College Football Preview: Michigan v. Ohio State

Wow, I told you two weeks ago that Oregon had a tough one on Thursday night.  It just keeps getting tougher too.  Not only did Oregon have their national title hopes shattered by unranked Arizona, but they also lost their Heisman candidate Dennis Dixon for the rest of the season.  Really tough loss.   Which brings me to the question:

Do the Oregon Cheerleaders have 200 outfit choices too?

Surprisingly decent looking chicks for the Pacific Northwest.

Looking at the matchups today, obviously Michigan v. Ohio State is the big game of the day.  In what could should be Lloyd Carr’s last game and will be Henne, Hart and Big Jake Long’s last game, Michigan should have a punchers chance if Henne and Hart actually start.  In fact, after bouncing on the sidelines like a kid missing his Ritalin last weekend, there is no way Hart doesn’t start today.  I’ve seen him check himself into games before, and today is his day.  With that said, Michigan has to be clicking on all cylinders to beat the Ohio State juggernaut.

The BIGGEST game of the week though is Duke at Notre Dame.

I mean this is the Duke Football Team’s chance to win one for the ages.  To come from the consensus worst team in the nation, winning just 4 games since 2003, and nothing at all last season.  Prior to 2003 they put together a multiple season losing streak, and now we have the chance to take down one of the most storied programs in football history.

Also, it is creeping up again, parity is forcing all the teams that looked like they were going to get frozen out of the National Championship game back into the picture.  Remember when we were about to watch Boston College v. South Florida for the national championship?  Well, now we are about to get Kansas v. Oklahoma, because LSU has to make it through the rest of the SEC and Arkansas to make it to New Orleans.  If they do, they roll, but the door is still open.

-Brock

Notre Dame loses to Navy, Chaz Weis officially sucks

What a fucking joke. “You’re doing a heckuva Job Charlie”.

(Only this clown actually believes in ND anymore..Sadaam aint dead, he’s in a cave somewhere with Bin Laden and 2pac playing Playstation 3)

This is the savior of Notre Dame Football? This is the guy who had the audacity to say, “people better enjoy it now,” with reference to the performance of his deplorable football team? This is the guy who wrote a book about his greatness after one year as a head football coach? This is the guy who called up journalist and told them that college coaches wouldn’t be able to X and O with him? Yes.. This is THAT GUY. The same guy who has lead his Notre Dame football team to their worst year EVER?! The same guy who just lost to Navy despite having a full two weeks to prepare for them?

I know, I know, Notre Dame just needs to get in Weis players, then they’ll have the athletes to compete with anyone. It’s just a talent issue. Well, they had the most talent on the field today by far and Weis still fucking lost!

I mean, did you see those little Navy dudes walk up for that coin toss? It was like a made for tv movie. A bunch of little Rudy clones going up against fine tuned division I athletes who came to college FOR football.

No, sorry. Charlie Weis just sucks as a head football coach. He’s just not built for this level of play. Sure, he’s great with Tom Brady and Bill Belichick helping him out. He’s ok, not hot, with Ty Willingham’s recruits, but what about his? Where are his guys? And if he had “his players in” would it really matter? Weis makes play calls that even an average football fan can see are asinine.

For instance, it was blatantly obvious that the Navy defense couldn’t stop the Notre Dame running game. So what did Chaz do? He started passing. Navy kicked Notre Dame’s butt all over the field and the Navy coach tried his best to lose it, he really did. End of the day, Chaz Weis’ coaching was just bad enough to hold off ND and allow Navy to beat them. I mean, Chaz goes for it when he should be kicking field goals. He passes when the situation clearly calls for a run. He runs it when it’s obvious that they need a pass.

Did yall see that wild “Superman that hoe” sack that Navy dude caught on the ND QB? Crazy. Next up Air Force…. it’s hilarious. Air Force is actually favored in this game, even though it’s at Notre Dame Stadium. Hell, even Touch Down Jesus thinks Weis is an inept asshole.

If Notre Dame has any integrity at all (which we know they don’t) they’ll fire Chaz at the end of the season.

– Hatin’ Lake

Sorry Charlie…Notre Dame still sucks

I walk these empty streets, on the boulevard of broken dream,

where the city sleeps and I’m the only one and I walk alone

Surprise, surprise, in case you didn’t know, the Notre Dame Fighting Irish got their candy asses handed to them on Saturday, 38-0, by No. 13 USC.

Further proof that whenever ND plays anybody of any worth, they get completely dominated, like they’re the JV out there or something. Can you imagine what would happen if they ever played a team like LSU? It’d be crazy.

