Daaaaaamn, Not That Youtube Beatdown

I guess kids these days think it is a great idea to commit crimes and capture it on tape. Today’s feature…Kidnapping, Unlawful Restraint, Assault & Battery.

That is a real beatdown right there. Old girl just wants to leave and still catches the body blows. They are in the process of giving this chick a concussion, meanwhile that girl in the background is busy talking about “don’t break the shelves”. Nice values there. Let’s whoop that ass, but I’m not trying to catch my own beatdown when my parents get home.

In other phone camera beatdown news, a Baltimore teacher caught this beatdown last week in class. The fight kicks in at 45 seconds.

I know this is fucked up, but I thought old girl was dressed for a professional wrestling match with those tights and high boots. Seriously, she could have gotten in a leg drop, a backhand chop, a big splash or something. On the real, this chick lives in B-more, hasn’t she ever seen the wire. She’s lucky she just caught a beatdown and didn’t get rolled on by Chris and Snoop after class. Even Mr. Presbo knew better than to start some shit with the students.

Next week in “stupid shit to tape yourself doing” news…we’ll cover making your own “Girls Gone Wild” style videos and posting it on the internet. Hey kids, just like that tattoo of a butterfly you think is so cool right now…that will be out there for everyone to see forever. Got it?

-Brock

=============Update=================

Yo, on the real, I think that American Gladiators boot rocking teacher got what she deserved. She said she told ole girl she would “defend herself” and then she got worked!!! I’m sorry, but you know she didn’t say “step back student, for I will defend myself!”

You know she figured 50 err 70 pounds of J’s and spare tire, some knotty dreads, those S&M boots and a perpetual mean mug would be enough..WRONG.. WRONG. Haa She forgot about something called heart and not letting your mouth talk you into something you’re arse can’t get you out of. Incidentally, has it really come to a point when teachers are dressing like this?

Sheeyut, maybe the little girl was a member of the Department of Education’s Fashion Police. Jeez. We’ve now seen two outfits from this women, one was a She-rah S&M special with crack sprankled on top and the other was a knock off Bape ‘fit that she probably picked up in a barber shop while waiting to get that kitchen edge up (WHO GOT MORE DIVERSITY THAN LAKE? WHAT?!). Dude, no matter what the reason, the little girl that was working her over couldn’t have weighed more than 110 lbs, right? I say it was a good whoopin or as Chris Partlow once said, “It needed doing“…

Alright, alright, I’m just kidding. Even I can’t advocate little kids whoopin a teacher’s ass in school, though a few of mine could have used a little chin music if you ask me. All I’m saying is maybe she should just go ahead and shop at the Men’s Warehouse from now on and then maybe she’d garner the respek of her kids more. Ya know?

As for the lady nilla thugz in Flo-rida, that’s a virtual non story. Some how some way, they’ll figure out a how to make ole Super Middle Weight Pink Pants out to be a “victim of society” and she’ll be off with 24 months of probation as soon as her first tear drops in the courtroom. After all, she could be any of “ours” daughter, right?

Hell, those trench coat mafia fools were KILLING cats in Colorado and people acted like everyone had failed them. Like Lake A talking shit, playing first person shooters and dranking fine liquor made them do it. Pul-lease.

– Lake

The Wire Finale Is Coming: Ode to Marlo

How in the world can they possibly be ending this show?! There’s so much more to do. That’s what I keep telling myself. I won’t lie, I don’t want these cats to go out gracefully, I want them to keep doing shows until the wheels come off.

Why can’t we just watch Michael and Kenard rise up as rival drug lords? Why not let Namond Brice become an influential police captain who works to bring his old running crew down? What about Avon?

Will he come back and take things over? There’s the issue of Brother Mouzone, too. I mean, there are just so many loose ends. So many issues. Yes, the motto of the show is “The Game is the Game,” meaning you can’t reform, you can’t improve and you can’t change the Game.  After all, the Game, be it the Police, The Street, The Docks, Politics, The School System or the Press, is motivated by individuals that seek short-term self interest rather than the long-term collective goals they are supposedly working towards. Right, you can’t change the Game and you can’t change the show, so do this thing like Law and Order or CSI and franchise these joints to other cities.

