 refused to wait to present itself.  Shouts to my girl DC Jabberz for putting me on to this.  Anyway, this fool Cristiano Ronaldo of Manchester United fame just dumped his uber chick girlfriend Nereida Gallardo.  WTF, we just posted on her international thickness and how bad the babe is, and now he’s handing her a pink slip?  And while I generally steer clear of the too much gay shat for me site Perezhilton, I gotta give it up to them for this apropos pic on the situation:

Lol..  Pretty funny and yes, with Perez, you always get the gratuitious extra gay angle on every dude in the news.  Anyway, I think ole Cris forgot who he was dealing with.  I mean, this chick is up for baddest babe on the planet right now.  Need I remind you?

My word… and more.

Jesus, talk about 31 flavors, but can she reverse it?  Yall know the answer..

Help me father…  Dude, either this cat is getting some premium yet to be discovered uber ass that I can’t even envision or this is one dumb mufucka.  I don’t care what the chick did.  I mean, short of her banging out Mini Me AND coming down with some incurable disease, you NEVER…EVER let this kind of asset go.  Not for 5 years at least.  I mean, dude.. this chick is AMAZING and damn near flawless.

Like, what else is there to happiness?

He’s got all the money he can spend.  I mean, what does this cat what from the broad? And don’t forget, we have NSFW evidence that she’s certified bad to the bone!

Is her service in from the wing not up to snuff?  Is her first touch a bit sloppy?  Does she fail to make timely runs from the back?  I mean, what could it be that this dude needs from a babe that she can’t supply?

On second thought… Forget that I asked.  How do you say idiot in Portuguese?

– Lake

VH1’s I Love Money, Season Premiere

July 10, 2008

Here we go again… From the makers of Flavors of Love 1, 2 and 3, I Love New York 1 and 2, Charm School (clearly we only needed one of those), Rock of Love 1 and 2 (the only show in the bunch I didn’t watch) and A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila 1 and 2 we now have I Love Money.

Look, we all know the deal with these shows. It’s a bunch of Hollywood rejects willing to subject themselves to almost any level of humiliation for a chance at some face time and hopefully their own show. so that they can ultimately get spit out the bottom of the porn industry

errrr flip their newfound success into real showbiz careers.

And we all know that aint gonna happen. So what did they do? Of course, they just kept it real and copied those completely played and similarly sad, though less comical, Real World/Road Rules spin-offs.. You know the Gauntlet, Crucible, Inferno (whatever, though quietly, that new Real World/Road Rules Survivor rip off looks like it has potential) and made the show strictly about money.

Fair enough. So then it’s just a matter of who was on the show. Well you know it wouldn’t be a show without some eye candy. So they brought in Hoopz, which I respect.

And please peep those Hoopz NSFW HERE at your leisure.

And that chick from Beauty and the Geek/Rock of Love Fame:

Don’t know her name and clearly I don’t care. But I’d be lying if I told you she didn’t have that white girl thunder. Incidentally, here are her NSFW (I’m seeing a trend here) Playboy shots. Actually, this chick’s body is what only Brooke Hogan can see when she looks at herself in the mirror. The rest of us see a version of this:

Ha… I know, I know, I just talked Jim Carrey the ‘nother day. Keeping it simple. Sadly, that’s the only real eye candy on the show. And even the skanks lost their limited skank appeal. Sheeeeit, Pumkin looks like she done set out to actually become her namesake.

I mean, homegirl is plump. Anyway, at least they came back with the Stallionaires…which is still one of the worst and best rap group names in all of history. Haaa.

Oh yeah, Chance and Real are back and yes, their album is still “about to come out.”

“Yuckmouth, cuz he don’t brush..” Then you had the usual suspects. Mr. Boston’s unfunny ass. Whiteboy, who should get an Emmy for that ridiculous “based on an untrue story” role he’s playing as a down ass white dude. I know, I know.. ha

Anyway, after that you’ve got an assortment of douchebags (and please don’t take that characterization lightly, I RARELY use that term, but it’s oh so true for this show), trashy hoes and general misfits like that broke ass Bushwick Bill lookin cat Midget Mack, who incidentally got checked the fuck off the show the first night.

Nice. I spoke to Brock about Episode 1 and all in all, it left us a bit underwhelmed. But it’s got potential. I’m just waiting for 12 Pack and his little sidekick there 5 Pack aka Heat (lol) to get up on some gay shit so that we can really set the party off.

I’m also looking for that damn Nibblz to bang some dude out, seeing as she’s a full-time dominatrix (her exact words) and all. Dominatrix? Don’t you mean ho? Oh yes, I’ll be glued to my tv, a least for one more episode.

Oh and it just wouldn’t be right if I didn’t mention all those folks that are missing from the cast. First off, where’s Buckeey.