The self styled, author, scholar, philosopher, offensive guru and super motivator Charles Weis started Evan Sharply over of the supposed can’t miss high school Quarterback and consensus class of 2007 number 1 recruit Jimmy Clausen. But that still didn’t help. Notre Dame scored no points and had one 20 yard pass play to hang their hats on by the end of the game.

Charlie said that he’s open to “trying new things” (ya think?) to try and improve the team’s production. Word on the street is that they’ll be starting this cat next:

I heard he can throw a pigskin or steak a quarter mile, so maybe they’ll have a chance when they try to best NAVY this week.

(This is basically how the season has gone, Charlie plays himself and Lucy is the rest of College football)

But Weis is as confident as Kanye, you literally can’t tell him nothing. He’s talking like TO on game day, only with no talent or charisma. Pretty hilarious actually.

“Let me say people better enjoy it now,” Weis grumbled during his post game press conference after the USC beating. Believe me Chuck, we are… In fact, I’m laughing at you right now. LOL. You suck, I love it and what’s even more hilarious is that I’m pretty sure next year will be more of the same. Can’t wait to see ya get fired. Here’s some humble pie, the one thing (along with that crow I’ll be serving you next season) in this world you don’t love to stuff down you throat.

Can you imagine if this fool actually loses to Duke or Stanford? His silly ass will be out there looking like Anikan Skywalker right before he kicked.

That will be a happy day.

– Hatin’ Lake

Whoop that trick: Notre Dame gets worked by Michigan State

Though Michigan State did everything in their power to make Notre Dame fans believe they actually might be able to win the game (including a fumble inside their 10 on the kickoff), the inevitable happened.

Indeed, Chuck Weis and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish (by the way as a full errr 1/4 blooded Irishmen, I’m offended by that moniker) got whooped like a Wayne Brady 2 dollar hizzoe.

(that look on Dave’s face must have been exactly how Jimmy Clausen felt when Weis pulled him out of the game on Sat.)

The final score was 31-14, but if you actually watched the game, it was more like that Mary Guilbeax audition on American Idol Season 3, better put, you just had a sense that it could have even been worse than it actually ended up being. Yikes. What can you do? I would love to say I’m getting tired of all the losing along with Chuck’s rhetoric at the half about what needs to be done better, but I’m not. It’s just downright hilarious. Facts are facts. Notre Dame is off to their worst start EVER, a distinction that aint gonna rub off with a dab of Purell and some hand ringing.

Charlie Weis is:

(in a sense)

The Large Anchovy is still recalcitrant and arrogant (“Don’t worry fellas, I’m not going anywhere”) and at the end of this debacle of a season, which will not include a bowl game, Weis will still have his job. You just know it’s going to go that way. I’m already looking to next year though. Just wait until ND comes out with yet another lackluster campaign similar to the one that got Ty Willingham fired in his third year. It’s going to be great to see the true hypocrisy play itself out. And who knows, maybe Weis will turn the thing around. I’m not saying he can’t, I’m just saying Willingham might have too if he was given a fair shake.

He was just never given that chance, the same chance every coach not named Tyrone Willingham got before and after him. If you applied the Willingham standard of performance to Weis, he’d look like this right about now:

Hell, that’d be an improvement. Jerks.

– Lake, laughing

Duke beats Northwestern, ones of fans cheer

Oh yes, we almost forgot. Duke beat Northwestern on Saturday.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge Duke Sports fan (well, all except Lax who I actively root against and Football who I just don’t even think about), but for me this is not news. The only reason why I’m even raising the issue is because Duke has more wins than Notre Dame right now and yes, those two powerhouse football programs meet in an epic battle on November 17th.

(And no I don’t know who this cat is, but I can only assume he plays for Duke. I like the hard look in his eye though)

Hell, Notre Dame might make a Duke Football fan out of me yet. I’ll say it now, if Duke beats Notre Dame I’ll rock the full Duke Football track suit, a Fubu headband, a whistle around my neck and that varsity jacket some of those cats used to rock around campus…take it all and wear it to work like WHAT.  Go Devils (I think).

– Lake

—————- UPDATE ———————–

Lake my man,

I’m taking that bet all day.  You have to rock the all blue version of the track suit as well as a 1999 Outback Bowl hat (the last time Duke was ranked and went to a bowl game)

By the way….The Big Tenleven must reaaaaaaly suck this year.  What the hell is going on?

-Brock

Predictable: Notre Dame catches yet another ass whoopin’

Notre Dame 0, Michigan 38 — and it wasn’t that close.

Not since Deebo addressed the beach cruiser issue with Red in Friday have we seen such a pure and unadulterated ass whoopin like the one that was administered on Saturday in the Big House.

