Posts Tagged ‘Making the Band 4’

Donnie From Way Downtown…KLANG!

September 16, 2008

Diddy makes hit records.  He drove Danity Kane to #1, he drove Day 26 to #1 and this season it was Donnie’s turn.

The people’s champ has been in the studio working hard, he laid down the tracks, he worked on his dance moves, and he was ready for his big debut.  Surely the ladies of MTV would hold him down, right?

AHNT.  Donnie went on ahead and had that #19 album of the week with total sales of 22,000 copies in the first week.  Damn Donnie, more people clicked on their bookmark for US Versus Them today than your album sold in an entire week.

Seven.  You were the producer on this album.  You were supposed to be the Timberland to his Timberlake.  What did you think about the sales?

Seven: “Fabaless.  I mean that is 21,999 albums more than I sold of my solo album.  Yesss.  I’m getting a new smoke machine.”

Well Donnie.  I don’t know what to tell you.  I know it has got to be real tense on that tour bus right now.  You might have to go to an alternate profession.

Sure, you only get paid a dollar at a time, but you might make out better in the long run.  Oh and another piece of advice?  If you ever get called into a meeting with Da Band, Black Rob and Cheri Dennis…run.

-Brock

Busta Must Like it Rough

September 9, 2008

I’m not talking about in bed.  Can Laurie Anne Gibson be anything but a mental beatdown in real life?  How many times can you hear her call you “muffin” before you completely lose your mind?

It is no blue leotard, but that is about the best I’ve ever seen Laurie Anne Gibson look right there.  We know she likes the Boom Boom Cack, but it looks like Busta is planning the Cack Cack Boom for later.

By the way, peep this complete TRAINWRECK I just found on Youtube.  Now we know what Laurie Anne was doing on her brief hiatus.

…and we also know why she came back to her real job.

“Did you miss me?”

-Brock

Making the Band 4: It’s Dark and Lonely

September 5, 2008

Sure, there isn’t any drama of actually making a band, there aren’t any wild producers like Seven, Diddy has not coined any new phrases like “Bitchassness”, but this is still a damn entertaining show.  Let’s start with Aubrey.  Puff is getting them ready for tour when he notices that the young, slim tender thang that used to look like this:

Now looks like a collagen puffed, fake J’d, fake Jenna Jameson pre-Milf.

How did she choose that dress?  Did she ask for something that only covers her nipples as little as possible?  The lips, the cheeks, the overdone eyes, it ain’t right.  She even arugued that she is old enough to make her own decision when she said she was twenty hrrrrrmmmmmmm years old.  I mean she got halfway through that argument and just swallowed the backend of that declaration.  She did not want to drop that age in front of the cameras.  By the way, next time she’s thinking about shit you shouldn’t do in front of the camera, she needs to keep this on the list.

Aaaaaaaaaaah!  Look I know the cameras follow you all the time, but damn.  The bathroom has got to be a safe zone, right?  Take a brush and some lip gloss back there with you.  You know what, I actually like babes without much make up, Aubrey O’Day version 1 could have pulled the straight out of the shower look off, but vamped up Aubrey needs a little extra help.  And no Aubrey, we don’t want to hear about how you need to go somewhere where you will be appreciated because, you might not know it, but that place is not the music industry.  When Diddy said it gets dark and lonely, he means he will kick your ass to the curb and tell everyone in the industry to leave your ass alone.  When was the last time you saw Da Band?  Exactly.  It is easier to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq than it is to find that cat Fred.  There is a place where you could be appreciated though.  That would be the porn industry with your girl Jenna.  I’d buy it watch it for free on the internet.

Moving on, let’s talk about Donnie.  First of all, I don’t care how many 12 year old girls made him the “people’s choice” at the end of MTB4 Season 1..which was like two years ago by the way.  Donnie is not about to have the #1 record next week.  First of all Diddy played him by exposing him as a non-dancing, barely singing white dude.  That’s not making me drop $12 at Best Buy.  Second of all, his last name is Klang.  That’s terrible.  So Diddy tells him that we doesn’t want him to move like a White dude.  So what does he do to help him out?

