Archive for the ‘Roger Goodell’ Category

Travis Henry gets over on Roger Goodell

December 5, 2007

Wow, Travis Henry went ahead and busted commissioner Roger Goodell right in his chops today as he won his appeal of the league’s decision to ban him for one year following his violation of the NFL Substance Abuse Policy.


It seems young Travis was quite a fan of the sweet hippie lettuce, so much so that he tested positive for the substance twice before. But this time Travis had a trick up his sleeve. When the league tested him for the La La and his test came back positive, the league failed to provide an expert of Travis’ choosing to test the B sample. The whole time young Travee told them that he got the positive test from “second hand smoke” but commish Goodell didn’t listen and levied a one year suspension on Travis’ candy ass. Anyway, T pain wasn’t having any of that, sued and WON.


Hey NFL, you’ve already played yourself with this “tough on crime” approach to discipline by making any transgression against any NFL player fodder for the haters in the news media. If you’re so tough on rules and regulations, why don’t you start by following your own! Oh and you might have a little steroid problem in your league in case you didn’t notice it. You heard it here first. Ridiculous.

Travis, next time you’ll need to drink more of that detox serum eeerrr watch that you don’t hang out with cats who are sparking up the ism in your presence. Somewhere Pac Man Jones is giggling.

– Lake

Mike Vick sets stage for NFL return?

August 27, 2007

Michael Vick stood tall today and officially plead guilty to the Federal Dogfighting charges against him.


Then he went to face the media. Mike was very contrite and seemed to be looking toward his future. He even dropped a little reference to Jesus. Nice work. At any rate, he said he needs to “grow up” and “I will be redeemed”. Let’s hope so. Oh, he also acknowledged lying to Commissioner Roger Goodell. Tough.


Clearly a lot of people will complain about his characterization of his transgressions as “immaturity” after all, he’s a grown arse man. Anyway, anybody with half a mind will tell you everyone deserves a second chance. I suspect Vick will earn his after he’s paid his debt, established some random foundation and made the interview circuit. See ya in 2009 Mike.

Go Bills.


Tom Brady scores again: It’s a boy!

August 23, 2007

Congrats to Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan on the birth of their new baby.


(now watch that hand there Bridget, after all, that’s how yall got the first one!)

Bridget is said to be doing fine which is somewhat astonishing, after all, she did look like this just a few days ago.


Dude, seriously, we didn’t know what was up in there. I mean, Tom Brady is the ultimate gamer, the ultimate perfectionist and the ultimate stud. So it was only fitting that the kid would have his host errrr Mom looking like she does above, but we were still a little confused, that was, until we saw the little guy.


(stuntin like his Daddy for real)

Indeed, he’s already exceeding expectations in true Brady fashion. So much so that I think the Giants just burned a 2008 first round draft pick and cash considerations for Little Tom’s rights.


Figures, he’s at worst a lock to have as good an NFL career as terrible Eli Manning is right now, right? Let’s just hope that Bridge and Tom can keep it together with the contract/payments errrr family-focused assessment of what is in the best interest of the child and his parents in the months and years to come.


Indeed, if Bridget can get past the New England Patriots Quarterback’s decision to leave her sperminated arse back in December for supermodel Giselle (can’t hate on him too much for that) then we really shouldn’t have any messy Baby Mama Drama entries to pound out for your viewing pleasure on this here UvT.

Whatever you do Tom, don’t go the way of Chicago Bears Linebacker Brian Urlacher.


(Urlacher is a wild, wild boy!!!)

Sheeeyut, it’s hard to pick a Baby Mama Drama story with this cat. Clearly as a result of his wildness he’s now divorced, but it appears that homey wasn’t just killing them on the football field. First, homey had two children out of wedlock while he was married and/or with his wife. Then he got back with his wife/mother of his legit kids, only to continue chasing down these hoes like he was chasing down QBs and running backs last year. And all of this culminated with UGLY public Baby Mama Drama including wild threatening text messages he was sending to one of his Baby Mamas and just general wildness that we don’t need to detail here.

Needless to say, Urlacher is NOT a role model in that regard. I mean, seriously, just think about the extent to which he must have really been blazin’ these Chi-town h*oes, because he had to use condoms with most of them right? And if he got two chicks pregnant, just imagine how many Chicago and other NFL city babes he hit raw dog but DIDN’T actually sperminate. Damn, I can’t tell if Urlacher is just a rock star stud or a truly terrible cat. I gotta think on that one. All I know is that he’s in a custody battle with some stripper (come on man) for his son. Wildness.


What I’m waiting to see is if the all knowing omniscient purveyor of all that is good, decent, godly and right for the NFL will suspend Tom Brady for having a kid out of wedlock? You never know, his rulings have been horribly arbitrary and capricious to this point. Why not just take it all the way?!?!

– Lake

Where my Dogs at? Vick Gets Indicted!

July 17, 2007

Why must Mike be like dat, why can’t Mike fu&k with cats?


Awwwww, why why why?!?! One of our favorite players on our favorite teams, just got popped for dealling with some stankin, filthy dogs! Indeed, Ron Mexico errr Michael Vick, the cat who was supposed to change the QB position, the guy who was supposed to be Micheal Jordan in cleats, that guy, just got indicted by a Federal Grand Jury in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District for conspiracy to travel in interstate commerce in aid of unlawful activities and to sponsor a dog in an animal fighting venture.


Now we’ll just have to see what NFL Commissioner, slash Law enforcement officer, slash judge, slash omnipotent 12 man one head jury foreman/member Roger Goodell is going to do about this.


You know Emperor Goodell doesn’t mind making “determinations” before the legal system has run its course. But this here is Mike Vick, it’s not some random D lineman or some little known punt returner with a catchy name (Pac Man). Nah, this is ATL’s franchise, you can best believe Commissioner of All Truth and Justice and Knowledge Goodell will tread a bit more cautiously what with all those season tickets still outstanding. Let’s see how much sack he’s got this time.


Suspend him Roger, I double dog dare you!

– Lake Dog

No, Maas: Bill gets popped with a trunk fulla sh*t!

July 11, 2007

ATTENTION:  Peep our updated post on Bill Maas’ legal trouble HERE

Former NFL player and the no nonsense Fox Sports broadcaster Bill Maas got charged with drug possession and weapons charges following a roadside safety check on Sunday in Peoria, Illinois.


(quietly, his lady looks pretty good in this mug shot, so she must be a solid looker)

The 45-year-old Maas and a passenger in his Hummer H2, Sarah Murphy, 27 (this is why I’m hot), were arrested late Friday by Illinois State Po Po’s. During the stop, police said they noticed Maas seemed nervous, but still agreed to a search of his vehicle.

“See, you know you dun fu*cked up right?” (Sorry, I gotta lace in a Menace II Society quote every now and again, keeps me regular)

Police found a .22-caliber revolver (Tank thinks you’re a beeyotch), 5 grams of the hippie lettuce, 6 grams of the white horse and 28 pills of Ecstasy.


Havin’ a partay!!!!

Maas and Murphy were charged with possession of a controlled substance and possession of marijuana. Maas was also booked on a charge of unlawful use of a weapon. Daaaaayum, very simple question to Fox, What would Roger Do (WWRD)?


If NFL teams are releasing players for bogus traffic stops by the fuzz when they’re NOT actually under the influence of drugs or alcohol (Tank, Kelly, not guil-tee), what does Fox do to a cat who is going Scarface with a young tender thing like Ms. Murphy?! I say let the turk, Roger Goodell come in and cut homey off at the knees… After all, we must have accountability, right?