And just like in that incident, everybody saw it coming EXCEPT the arse whoopee, which in this case was Chuck Weis and Notre Dame.

(will this cat ever graduate or does ND just have an endless supply of rainbows, pots of gold and magically delicious looking hobbits hiding around campus pulling childish pranks and showing up at football games?)

Hey, what can be said? Chuck Weis walked into Michigan with an inferior team that was the product of his inferior recruiting and sub par coaching. What baffles me and makes me wonder about Weis’ mettle as a coach is how he and the rest of the Notre Dame staff apparently didn’t know that this was going to happen.

Big shocker: Brady Quinn, Jeff Samardzija, Darius Walker and company were pretty good players, so maybe those solid first two seasons under Weis weren’t about his “offensive genius” or ability to exploit mismatches like he supposedly did in the NFL at all. No, perhaps it was more about what college football has always been about, TALENT.

Willingham brought that talent in, but the boosters and Notre Dame administration wouldn’t give him the time to see it through to fruition. Instead they broke with the “Notre Dame way”, compromised their own values and reneged on his contract in a way that was unlike anything they had ever done before. Hmmm, I wonder why Ty got different treatment…

Then Weis comes in with a ready made squad full of cats who know how to play football, catches a few down years from some of the Big 10 schools (namely Michigan, Michigan State and Penn State) and plays two or three service academies then Weis is a genius? Suddenly he can see things Willingham couldn’t? No, to parrot Dennis Green, Weis is who we thought he was: a solid assistant coach who had some success in the pros with great players and talented coaches around him.

It’s just that simple. People forget though, Weis was chosen to be the Notre Dame head coach after about seven other guys either said no or were ruled out. Weis wasn’t on anybody’s radar screen for a head coaching job and prior to his stint at Notre Dame he had exactly as much head coaching experience as I had, ZERO. That’s all showing now. I’m not shocked, we knew this day would come. We knew the chickens would come home to roost. We also knew they ran Ty Willingham out of there prematurely and in an unprecedented fashion.

Finally, we also know they won’t fire Weis like they did Tyrone Willingham. The reason we know is because of the real Notre Dame way, not because of a contract extension or a supposedly hot recruiting class for next year. Typical.

– Lake

Unranked Notre Dame goes into Penn State

Let’s just say we’ve got the angel of death on pager call for what is certain to be a blood bath in Happy Valley.

Oh, it’s gonna be an ass whoopin and you just know the Large Anchovy, Chuck Weis will just blame is on “an inexperienced Quarterback”…. of course, it’s got to be him. Not your lack of speed on defense, your lack of talent on offense or your inability to execute those “offensive genius” plays your myopian fans were gloating about all last year.

I must say, I do kind of like Jimmy Clausen though. He’s got that air that just says, “I’m better than everyone on this stinking team”.

You know what, I think he’s right (and that includes his brazenly arrogant coach).

Hey Chuck, here’s a book title idea for your next book.

Overrated: How I tricked ND into Prematurely Extending my Candy Ass

– Lake with a machete in his hand

—————-Update————————-

Well, for a second there it looked like the Penn State was doing everything in their power to help Notre Dame, but the inevitable happened, Notre Dame got rolled up 31-10 and believe me it wasn’t that close. Penn State turned the ball over three times in the first half and still, ND never looked or felt like a real contender. It was just Jimmy Clausen against the world out there. I guess Chuck Weis inability to recruit is finally showing itself. Jimmy had NO HELP out there, particularly from his unproven coach/author Chuck “the Large Anchovy” Weis. Let’s see who wins the toilet bowl next weekend in Ann Arbor. I’ll let Brock, who was at that Oregon v. Michigan game give you the inside scoop on THAT debacle.

College Top 25: Can USC ride Booty to the Championship?

The first College Football poll has been issued, and once again USC is in the drivers seat.

That’s right, SoCal is going to depend on the JDB, John David Booty, to take them all the way. Booty, Booty, Booty better be rocking everywhere, because it will all be on him. Luckily they play in the PAC 10, so they only have to play 3 teams that are ranked right now. Nebraska, who should be overmatched that early in the year, Cal and UCLA. Oh, they also get to embarrass the hell out of Charlie Weiss and Notre Dame on October 20th. Brock will be watching. How can you lose when your cheerleaders look like this?

(I see you first on the left, and third one in)

So there is one team who will be playing on the first Monday in January, now who else will be there?