Hire a white dude.  Nice.  I prefer Laurie Anne’s Boom Cack Cack to this dude’s “act like you gonna hit it real hard, then be like naaaaah that’s all I got right there.”  This guy looks like the Fourth Beastie Boy…after they stopped rapping.

I need a break from the terrible.  Let’s go to Dawn.

God bless whoever gave her those pink shorts because once again Dawn was KILLING EM.  I mean good lawd.  She had the sweat on the lower back when she was done working too…doesn’t get any better than that.  That Que workout plan is real.  She is really what you’ve always wanted Kelly Rowland to give you although she never could.  By the way, while I was watching the show one of the people in the room said “Why do they all dance like strippers?”.  I said “The song is called “striptease”.  She responded, “but they always dance like strippers”.  Touche.

Que, what’s her secret?

I know, I know.  A gentleman never tells.  By the way, if you want to kill the gay rumors, you might want to lose the juice boxes.  After the age of 14 you are no longer allowed to drink anything out of a bitch ass bendy straw.  That includes juice boxes, Capri Sun, all that.   The straw in grown man drinks is a stirrer, not an instrument for consuming the beverage.  Got it?  Thanks.

Speaking of rampant bitchassness, that brings us to Brian vs. Laurie Anne.  Sisqo 2.0 didn’t like being picked on (little man/Napoleon syndrome) so he finally blew up on Laurie Anne because she was actually calling him out for constantly f’ing up.  This is one of those practice how you play situations.  Brian thinks he can turn it on for the big show, but Laurie Anne knows he’s wrong.  So Brian blows up.  Walks out.  Yells at his boys, makes Que think he’s about to go back to working at McDonald’s (funniest moment of the night) and starts crying when he starts talking about how hard he works.

Then he breaks down when Laurie Anne comes back in to give him a hug.  Bitchassness is still alive.

-Brock




Making the Band 4, Season 3 Premiere – The Tour

August 20, 2008

Ohhhhhh shit, I just went ahead and played that “Exclusive,” versions fast and slow, back to back to back to back to back like it was MTB4 Season 1 again.  Oh yeah, I’m amp’d up and ready for some good solid MTB4.  Let’s get it. So I’m watching the show and Diddy comes on talking his standard shit.  Hey, I appreciate it, because quite frankly, the last time I saw Diddy, it was like this:

Correct, even he couldn’t believe the level of Bitchassness that was occurring on “I Want To Work For Diddy.”  And if Sean John is anything like me, he was pretty much looking like this after Episode 1 of that show.

I mean, I was SHOOK!  Still am really.  That shit was like a really bad non-musical video for Danity Kane’s Damaged.  And just like the song says, shit was “damaged, damaged, damaged (soooo) damaged and Diddy should be the one to know, now please fix it, fix it fix it..” ok?

Now that we handed that little bit of mini beef/house keeping, we can move onto one of my favorite shows.

Issue 1: The Evolution of Dawn

So I tuned in and the first thing I see is certified thickum, D. Woods, sashaying herself across that rehearsal floor.  Oh wait, that aint no D. Woods, that’s DAWN. Oh my word!!!

She is looking rizzight.  Goodbye shy girl, hello Q is definitely banging that out.  All in touch with that sensual side all of a sudden, huh?

Respect.  Hey, I saw it coming.  If memory serves, she had a bit of ahem “growth” in that regard last season.  Let me dig in my archives, ah yes:

Oh yes.  You gotta like someone who keeps raising the bar season to season.  Which of course is the exact opposite of what Aubrey is doing, but we’ll get there later.  Anyway, every man loves the day when he first peeps that layer of thick laid up on top of strong woman.  Her day might be here.  I’ll have to keep an eye on it for all of us.

Issue 2:  The Return of Laurie Anne

Hilarious.  And I appreciate how when Laurie Ann presents herself, MTV immediately goes to one of the finest moments in Reality TV history.  Yep, that “Baby girl, I’m not taking NO interjections” speech and prompt dismissal-ass tappities Puff put on ole girl in Season 1.