Well, at least I can pay homage for my boy Marlo and his “My name is my name” perspective on life which I happen to share.

Dude, ever since I saw Marlo run that great smack to that one little underling up by the pigeon coop, I knew he was great. It’s not that he was telling him about how to maintain the birds (incidentally, those of you that raise Pigeons, what the hell is up with that?), it’s the way he said it.

“You got the elders lookin after the squabs, takin’ care of the youngins..(pause and crazy look in the eye) I like that”

It’s just the way Jaime Hector looked at the dude as in “if I didn’t like it, it could quite possibly cost you your life.”

Marlo has been impressive ever since. And though I’d still have to give an edge to Avon Barksdale as my all-time favorite character on The Wire, there’s just something about Marlo that deserves special attention. Could the casting directors have picked a better actor to play that character? Marlo is icy, but Jamie Hector’s portrayal of him is just eerie.  Look at how he handles business on this whole Omar talking shit issue:

I mean, how many things has this cat done? How many people has he killed? Look at how he handled that clown Big Face Andre:

I like how he jacked homey for his wild ring. “What’s the real value, I aint much for sentiment.” Oh yeah, Marlo is a bad mufucka..

And these are just off my dome, no particular order and certainly not chronological:

1. Shot ole girl, Devonne I think her name was who tried to set him up by letting him hit in that car, in both breasts and once in the mouth piece…uhh, she’s dead.

2. Took that cat Big Face Andre’s ring after letting him go on and on about Delta Airlines, terrorism, Omar and other superfluous nonsense.

3. Allowed everyone to believe he killed Stringer Bell, even though he didn’t because he wanted to “wear the crown” and wanted his “name to ring out.”

4. Hit that one cat with the CLASSIC “One Way” speech, then had him killed…he’s dead.

5. Hit Michael with that “Hey boy, what, you too good for my money? Then eyeballed him.” That was doubly good because it showed how much of a confident ass Marlo was, which I love by the way, and how strong young Mike was too.

6. Rolled up on Boodie and told him to either work for him or “step off”…clearly Boodie choose to work for him…then he had Boodie killed too. Gotta go, gotta go!! He’s dead.

7. Let Stringer run his mouth about how the days of the “gangster sh*t” were over and now it’s about amassing wealth…meanwhile, all Marlo wanted was pure power as he looked at Stringer like a lion looks at a rabbit.

8. Sent that one cat packing with that “split is 60/40” and then “then pay your people less or short yourself”…..then hit Chris with that “Yeah, he showed no heart” as if that dude was ready to be up in a vacant with the rest of those fools who dared cross Marlo.

9.  Had prop Joe killed after taking all his knowledge and hitting Joe with that “I was never made to play the son” line, then hit him with that ill, “close you eyes Joe, breath in..it won’t hurt.”  Bloaw..

Man, I’m rambling because there are just too many things this cat did to mention.  So let me just run another few videos about Marlo.  Enjoy.

What about how he’s schooled Michael, Marlo 2.0?

Marlo is the greatest..

– Lake Stanfield (Marlo’s cousin on his step sister’s side)

Best Reason to Watch The Wire

In case you haven’t noticed The Wire on HBO carries the official Us Versus Them stamp of approval.  I admit, Lake put me up on it late and I didn’t get it at first.  Now that I’m in, I appreciate the nuances.  Like the fact that when Chris tells you you’re “good to go”, you can go ahead and kiss your ass goodbye.  It is almost as bad as when Jack Bauer tells you “come with me, you’ll be safe”, that means there is a 98% chance you are going to die, and a 50% chance that Bauer will be the one that kills you.

But I digress…

One of the best parts of The Wire is Clay Davis, a corrupt, trash talking politician.

Here is a montage of his favorite line.

That is not even the half of it.  He took it to the next level, he broke out all the stops, he laid out his trademark line like no other last week.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiit.

