Archive for the ‘Balco T’ Category

UNC shows little heart as Duke rolls 89-78

February 7, 2008

The way I see it the difference in the game was that Duke came out with Kurt Angle’s three I’s: Intensity, Integrity and Intelligence, three adjectives most UNC fans are likely unfamiliar with.


But seriously, this game was a relative snoozer from the middle of the first half. You knew Duke was going to win, it was just a matter of waiting for UNC to die that slow, uninspired death. With the exception of Tyler Hansbrough (and possibly Ty Lawson) does anybody on that squad have any heart?


I mean, where was the pride? Where was the commitment to protect that home court? After these cats lost their Point Guard it just looked like someone came in and stole their lunch money but their big brother happened to be out of town and couldn’t protect them anymore. What a joke.


Believe me, this was NOT a close game. Duke was the superior team, really from start to finish, but most striking was how much tougher Duke was that the Tar Heels. There’s no doubt that things would have been different had Lawson played and it’s unfortunate that UNC lost him to that ankle sprain.


Is that an ankle brace or a gobment electronic monitoring device? My bad. But on the real, if the Refs weren’t under the delusion that Tyler Hansbrough can play a tough, physical brand of basketball and virtually NEVER foul, this would have been a legitimate blow out.


What is this cat doing? Seriously, how many times does Hansbrough just run into his defender where it’s automatically a foul on the defense? How often does he wrestle for a rebound and then suddenly it’s against the other guy? I’ve watched him in other games and it’s the same story, hell, in my broadcast, Packer called him “A Great White Shark.” Well, that’s close to what he is, but I’ll just leave that be (for now).


Anyway, it was a solid Duke win with more than a few gut checks from the fellas and plenty of balanced scoring across the team.


GREG PAULUS WAS NAILS from three and just played an overall great game. He feasted on Thomas, who apparently didn’t get the memo that Greg is water from deep. Not only did he shoot 6-8 behind the arch, but they were clutch shots to boot. The UvT game ball definitely goes to the Syracuse brawler, Gregory P.


He really sacked up. It’s kind of hilarious to say it, but UNC really had no answer for him. The rest of the fellas just played smart and within themselves with six guys scoring in double figures. I can’t lie, it was good to see Scheyer get going too.


He was all over the court tonight, making plays and just letting the play come to him.


That crowd full of hicks, most of whom were more consumed with their placement on Gerald Henderson’s nut sack than on the actual play in the game, got just what they deserved.


No seriously, tell me exactly what these two chicks “wanted” from Gerald?


Exactly. I guess those UNC guys just aint hittin it right.


Definitely not. Those inbreds “wanted” Gerald and that’s exactly what they got.


Happy? Now go vote for Mike Huckabee, strum that ukulele with your underfed hound howling in the background and just remember not to take 2 girls and a dude home with you after you drawn your sorrows in your best batch of Carolina Blue moonshine you undoubtedly prepared for tonight’s game..yall hear? Next... (literally).

Duke Blue Devils
K. Singler, F 37 5-11 1-2 2 10 2 3 14
L. Thomas, F 25 5-7 0-2 2 5 0 4 10
G. Henderson, G-F 29 5-10 2-6 3 7 3 3 12
D. Nelson, G 23 3-9 6-7 1 4 5 4 13
G. Paulus, G 31 6-9 0-2 0 3 3 4 18
J. Scheyer, G 33 4-11 7-8 2 6 3 1 17
N. Smith, G 13 2-5 0-0 0 0 0 3 5
D. McClure, F 7 0-2 0-0 1 2 0 2 0
T. King, F 2 0-2 0-0 0 0 0 0 0
  30-66 16-27 11 37 16 24 89
  45.5% 59.3%  
North Carolina Tar Heels
D. Thompson, F 18 5-6 2-3 3 5 0 5 12
T. Hansbrough, F 38 12-21 4-9 5 18 0 4 28
M. Ginyard, G-F 33 3-10 8-8 3 5 3 1 16
W. Ellington, G 34 3-14 2-2 2 5 2 4 8
Q. Thomas, G 35 4-8 2-4 0 3 7 4 10
D. Green, G-F 23 1-10 0-0 2 3 4 3 3
A. Stepheson, F 13 0-0 0-2 2 4 0 2 0
W. Graves, G-F 6 0-0 1-2 1 1 1 3 1
  28-69 19-30 18 44 17 26 78
  40.6% 63.3%  


Stay down!