So good.  Then of course she starts messing with everybody.  Talking shit, getting under cat’s skin.  Standard issue stuff for this babe.   And just as an aside, funny to see that Medium Mike is back to being “Big Mike.”  Can’t wait to hear what Diddy has to say about that.  Anyway, so Diddy rolls up and talks to Laurie Ann one on one.  Based on the silly little grin she’s got on her face, there’s a strong likelihood that they haven’t talked since the last time Puff hit errr since the blow up where she got canned for insubordination and super-bitchassness.

Just listening to her talk to him…it just terrible dude.  I mean, first off, Puff is at a loss for words.  Then you’ve got Laurie Ahnt over here devolving into baby talk with goo goo and gah gah eyes.  Just terrible.  I mean, if nothing else, this little exchange makes me 100% certain that Puff has been tagging that since around 1993 to present.  Then Puff hit her with the “All I did was put you on” rhetoric.  Which is iron-clad.  I mean, honestly, would ANYONE outside of the choreographers even know about her ass but for Mr. Combs?  Sheeeit, Lake Arlington had more cache than this chick prior to Making the Band.  She needs to pay homage or get to steppin’.  But then Puff came with that “So did you miss me when you was away from me?”

lol, the proverbial knock out punch/dick in a box.  I love it.  Puff is back in my good graces with this display of utter pimpery.  I like it.  It almost makes me forget these Tranny antics over on his other show.

Almost.  Glad to have this show back.  It rarely fails to entertain.  Oh and fellas, yeah, yall over there at Bad Boy, less of Aubrey is good for MTB4, remember that.

– Lake

Making the Band 4: Laurie Ann Strikes Back

August 1, 2008

Laurie Ann is back?

That’s the gotcha-gotcha.

-Brock

Making the Band 4 Update: June & Robert Make It Official!

April 17, 2008

Mayne, I haven’t been this excited since I heard Duke landed Mason Plumlee. Since my little hiatus, I’ve had a number of readers hollering at me: “Lake, you a mufucka, where are the posts?” pretty much sums them up. But then my girl Jabz in DC hit me with this, “Did you hear about Rob and Junebug?” Junebug? My first thought was, “who in the hell–”

Ohhh, that June-bug! Wow, so it was true all along, “The Real Mrs. Curry” was fixing to be the real Mrs. Curry… Makes sense. Looks like a lovely affair too, Miami perhaps?

What do yall think Robert said at this very moment? Nobody can be sure, but I bet you it bore an eerie resemblance to this:

See first of all
I know these so-called playas wouldn’t tell you this
But I’m gonna be real and say what’s heart
Let’s take this chance and make this love feel relevant
Didn’t you know I loved you from the start, yeah

When I think about all these years we put in this relationship
Who knew we’d make it this far?
When I think about where we would be if we were to just fall apart
And I just can’t stand the thought of leaving you

Meet me at the altar in your white dress
We ain’t getting no younger, we might as well do it
Been feeling all the while girl I must confess
Girl let’s just get marriieeeeeeed

Ohhh weee. Dude, that is one of those classic ‘Good n Terrible’ moments in R&B history. I mean, “Let’s Get Married” is so good. Soo soo good. Isn’t that what a young lady wants to hear during the best moment of her life? “We aint git’n no younga, we might ass well do dis…let’s get murried.” Kind of reminds me of that classic Kanye line “and I don’t want a girl that will answer to ‘a-yo'”. I mean, if a chick accepts that marriage proposal, she deserves whatever she gets in that 4 year stint errr life long commitment.

But did she say yes?

Hell, yes she did! I don’t care how much you’ve been through with a dude, you aint going to put your hand up in the jheri curl juiceunless you’ve got real love for ’em… And not that bullshit, “I got love for you so come git your clock, it the club with 20 broads like Flaaaavor” kind of love neither. I’m talking real good lovin.

Awww, that’s sweet. And I see my man kept that engagement ring ahem “artistic” on this first go round. See, when you’re an artist, it’s about doing something original, you know? Then once that tour pops off and my man is getting one-fifth of the adjusted gross proceeds from those concert tours, then it’ll be like mo money, mo money, new ringy, new ringy.