-Brock

The Battle for the Beltway

Go Go music (argh), mid calf socks, rioting (oh my bad, that’s gonna happen on Wednesday at UMd after Duke beats the Terps again), do rags, overpriced real estate and plenty of white folks walking dogs and pushing strollers – yep, it must be election day in Murr-lin, Va and DC.

Conventional wisdom says that it will be a big day for Obama and McCain, but I’m not so sure. I’d be willing to bet that Hilly C. can make some noise in Northern Virginia, even if she does get the gas face in Newport Newz, Hampton and Virginia Beach.

At the same time, Barack’s act won’t play well in parts of Maryland where they pretty much see him this way.

He better talk their language. In fact, I heard when he spoke at the University of Maryland at College Park, his security had to dress him like an everyday Terps student just to ensure his safety.

You know those thugs with books are getting all riled up like some domestic insurgeant in preparation for their that imminent ass whoopin Duke is going to lay on their boys come Wednesday.

All in all, it should be a pretty important day, so I’m hopeful. We all pretty much realize that the UvT endorsed candidate, Barack, can’t just edge out Hilly C…. Nah, he’s got to win decisively so these wild “Super delegates” don’t throw salt in the people’s game. Honestly, isn’t it time to shelve these arcane electoral processes? Fine, we get it, when you started this vote you didn’t want some hicks with pitch forks out in the sticks taking over your slaves errr and errr government.

You wanted a buffer to save the people from themselves. But at this point, we really need a voting system that is truly representative. One person, on vote, tally up the votes, peace out. Hell, even the Electoral College needs to go. Just think about it, without that silly system, we would have never had to put up with all of Dubyah’s BS.

Convinced? Yeah, it’s time for reform. We need someone who will get the job done.. Someone who isn’t afraid to go to war and do what’s necessary. Someone who can keep people in line.. Yep, I’m nominating Marlo Stanfield for President with Secretary of Offense, Snoop Pearson, ready to beat back any mufucka who doesn’t stay in their lane.

Come on, he already took control of the entire West Side of Baltimore, Iraq would be a picnic for this cat. “Joe, it won’t hurt none, close your eyes.” Marlo is the best.

– Lake

Classic Marlo: “You want it one way”

Look, Marlo is the illest tv gangster since…well, since Avon Barksdale. If you don’t know who Marlo is then you’re just sleeping on the best show on tv, The Wire, or you hate straight up gangsterism (ha) and then I just have to ask, why are you reading my blog? Step off. LOL. Anyway, it’s impossible to get all of Marlo’s hot sequences, but this one just happens to be up on youtube, so I’ll post it.

Man, Marlo is so ill and yes, inside of 48 hours that cat ended up dead inside of a vacant row house.

Marlo is as ruthless as the devil “hisself”… Hot.

– Lake

These are two of my favorite things…

This banger Angel Lola Luv and anything from “The Wire” are definitely two of my favs. I’ll give you guys a chance to guess what’s on Snoop’s mind right here.

I know, I know, Snoop is about to hit Chris on the burner so he can help her take this up into a Baltimore vacant so she can “kill it”. Believe me, we all knew that’s exactly what was on her mind. LOL. I can’t resist one more pic of this babe.

OK, maybe two:

Or three….dammit!

Yo, I’m pretty sure that’s Brock’s hand right there.. Ha.

– Lake

The Wire: Marlo is the illest

So I get back from my MLK hiatus feeling fresh and refreshed (like ole boy from Wipe Me Down)…. I figured now that I’ve done all the positivity of Martin Luther the King I had an obligation to balance it all off with some “not MLK” material. Oh shit, The Wire pre release episode is On-Demand. Bang!

I must admit, I was a little bit worried about this year’s story line with the media focus. I know, I know, people thought Season 2 with the docks was a debacle, but it turned out great. Yes it did. Anyway, so whatever fears I had about a lack of excitement for Season 5 were quickly put to rest last night.. Lordy Jeez, that shit was ON FIRE last night. WOW. First off, Mr. Sheeeeeeyut, Clay Davis is heating up with these indictments. It aint really about him, but you just know he’s going to take a whole lot of City Hall types down with him.

