Dear Hip Hop, Please, No More Bitchassness…

Man, maybe I’m just getting too old for the game.  Maybe I’ve just lost touch.  Maybe I should just accept that a life of family, low salt foods and Jesus fishes needs to replace Vegas, Grecian Goose and verified ignorance.  I don’t know, I suddenly feel like the hip hop curmudgeon and I don’t like it.  Sure, I can deal with violence:

Hypocrisy:

Sexploitation:

and utter tomfoolery:

because those are the reasons I listen to hip hop to begin with.  But let’s be frank here.  There is an epidemic of cat shit that’s attacking the bedrock principles of the art form I know and love.  I mean, it was ok when the cat ass shit was truly artistic, like, if a dude was literally blasting off to planet 3000, I was ok as long as the rhymes stayed funky.

But see Andre 3000 can get away with that shit because he was doing it when cats were literally like, “what the fuk is wrong with this dude”?

I mean, a cat who comes out on the Chris Rock show with some snow boots, shoulder pads and blue wig right in the middle of the Jay Z “Hard Rock Life” and DMX “Get At Me Dog” era, really believes.  But this cat… I mean, goodness, didn’t Puff just recently ask for no bitchassness?

I mean, what the fuck is going on?  And please stop striking that pose like you reeaaally just nailed that outfit too.  haaa, this shit is awful.  Kanye, I really like your music and I do believe that you’re generally a sincere cat.  But on the rizzeal, you’re not that fashion forward dude you think you are.  Sure you have some cats following your steez, but they’re all fucking terrible and wack or quite literally on some other, high-lo, ignorant-intelligent, deep-shallow thespian bullshit.

Man, I’m telling you. These damn weirdos (I said it) have finally gotten under my skin.  All these dudes out here trying to be soooo different.  What ever happened to conformity?  I mean, I used to laugh when I heard those terrible ass NYC bouncers warn us “we can get gully in here sun, I told you, clear this area”  Ahhhhnnt Hell, I’m longing for those days now.  What ever happened to “punching a nilla in the face just for living” (Mobb Deep)?  I mean, I thought those days were the low point.  I thought DMX was taking shit too far.  Then I saw this.

And no I don’t care that those shoes are the hottest thing in Milan, that your extra medium tuxedo shirt is made of finely spun Mongolian cotton or that you had the vision to match it all with a suit from Men’s Warehouse just to keep it “organic” or whatever silly explanation you have for this ‘fit.  And no, I don’t give a hot damn about the strappy juxtaposition between the braces and the backpack or that fucked up green floor and your fucked up lack of a haircut.  I don’t know and I don’t wanna know, ok?

Jesus, Buddah, Allah, someone, please help us.  Obviously we’re not figuring this thing out down here.  Stop dressing like a gay euro.  Stop rocking shit you know looks wack, juuust becuase you think you’ll be seen as different.  Stop singing songs that truly require actual vocal ability and most of all, just stop being a bitch.

Put down that purse and pick up a ball, remote, a beer..dammit, something, anything.  I’m with Sarah Palin on this one, go shoot some Moose mufuckers, leave the cat shit be.

There, I said it.

– Lake

Great Video: Stuntin is a Habit (Get Like Me)

Yo, I know I’m waaaaaaaay late on this song, but I just now put the video in the lab and I must say, it’s some of the finest work I’ve ever seen.

First of all the concept that I stunt, ball or just get mine more than the average cat will never die. NEVER. The theme is iron clad and I enjoy it when it’s perfectly executed. And how do you accomplish this?

1. Have a hot hook – Check

“Stuntin is a Habit, Get Like Me” – I mean, doesn’t that just say it all? It pretty much encapsulates my entire outlook on life.

2. Have that hot bounce on the beat – Check

A cat can’t lose with that beat.

3. Have a hot gimmick – Check

That wild “put it in the air” with the hot point to the heavens is just about right, ESPECIALLY when you couple it with those cameo appearances (more on that later).

