Archive for the ‘Packing Heat’ Category

John Edwards: In the Case of That Baby Mama is Damn Ugly, John YOU _____ the Father!

August 8, 2008

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail no!  First a tranny on “I want Diddy” (ha) and now this.  This has been a fucked up week!

Come on John.  Even she can’t believe you blazed that.  Look at her, she’s disgusted!  Don’t tell me you hit that raw dog.  I mean, anyone could have a bad night (I guess) but with this babe you need a condom, liquid drain-o, an assault rifle and a urologist waiting outside the room standing on call.  I mean, I read the story and immediately called the Orkin man just on general principle.

And yes I stepped on Brock’s post.  And you know what, like Smokey, I.Don’t.Give.A.Fuccccck.  Ya dig?

– Weekend Lake, ready to git after it like Ollie v. April

Bow Wow’s Chick Brings that THUNDER!

May 22, 2008

Hey, if there is one thing that’s for certain, it’s that they will continue to produce ridiculously hot babes.  Take this chick for instance, Dollicia Bryan, she’s basically the next Vida Guerra and I’m happy to have made her acquaintance. 

Wow, say what you want about that King, but they bring the heat more often than they don’t.  I can’t believe Lil Bow Wow bagged this broad, but I guess it’s true.

Sheeeeeeeeeiiiit!  That cat is looking like he’s seeing some things, man.  One more. 

That aint no airbrush neither.  Damn.  Something tells me, we’ll be seeing more of this chick.  I know, I know, Video Hizzie is just like the skrip who is just like the pro and the knee bone is connected to the hip bone.. i know. 

– Lake

Thickness Defined: ASHANTI!!!

May 15, 2008

Dude, maybe it’s just me (it’s not) but has anyone noticed that Ashanti is looking FAN-TABULOUS lately? My word!!! I mean, it’s like every picture of her I see is yet another piece into a tapestry of “GOT DAMN“-ness. So you know I had to ask the question that’s on everyone’s mind: Is Ashanti UvT Quality? We’ll start with “Classy” Ashanti and work our way down:

Very nice. And don’t think that angle on picture one around the middle hip area is lost on me, either…IT’S NOT. In fact, this was the first picture of her that made me let out a Scooby Doo inspired “Zoinks”. Then I saw some more:

Uhhhhhhhhhh, s-s-s-s-say whaaaaaat?!!!! Talk about thick. Fair enough, it’s the JLo gimmick and I get that. But are you fucking serious? Dude, Nelly aint gonna ever need to roll by Popeye’s or KFC again. I mean, I see thigh, breast, fuck, sides and all the damn fixins’!!! BUT DON’T FORGET THE HONEY!!! WOW. Dude, now I know what it’s like to be sippin on that purple stuff because I’ve been in a daze ever since I first laid eyes on this picture. Honestly, where does it start, how can it stop? MY WORD!!! I grudingly move on to exhibit 3, B, IV, shit, who am I?

“I need an around the way girl, that’s the one for meeeeee!!!!!!”

Can I get a J check?

Oh yes indeed. On the real, how many hours per day must this babe put in that gymnasium? 2, 3 or 4? Which brings me back to the question of her UvT Quality status. I say HELL YES. I mean, I believe in a republican (little R) form of blogging and I know I can’t just make unilateral decisions, but do I really have to wait for Brock to scream from the mountain tops: “YES, YES ASHANTI IS UvT QUALITY!!!!!!” I should wait you say?

How about now? That under cheek shot is always a doozy. As my boy “JP” in Manhattan by way of Louisiana would say “she’s very attractive”… yes she is my man, YES. SHE. IS! Angle two on that thigh please:

My goodness!!! With all that leg, she’s about to put KFC out of business. HELP!

– Lake


Good eye, Lake.  Good eye.  Ashanti was looking good as hell in that King Magazine spread back in the day, and she definitely looks lovely in that white dress.  You know what’s messed up though?  Ashanti without the personal trainer, dietician, and will to achieve ends up looking like this:

Yup.  That’s Ashanti’s little sister Shia…Shi-Shi what day call her.  If Ashanti has pulled back from one ham sandwich away status to weekend bender with chili cheese fries away status, lil’ Shi-shi here just pushed back from Thanksgiving dinner.  Be aware people, be aware.


When keeping it real goes wrong

January 30, 2008

I hate to so blatantly steal Dave Chappelle’s line but I literally couldn’t think of another caption for this wild wedding picture below.


Now before you think you know why this picture is so crazy. Take a bit of a longer look and then read my comments below to see how many of your observations fit with mine.

1. The Feet

Peep the damn flower girl, who should be no older than 8 years of age, standing at 5-11 with those Fischer Price “my first heels” sandals with the stockings…Meanwhile the other chicks have clear stripper heels on, except the one who just said “fuck it” and strapped on some house schools for the occasion.

2. The Mens

Then you’ve got homey on the ground looking like a cut rate Smally Biggs rocking the “smoove airbrush/jailhouse sexy” pose in front of the entire posse and that’s what this is, a posse, followed by the muscle in the back holding the big heat. Now maybe it’s just me, but since 1992 I’ve noticed that whenever cats are openly brandishing semi automatic assault rifles, I see large asses within a 8 foot radius of the tool in question.

3. Chillin with my women friends

Damn, I just have to go back to ole girl standing next to my man with big thangs poppin. I mean, what was she really thinking in the 8 seconds that immediately preceded this photograph:

“Ohw-key, turn sidewayz, ohhh, dats jus- ryte.. yep, dat should show off my backshots fur reel…yep, got it.” AHNT!

