Jermaine Dupri definitely does not have his lady in check

Hey, I’m no male chauvinist, but even I’d have to firmly put my foot down if my lady was caught behaving like this.

And no, I don’t care if it’s on stage or not, faux mic checks would make me wonder what was really going on in that tour bus, especially if she had a clean foot on me.

Jeez.

I mean, look at the expression on that freak dancer’s face!  And that angle on that tail piece.. I just aint right.  But I guess she’s like 48 or something, so it’s like whatev.  Anyway, let’s not forget that Janet has a history of letting her dancers hit, too.

Oh, hell naw.  Cat are really into some other shit.  Whatever happened to just getting after some tail the old, All American way?

Jer-mang.. Please, get your lady man.  She aint doing anything for your image right here.  Be a man, take a stand.  Put this shit to a stop.

– Lake

Fake or Real Part 3: You Decide

I know a few cats don’t like my Fake v. Real aka Them v Us posts, but I like a repeated theme.  Anyway, so tell me.  Is it all hers?  (Sorry for this)

AHNT.  Lord Jesus, send help fast.

– Brock err Lake (yikes)

Feds to Americans: Our Money’s Funny and Our Credit Won’t Get It

Daaaayum son.  This damn financial crisis has finally bubbled over to a level I can’t accept.  I spoke to my boys today in NYC, both bankers, and neither could guarantee me a spot at TenJune upon my next trip to the city.  As such, this was the conclusion I came to with regard to our financial solvency going forward:

Oh well, since shit aint going right, I figured I’d double down on Aubrey O’Day pictures.  Here she is with her allegedly lesbo girlfriend Lydia Hearst at a photo op errrr in the club having an unstaged good time with her closest friends.

Interesting faux dack work.

Ha, why not?  Can I ask women why yall rock that flesh color lipstick?  It’s rarely a good look.  As for this Lydia Hearst chick.  I’m told she’s some sort of Paris Hilton-like heiress.  No wonder Aubrey is sidling up to her.  Oh and my research tells me she’s a model too.

Sheeeeeit, this chick seems like fun.  Plus she’s got loot?  We’ll have to keep our eyes on her.

Shout out to MRod for the pics.  Good lookin’.

– Lake

Kat DeLuna And Other Horrible National Athems

Listen, if you’re destined to be an R&B star, an actress or even just a solid citizen, just go ahead and be proud of who you are, but don’t fuck with the Star Spangled Banner.  First of all, it’s not really an easy song to sing.  It starts low, goes high and just has a veritable minefield of dynamics and notes that are challenging for even the most advanced singers.  Still, not surprisingly, plenty of cats want to sing it and can’t.  I especially don’t appreciate a cat who tries to put all kinds of personal freaks on the song.   You know, when they add in that extra soul sauce so they can really nail the joint.  I think that’s where Kat DeLuna aka Tina Marie Jr. Jr. went wrong:

Jeez… Can you be a “Pop Sensation” and have a speech impediment?  A few pitch problems maybe?  Lol  Yooo, that “Land of the Free” was CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, even Simon was speechless after that joint.

And by the way, who in the hell is Kat DeLuna?

Damn, thick in the thigh, light in the eye and jeez, the FIRST and ONLY chick I’ve seen that actually sold those high waist shawt shorts, respek.  But why do that when you can always freak the original shorts?

Damn, I need another angle on this:

Wow, that’s a lot of hip for a young girl.  Interesting.  Let’s just hope she steers clear of the enhanced breast plate.  Anyway, I like that first name, Kat.  Ha.  Aint nothing wrong with that, but is she talented enough, well, musically?

Anyway, Kat’s cat ass performance got my thinking, what’s the worst rendition of the Star Spangled Banner I’ve ever heard, oh yes, Carl Lewis’ for sure:

Hilarious.  And while we’re in the jabbing mood, look how this cat murdered the Anthem words:

My goodness.  Haaaaaaaaa  And all those “Middle Amuricans” were just hating my man killing that song.  Come on people, please get those words right, ok?  And if you get into pitch problems on “Rocket’s Red Glare” pull a Carl Lewis and take that “Land of the Free” an octave down, ok?  Oh fuck it, here’s one more.  This cat just tried to power through it.

Ha, terrible.  Thanks for nothing.  USA, USA, USA….

– Lake

I hate to do this, but: “It’s So Cold In the D”

Dude, I really thought long and hard about not putting up this video, but I just couldn’t lay off that heat.  Now, I know we have a number of readers who live in or hail from the Greater Detroit area.  But I bet all of you didn’t know you had an anthem bouncing around the internet.  So I give you, “It’s So Cold In The D”:

…ummm… well..now..errr.  Who’s more shocked about this video, me, Shaq

Or Kwame Kilpatrick.