4. Hook up the timely verse with a non-gay R&B supernova – Check

Dude, this Chris Breezy is just a certified hit maker. It can’t be denied. Homey is huge and everything I hear I like. You gotta take away a few points for the extra aggressive pop and lock session, but as my girl Jabber Jawz told me, “he’s just 19, he can do that.” Indeed he can!

5. Have Video hoes errr vixens – That’s a given – Chizzeck

6. Have HOT cameos with cats you’d NEVER see on any other rap video – CHECK

I had to hit that rewind button like 10 times and then pause it to ensure it was in fact Barry Bonds with that “Put it in the air” swing piece. Now that was FIRE. Then when he had Gavin and Joe Maloof (Yes, THAT MALOOF as in owns the Sac Town Kings and the Palms hotels in Vegas and lord knows where else) hooking up the “I got paper and you don’t” sign, I just lost it.

Shiiiieet, David Banner is a high level cat. It’s not wonder that he’s got all the necessary elements to get a spot on this blog. The cat is a holder of a college degree and I’m told was one dissertation defense shy of his PhD, but yet he keeps that requisite ignance you need and want from the genre.

Nuff said. Dude understands the ingredients to cook up some marvelous shit to get your mouth watering (Wu Tang reference for the informed). And now for my only criticism. They ask a basic question, “have you ever seen a Chevy with the butterfly doors?” My answer, “No” and since I watched the video, I still haven’t. Terrible, but overall I like it, A LOT. And old or not as soon as I get a little cold weather I’ll be taking that other German out of the garage, dropping the top and pulling out this new joint with this song blaring.

Chinchilla. Love it or leave it.

– Lake

Hilarious: Cassie and Diddy Got Engaged

Haaaaaaa, I love this. On the phone with my boy JP and he’s got it right. “This is one of those things where there will be no date set and then you’ll just hear about how they broke up.”

Let’s be crystal clear, Cassie is fine. She’s got a lil Milian in her, too. I like it. But let’s be certain, SHE WILL NEVER ACTUALLY GET MARRIED TO PUFF. Someone get Ryan Leslie errr Kim Porter on the horn. More later.

– Lake

Believe Those Kanye Lyrics

Maaan, I love Kanye West’s music.  In fact, I wish he had an album coming out right now.  I think he’s brought a lot to hip hop (still not sure what that term actually means), rap and music generally.  And while he’s probably opened up the door for the scriblet nation to step out into the limelight on some “this is who I am,” I can live with it.  Let’s face it, probably 52% of these cats in the hip hop music industry are gay anyway.

*vinyl scratch*  Anyway:

Everyone knows that if you look at any artistic endeavor, be it interior design, music, painting & drawing or the WNBA, gay cats are going to be waaaaay overrepresented, if not comprise ALL of the participants.  I mean, have you seen that show Project Runway?

My sentiments exactly. Anyway, Kanye puts it all out there:

Sorry, I can’t support the man purse though.

It started with him as the ultimate backpacker rapper.

And his lyrics pretty much fit that persona.  A cat on the outside who should have gotten a deal 4 deals ago.  And hey, dude was right.  More of America, white and black, was like him than those clowns in the music industry wanted to admit.  But who could blame them given the success of 50 and all the Fif act-a-likes at the time.

But what happens when a cat like Kanye actually gets real dough?  You get:

“How am I suppose to stand out when everybody is dressed up”

To:

“So we gon’ do everything that kan like
Heard they’d do anything for a klondike
Well i’d do anything for a blonde-dyke”

“And she’ll do ANYTHING when the time’s right”

Haaa, Baby you’re making it…”hard, bigger, faster, strongrrrrrr.”

Lol.  I can’t hate, because the dude is obviously living good.  Just believe those lyrics ala “Model chicks was bending ova”…

Dude, just how much adrenaline do you think is rushing through this cat in this pic?  It’s all in the eyes.  I like it.

– Lake

Oh and shouts to Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac BA for that hot “scriblet” rhetoric.  Permanently in that UvT lexicon because it’s too fitting.