You gotta have her, especially after that great sex tape I never saw. Also, where is that Gentleman Punk? I thought he was busy trying to show positive images on gutter reality tv….

One spiked strand of moused out hair at a time.

And why couldn’t we get some Buddah back on set. We definitely needed some more of his antics.

Maybe he would have whooped some more ass, something I always appreciate. Oh well, I guess you can’t have it all. Hell, maybe some of these fools actually got their lives together and have moved on to better things….nah. ha

Stallionaires baby…book it.

– Lake

Top Ten Hollywood Breasts List…YES!

July 3, 2008

Hey, I didn’t come up with this list but I’m happy to discuss it. You know, as I look down at this InTouch Weekly “Best Hollywood Tits” list, I’m actually kind of embarrassed that I know all these broads. Ahh, who am I kidding, let’s get going on this here list. Now remember, this is the list according to InTouch Weekly.. Not us. But we have plenty to say.

1. Jessica Simpson

Yep, the top titty goes to Jessica Simpson. Wouldn’t have been my choice, but I can live with it.

After all, even her pops said that her ridiculous J’s were top notch.

Now you know you’ve got some serious tittay when pops is peeping them on the slide.

2. Tyra Banks

Say what? Now I know Tyra’s got giant J’s, but does she really belong inside the top three of ALL the breast tah sis in Hollywood?

Sure, her fundamentals are sound and she used to have the rest of the body to go with it. But this is a current J list, not a historical retrospective. The classic Janet song “What Have You Done For Me Lately” seems to come to mind. Answer?

Not enough. Not even close.

3. Scarlett Johansson

Ummmm, HELL YES!!! I’m not sure how it’s possible, but I think this chick is underrated across the board. Maybe it’s the lack of a nude photo shoot and sex tape. Hopefully someone can remedy that. But on the boobs front, she’s LOVELY.

Gotta run that one more gin.

4. Carmen Electra

Huh? Is she even in show business anymore? Why not Pamela Anderson? Hell, Loni Anderson.

And maybe it’s just me, but shouldn’t there be a reasonable expectation that the boobs are actually real if you’re going to call them the 4th best set in all of Hollywood? At least pic a chick with a debate, like Kimmy K…. With Carmen, she’ll tell you her joints are fake. Nah, I can’t support that.

5. Lindsay Lohan

Again, anyone who knows this blog understands my affection for Lindsay Lohan.

She’s one of my favorite celebs and yes, those ridiculous J’s have something to do with it.

On the J front, Lindsay has it all and we’ve seen it all.

You can’t hate, not on this discussion. Definitely underrated and waaaaay under appreciated. Her breasts I mean…lol.

6. Katherine Heigl

I recognize that this near no talent chick would be nothing without the superior boobs, but I just don’t like this broad.

That’s right, I don’t like her, can’t stand that character “Izzy” or whatever it is on Grey’s Anatomy and just can’t get past all the bullshit, yes, even for a pair of advanced J’s like those.

She doesn’t even make my list. Terrible. Though she does look reaaaaaally good in this next pic.

Mercy!

7. Audrina Patridge

Whaaat? You don’t mean to tell me we all feel for that completely transparent “I did some nudes back in the day and now they will be released the day before my show so please make me a star” treatment?

You bet we did. And please note how much she has truly stepped up that belly game. Wow. This babe is everywhere right now. If she had a shred of talent she’d really have something too. Though, I must say, having the nude pictures of her to refer back to whenever I see her looking right in a magazine or online is a nice luxury.

8. Jennifer Aniston

Come on now. Jennifer aint been hot since Ross was hittin’. Again, just too old, too romantic comedy. It’s just not right. Sure she’s got some J’s (NSFW), she wouldn’t be in the business if she didn’t.

But come on. She does not have some of the best tits in all of Hollywood. But these NSFW of Aniston are worth a peep. Half the time she doesn’t even have the best tits in her own relationship. She’s literally not in the same conversation with these other babes. Horrible.

9. Megan Fox

Ah, I don’t buy it. This seems very political. I do like that she stands for the fact that a chick doesn’t have to have monster boobs for them to be sexy, but this chick is not a top flight titty talent.

I mean, come on. She doesn’t have the chops and never will until she orders that full upgrade. Right? She’s got average J’s just for a regular girl, but in Hollywood, she’s squarely below average. Hell, most of the regular women walk around with better ones than that. Not even close.

10. Beyonce

Huh? Did I miss something? I don’t know, maybe B’s tittays wrote the lyrics to “Upgrade”…wait no, that was Jay Z. Curses. I hate to do this because I like Beyonce a lot. But she has no damn business on this list.