Yikes.  I know, I know, “It’s so cold at UvT, gonna get Lake in his sleep… wake him with my 9.”  I know. lol

– Lake

Sponge Broad Square Arse: Angel Lola Luv!

Albany, NY is the State Capital of New York and a hotbed for progressive ideas around education.  So it was no wonder that the fine public servants in that district choose a true role model to kick off their “Back to School Extravaganza” last week.  Peep the highly motivational speaker, Angel Lola Love at the school assembly.

Haaa, and no, I’m not kidding!  This really is the outfit ole girl rocked at the school as she spoke to our nation’s youth. What possible message could this chick have for the kids?  “If you aren’t smart, don’t have a great personality and lack the proper fatness of the ass to excel in the objectification bidness, maybe you can sell your soul to the local ass gel bootlegger.”

And we wonder why kids are completely fucked in the head.

“Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice.”

Goddamn.  Where’s the Gap when you need it?  Anyway, back to discussion at hand.  Can any of you explain to me:

1.  Why Albany Public Schools would EVER invite an ass gelling, breast “through some E’s on that b*tch” enhancing, neck tatting, booty shaking, chick like this to talk to children?

2.  How the ass in question actually became SQUARED the fuck out?

I mean, that shit is just bizarre!  Look at the way the tail gives up high.  It’s creepy.  And I guess I already know the answer, but I still gotta ask, Angel Lola Love’s Ass. Real or FAKE?

Lol…  I tend to agree.  Hey Albany Superintendent of Schools.

YOU’RE FIRED!!!!

– Lake

Free The Juice: OJ Simpson Trial is Underway

Maaaan, fuck it, I’m with OJ Simpson.

That’s right, I said it, I’m siding with the Juice.  Come on now.  I know this is Amurica, so actual Justice and Truff don’t really count.  But let’s face it, Juice was set up with this one.  I mean, how many cats roll up into a spot with some dudes they don’t know to retrieve their stolen memorabilia and just happen to have tape rolling? In fact, roll the tape interns:

Yooo, this is hilarious.  “You think you can steal my shit?”  “Bag this shit up.” Yo, Juice is a funny cat.  Meanwhile, ALL the cats he rolled in with cut deals with the prosecution to turn on the Juice.  Now that aint right.  They tell Juice the dude “took his shit.”  They lead the Juice to the room.  They bring the heat, but Juice is up to go to Jail for life?  How does that work?

Oooooh, that’s right. OJ is being tried for a different crime.  Supreme DickAssness associated with that murder.

Hey, I watched that trial from start to finish.  The state didn’t meet its burden.

I might be the only cat in America who isn’t certain that OJ did it, but I’m not really certain.  What I am certain of is that he doesn’t deserve to go down for Memorabilia Gate alone.  It’s not like he whooped ass, he just confronted some mark ass busters who “stole his shit.”  It was a simple misunderstanding, mixed with a clear understanding that ass tappities could commence if cats continued to play with OJ’s money.  And before yall cats come with that, “I doesn’t matter, he’ll get what he deserves, he’s worse than Osama Bin Laden” AHNT, consider this:

Jigga, Snoop, Juice, Kelly, NOT-Guil-ty!

– Lake

Jennifer Hudson Gets Punk’d?

This story is just too weird.  Haaavard Law Grad, Tiffany “New York” Pollard reject and former UvT punching bag David “Punk” Otunga allegedly got engaged to Jennifer Hudson yesterday.

Dude, this is just too weird.  LOL.  I mean, Punk?  First of all, dude’s name is Punk.  Second, he went on I LOVE NEW YORK.  Didn’t that raise somewhat of a red flag for Ms. Hudson?  Hey Huddy, you may want to check in with Star Jones and Terry McMillan before you’re out here getting your groove back with a cat who uses more hair product than you.

And then there’s Punk.  How does a cat go from talking to zero black cats at HLS, to going onto I Love New York (which according to you was to promote your Hollywood carer errrr show positive images of black men in the media) to marry certified real deal sister Jennifer Hudson?

I already know the answer which is YES, but I still have to ask:  Is this cat serious? Ha, what a cornball.  LOL.  JHud, when it all goes wrong, don’t say Lake didn’t warn ya.  And just so we’re clear, you should be looking for a cornball dude, especially when you’re in entertainment.  But you’ve got things a bit mixed up.  When looking for the proper corn, you want something that looks more like this:

And run away from a dude who would ever pose like this:

I know, I know, he’s Abs-solutely fit.  Sure, but you have to understand the mentality of a black cat who spikes his hair, rolls around shirtless or dares put himself in a frosted pic.  Believe me, it aint right and somehow the fact that he went to HLS makes it that much worse.