Summer Heat: What’s Up in Hip Hop

I can tell you that I have absolutely not use for Busta Rhymes. I mean, dude was fire back in his Scenario days, no question and homey definitely got shit poppin’ with that Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See. I mean, that shit was great. But right about now, dude is looking like Sam Perkins with the weaved out cornrowed up receding hairline. Just setting high screens and poppin’ threes. I mean, dude is just irrelevant.

Now see, sometimes those ‘roids can go the other way.

But I do appreciate that he has enough cents (get it? ahnt) to know that he’s gotta put top notch talent on his tracks nowadays. Peep Ludacris’ act on this Throw It Up joint.

Decent. I did appreciate Busta’s speaking in tongues reference, but the rest was well, fairly terrible. Wayne was Wayne, but he’s got better stuff. Like, well, this blackout right here on Don’t Touch Me. Trust me, Wayne’s verse is crazy.

Now that right there was straight FIrah from Wayne! Let me ask you hip hop cats now, though… Is Nas still relevant?

I don’t think so either. Yo, here’s our Playlist for July:

UvT July Mix

1. Gym Class Heroes – Cookie Jar (Feat. The-Dream) 3:35
2. Solange – I Decided 4:17
3. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Remix) (Feat. LL Cool J) 4:08
4. Rick Ross – Get Down (Feat. Pharrell) 4:34
5. Three 6 Mafia – That’s Right (Feat. Akon) 2:56
6. Eve – Fantasy (Feat. Robin Thicke) 3:08
7. The Game – Dope Boys 4:03
8. John Legend – Green Light (Feat. Andre 3000) 4:37
9. 2 Pistols – You Know Me (Feat. Ray J) 3:43
10. Three 6 Mafia – My Own Way (Feat. Good Charlotte) 3:31
11. The Game – Pain (Remix) (Feat. Jadakiss, Bun B, Pusha T, Fat 5:31
Joe, Young Buck, Queen Latifah & Keyshia Cole)
12. Common – Announcement (Feat. Pharrell) 4:04
13. Chrishan – I Wish 4:55
14. Jim Jones – Money Right (Feat. NOE & Sen) 4:50
15. Romeo – Get Low Wit It (Feat. Akon) 4:40
16. G-Unit – Party Ain’t Over 3:30
17. 2 Pistols – Let’s Ride 3:37
18. Little Brother – Don’t You Have A Man (Feat. Drake & Dwele) 4:08
19. Tyga – First Timers 3:43

Stick with me. I got that fire.

– Lake

Hot Like Fire: Lil Wayne – The Carter 3 Review

If you’re at all interested in hip hop or rap, then you’re well aware of the fact that Young Weezy Baby aka Weezy F. Baby aka Lil Weezy aka Lil Wayne has this Carter III album coming out on June 10.

“But Lake, if the Carter III comes out on June 10th and it’s June 3rd, how did you get your hands on the album”…. Don’t worry about that. When you’re a media insider like me, they give you a little extra love. Anyway, even though I got a “free” copy, I’ll still be faithfully purchasing Weezy’s cd next Tuesday for sure. I mean, this cat put out like 100 or so songs in 2007/2008 and not just some ole bullsh*t either. While we’re at it, go ahead and peep that Lollipop with Kanye Live at Summer Jam.

Boy that Kanye really believes in his music, maybe a little too much. Anyway, Wayne has been lit-trally spitting hot fire for the better part of 12 months. And while I’ve purchased no more than 5 CDs in the past 4 years, this is one I’ll be getting on general principle. I mean, you gotta show love to true artists who show love to you, so I’m kicking off my “Go buy Wayne’s Album” campaign. Dude deserves it.

I went ahead and put that joint in the lab today and let me tell you, it’s FIRE! I mean, Wayne is killing it lyrically from start to finish, but finally he’s stepped his production game up, too. Peep the track list here, but let me just give you a little sample of what you can expect from Weezy:

That beat cranks in the ride, too. Overall, you just got to get this album, if not because dude deserves your dough, because it’s probably going to end up one of the best two or three albums this year. I must admit though, I never like when the remix or in this case remixes are significantly better than the original. Like, if you know the joint will be hot with another cat spitting over your hot beat, LOLLIPOP, then why didn’t you put the cat on to begin with? Oh well, I guess you can’t have everything.