Go Duke.

– Lake

Duke Versus UNC: The REAL Biggest Rivalry In Sports

February 6, 2008

Well is is sweeps Rivalry Week on ESPN, so it must be time for the greatest rivalry of all time, Duke Versus UNC. Before I get started, how the hell did ESPN think they could stretch the Duke/UNC game into an entire week of games? Kentucky v. Florida? Sure I guess… Missouri v. Kansas? That isn’t making the top ten best rivalry list. Nova v. St. Joe’s? Nah player. Anyway, I digress.


And I know you all hate it, but as far as UvT is concerned, Duke will always be Us and Carolina will always be Them. Does it get better than this? Duke is #2, Carolina is #3, these are two of the best teams in the nation, they have a history of putting on a great game, oh yeah, and starting point guard Ty Lawson is hurt…


Go Duke.

Just kidding, we’d rather beat them at full strength just to remove all the excuses. We need Paulus, Demarcus, and Henderson to bring their “A” game tonight if we are going to win this one. This is going to be a true battle of backcourt versus front court as the Duke guards are going to be scrapping with the big boys all night.


You know Psycho T is going to try to be the hero. Last time he tried that, he ended up looking like this:


Then he ended up looking like this:


Oh yeah, you know that the Dean Dome faithful are supposed to be a “wine and cheese” crowd. Why do they call that crowd “wine and cheese”? Well, Sam Cassell said it and he meant that the crowd was usually more full of ex-cotton and tobbacy growers and big time boosters than it is real College hoops fans. I can’t lie, they usually have their students up in the nose bleeds. At any rate, you got to remember that this is UNC, so if the crowd is wine and cheese, it’s gotta be Velveeta and Boones Farm because these people aren’t the most cultured folks you’ll ever see.


I mean, until the North came down and liberated them from themselves, their idea of a restaurant was the local Waffle House.

In the spirit of Super Tuesday, let’s count up the votes to figure out who is down with Us.


You know the Duke Blue Devil is down with us.


Duke Nukem is down with us.


Dukie from “The Wire”. Ok, I’m not trying to clown, but why does this cat look exactly like Lance Thomas in this picture? LOL….damn.


The Dukes of Hazzard. With Daisy Duke on top of that car UvT might have to do a throwback ladies post in the near future.


Finally, The Duke, John Wayne is always in our corner. In fact The Duke once said, “Life is tough, but tougher when you’re stupid”. No wonder it is so hard to be a Carolina fan.


“Are you ready for a War?” Duke vs. Pitt

December 20, 2007


“…I’m not finished… Before we let you leave, your commander must cross that field, present himself before this army, put his head between his legs, and kiss his own arse.”

I’m pretty sure the players don’t have the same lust and zeal for Pittsburgh Panther blood that I have and there certainly won’t be any William Wallace-type speeches going on in the huddle tonight. With that said, I’m readying myself for battle, per usual. I just pounded out the first obligatory shit talking email (you gotta put your smack on record) to a few Pitt Alums I’m cool with, I successfully cleared my afternoon schedule in order to assure my timely placement in front of my tv for that ridiculously early 7 pm start time and just now I’m halfway through cutting my fine Brooks Brother sweater vest into a make shift, “I wish a nilla would,” wife beater (gotta keep it gangsta couture).

(Is this cat serious?)

With all that said, I must admit, I’m a little leery about tonight’s match-up with a solid Pitt team that seems to have everything a squad needs to send our squad into a tailspin. Here’s the UvT rundown:

Advantage: Duke
Let’s face it, you can only legitimately play two backcourt players at any one time. I know, I know, if Coach K had it his way, he’d run 6 guards out there. Indeed, but I’m looking at the backcourt as if we didn’t play run’n gun, small ball express at 4 positions all the time. Yes it kind of worked for the Illini back in the Kendall Gill era, but they didn’t cut them nets down now did they and cutting down nets is what it’s about in Durham.