I think she’s beautiful, but if you forced me to diss her, right after I spoke on that assortment of unacceptable weaves, I’d go right to the breasts. I mean, she’s keeping it real and natural as she should and she looks damn good chest and all.

So there you have it. Are you satisfied? I’m not. I mean, where was Kim Kardashian, Halle Berry, JESSICA BIEL, hell, Mel B., Gisele….I mean, the list goes on and on. Sorry, I can’t endorse this list period. Let me give you my list.

1. Lindsay Lohan

2. Scarlett Johansson

3. Jessica Simpson

4. Kim Kardashian

5. Salma Hayek

6. Jessica Biel

7. Katherine Heigl (what can I say, that pic is still in my head)

8. Halle Berry

9. Mel B.

10. Audrina Patridge (hey, she’s already been mentioned, what could I do?)

Honorable mention: Serena Williams (don’t sleep)

Then I have to add a section for best fake boobs in the business. Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Tila Tequila, Pam Anderson and Heidi Montage.

Damn, after all that, even I’ve grown tired of tittays. I must be getting really old.

– Lake

International Thickness: Cristiano Ronaldo’s Lady is SICK

July 1, 2008

I spend plenty of time looking around the internet at different things.  At this point, I feel like looking at all these chicks all the time, I’ve gotten a warped sense of beauty.  So warped that, let’s face it, I actually tricked myself into thinking that Angel Lola Luv’s gelly ass could possibly be real.  Still, every now and again you see a babe that just blows the roof off your expectations.  It’s not wonder she came in the form of Cristiano Ronaldo’s girlfriend, Nereida Gallardo.

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Uhhhh, hello!  Dammit, how does this happen?  I mean, how does a babe get so slim-thick like this?  Dammit, let me get that angle two:

Yikes!  You know a babe is bad when even her “rolls” and creases look magically deliciious.  Look at that meaty midsection.  Goodness.  But how are the backs treating us?

Hello!  That’s right like a JJ Redick three ball from the corner.  My goodness.  And of course there’s more:

Man, all you can do is envy this cat.  I mean, he’s literally got it all.  He’s wanted by every chick in the world.  His current lady is bad as shit and he’ll just continue to re-up with the newer, younger version of her as they become of age year after year.  No wonder he’s content to put it all in our faces:

Go ahead Cris.  I don’t blame you for flicking us off.  I’d be pissed too if the general public interrupted my quiet enjoyment of this babe.  Wait, I gotta ask again, are yall seeing her farging J game? No…well here are those Nereida Gallardo NOT SAFE FOR WORK shots Here, here, here and here…and trust me, they are STUPENDOUS!!! Goodness.

Hard to Ignore: Adriana Lima

June 17, 2008

I honestly do my best to not just post pictures of chicks up on the site without nary a context or relevance to other news. But I can’t even lie, I’ve been eying this Adriana Lima babe and this shit is just getting out of control. She must be recognized.

Yikes and while I’m no fan of so called “sexiness” independent of plain old good looks, this babe is pretty damn sexy.

My God. Seriously, the eyes, those lips… I mean, even the bra looks like it’s copping a feel. My goodness. This chick is almost too damn fine.

So so right. I mean, NOTHING is wrong here. All is good with the world as I type up this post. They need to send her over to Palestine. No way she doesn’t achieve peace. Oh they won’t listen, just wait until you peep her Not Safe For Work game.

(Click on these pics for their NSFW counterparts)

Anyway, I could be ultra negative and talk about the shaky breast to breast comps I’ve seen in these pics. I can ask, “will the real Adriana J game come out to play,” but I won’t do that.

Nah, I’m going to ask the question that any fair-minded, red-blooded mug-fucka would ask:

“If a babe is this fine…..this bad and is a VIRGIN, with that body, then why the fizzuck is she engaged to a bullshit cat we’ve never heard of who allegedly plays for the Minnesota Timberwolves?”

Say what? YES!! Somehow, someway, this babe is dating Marko Jaric aka Euro Player Z (meaning of all the bullshit Euro cats in the NBA, he’s about the worst of the bunch who still has a job). I mean, WTF? What, Pau Gasol was taken? She couldn’t dig Sasha Vujacic out of the concrete he’s apparently still in after Ray Allen teleported by him en route to a victor in Game 4? Why, Andrei Kirilienko’s wife wasn’t giving out hall passes for Supermodels this week? I mean, I aint from the West Coast but this cat seems to epitomize a Mark Ass Buster! I mean, these dude looks like the fugly version of my favorite Bachelor of all times (you know the dude who dissed BOTH of the last two babes), Brad Womack.

I mean, look at that cat’s mug. Dude looks more like a boxer than a ball player. Jeez. And need I remind you, his lady posses and looks like this!!!!

