Assology 102: Rihanna Case Study

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You know your boy Brock wouldn’t let you down. I promised I was going to the lab to develop my 2008 Assology curriculum and I’m back with Assology 102.

We need to take the lessons to the streets, apply what we’ve learned to the real world. The ladies can throw out some real curveballs on you so you’ve got to be prepared. Lake threw Rihanna in the mix last week with this picture.

rihanna-her-mama-got-ass-too1.jpg

Well damn, that is hard to argue with right there. That waist to ass ratio is strong. Let’s go ahead and match that up with her album cover.

rihannagoodgirlgonebad.jpg

I mean she leans all the way back into that boy to prop that thang up. All good, right? Not quite my friends, lets take a closer look.

rihanna-no-ass.jpg

Awww naw, hail naw mang. What the hell is that? What happened? Here is the first principle of Assology: a single tuck does not make a great ass. I mean the set up coming out of the waist is phemonenal, but damn that finish is terrible. You gotta stick the landing, you gotta finish what you started, you gotta tuck that ass back in! I mean those legs are silky smooth like the negative arse chick.

For the math freaks out there, the proper ass to waist ratio can be found with the following formula A>1.64W, where A=ass, W=waist and A does not exceed 2.1W. Angel Lola Luv, I’m coming for you with my tape measure.

Can I get a glute, can I get a crease, can I get a hamstring? What does a properly tucked ass look like? Vida, can you come out here please?

vida-guerra-butt-crease.jpg

Don’t get me wrong, like our drunk cousin h8torade likes to say…when it comes to Rihanna, I’d hit it. Chris Breezay and his sthpesshial star tattoo ain’t got nothing on Brock. By time I got done she might have a double tuck. But that ass ain’t all right. Chris Rock doesn’t care though, he’d hit it too.

-Brock

====================Update====================

‘Bout time Brock got back to work!!!!  We don’t give you that much vacation.

Damn, that one pic with the lean back should be called “good ass gone missing”.. WTF?  Maybe she does rock the ass pads, because she’s looking Grrrrrrrrrrreat in that Forest Green number.   What you need to add to your analysis is whether there is a link between the her missing ass syndrome and her chronic inability to dance!  I mean, I aint never seen a chick with ass who can’t dance and I aint eva seen a babe from the Carribean that can’t dance.  Two strikes.  Chris Brown may in fact be hitting it right, but just because he’s rocking it like “the hit maker” doesn’t mean she’s brining that thunder, ether physically or metaphysically (I said it!)….

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4 Responses to “Assology 102: Rihanna Case Study”

  1. raafman Says:

    A couple more lessons and you might be able to rival this guy.

  2. B On It Says:

    Rihanna, tight as she is, wears butt pads!

  3. Because We Can: Christina Milian « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] literally never gets caught off guard looking bad. But you know the nations leading authority on Assology can’t let it stop there though, […]

  4. Rihanna got more thigh than KFC? « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] now I told you back in Assology 102: Rihanna, that she doesn’t tuck it back in.  Here’s the thing…the more I think about it, […]

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