Are You Gellin’? The Kardashian Arse Debate Rages On


If you’re a loyal reader of UvT you know there has been a crazy debate about Kim K’s ass in the comments section.

A self described and admitted ass geller (lol) “Zsa Zsa Cookie” told us that she knows Kardashian’s ass is not real. She further alleges that Kardashian’s dumper is filled up with the same substance, ass-a-licious love gel, that she put into her very own ass to give herself that synthetic thunder.

I shit you not. And then, she commanded me to google that “Hydrogel Butt Injections” to prove her point. Well, sheeeit, as a committed life long learner, you know her will I did obey and what I learnt astonished me. WOW.. There really is some wild chick flying around the country, selling bagged up ass to the highest bidder! What is this, some kind of bastardized Robin Hood, rob from the lab, give to the needy stripper? And it appears that dat ass is selling like HOE CAKES!!! Dude, I’m like my boy Will from the comments, if the ass gel is so good and so effective in the fight against negative arse-ness, why doesn’t everyone have it? Or do they?

Right and that’s when you start to feel those walls closing in on you. I mean, could you have been hittin gel for all these years and not even know it? If you were running your hands through Barbaro Mane for the better part of your adult life, why not?

Just as an aside, don’t you love how they make the broad so miserable in the “before” pic? I mean, she aint got no lip chap, is in desperate need of Proactiv and from the looks of it just got popped for trying to lift condoms from her local 7-11. I mean, basically they give you a mug shot, right? Then it’s weave time and everything changes. Suddenly our convicted felon has the custom fit and feel of Aubrey from Making the Band. And yes, I’ll resist expounding on Aubrey….this time.

Yo, I’m here to say that I can’t tell you if Kimmy K’s ass is gellin’ like magellean, ok? Lola Luv’s neither.

What I can tell you is that they’re both banging like a benzy and just like Mario Winans, I don’t wanna know. I mean, if you’re gellin, keep it on the lo.

Dude, let’s just try to put that crazy Angel Lola Luv arse into perspective.

I mean, it’s just hilarious to actually think for a microsecond that such an ass could even possibly be “real”. I mean, come on. Has ANYONE seen a body like that? Fine, I’ve seen asses that big, but they’re attached to a regulation sized lower back, a skrong thigh and study calf. I mean, could her shit be any more out of proportion?

I just don’t have that kind of expertise, but the ladies in the comments sections, some that have first ass errr hand knowledge of today’s technology, swear up and down that her ass (and Kimmy K’s) is as phony as a $3 bill.

Man, I hate this shit. It’s like when I first learned that chicks had weaves. Dude, literally, I really didn’t know and I aint been right since! I mean, you can’t trust anything these days. Double D breass-tah-sis have to be looked upon with suspicion, sub prime mortgage backed securities got my 401k actin’ a bitch, Jello allegedly has swine hoof in it (that’s why it’s so good?), and Petro costs $5 a gallon!!! I can’t trust long silky hair without a background check and two witnesses from the hairdressers. 1 in 4 mufuckas in NYC have herpes and now ass aint even ass! Seriously, this is what you call Lake Arlington hell. Forget the culture wars, can a nilla get a honest and wholesome table dance?

Oh yes, it’s all fucked up.

– Lake

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24 Responses to “Are You Gellin’? The Kardashian Arse Debate Rages On”

  1. raafman Says:

    All I’m saying is that I’ve seen some extra-thick Ethiopians out there. Lola’s joint looks a little extra-thick, but spend some time in DC and you will be convinced that those Ethies got some thangs hap’nin that just ain’t right. I’m with Kimmy K all they way too. It’s like I HAVE to believe in something, and she’s it.

  2. SMH Says:

    Lola is def fake, u can see the scars, Kimmy K is Real, those 2 pictures have different states of thickness. She put on weight since that 1st 1

  3. Be On It Says:

    Oh my god! Dudes, get a frickin’ grip. Kimmy K is beautiful, but the only thing real on that broad is…wait, I can do this… well…um… her name. And that annoying ass voice. Is she a bad broad? Yes. Did she come out of the womb with the genes to produce such eloquent badness? No. Just admit, you like the package and don’t care how it got to its current state. It’s like all the women who swooned over Luther. You know, THAT Luther, who could sing they pantays off tho he was sweeter than Karo corn syrup. Women just chose to ignore that fact and enjoy the music anyhow.

    As for Lola, she is not representative of the Ethies in DC who bring that heat au naturale. She pissed some people off, screwed somebody’s boyfriend, whatever, but a whole heap of haters came out in full force and spread all her business in the streets – i.e. how she got her start stripping, tricking, suckin, and licking to pay for her upgrades.

  4. Lake Arlington Says:

    Haaaa, crazy post by Be On It, who right now is a front runner for UvT woman of the year.. Please forward any and all dirt errr stories about Lola trickin’ in the DC skreets….. Hilarious.