This world aint fair.

– Lake

Porn Before the Internet: Kiana Tom Flex Appeal

May 8, 2008

You want to talk about Classic Material? Let’s talk about early morning/late night ESPN back when ESPN turned into Strongman Competitions and Lumberjack challenges on the weekends. Now they’ve got the 6am Sportscenter, followed by the 7am, 8am, 9am, 10am, 11am and noon editions of Sportscenter. Back in the day, you just had Kiana Tom. Check out this hot girl on girl action.

Kiana knew what the hell she was doing! ESPN knew what they were doing too. They called the show Flex Appeal!  What more do you need to know? Kiana talking about proper form, watching yourself do it in the mirror, and back cleavage?  She’s got the green bra popping up out of the tied up spandex while she “works her pecs”. Then you get the old school early 90’s thong on the outside of the leotard. Look, when you don’t have the free access to porn that you have today (seriously, if you turn off safe search on Google you can enter almost any word in the english language and come up with some bucked nakedness) you throw on some Flex Appeal and those terrible ass movies that USA used to play hosted by Elvira and that was bout as titillating as your multimedia experience was going to get for a youngster.  Back in the day, before the internet…a little flex appeal with all the spandex and the legs got the blood pumping.

She keeps it looking good. All that working out, all that lifting and she never got too strong. Never showed up looking like this:

Oh, and as an added bonus she apparently has the full on butt naked NSFW shots out there. See! That’s exactly what I’m talking about…with the internet you can get the chick who you pretended was nude through all the spandex butt naked with a few clicks of the mouse. I didn’t look at the pics, but if you wanted to, you cold find them HERE.

-Brock

Oops: Naomi Campbell Got Banned From BA

April 8, 2008

Not that anyone should care, but after she smacked around some airline cop dude, British Airways banned Naomi Campbell yesterday.

I don’t really get Naomi. It’s all bit too much for me. The attitude, the colored contacts, the wild Euro boyfriends, I just can’t really take it. Why does this chick still matter? For instance, can someone explain to me why she was featured in that crazy SOBE Vitamin Water commercial with a bunch of dancing lizards?

What ad genius came up with that?

“I know, just hear me out, we’ll get some big international star…. then we’ll hook up Michael Jackson’s aged errr timeless thriller dance sequence and we’ll have the star and the animated critters, get their jiggy on because this drank is so damn delectable!! Ohhhhhh snap, Naomi Campbell, that’s it!!!”

What, Grace Jones wasn’t available? I don’t know about those wild international sisters. I mean, hey, I’m down for the people, but there’s something about Gay Pair-ree, London and Prague that just doesn’t mesh well with these ladies.

I mean, look at Tyra Banks… she’s completely unbearable right now and I’m quite sure that her time rubbing elbows in those Euro circles has something to do with it. Iman? Last I heard she was doing a line of the Coca off the arch of Sting’s back. It’s all just too much, too weird.

All is not lost though, at least we’ve got these Not Safe For Work, “artsy,” buck-ed nake-ed shots of Naomi Campbell. Here, here and riiiiiight DERE. On second though, I completely get why people still like her. Naomi is a stallion. Damn.

– Lake

Lindsay Lohan’s Sex Tape Sucks

March 21, 2008

Yeah yeah, I know I didn’t post the still shot of the alleged Lindsay Lohan sex tape when it first came out.

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I took one look at that cell phone generated picture and just knew it was pretty much garbage.

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Oddly enough, I also took one look at the picture and instantly knew it was authentically Lindsay. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s the way her weave is cascading off her head… Maybe it was the fact that this shot requires a third person in the room with a cheap ass, bootleg Razor “filming” the action, another hallmark, in my experience, of Ms. Lo-han. Anyway, it just looks like her. Concavely bent over, getting after it… We all know Lindsay’s a freak. And while I’ll admit that she isn’t think, she’s still pretty classy…..if you compare her to Ashley Alexandra Dupre.

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Sex tape gods, bring me something better… I don’t work like this. Oh and here’s the NSFW barely visible real deal shot of Lindsay’s alleged mic check. Next.

– Lake

Playgirl Magazine Wants Eliot Spitzer

March 21, 2008

LOL… Jeez. This is just so sad for my home state Gobner. Like seriously, I can’t take it anymore. According to Playgirl.com, they’d like to do an All Nude Eliot Spitzer spread with all the fixins. But I know a way to save them the trouble.

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Satisfied ladies? OK, now I’m embarrassed. Meanwhile, the legend of Ashley Alexandra Dupre grows. Supposedly she was so wild during her Girls Gone Wild shoot that the camera crew dumped her.

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You know you’re really whoring it up when those cats think you took shit too far. Poor Silda. Jeesh.

– Lake