Nominations for UvT Man and Woman of the Year

It’s getting close to that time. The year is coming to a close and of course, we have to go ahead and begin the painstaking task of crowning our people of the year. So please, by all means, send us your nominations for UvT man and woman of the year. It’s a merit based award and as always, we’re keeping it positive. No, Bullshit Cat of the Year. Worst Song of the Year, Terrible Chick of the Year. Or Muthafucka of the Year.. nah. This is all going to be high level, thoughtful and of course, classy. ha

Let me just kick it off. I, Lake Arlington, MD, nominate Noelia for woman of the year. Let me explain. Noelia is still bad as shit. I mean, BAD!!! The babe is just ridiculous and she brings a diversity of looks. She can hit you from the top angle.

Show it from back.

Shoot it from the hip.

Take it high.

Keep it Low.

And for those who don’t know, she’s got finishing moves. They may be NSFW, but they are indeed impressive. Seriously, this aint a triple threat, this babe can hit you from any and every angle at any time, period. And peep how her look changes up, but no matter what it is, it’s still dope.

She can go fast, take the thing slow, get sentimental:

And she can go artistic.

Plus she can sing, allegedly. I haven’t gotten that far with my analysis of the babe, but hell, even her mother has some thangs going on.

Tell me another woman who has given this site so much and yet asked for so little in return? I mean, I’m not even sure she speaka the English and I like it that way.  I mean, just look at those pictures. Baby girl is sensual, seductive, hot as all hell and ready to rock. Now, how do I know she’s ready to rock? Or better put, how do I know that in addition to running that 4.3 40 yard dash, having that 43 inch vertical and being able to bench 380 20 times that she can still play this game at the highest of levels? Because I saw that damn sex tape ( NSFW).

I’ve seen the babe in action and let me tell you, she’s a BEAST. I mean, look, I didn’t actually see the tape, of course, but I heard that she was just giving the camera every single thing it wanted and jsut when you thought you saw what you needed to see, she took it to that Not Safe For Work NEXT level. WOW. The full video can be found here and it’s aggressive. So there you have it.

Indeed, Noelia is my first nomination of UvT Woman of the Year. If you have any thoughts, comments or nominations of your own, drop us a commet.
– Lake

What the hell is wrong with the Red Sox?!?!

Why oh why does this seem to happen every year?

I attended the match-up on Saturday between the Yanks and Sox and the Sox won (Good UvT karma). Since then, all hell has broken loose. There isn’t much you can say about this, but it’s definitely time to hit that panic button with the Yanks only 1 and 1/2 games back. Huh, who would have thunk it, maybe Theo Epstein isn’t boy genius after all.

I mean, could his Free Agent pick ups be any worse?

And umm, can someone please dial-up Manny so that the Sox can get some offensive production?

Okajima is shut down, Gangne should be put on a Lama and sent back to the Great White North or something.. I mean, what the hizzie? I guess I’ll have to post this Noelia picture to calm my nerves.

Yeah, I feel better already.

More therapy.

– Lake

Is Noelia the Baddest Chick at UvT? YES!!!

Ok, there isn’t much going on in the news right now. So I’ll give my people what qualifies as news enough to me and that’s the fact that Puerto Rican pop sensation/sex tape super nova Noelia is still fine.

Truth be told, we need to give her some more shine on this site. So I’ll just go ahead and give you shots of Noelia in the Puerto Rican version of Maxim…

And if you haven’t peeped her aggressive sex tape, again, it can be found HERE… Me, I still haven’t watched it, of course. But rumor out here has it that even though he’s about to go to jail errr be on trial, after peeping it once aRa Kelly is trying to make that pee on you part three with Noelia starring as that main attraction.

Anyway, do yall remember when Smokey uttered that poignant observation to Craig about Nia Long?

“Ohhhhhh, her mama got ass too”

Well, I don’t know if her mama got ass (though from looking at N, she must) but her mom has to be the #1 cougar in all of Puerto Rico.. ¿No?

Hey, that’s a 57 year old woman right there chicos and let’s face it, most of these hot latinas got a shorter half life than an open box of Triscuits, so you know that was a fiiine woman… Come on now, don’t even act like you might not do it..Anyway, there’s no new news from Noelia. Nothing to report. She’s still fine and we still love her over here at UvT. Come on, is there a badder chick out there right now? I mean, for real, no matter who good they look, do they have tape to verify that the look in their eyes is real? Maaan, Jessica Simpson can’t hit…Nick already done told us their MTV show she wasn’t hittin it right, so all those sexy looks into the camera, please… Halle, she ruined everything with that damn Billy Bob Thorton nonsense, so now I don’t really think she can hit neither. With Noelia, you know when you see that look in her eye and then you see that arse that it’s an authentic look and an authentic arse and dammit, that used to mean something in America.

I’ll say it right now and I aint even consulted with my main mayne Brock Hardon, Noelia is officially the baddest chick at UvT, period.. book it!

-Lake

Noelia’s sex tape: Mission Accomplished

Attention: Don’t forget to check out our Noelia posts part one and part two for background.