LOL sorry, I had to go ahead and buzz that. You know you’re low level when you put that right foot forward, left foot at an exact 90 angle stage right, arch the back and let it fly thinking this is the best thing you have to offer this timeless photograph.

4. What’s missing

My only complaint is that there are no visible tats. I’m not sure if that makes this better or worse… Now I say visible because I’d be willing to bet $11.99, which coincidentally is the same price the flower girl paid for those kicks, that at least one person, man or woman, has a tatoo that says “P-Ta Mon’s” on them.

Jeezus, take the wheel for real… What is the bride thinking during all of this?

– Lake

Lesbian gangs terrorize America?

January 10, 2008

Maybe I’m just an asshole (ok, I am) but there’s something about two chicks fighting that I just love. I don’t know, it’s like two kittens getting their squabble on, you just assume it’s a no harm no foul situation and the comedy factor seems to always far outweigh any actual harm done to anyone’s physical person. At least that’s how it used to be. Peep this video of Bill O’Reilly’s show (I know, I know) talking about Pink Pistol Packing lesbian gangs which is allegedly an epidemic that’s sweeping the nation.

Damn. I can’t remember a time when I was scared of a pack of wild chicks. I think the community leaders need to secure the services of A Pimp Named Slickback from The Boondocks to quell this little rebellion. He knows how to deal with these ruff neck heffers.

– Lake

Florida Review Board: It was a good Taze

October 25, 2007


After further review the Us Versus Them Department of Law Enforcement and Corrections has found that the arse whooping, manhandling and especially the Tazing of dat candy ass experienced by the idiot Florida Student was proper, prudent, appreciated, encouraged, and enjoyed… 🙂


Oh and the Florida Department of Law Enforcement also held that the incident which lead to surging electricity that hopefully lightly seared Andrew Meyer’s punk ass was properly administered too.

Man, that never gets old, especially the “ouch, ouch, ouuwww” he screamed out like he’s 5 years old or something. “What did I do?” haaaa


Sorry bro, but as my Republican friends have told me time and time again, Freedom isn’t Free. Just glad it happened to you, that it wasn’t me and most importantly, that I got to see and laugh at it.

Now go away.. Thx.

– Lake

Bill Maas continues to be a wild boy!!!

September 7, 2007

Loyal readers will remember the story of Bill Maas from a few months back when he got popped by the fuzz for ridin’ dirty with that young thing. It’s too bad too, because Bill Maas is one of my favorite NFL commentators. He’s got that edge, that bite, I guess from being a hard hitting 9 year vet of the Kansas City Chiefs himself, but it’s pretty clear that Bill is out of control!


Indeed, back in July Bill and his lady friend here got stopped by the cops and then Bill just started wigging out, submitted to a search of his vehicle (why?) where they found weed, cocaine, twenty something pills of X and a gun!!! DAAAAAYUM.

Now the news wire is reporting that on Wednesday, Bill Maas got popped for trying to bring a loaded handgun on a plane in his carry-on bag.


Is this cat serious? Hey, maybe the prosecutors should just cut this cat some slack. Who among us hasn’t forgotten to “carefully stow” our heat before we head off to the airport? I mean, it’s not like a loaded gun would be any cause for concern or anything, right? Can you imagine what those TSA slugs did when Bill’s bag first went through that X-ray machine?


(I’m sure the first three people it passed by looked something like this cat)


I mean, that under-worked and overpaid (and no I don’t know what they are paid, but no matter what it is, it’s too much) TSA employee who spends 50% of her day laughing with her fellow shirk happy colleagues, 20% of the day inexplicably sitting down in some abandoned gate area, 10% reading the paper, 8% walking back into that little side office to do God knows what and a solid 12% actually doing her job must have been SHOCKED to see a damn GAT sitting up in Maas’ bag…


And then just imagine Bill, conspicuously big as all hell, probably red faced from whatever drug binge he went on last night and just impatient like the rest of us:

TSA woman: “Um, sir, is this your bag?”
Bill Maas: “Yes”, with a look on his face that says “Just give me my shit”
TSA woman: “Um, sir, we’re going to have to do secondary screening of your bag”

You can’t really blame Bill for his impatience, after all, they do love to take too long with your stuff which for the business traveler is an unmitigated violation; even if you are packing illegal heat like Bill Maas…LOL


Classic. Hey, at least they caught the gun. I’ve consistently taken liquids and gels onto planes in my carry-on bags only to realize it later. And why is it that they seem unable to prevent me from bringing an assortment of liquids on board, but my iRun shoes are 1. a mystery to these people and 2. suddenly a matter of national security? Yes, I AM aware that there is a digital chip in my shoe. Where do they find these people?


Of course, Bill’s defense is the same as anyone, he just took the wrong bag. Right, because don’t we all keep identical bags, one for our heat, the other for our non gel or liquid based travel supplies? Isn’t that the same argument God Shammgod errrrr Sebastian Telfair used that one time to explain why he brought a gat on a plane? Hey, normally, I’d say cut Bill some slack or no sweat, but this cat Bill Maas is known for popping X, tooting the white horse and using those damn firearms to kill large mammals, so I think we’d all be a lot safer if they just took this cat off the streets for good. This fool is dangerous!!!


I know let’s just put PETA on his ass for killing all these animals.  They’re good about using celebrities for their own ends errr making an example out of people who mistreat innocent wildlife.

– Lake

PS- If the Bear is so innocent, why is it that he’d be willing to eat my ass in a heartbeat? Don’t get me wrong, I’m no hunter and I don’t get the jones these fools get off of hunting, but a 7, 1 cat who wants to eat me is anything but innocent and if necessary, that fool gotta go. Think on that PETA…