Posts Tagged ‘Hydrogel Butt Injections’

I’m Shook: Booty Injections Are Running Rampant!

June 23, 2008

Us Versus Them. I’ve got a confession. I’ve been in mourning. My food doesn’t taste good. The sky just doesn’t seem as blue anymore. The leaves on the trees just don’t seem as green as they used to. My ride doesn’t seem as fast anymore.

The gel booty controversy has shaken me to my very core. For instance, this used to be my favorite Nike ad.

Is she really an athlete? Is she gellin’? I don’t know. I just don’t know. I’ve dedicated my life to the study of Assology. I developed the theory of Tailonomics. I lead the field. Once I found out about the gel…and I’m just not right. It’s like finding out Santa Claus isn’t real, that your parents don’t love each other anymore, and that Britney Spears ain’t tight any more all in the same day. I can’t take it.

Now there’s this.

This asshole is Anthony Donnell Solomon. He is down in Miami having “pumping parties” where he invites babes (and I use that term very loosely as he also helps trannys get a tailpiece…yikes). Is it really that easy? Tony Donnell up there doesn’t look like a doctor to me. He’s just rolling around the M.I.A. slanging syringes full of silicone? If this is street practice then it sure as hell is happening in legitimate places of plastic surgery.

Pumping Parties? Talk about what you don’t know won’t hurt you…but now I know. Forget “knowing is half the battle”, knowing this means that the battle is long gone and the war may be over.

I don’t know if I’m ready to give in just yet. But if these things are called pumping parties then Eddie Murphy might have been talking about Angel Lola Luv in his classic jam.

My girl wants to party all the time.

Dammit.

-Brock

==============Update==================

Truly disturbing.  I remember a time when if you heard a dude was “selling ass” you could trust that he was just running some hoes.  Then in the 90s you realized that some gay cats had gone and bastardized the term along with “DL” (which really hurt me by the way) and now this.  I mean, something aint right when you’re going to get some ass, but instead of hittin the club, you reach for your medical bag and a tube full of goo.  Lock this mufucker up and throw away the key!  This is like some scary ass, fucked up sequel to that movie Se7en.  I mean, who knows when or where these ass bandits will strike next?

Ok, but who else?  AHNT

– Lake

Are You Gellin’? The Kardashian Arse Debate Rages On

June 12, 2008

If you’re a loyal reader of UvT you know there has been a crazy debate about Kim K’s ass in the comments section.

A self described and admitted ass geller (lol) “Zsa Zsa Cookie” told us that she knows Kardashian’s ass is not real. She further alleges that Kardashian’s dumper is filled up with the same substance, ass-a-licious love gel, that she put into her very own ass to give herself that synthetic thunder.

I shit you not. And then, she commanded me to google that “Hydrogel Butt Injections” to prove her point. Well, sheeeit, as a committed life long learner, you know her will I did obey and what I learnt astonished me. WOW.. There really is some wild chick flying around the country, selling bagged up ass to the highest bidder! What is this, some kind of bastardized Robin Hood, rob from the lab, give to the needy stripper? And it appears that dat ass is selling like HOE CAKES!!! Dude, I’m like my boy Will from the comments, if the ass gel is so good and so effective in the fight against negative arse-ness, why doesn’t everyone have it? Or do they?

Right and that’s when you start to feel those walls closing in on you. I mean, could you have been hittin gel for all these years and not even know it? If you were running your hands through Barbaro Mane for the better part of your adult life, why not?

Just as an aside, don’t you love how they make the broad so miserable in the “before” pic? I mean, she aint got no lip chap, is in desperate need of Proactiv and from the looks of it just got popped for trying to lift condoms from her local 7-11. I mean, basically they give you a mug shot, right? Then it’s weave time and everything changes. Suddenly our convicted felon has the custom fit and feel of Aubrey from Making the Band. And yes, I’ll resist expounding on Aubrey….this time.

Yo, I’m here to say that I can’t tell you if Kimmy K’s ass is gellin’ like magellean, ok? Lola Luv’s neither.

What I can tell you is that they’re both banging like a benzy and just like Mario Winans, I don’t wanna know. I mean, if you’re gellin, keep it on the lo.

Dude, let’s just try to put that crazy Angel Lola Luv arse into perspective.

I mean, it’s just hilarious to actually think for a microsecond that such an ass could even possibly be “real”. I mean, come on. Has ANYONE seen a body like that? Fine, I’ve seen asses that big, but they’re attached to a regulation sized lower back, a skrong thigh and study calf. I mean, could her shit be any more out of proportion?

I just don’t have that kind of expertise, but the ladies in the comments sections, some that have first ass errr hand knowledge of today’s technology, swear up and down that her ass (and Kimmy K’s) is as phony as a $3 bill.

Man, I hate this shit. It’s like when I first learned that chicks had weaves. Dude, literally, I really didn’t know and I aint been right since! I mean, you can’t trust anything these days. Double D breass-tah-sis have to be looked upon with suspicion, sub prime mortgage backed securities got my 401k actin’ a bitch, Jello allegedly has swine hoof in it (that’s why it’s so good?), and Petro costs $5 a gallon!!! I can’t trust long silky hair without a background check and two witnesses from the hairdressers. 1 in 4 mufuckas in NYC have herpes and now ass aint even ass! Seriously, this is what you call Lake Arlington hell. Forget the culture wars, can a nilla get a honest and wholesome table dance?

Oh yes, it’s all fucked up.

– Lake