The Pitt backcourt is very competent with solid penetration, legitimate 3-point threats and good ball distribution from the starters and bench help. With that said, the Duke depth at backcourt is bound to give Levance Fields and Maxwell Jr. Jr. aka Ronald “U need a Razor” Ramon trouble.
Ramon is crafty, smart and a good shooter, but he isn’t the biggest 2-guard around. I’m hoping the size of Scheyer and Hendo and the athleticism of Markie will give him trouble. The beauty of our team is that we can send different looks at him all game long. Fields is a bigger problem for the Syracuse brawler, Greg P to deal with. Luckily, we’ve got a hot defensive stopper waiting to get out there and contribute in Nolan Smith. If Greg P has issues, look for K to make a quick switch so we can get some ball pressure on Fields. If Duke isn’t successful at causing havoc for the Pitt guards, then you might as well call it a night. Still, we’re better and deeper at the guard and these fools haven’t really played anyone yet, so hopefully this will match up will carry the day for Duke.

Advantage: Pitt
What can be said about Duke’s frontcourt that hasn’t already been said about Afghanistan and the Chicago Bears (they are who we thought they were). So when I’m talking about Duke’s post players, I need a term that works where our frontcourt lives, a place called What-Da-Fucka-Shoulda-Gotta-Patrick-Patterson-stan.
Anyway, Pitt has hot post players of the fast twitch, quick second jumping variety. DeJuan Blair is a monster on the blocks. Incidentally, if your squad ever has to tangle with a black dude who clearly has a non-black, though still ethnic name (“Juan”), that’s trouble for you. And if it’s modified by a La, Le, Da or De, that’s even worse and worse still is if they add an accent mark or a tilde of some sort. Don’t ask why, but cats with those names will consistently give it to you in athletic endeavors. Not true you say? Mario Williams (Houston Texans), LeBron James, and Juan Dixon just come off my dome. But it’s really more applicable to lunch pale, hard-hittin’, never heard of him, go to battle every day in the paint type cats. They will murder you and at least 40% of their talent is due to whatever factors lead to their mother giving them that name. The name is simply a bi-product.

Uhh, where was I? Oh yeah, but by half-time, be clear, plenty of us will be saying “DeJuan’s a mufucka” because that cat is going to eat our frontcourt players. Singler is tall and talented, but he’s not really a frontcourt guy and he certainly hasn’t been tested like this. Lance Thomas is hurt with that bum ankle, hell, I’m not sure Lance could bang with this cat if he was healthy and Zoub…awww hell, let’s just hope Zoub brought his 5 fouls, two put backs and a Snickers so that he can be really satisfied on the end of that bench. Homey will be ineffective tonight.
(This right here, it’s all I need from Zoub….all I want)

Duke wants him to be big in spots like this, I don’t think he can be though. One thing is for sure, he’s auditioning for the “Who wants to contain Balco T aka Hansbrough” job tonight.
(We know this cat doesn’t mind “containing” ole Balco T)
Let’s just sit back and see. Who knows, maybe the curly hair gangsta, Dave McClure will come in and give us a spark. He’s got heart and he’ll be back up to his old stomping grounds. Curl could be huge.

Advantage Duke
Two words: No, it aint “Mos Def, K-West, hot shit”, those words are Jonathan Scheyer.

Homey has been on fire of late. I’m just hoping Jon is peaking and tweaking on his new role as 6th man. I like it for him. Team’s can’t key on him and he’s just chopping that wood man. Jon could be a key contributor off the bench for Pitt. Add a juice seeking Taylor “I should be Duke’s” King into the mix on the big stage that is MSG and you’ve got something cooking for Pitt.
I can’t wait to see these two cats check in at the scorer’s table. Great change of pace personnel, great contributions off the pine, Duke’s bench is the key to this game for me. And Jon, bring hell with you off the bench homey.. give em hell.