– Lake

Matt Damon Drops a Little Knowledge

Finally, someone, ANYONE, just comes out and says straight:

Come on, who among us doesn’t realize:

1. Palin is a joke candidate for Vice President of the United States of America

2. John McCain has a 1 in 3 chance of dying in office, leaving us with hockey mom Palin as our VP, a concept that literally is about as ridiculous as ME bring President two years from now.

5 years ago, Paliln was selling camping equipment.  CAMPING EQUIPMENT!!!!  Two years ago she was running a “city” that’s literally smaller than my neighborhood.  In all seriousness, exactly 20 months ago, I HAD A SUPERIOR RESUME TO SARAH PALIN and I wouldn’t let her run the comments section on this website without a proper UvT vetting and some advanced schooling.  If Sarah Palin, due to her academic and professional substance, isn’t qualified to write for this blog, and believe me, she isn’t, then how in the hell is she qualified to even be a candidate for Vice President?

Hey, this is the Presidency of the United States, it’s not “Brownie, doin’ a heck of a job” running FEMA or Harriet Myers getting appointed to the Supreme Court.  I mean, this is literally a Wu Tang Financial moment, “Protect Your Fucking Neck!”  Enough with the moose hunting and ice fishing jokes, this woman is not ready to be President of a goddamn thing and sure as hell aint ready to be VP of the US of A.  Thx.

– Lake

————–UPDATE—————–

The best quote is “I really need to know if she thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago.  That’s an important…I want to know that.  I really do.  Because she’s gonna have the nuclear codes.”

I don’t think there is a better summary of the situation than that quote.

-Brock

Dear Hip Hop, Please, No More Bitchassness…

Man, maybe I’m just getting too old for the game.  Maybe I’ve just lost touch.  Maybe I should just accept that a life of family, low salt foods and Jesus fishes needs to replace Vegas, Grecian Goose and verified ignorance.  I don’t know, I suddenly feel like the hip hop curmudgeon and I don’t like it.  Sure, I can deal with violence:

Hypocrisy:

Sexploitation:

and utter tomfoolery:

because those are the reasons I listen to hip hop to begin with.  But let’s be frank here.  There is an epidemic of cat shit that’s attacking the bedrock principles of the art form I know and love.  I mean, it was ok when the cat ass shit was truly artistic, like, if a dude was literally blasting off to planet 3000, I was ok as long as the rhymes stayed funky.

But see Andre 3000 can get away with that shit because he was doing it when cats were literally like, “what the fuk is wrong with this dude”?

I mean, a cat who comes out on the Chris Rock show with some snow boots, shoulder pads and blue wig right in the middle of the Jay Z “Hard Rock Life” and DMX “Get At Me Dog” era, really believes.  But this cat… I mean, goodness, didn’t Puff just recently ask for no bitchassness?

I mean, what the fuck is going on?  And please stop striking that pose like you reeaaally just nailed that outfit too.  haaa, this shit is awful.  Kanye, I really like your music and I do believe that you’re generally a sincere cat.  But on the rizzeal, you’re not that fashion forward dude you think you are.  Sure you have some cats following your steez, but they’re all fucking terrible and wack or quite literally on some other, high-lo, ignorant-intelligent, deep-shallow thespian bullshit.

Man, I’m telling you. These damn weirdos (I said it) have finally gotten under my skin.  All these dudes out here trying to be soooo different.  What ever happened to conformity?  I mean, I used to laugh when I heard those terrible ass NYC bouncers warn us “we can get gully in here sun, I told you, clear this area”  Ahhhhnnt Hell, I’m longing for those days now.  What ever happened to “punching a nilla in the face just for living” (Mobb Deep)?  I mean, I thought those days were the low point.  I thought DMX was taking shit too far.  Then I saw this.

And no I don’t care that those shoes are the hottest thing in Milan, that your extra medium tuxedo shirt is made of finely spun Mongolian cotton or that you had the vision to match it all with a suit from Men’s Warehouse just to keep it “organic” or whatever silly explanation you have for this ‘fit.  And no, I don’t give a hot damn about the strappy juxtaposition between the braces and the backpack or that fucked up green floor and your fucked up lack of a haircut.  I don’t know and I don’t wanna know, ok?

Jesus, Buddah, Allah, someone, please help us.  Obviously we’re not figuring this thing out down here.  Stop dressing like a gay euro.  Stop rocking shit you know looks wack, juuust becuase you think you’ll be seen as different.  Stop singing songs that truly require actual vocal ability and most of all, just stop being a bitch.

Put down that purse and pick up a ball, remote, a beer..dammit, something, anything.  I’m with Sarah Palin on this one, go shoot some Moose mufuckers, leave the cat shit be.

There, I said it.

– Lake