Jenna Bush Tied that Knot

I know I’m crazy late but I would be completely remiss if I didn’t comment on Jenna Bush’s wedding (shouts to Will) over the weekend. Now I can’t lie, typically my reaction to those aesthetically unappealing Bush babes looks something like this:

Though I do find that look in Babs’ eye somewhat appealing in this pic. But even I must say, after that wedding day diet plan, Jenna looked her best on Saturday.

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So lovely. And look, she even took a picture in front of the tree her ancestors hung their naughty slaves from. How quaint. I don’t know, just seeing my little Jenna like this almost brings a tear to my eye. I remember her back in such a more simpler time.

Nah, I’m not talking about that. I’m was thinking of this:

“Babs, I think I just pissed myself, again….Haaaaa”

Ah yes, All American gals. It kind of makes you wonder, what with those TWO CRIMINAL MISDEMEANORS Jenna has on her record and all, whether she didn’t get caught snorting cocaine just like her dad back in the day.

Oh well. We’ll put that all behind us, right? I mean, how bad can a coke head President be for the country anyhow? Anyway, none of that matters now because we can all take heart in the fact that Jenna and Henry Hagar love each other for all the right reasons.

I’ll give them 9 years (and two kids) until it goes bad. After all, you’ve got to keep up appearances.

– Lake

Dubyah flunkies: We don’t die, we multiply

We finally learned on Wednesday why Karl Rove retired….Did he suddenly grow a heart and take accountability for his horrible blunderings/strategizing over the lives of Hurricane Katrina victims? Nooo, that’s not it. Was it the realization that he completely F’d up this “little” debacle known as the War in Iraq? Nah, we just need the surge to take root so that freedom can once again go on the march… Oh no, he heard that silly chick Jenna Bush was about to get hitched and just knew it was a sign from above that it was time to hit the damn bricks! Niiiice, what a shocker, somebody is making an honest woman out of drunk girl and bad twin Jenna Bush.

Meet Henry Hagar, the next gravy trainer errrr member of the proud and meritorious Bush dynasty.

Hey, I can’t lie… you gotta get that money mayne. I’m not mad at Hank either. Trips to Kennebunkport, sojourns to the Crawford, Texas “ranch”, limitless undeserved jobs and hookups for him and the rest of his family for life… Sounds like a hot deal to me.

The funny thing about the Bush twins is that it’s hard to tell which one looks better. Do you go with superthick Dubyah Jr. Jr. in Jenna (she looks exactly like the worst prez ever) or do you rest with slim shady, Barbara?

I guess Rule No. 2, “No big girls” dictates I’d have to take Barbara and I guess the fact that she went to Yale helps on some level. So there you have it, Henry Hagar is officially scrapping the bottom on the Bush barrel.

I can’t call it. All I know (and believe me he knows it too) is that Henry is about to get paid.

– Lake