Advantage: Duke
This may seem a bit self-indulgent, but honestly, I’ve got to give Coach K credit this year. Yes, he’s always been a great coach, but finally dude is matching style of play with personnel in a major way. He’s not playing favorites (as much), he’s not letting garbage match ups undo our team just for the sake of keeping with “Duke defensive principles”.. I mean, homey is mixing in some zone. He’s yanking cats who don’t match up well or who don’t have the hot win. I mean, dude is really getting in there and putting the team in the best position to win over all else. Or at least that’s what I see and I’ve been watching Duke hoop closely under K for a clean 15 years now. This is the first year where I feel like he’s really making changes for the better. I’m quite certain he always has, but I love how deep we go. I love how he’s using his talent and I love how he’s gone with the hot hand depending on the game. Jamie Dixon is a nice coach, but he’s no legend and he’s no genius. With that said, his style of play, rough and tough, hard-nose rebounding and defense, is the kind that historically has given Duke a hard time, especially with a liberal whistle.

MSG is Cameron Indoor North…nuff said.

Duke wins by 5 with a free throw nail biter at the end.

Go Duke.

– Lake

They Busted the Rocket Maaaaaaaaaan!

December 13, 2007


And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no, I’m a rocket man (ROCKET MAAAAAAAYNE)
Burning out his fuse up here alone

What a fitting song. “Oh, no, no, no – I’m da Rocket maa-aan.” That Rocket Maaaaaaaan is exactly what the Doctor errr Dentist ordered for this whole Steroids scandal. It’s always been a Barry Bonds witch hunt, but now we finally have some collateral damage. Hey, I’m just glad we can finally and officially account for all wild glare young Andrew Pettitte used to come with back in the day.


You kind of have to respect that controlled Roid Rage… Let me ask yall a question, how hot do these guys look right about now.


Care to comment Manny?


No doubt, just how I see.. All is well in the Bean.


Nice team. Chock full of vitamin c, juice and ethics.


– Lake


Shocker, ole ‘Roid Rocket Rog is now saying he’s “innocent.”  Right, just like you didn’t mean to throw that broken bat at Mike Piazza either, right?  I know, I know, you thought it was the ball and that’s why you tried to HIT HIM with it.  Sure thing.  Who’s this guy’s lawyer, the incomparable Shaggy?


Trainer shot me up near the showers, Waddent me 
I never thought he’d roll over, it Waddent me
Took HGH by the staircase, Waddent me
My Legacy fucked ova!

Roger:  Ok, Lake, you got me.. you got me

Lake:  Oh I didn’t get you yet, should I git him?  haaaa

We’ll leave that for the coming weeks…  Love it.

Balco T and Heels sit atop both polls

December 4, 2007

The North Carolina Tarheels moved up to No. 1 and former No. 1 UCLA fell to No. 8 in the latest ESPN/USA Today coaches’ poll, released Monday. In addition, North Carolina remained No. 1 in The Associated Press poll. Not bad for the boys in baby blue. After Carolina took the top spot in both polls, Tyler Hansbrough aka Balco T was ecstatic.


I know what you’re saying, but Lakey, he doesn’t look so happy. Well, that’s Tyler’s happy face. If you haven’t ever watched the dude, he’s a pretty weird cat with a chemical imbalance I haven’t seen in the ACC since Tim Duncan was getting his robotic big fundamental on in the late 90s.


I pretty much thought the dude was a freaking cyborg or something like Bishop from Aliens. And just like Ripley, I don’t trust this big mufucka. Why not? It’s simple.


Tyler is either a really weird cat or he’s really peaking and tweaking on the best and brightest steroids they can find out there in Missouri where he’s from (clearly he’s not getting his stash from UNC, they just got the cotton gin last month thanks to a time capsule they stumbled upon).


Check out their English Lit Department.

I know, I know, it’s a great school and just as academically competitive as Duke. Riiight. haaa Look, I’ll admit, if Duke had majors in Hog tying, muskrat cookin,’ food shootin,’ Git’n her dun, Nascar, racism and tabaccy spittin’ as the Tarheels do — UNC at Chapel Hill would be a darn tootin tough school to beat. But since we don’t, I don’t think we want to be comparing the two schools academically, ok?

At any rate, somebody get Tyler Hansbrough a steroids test, tanning lotion and some clippers because I’ve pretty much had enough of what I’ve seen. Hell, this cat looks and acts like College Basketball’s version of Ivan Drago….”I play for me!!!”

tylerhansbrough.jpg 0310nose500x325.jpg262822.jpg

Until then or until he can show me he’s a normal dude with normal emotions and advanced language skills, he’ll be known as Balco T around these parts, ya dig?

– Lake