Archive for the ‘Marion Jones’ Category

Marion Jones Gets Six Months

January 13, 2008

My word, I know rappers and entertainers are breathing easy these days. Forget the Hip-Hop cops, athletes are catching complete L’s over this Balco steroids situation. Marion Jones, former national treasure just got 6 months in the can for lying to Federal Authorities.


Honestly, that’s messed up.  The judge went on ahead and gave her the maximum sentence although she has two kids, with one still nursing.  Judge Kenneth Karas said that steroid use “affects the integrity of athletic competition”.  I’m sure federal judges have sound logic, but that isn’t really what we’re talking about here.  She wasn’t going away for steroids, she was being sentenced for lying about taking steroids to federal officials.  Here’s how it works.  If you get caught using steroids in athletic competition, you hand over whatever you won, and get suspended.


Ben Johnson whoops the field by three strides…gets caught and gives back the gold medal.  Football players lose four games without pay.  Baseball players catch a lengthy suspension.  You don’t go to jail for it.

Man, this federal gubment ain’t playing with these Balco folks.  The crazy thing is this entire fervor is over Barry Bonds.  If it weren’t for the big man breaking every meaningful hitting record in “America’s Game” there wouldn’t be congressional hearings, books on the “Game of Shadows”, federal fact finding commissions, no one would give a damn.  So when Marion is sitting in prison thinking about what went wrong, she has Barry to thank.  Who else was on that Balco list?  “Evan(der) (Holy)Fields” better watch his ass.  You know crazy ass Bill Romanowski was all clear and creamed up.


Damn from the look of it, his wife may have been on it too.

Mike Vick went down for lying too.  All it does is piss the Fed off.
Roger, are you paying attention?  I know your current plan is to go hard on these charges.  You still haven’t come out and called McNamee a full on liar in all of this.  You might just want to fess up come next week or run the risk of catching 6 months your damn self.  It ain’t worth it Roger.  We know ya did it, just admit it.  Tuck it on in, join Pete Rose and Mark Mcgwire on the “ain’t neva, eva, evaaaaaaa getting in the hall of fame” club, and fade into the background.


This is the evidence that they are using to sack Barry.  A few side by side picture comparisons coupled with the fact that you got back 5 mph on your fast ball when you hit 38.  I will say this, the way black people are going down in the courts lately, Roger actually gives Barry a little buffer.  If they take Barry down hard, they’ve gotta give Clemens the same.  You just can’t picture Roger Clemens in jail can you?  Going from pinstripes to prison stripes is not gonna be hot.


Marion, we know you did it, just admit it

October 5, 2007

Awww, I didn’t know until you told me!!!


Word on the street is that Marion Jones has admitted to using steroids, specifically a drug called THG or “the clear,” and plans to plead guilty to two counts of lying to federal agents on Friday. Goooooooo Tar Hells!!!


Hey, I know this is the gotcha moment, but is anyone really shocked that Jones was on the juice? BOTH her love interests, that bootleg Mark Henry looking CJ Hunter and Tim Montgomery are notorious juicers. You are who you hang with. Then Marion stepped on the track looking more like Marion Barber than she did Marion Jones.


Sheyut, at this point, would anybody be shocked if she grew a pair? I always wondered how things went down with her and lil Tim Montgomery. He never did look all that ahem masculine to me. I for some odd reason, I just never felt like Tim was hittin it right.


(Something in this dude’s smile aint right)

Also, SHE RUNS TRACK and THEY ALL JUICE. Come on. You can just look at those fools and see that they all juice. What are you going to tell me next, the WWE athletes juice? You going to tell me NFL guys are all ‘roided up? No, you’re going to shock me and tell me that every single cyclist, including Lance Armstrong, is a juicer? They all juice. It’s just the nature of the beast at this point. You can’t tell me anyone with a shred of common sense looked at a 6’, 2″ chick, with zero 0% body fat and saber tooth tiger chompers and tell me you didn’t know she was on some funny shit.


(Look at that chick’s stomach)

I mean, look at the broad. We all knew she did it, we just were waiting for her to admit it. Dude, if she was using ‘roids since 2000, how did that affect the baby she had with Tim Montgomery back in back in 2003?


That little cat already has freaky race horse blood in him via Tim’s and Marion’s mutant DNA, plus that double cocktail of juice on both sides of the family, sheyut, he’s probably looking like this by about now.


Marion, do you think you’ll ever be respected as an elite athlete again?


Yeah, I don’t think so either. You best bust a phone call to the WNBA once you get out of the pen. The game needs you and believe me, you’ll be needed them soon.

– Lake