    And DC Ethi rhetoric is always welcome on this blog. I have a bit of familiarity with London Ethies and believe you me, I was appreciative of their flow. In fact, I just took in some fine Ethiopian cuisine yesterday in honor of that wonderful nation, with lovely ladies to boot.

  5. Triple_B Says:

    I am broken. The B’s standard of measure has been scandalized. I’m actually not sure if i can continue with this post without……..with…..without breaking down into tears but i’ll try.

    Fellas what’s left that you can believe in? bad enough that you had to first compensate for the High Heel fake out but now they’ve gone to the full synthetic. The j fake out was accepted and integrated into society rather well. Now women are poised on the edge of flooding the market with knockoff asses. Booty stocks will plummet. The question should i adjust my portfolio and acquire only blue-chip booty or should i take a chance on these high-risk start-ups? I honestly don’t know.

    The arms race continues i suppose. Women keep articficial enhancing body parts and we keep artificiallly enhancing our bank balance. Cuz really that’s the bottom line of this whole thing. We let the boob argument go. Women said “we needs these for our self esteem.”, “because it’s something distinctly female that i’m lacking.”, “To make my shoulders fit.” I’ve heard em all. But where is the explanation for super-sizing the donkey? And if you remember….. well everything up until about 6 year ago the no-ass was the style. You have to go back to the 1700’s to find the last time the apple-bottom was the whip! So waht happens to these bogus-butt-babes when the fashion swings back the other way? I don’t even wat to think about what happens when these chicks get older. But i digress. This is pure vanity I can’t think of any psychological affliction that puffin out the pooper (I’m a fan of alliteration, sue me) can remedy.

    So let’s boil it down and examine the main components. Guys like breasts and butts. Women like car, houses, and money. We all lie about them. I guess I’ll back to braggin on my BM. You think BMW but it’s BMX. Holla I’ll let you ride on the handle bars.


  6. KIR in NV Says:

    First of all, I’d like to second Lake’s nomination to Be for WOTY.

    Secondly, I cosign with everything my girl Be had to say.

    Third, my man Triple_B needs to upgrade his mongoose with pegs or something because we fully fleshed out ladies will block his view if perched on some handlebars. I’m down if you’re picking up the tab on those XXL Slurpees at 7-Eleven, baby. Lemme know.

  7. Will Says:

    OH! That LSU joint was reeeeeal fuk’d up man! now… back to the blog. (quietly laughing inside)

  8. Will Says:

    Damn where to start?….

    @Lake: Ay them Lola and J-Lo pics – fun as they are to look at – are PURE MORPHS. Lola definitely. Now, J-Lo, we all know her from her ‘Selena’ and Janet backup-dancer days, BUT…BUTT….she had the thighs and megahips to match. None of that slim shit.

    Raafman: Ethiopian womens definitely have some (un)Godly proportions going on with that slim/thick dicho…di-chot..dichotomy that DEFIES physics. Slim with the Bubble – damn! Ain’t even fair. I can vouch for them firsthand 😀 I can’t give Kim them type of props tho. Thats reserved strictly for the MOTHERLAND lol.

    ** PAUSE FOR CELEBRATING LAKERS 20pt lead 8:36pm CST 😀 ***

    @Be: I luv how u eloquently break down seemingly EVERY topic on this post. U the (wo)man.

    BOTTOM LINE: It’s just the new boob job. Boobs. Lips. Booty. In Asia, the hot ‘job’ is eyelid fold. Heh!

  9. RosyF Says:

    UvT ladies and gents…yall are not asking the most important question of them all. How does the beach ball bottom feel (alliteration for Triple B)?

    The real reason we diss the tainted tattas is that word on the street (aka strip clubs, most of LA, and on the insecure chest of little js everywhere) is they feel like tennis balls…no fatty give. Now the buttocks is suppose to be firm. So if there is a little some give/bounce this upgrade could be seamless in feel. Say What?? The real people who should be upset is Ms. all natural Fat Booty cuz there is a gel out there making it plumper, stronger, better.

    Go Celtics!!

  10. Go Celts Says:

    Rosy F is right. If the upgraded tits felt natural, nobody would have an issue with it. The crazy thing is that one day they will feel natural and nobody will really know. Or check that, everyone will have the perfect rack. My guess is 2015… Thing is, banging out some ass aint like grabbing on some Js.. Lower standard of feel….but I agree, it’s very relevant and I wonder.

  11. zsa zsa cookie Says:

    Please….. there is no debate

  12. zsa zsa cookie Says:

  13. zsa zsa cookie Says:

  14. Triple_B Says:

    KIR: You got me on that one. I actually thought about the logistics and I may not be able to watch the road but i’ll be able to see everythang i want. And you know you’re gonna have to put that Slurpee in a Super Big Gulp cup. I’ll pick up the check no doubt, but i roll a Mongoose for a reason. I ain’t got that GT money…..yet.