Then you’ve got the issue of the rise of Lietenant errrr Deputy Commissioner for Operations Daniels and whether he’s going to get popped for his past transgressions.

No, we aren’t talking about his new found love for the extra “light skinneded” ahem “sistah” either.

Nah, we’re talking about that drug money homey was allegedly skimming off the top back in the Eastern District. And what about wild Omar?

Put your shirt on bruh (no bigot). Just when he thought he was off the streets, living la vida loca with that lil Papacito down there in the Caribbean and ole Marlo went ahead and let him know that the skreets never leave you. Indeed, Chris and Snoop were “real brief” with Omar’s old adviser, Butchie, and didn’t let him go easy neither. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to take Marlo’s money in that card game after all… shit, Marlo is a bad bad man.

Now ole Omar, the Super Homo Thug extraordinare, is back on the scene whoopin ass and taking names. I really thought he was going to do Slim Charles folks. I’m glad he didn’t though, Charles is what you need. That cat needs to keep acting.

Anyway, I knew that damn Cheese aka Method Man was going to be a liability back when he told Ghost Face that ‘homies came through with 40s and blunts and…” and then ended it off with “I’ll buy you 4 more fuckin killa tapes”… ok, that was a little Wu-Tang nostalgia for those who are down. Anyway, Cheese is the classic dirty rotten ingrate with no sense of honor or loyalty.

But damn, I didn’t see Prop Joe going that soon… Don’t get me wrong, I saw that he was going as plain as day. I mean, I’m sure we all did. Marlo was just setting Joe up to teach him how to be a better Prop Joe.

Marlo was never down with the co-op or anything else. Pretty wild stuff man. Anyway, that whole exchange with Joe was chilling yo. Let me run it back as I heard it:

Joe: I guess you aint coming to see me off

Marlo: Not really

Joe: My nephew was always a mufucka and continues to be one, but you I treated like a son.

Marlo: I wasn’t meant to play the son (bitch) — ok, I added that bitch, but with Marlo, he doesn’t have to say shit like that for you to feel it.

Joe: Ok, Proposition then, I just go away

Marlo: Joe, you can’t go away, we are what we are…you’d be back. You can’t change up anymore than I can.

Joe: But my good dope

Marlo: I talked to Barzini, oh my bad, that was a Mo Green talking to Michael Corleone, Marlo said, “oh yeah, the greeks are ok with it, I already spoke to them”… Now close your eyes Joe.

Chris Partlow: Click Click. pregnant pause followed by Marlo’s “finish him” head nod, BLOAW!!!!

Marlo: Look of sexual pleasure (no homo) upon his face, wondering if he should also eat Joe’s flesh to finish him off for good, forever!!!!!

Marlo is a bad, bad, bad man.. I mean, the illest of the ill. Icy and cold.

Reminds me of myself if I waddent so affluent, cultured, educated and good looking…LOL.

The Wire is simply the best. OUT.

-Lake

And so it ends: The Wire Series Finale

Marlo, Bubbles, McNulty, Lester, Chris Partlow, Snoop, Michael, Omar, Avon, Monk, Daniels, Namond. I’ll miss them all.

Here’s my review of the final episode, which did NOT disappoint either.

The Best Show on TV is back: The Wire

I’m told that this season will focus on the media. Well great, but I definitely need to hear from my boy Marlo:

We see you Snoop. And I gotta get a lil love from my boy Avon Barksdale:

Man, I know Avon isn’t going let Omar, Marlo and Prop Joe slide… And it’s the last season too, so you know they’re going to tie up some of the loose ends. Oh and what about the kids?

Michael is obviously a fan favorite (hence his love in the Jay Z video), Dukie is probably a monster in training, Namond is who we thought he was and Randy, well, Randy won’t rest until he’s sleeping with the fishes, mark my words.

That angel of death role they’ve got for Chris is really wild. “It’s cool yo, I’ll keep it clean.” At any rate, this may be the best show I’ve ever seen. It’s just great. I’m told it’s available HBO On Demand, not now, but right now, so I’ll be handling that little piece of bitniz in about 30 seconds. Maybe I’ll hook up a review.

– Lake