– Lake

Good Enough To Post: Lollipop Remix Feat. Kanye West

If you’re a Kanye West or Lil Weezy fan (I’m both) this is a veeeery worthy Remix to Lollipop for your listening pleasure.

These cats are going to start to get a liiittle bit too esoteric for me in a sec.

Now, they aren’t there yet, but I can see it going in that direction with the Zapp and Roger voice distortion and “swimming with the pigeons” type flow. Anyway, this shit is hot for now. Enjoy.

– DJ Lake-Ski

================Update====================

Oh shit, I just caught that lil Weezy preemptive “no homo” (which is just a hilarious development in the ‘homo’ fusion brand on hip hop that’s out there now) before the “He’s so sweet make me wanna lick the rapper” line. Haaaaaaaaaaaaa. Boy, haters say I over analyze things. I disagree, how could anybody worth a nickel miss that critical line? Man, I’m off my game. Back to the lab!

– Lake

The Carter III is Coming…Payback Time

After all the joints Weezy F. Baby put out for my enjoyment during the last calendar year, the least I can do is repay him with an immediate purchase of The Carter 3 on the May 13, 2008 release date. I mean, if you’re on that Lil Wayne feed like me, this cat literally put out hundreds upon hundreds of great tracks for our enjoyment. It’s crazy. I heard this cat’s mixtape stuff banging in clubs…he’s a marketing genius.

Blink, Blink… nobody said the dude was perfect. Lol…. This is the cover for his new album and yes, it’s fairly trifling. Lol. A few Weezy quotes just happen to come to mind when I see weird mess like this.

“I’m on the La La speed it up, I’m on the syzurp slow it dowwwn”…

“I’m probably in the sky, flying with the fishes or maybe in the ocean, swimming with the pigeons, see my world is different, like Dwayne Wayne, and if you want trouble bitch, I want the same thang,”

I’m not sure because the Goose had a hold of me, but I think I recited that line for my New Years resolution. Greatness. Gotta love Wayne.

– Lake

Hotness: Lil Wayne feat. Static Major – Lollipop

Ever since they shot up a club I frequented regularly in Beantown, I swore off the semi-thug club scene, but this may send me back in them streets. I’m the most fickle consumer of music you’ll ever find and very rarely, if EVER, do I like a song when I hear it for the first time. But this is an exception. I present to you Lollipop, Lil Wayne, off the Carter 3 Album, which I will be purchasing on day 1 out of respect alone (which is the only reason to buy any album at this point).

That joint is smooth as shit. I like this weird out, freaky club music direction hip hop is going in right now. It started with Timberland/Neptunes, then went over to Snoop and now Weezy. But can I just ask what the purpose of this cat Static Major is in this video and song? I mean, once you go Zap and Roger on a song it might as well be Lil Wayne, Feat. Lake Arlington and Brock Hardon and the shit would still be hot…hell, I like the sound of that.

I knew this song was fire as soon as I heard that familiar line:

“‘He’s so sweet, that I wanna lick the wrapper,’ so I let her lick the rapper”

Which of course is off that “It’s Me Bitches, Remix.” Yo, you just can’t lose with that. This joint is pure hotness. Wayne, your favorite blogger’s favorite rapper, has done it again.

Bravo.

– Lake

It’s not my thing, but…

Rick Ross’ chain, which is a gold plated and diamond encrusted homage to himself is pretty damn hot.

I mean, I can’t imagine what would be more difficult, getting that Ricky Ross piece to look exactly like him or keeping his look exactly like his Rick Ross piece.

I like how Rick keeps it classic with the basic Polo. Go head Rick. I see ya.

– Lake

—————-UPDATE——————–

Lake.  I just want to know if your pops is going to hit you with the Arlington family gold chain when your trust fund kicks in.  Check it out, he likes fur coats too!

-Brock