That’s cool. I guess we know the deal on that “ice” Robert’s got on that wrist though. Actually, what’s really going on with this picture?

Now I done told yall about tattos outside where a golf shirt would cover. Now I did make an excpetion for entertainers, athletes and thugs, but what happens when Rob’s voice gets tight like K-Ci from Jodeci, but he’s sittin on Fred from Da Band money instead of that Jo Jo and K-Ci money? I mean, an inkless hand might be what the doctor ordered in this recession people. And did Rob and June just go ahead and get married right on the spot? I mean, is this that super speedy, “will you marry me, no I mean, RIGHT NOW, MARRY ME!!!” type deal because homey has a wedding band on that finger already, right? Oh well. We can’t speculate about too many things.

Except that see-through dress and them non-matching drawls up underneath. June, you my girl, but WTF? And don’t tell me you didn’t know. You knew you had on a see-through dress when you saw that thing hanging next to the beach towels in that post card shop you purchased it from. Come on now. And what’s with that wild booted shoe just hanging out to the left of the shot? Maybe it’s just me, but that joint looks like the shoe Dave Chappelle put on Mos Def during that first drug warskit on the Chappelle show. Haa Just laid them joints up under his feet.. Too funny. Just damn. June is an attractive enough young lady, but I can’t support the crazy attire on one of the most memorable days on your life. Keep it classy.

Like this little set up my man Rob has. That’s classy. Homey’s got all the necessities.

1. Smoove Detroit playa, mustard yeller might-be-gators
2. Lobster for two, Steak N Eggs to share in the middle
3. Solid A1 – now see, that’s why I like my man Rob. Say what you want, but EVERYTHING tastes better with some A1 sprankled on top. A1 is like the crack of condiments. Once you go there, nothing else really compares. Ok, worcestershire sauce has it’s place too. I won’t lie. Lakey done gotten some work done with those two.
4. Some bubbly, can’t argue with that
5. Fresh fruit…. nice touch.
6. Perfunctory rose pedals under their feet

Anyway, I’m happy for the couple. Just one thing. What’s the liklihood that Rob sang to June when they got engaged, like, 75%? Who knows, maybe June will hit us with that information. Remember, she’s the only person, aside from Brock and me, to have posted something on this blog. Remember how she was writing that book?

Anyway, congrats to the couple. Yellow is the color of love. I also appreciate Rob’s hand placement there. Definitely “you are my lady” style there. Dammit, I just can’t shake those pink draws though. Normally, I wouldn’t go there, but it’s just wild to me. First off, ladies, you can’t ever have more than one inch of material on the side band of your drawls. I don’t care, that’s a Lake rule starting now. Nobody wants extra thickness up around the hip, this aint huggies. Ok, Ok… no more suspect commentary. Congrats to the “Exclusive” couple. I’ll be waiting for my Evite with baited breath.

– Lake

————UPDATE—————

This is high quality right here. I’ve always wondered why people garnish up a plate with random pieces of lettuce, parsley, a lemon slice…now I know. Those lobsters up there look lonely as hell. I mean they went from the water to the plate. Not a pat of butter was melted, no shell crackers, no little ass fork, no bib, nada.

Who brought the film crew by the way?

I also disagree on the lyrics Robert dropped. It had to be:

Baby girl I want you excluuuuusive, baby we should just doooooo this, cause the feeling’s so strong, how can we go on? Which lyrically is exactly the same as “Let’s get married”. Hopefully he rocked the real version instead of that off-key slow version.

By the way, I’m going to agree with Be On It from the comment board. There are some wide-side draws that get the job done. A sister in some boy shorts gets it done. If I’m not mistaken, Lady June may also be rocking the hanky pankys in which case she is fully thonged out in the back. In which case she’s really giving it to cats on the lo back there.

I told you fools that Diddy made June and Robert deny that relationship on national TV. Junebug, where you at?

-Brock

—————UPDATE 2—————–

Oh shit.  I missed the plastic on the chairs.  They must have gotten engaged at grandma’s house.  Great.