Posts Tagged ‘Gary Coleman’

Gary Coleman Keeps it Gangsta

September 11, 2008

UPDATED:  UvT is getting so strong, the comments are as good as the original post.  Check out the Ladies of UvT getting loose below.

Sure, he might be wearing denim on denim, he might have on green crocs, he might be 4’8″, but if you mess with him he will straight whoop that ass.

Here’s the story.  Gary Coleman was bowling in Utah…wait, let’s stop there for a second.  Why the hell was Gary Coleman bowling in Utah?  That is about the most random thing I’ve ever heard.  Ross Perot was paddleboating in Montana.  Warren Moon was playing Uno in Caracas.  It’s fun, try a few yourself.  Anyway.  So Gary was getting his bowl on with his wife, chillin and shit, when come dude rolls up on him with a camera phone to take some pics.  Gary asked him not to, and Gary’s bodyguard tried to keep him away.  OK.  Second WTF moment.  Gary thought he needed a bodyguard to go bowling in Utah?

The victim said that Gary rolled up on him, threw a few punches, jumped into his truck and tried to run the dude over. Third WTF moment…if Gary Coleman’s croc wearing ass rolls up throwing punches on your boy, I’d be the famous dude who whooped Gary Coleman’s ass.  My CNN story would be titled “Whydchu knockemout Willis?”  Emmanuel Lewis, Little kids, the Chinese Olympic gymnastics team, and Wee Man from Jackass wouldn’t wanth to come near me.  I’d be dangerous, son, dangerous.

My bad, Gary.  My bad.

You better watch out for Gary though.  He might flip on you any second.

Gary, you need a new hobby, and you need to chill the hell out.  You should be happy people still want to take your picture.  Just ask Todd Bridges.



KIR in NV:

Let’s break this down: how’d his bitty ass get all the way up into SLC undetected? Last I knew, the only colored folk permitted within the city limits had the surname Malone.

And he had to wear that cowboy hat just to keep a low profile.

This does explain the need for the bodyguard though. I’m not sure it’s even legal to be a “brunette” in the Beehive state. It was the late 70s before the revelation was handed down that the extra tanned were not marked by the curse of God.  Or as they call it, the “good ol days”.

Second, of course he’s bowling. If you aren’t on your Family Home Teaching or churning up the butter for tomorrow’s breakfast for 12, that’s what you do. Unless it’s after 8:30PM and then you’re screwed.

And yeah, if Arnold whoop my ass, I take that beating quietly, change my name and slide into that Bitch Ass Protection Program. For real.


Rosy F:

@Kir on point as usual. The revelation took too long. I like my drank and the streets too much. And if ashy virginal croc wearing arnold manage to land more than one punch on me I’d be in BAPP.


Be On It:

Rule #1: Never fight short people.

They have years of built up aggression waiting to be poured out on any fool that dare try them.

Rule #2: If fighting short people, use your knees. A groin shot on a regular person is a chin check for the midgies. Just saying.

Rule #3: If you get your @ss whooped by a short person, please turn in your cool card and proceed to the BAPP.

Rule #4: Never get in an altercation with a short person known to kick ass and take names. Did this fool not hear that Gary was stomping his wife? Isn’t she like 8x bigger than him? I mean, I ain’t never scared, but I pick my battles.

Starting mess with LaKeisha Thomas, the girl who took out a senior linebacker twice her size? No sir!

Gary Coleman Still Hasn’t Hit Big Red

May 5, 2008

Dude, when I saw that Divorce Court with Gary Coleman and Ole Red, I knew I had to put that thang on the top of my tivo list.

So anyway, I decided to fire up that Arnold Drummond Divorce Court today and well, I mean, hey, you just gotta watch this thing yourself to understand:

Damn homey… You’ve been married for a clean 8 months and you aint seen no paaaaaaarts of the booty? That’s tough. Maayne, I think Arnold is just tricking himself with all this “I love Shannon with my mind” and “I need to be inspired to hit” nonsense. Let’s be clear, somebody is tappin dat azz and from the looks of it, it aint young Gary.

She too decent looking for a broke 4 footer with a perpetual 5 o’clock shadow on his upper lip piece to just get off scott free without handling the manly duties. And she said that their sex life was ok for her. Sheyut, if I’m Arnold, that statement does not give me comfort. The only thing worse than a chick who is unsatisfied with your hit skills is a babe that couldn’t care less if you bring the thunder or not!

You don’t want to be the next cat to find out that Roger Clemens is putting that “chin music”, sinker and cutter on your old lady. Homey, you better handle your business!

Damn, I aint felt this bad for Arnold since Abraham the Black Goldfish died.

– Lake

Laurie Ann Gibson Has Lost Her Mind

November 20, 2007

I know this chick hasn’t mattered since about five minutes after she cursed out Diddy, but this is hilarious.  In an effort to stay relevant, Laurie Ann went out last night. 


She looks like she is about to say, “What ‘chu talkin’ bout, Willis?”  For real, look.


That is the exact same look, only I don’t think Gary Coleman is trying to be sexy.  She was better off rocking the blue leotard.