(clearly this shot of her was pre unnatural female enhancement, still sexy though)

Ok, to say we were duped would be a bit much here, because everyone pretty much saw this one coming. Indeed, it’s quite clear now that Noelia, after seeing the success of no talents like Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton (Not safe for work), and Kim Kardashian blast off into American media stardom, released that sex tape to help kick off her her career in the US.

Hey, I aint mad at you mami. Do your thing. But the idea that the sex tape just miraculously appeared juuust before you start work on your first English speaking album is kind of a joke. And it looks like it paid off too. Look at this youtube for Noelia, which to date has over half a million viewers!!!

(she does look kinda good in that dress though)

Anyway, I must admit, pre sex tape I would have given a Noelia song about 5 seconds before I turned the channel (which not so coincidentally corresponds with the length of time I give ANY Telemundo or Univision program now), now she may get a solid 40 seconds out of me if her video appeared on MTV. It’s clear what she should do next though. Get Wyclef to hit errrr give her some Shakira knock off song. Then hook her up with some Scott Storch (“great scott!”) formatted joint. Maybe throw in some kind of duet with some grubby little R&B cat, hmmm, oh yes, Lloyd, Ne-yo or Bobby Valentino will do. Then put her onto some big ballad and then fill the rest of the album up with rump shaking and gratuitous spanish themed sex references. Done deal, right?

(after watching that sex tape right HERE, we now know why Mickey has that perpetual smile and we can certainly understand why the fish’s eyes are nearly popping out of his head)

Hey, this route worked for Kim Kardashian who has some reality show coming out (yawn), so it should work pretty well for this babe who ostensibly has some real talent.

The strategy did not work, however, for total no talent “Toastee” from Flavor of Love 2 an Charm School fame..

And if you think I just put this line of discussion in so that I could get this absurd picture of toastee and this terrible bald cat on the blog (yes, she has a sex tape too), you’d be absolutely right. LOL. Hilarious. Look at that cat, he’s turning red!!! Freaky stuff.

– lake

Noelia Update: Stuntin’ like my (step) Daddy!!!?

Yo, this wild Noelia thing took a turn for the bizarre when ole girl accused her step father, Topy Mamery, and allegedly famous mother and certified cougar, Yolandita Monge, of leaking her sex tape!!!! Now that’s crazy! I mean, first off, who among us would watch our daughter taking it up the eeerrrrr having an intimate moment with anyone, much less watch it and then distribute it so that the rest of us can check it out.

“Topy Mamery: Only you, my mother [Yolandita Monge], and God know that I say the truth and justice must be served. To have robbed pieces of my privacy to try and silence and annihilate me, is something despicable and low. I only wish that my mother searches for God.”

I guess it goes without saying that this little family is having some issues of late. All I know is that if her mama(cita) is half the freak Noelia is ole step Daddy is one lucky (and happy) dude. ¡muy caliente!

Yo, a lot of chicks pose for sexy pics. In Noelia’s case, she can back it up (literally) though. I mean, how can anyone interpret a sexy look in her eye the same way after seeing how she was working it in that damn tape. I like how she called her shot by pointing at the porno that was running. It was Babe Ruth-esque. What a woman.

Again, look at our old post to find the link right chere!

———Update————-

I made note of the fact that Noelia’s mother, Yolandita Monge, was a certified cougar and this one reader from Boston emailed me demanding proof. Well here you go, you can see where Noelia gets her talent from and I aint talking about singing.

Nice looking older woman. I’m not mad at her (except the whole distribution of your daughter’s sex tape thing)

“Puerto Rico, hoooooooooooooooooes”. Gotta love it.

PR pop singer Noelia’s sex tape….wow

Look, if anyone knows me, they know I hate sex tapes. I think the are vile and distasteful. I’d never promote it, I’d never watch it. I…did…not..watch…them..tapes..

(maybe one day, for journalistic purposes, I’ll watch this one)

Especially NOT the Kim Kardashian tape… Why would I watch that? She’s only the hotest and thickest white babe out right now, so who cares right? I have no interest. I’d never watched that R Kelly tape, no check that since it was tapes plural (in many ways I truly hope, for the sake of all of our souls that she was NOT 14, yikes). Not the Paris tape… Not any of those super hot Pam Anderson tapes…none of it.

(here ole girl is crying on the spanish talk show. Am I to believe that after all we’ve seen these tapes have done for women’s careers that she isn’t happy it was released? Not sure about this one)

With that said, yall should just be made aware of fact that there is a really wild sex tape out there right now. Of course I haven’t seen it or anything, but let’s just say I heard that the babe in it, Noelia, a previously unknown Puerto Rican pop singer (pictured above), is REALLY getting after it in the tape. I mean, reeeeally showing some things to the people. Wow. Again, not that I know, but there is supposedly a site, that will link you to another site, where you can see it.

Clearly not safe for work, so save that link for later errrr beware that you don’t accidentally click on that joint umm prematurely. Let’s just say I heard that ole girl is both familiar with and comfortable/skilled at using her anatomy. WOW. Here’s that link.

And just so you know, there was some discussion that it wasn’t her, but the tattoo doesn’t lie.

This babe is no joke if you haven’t gotten the picture yet. Again, wow.