LSU, West Virginia, Texas and Michigan round out the top 5 in the AP, and Florida switches in at #3 for West VA in the USA Today Poll. Out of those five teams, I’d bank on Texas to make a good push for the top, but it is going to be tough to run the table in the Big 12. If they can get past Oklahoma in October, they will have a good shot. I’d say Michigan has a good shot to actually play for the title this year on the back of Mike Hart (who only fumbled once his entire college career, he was a freshman), but there are a few things wrong with that. First, they are playing in the Big Eleven Ten and there are two other teams ranked in the top 10 right now. (Wisconsin and Ohio State) Second, the seniors on this team have never beat Ohio State. Third, Lloyd Carr always ends up bitching up his own team at some point in the season. Usually against Ohio State. This year the schedulers are helping them out though as the Buckeyes have to run the f’ing gauntlet at the end of the season playing Wisconsin, Penn State, and the Wolverines within 4 weeks with only a quick break against Illinois.

Boise State gets rewarded for their “breakthrough” season with a “f*ck You” ranking of 24th in the nation. Yeah, good luck becoming a perennial power on that foundation. Seriously, those guys haven’t lost a game since 2005, they ran the ballsiest plays ever called in a bowl game to win, and that brother finally married that cheerleader babe, doesn’t that count for something? Apparently not. I didn’t know football rankings had a good ol’ boys network.

If you haven’t seen the end of the Fiesta Bowl last year, check this out.

Want to know a funny, little known fact? Check the USA Today Poll and Duke, which is hands down the worst Division I team in the nation, received a vote. That’s right, the Ol’ Ball Coach, Steve Spurrier gives Duke a shout-out every year for giving him his first head coaching job. Thanks Steve!

Oh, and guess which team has finally been abandoned by the d*ckriders? Notre Dame is unranked. Touchdown Jesus couldn’t even hide this one. Ty Willingham says up yours Charlie!

-Brock

Unranked Notre Dame Irish had busy off-season, according to the COPS!!!

“I smoke, I drank, I’m suppose to stop, but I caint”

These stories are hardly news, even by UvT standards, I’ll admit that. But the hot new freshmen Quarterback from the Notre Dame football team, Jimmy Clausen, the only real blue-chip recruit Charlie Weis has EVER brought into any program got popped by the undercover fuzz for “Illegally transporting alcohol” in June.

Clausen, a 19-year-old, was the driver of a car that received the drank from a 23-year-old purchaser who entered the store and bought two 1.75-liter bottles of Smirnoff vodka, a 200-milliliter bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey, as well as a case containing 30 cans of Natural Light beer. Natty Light and Smirnoff, well at least they’re keeping it top shelf and classy. And people wonder why they get blown out in all the tough games, they’re skimping, so what do you expect?!?!

The Large Anchiovy of course, denies that his player did anything wrong (perhaps it was those damn gastric bypass docs at work again). That would interfer with Weis’ ability to start eeeeerrrr cast the young man in a bad light that he doesn’t deserve. Look at what Sir Charles had to say on the issue:

“I think it’s out of ignorance — and by ignorance I mean lack of knowledge,” Weis said. “I don’t think he was defiantly trying to get himself into trouble with the law.”

LOL. First off, Charles, you are delusional and by delusional we mean, ignant, disingenuous and self-serving.

Let’s just assume that ole boy didn’t know the law, so what? In saying that he did this out of a “lack of knowledge” you are intimating that there was no wrong-doing and skating around the obvious fact that ole boy was probably going to suck down a few Natural Lights and shots. I mean, this is college for goodness sake, you think he was “ignorant” of the fact that these hoes out here are easier when they are drunk? Do you honestly believe that Jimmy wasn’t there to get some drinks for his personal use? Please… Next thing you’ll tell me that you guys play one of the toughest schedules..oh wait, you’ve already said that. Say Charles, how do you explain this photo of young Jimmy?

I know, I know, it’s just “ignorance” and of the fact that speedos are gay, with a “lack of knowledge” that he had two more greased up, probably spray-tanned dudes BEHIND him flexing and enjoying their view. I get it completely….kind of reminds me of this not so old picture:

And what about that other Quarterback who got busted with some Chronic in the car he was driving? What about your defensive lineman who got arrested when he was trying to git some head in broad daylight over the summer?

Charles, none of this is all that bad or shocking. Kids do these kinds of thing. The thing nobody can accept is how you continue to act as though you’re Vince Lombardi or something or that you can just step in and tell us a kid wasn’t doing something wrong when he clearly was. I mean, he got popped.. Big deal. Just don’t tell me he wasn’t “defiantly breaking the law”.. Vick wasn’t defiantly breaking those Dogfighting Laws either…what does that matter? In fact, the only cat I can see who defiantly breaks laws is George W. Bush… So unless you hold your players to the ultimate arse hole standard, lay off these kinds of “clarifications”. Thanks.

– Lake