Posts Tagged ‘Diddy’

Donnie From Way Downtown…KLANG!

September 16, 2008

Diddy makes hit records.  He drove Danity Kane to #1, he drove Day 26 to #1 and this season it was Donnie’s turn.

The people’s champ has been in the studio working hard, he laid down the tracks, he worked on his dance moves, and he was ready for his big debut.  Surely the ladies of MTV would hold him down, right?

AHNT.  Donnie went on ahead and had that #19 album of the week with total sales of 22,000 copies in the first week.  Damn Donnie, more people clicked on their bookmark for US Versus Them today than your album sold in an entire week.

Seven.  You were the producer on this album.  You were supposed to be the Timberland to his Timberlake.  What did you think about the sales?

Seven: “Fabaless.  I mean that is 21,999 albums more than I sold of my solo album.  Yesss.  I’m getting a new smoke machine.”

Well Donnie.  I don’t know what to tell you.  I know it has got to be real tense on that tour bus right now.  You might have to go to an alternate profession.

Sure, you only get paid a dollar at a time, but you might make out better in the long run.  Oh and another piece of advice?  If you ever get called into a meeting with Da Band, Black Rob and Cheri Dennis…run.


Hot New Music…Wayne and Diddy

September 10, 2008

You know Us Versus Them hits you with the hot music.  Here’s just a little taste of what we’re working with.  While I can’t vouch for the original When I Grow Up by the Pussycat Dolls (although I can vouch for the fact that Nicole Scherzinger is bad as hell).

Check the Remix.

Wayne/Diddy “When I Grow Up Remix”

Hot beat, hot lyrics.  Enjoy.


You Can’t Buy Swagger

April 28, 2008

Or maybe you can. Damn, what does Swagger smell like?

We know that Diddy is always talking about swagger. If he uses Proactive to “preserve his sexy and moisturize his situation. Maybe he uses this to protect his swagger.

Diddy’s former manservant, Fonzworth Bentley, wrote a book about swagger.

But as far as I know, he still doesn’t have any either. So maybe he can get a case of this stuff and actually Advance his Swagger.

My favorite part of all this? The product being on the market means that there is some young brother, or Lake style nilla in the marketing department of Old Spice that sold this name through to a room full of old white people. What was that meeting like?

Young Dude: Let’s call the new scent “Swagger”

Brand Manager: What does that mean?

Young Dude: It’s like…being cool, confident, knowing you’ve got it all together.

Brand Manager: Yes. Yes, that’s it. We want people to be cool with their friends and cool in their armpits. I like it! Cool, confident…that’s the old spice way. Let’s do it.

Fellas, it doesn’t translate here. While I’m at it, you also can’t sell a sparkly body wash as “bling” scented, or your next body spray as “fo’ shizzle”. I know your 50 year old brand needs a new market, but this ain’t it. Someone please tell me what this stuff smells like. How do you put swagger in a bottle?


Throw some Ds: Aubrey from Danity Kane

January 23, 2008


Damn, remember when little Aubrey was just a sexy young girl with the smooth stomach and open mind trying to make Diddy’s band?


Damn near precious. Don’t get me wrong now, all of us fellas knew she had that little freak in her waiting to get out, but damn, if that era was zero, then you have to regard her current look as 60.


Got damn. I don’t mean to be vulgar but it looks like they literally just pulled the mic out of her mouth 2 seconds post checkin and snapped the picture while the emotion was still fresh in her mind and lip pieces. And what’s with those Js sitting on double Ds? My word, baby is packing the thunder up front like the Patriots offensive line all of a sudden. For real, if they had some “I am Legend” freaknasty adaptation, this babe and her vacant, all I do is cut look, would fit the bill of a sexed out zombie perfectly.


It’s weird. I mean, I know that I like it, but I can’t tell how much. Damn homies, this shot doesn’t even look like her. Anyway, the enhanced cans were pretty predictable, actually. It was really all that was missing. Not getting that upgrade would be pretty shocking now that I think about it. Peep the old Aubrey from her first Blender spread:


With the exception of that wildness she’s got hanging off her naval, I’m completely with it. It looks like Aubrey from Making the Band/Danity Kane not Christina Aguilera 2.0.


Now I can’t lie.. I liked that shot. Smooth thigh, tight midsection, J coming out to the left, parsed lips for your consideration, freakiness in the eye and vacancy in the brain… Pretty good. I just wonder what influenced her to flow like this.


Ahh, Kimmy K strikes again. Clearly she’s moving farther and father away from her supposed best friend Audrina who likes to keep it girl next door clean. At any rate, all of these developments are good stuff in light of the next installment of Making the Band 4. Word on the street is that the guys, Danity Kane and Donny will all be competing to make new albums. Yeah, it sounds pretty cheap but I’m quite sure it will have some cuttin’ for tracks by Aubrey and hatin’ from Robert’s on again off again lady who doesn’t like the idea of D. Woods near her man.


Lady, I can’t lie, you’ve got a few things going on, but that “Drama King” line you hit Rob with back in the day, I just can’t ever forgive you for saying it or him for putting up with all that lip.. Sorry, you lost me on that one.


Then you know there will be all types of “Is he gay is he not” shenanigans from Q and the supposedly married Brian A. I like the show concept in principle because of all the potential subplots, but we’ll see. Oh and for all you Brian H. fans out there, whatever happened to that burgeoning career yall were predicting after he got the Puff ax piece? Oh he hasn’t been signed yet? Naaaah…


Maybe homey can come out with a new line of hair products for recovering dreads addicts called “Nu Cesar”… I don’t know. I just wonder where all these dread lock cats are working. Come on now, there aint that many IT jobs in America… 😉

– Lake