    RosyF: I hear you. And this is why it’s so hard for me. Just like in chicken i’m a leg and thigh man. So when it comes to making anything in that area better, i’m all in, with my cards flipped over, waitin on the river card. BUT (this is very big “but” for me) I’m man of principle and they must be applied across the board. I take a hard line on the breast augmentation therefore i must take the same line when it comes to the buttockal (medical term) region.Though it pains me to do so……..I can’t accept the fake booty.

    Lake: that Mario Winans song never made more sense to me than it does today.

  15. raafman Says:

    Best comment thread ever, btw. Golf claps all around, esp. Triple_B

    I think we can all agree that J-Lo’s au naturale game is absolutely the gold standard when it comes to the posterior region. And the prospect that many of my faves are tipping out to the local gel shop has really had more of an affect on me than I’d like to admit. Just. Devastating. It’s like the steroids scandal only with something I actually care about. Damn.

    In response, I’d like to ask that UvT or star commenters Be and KIR serve as a kind of civilian review board, a greek chorus if you will, to protect us uninformed oglers from ourselves. Maybe there could even be some sort of ranking system or futures market we could create to help predict and therefore smoke out suspected gel-mama’s before they reach official UvT ranking status.

    Lastly on Kimmy K (and I hope you can feel that last glimmer of hope receding on the horizon like Jay Gatsby’s green light), I have personally witnessed (erm, experienced?) natural body growth in the regions we’re talking about that occurs between, say, that teenage picture of Kimmy and her current tabloid legend status, so I’m not always convinced when I see an old pic of someone that they had a visit to the chop shop. However, given that miss K seems so unafraid to use various procedures to enhance her appearance — taking my bad medicine from Be On It here — even I have to admit that her resulting visage is unseemly.

    So with with Jenny from the Block standing at a 0 on our 0-5 scale from natural to recklessly enhanced, I have no reservation in placing Lola Luv all the way at 5, Ethie or no. I can’t put Kimmy higher than a 2, though. Sue me; that’s just the way I feel.

  16. Lake Arlington Says:

    Raafman, I agree wholeheartedly. I’ve seen with my own eyes and felt with my own hands the transformation in these ladies. I remember one year in college a late bloomer, albeit known and sworn hizzoe, went away for the summer after first year but came back with all kinds of thunder up high and yes, down lo… I mean, the game had officially changed for this babe and she could just feel it. Everybody was like, “yo, did you see Mandy Mae (and yes, that was her name) thicken up?”

    I mean, it was like night and day. Suddenly those pigeon toe feets that nobody could understand or bear were being used exactly right.. I mean, who knew that the design was so so necessary to balance out that slim-thick ratio. It was crazy. So yes, a babe can flip the switch. I’ve seen it. I’m still on the “Kim’s ass is real” side of the game, though Lola Luv is clearly on the gel.

    It’s funny, just like you, those words from Zsa Zsa Cookie, the UvT terrorist who hasn’t been heard from since by the way, just echoed in my head. I mean, I was legitimately thinking about these fake asses. I was devastated, but yet intrigued. I mean, I can only liken it to my first experience with the weave. It just knocked me for a loop. Up was down. In was out. Long and luscious was, hot dammit, a CEASAR!!!!

    Oh and good eye on that Kim K, this is how we do it, enhancement proclivity. Clearly I knew about that when I wrote this, just couldn’t bring myself to add it in. One finally note player, I hate to say it, but I have to believe that JLo’s ass above has been doctored up by the greatest of photoshoppers.. Come on now, she’s got ass and it’s is good, but it’s not like THAT.. No way, no how.

    So let the debate rage on… Like Triple B and as much as it hurts me, I gotta say I’m anti Gel… but if you’re Gellin it, keep it on the low, both literally and figuratively, and maybe I can work you errr with you.

  17. Danny Boy Says:

    Listen, all of you guys are just over thinking this stuff. Big boos, big ass… shit, women, are ALL GOOD. I like it all. It doesn’t matter to me. Hell, they could come with a fully synthetic woman and I’d hit. And we all know that day is coming soon. I mean, very soon, you won’t need a woman or man. It will all be freak robot sex. From the looks of it, plenty of these females are half way there already. Don’t let them come up with that shit any time soon either. Then I really won’t be getting married, ever…

  18. Danny Boy Says:

    I can’t lie though, Lola Luv’s ass looks like a lower case q up about… that’s nuts.

  19. Will Says:

    Dude I’m tellin you, that Lola Luv shit is NOT REAL! that is MORPH. Ever since Melyssa Ford fuk’d the game up back in ’01/02, chix been SCRAMBLING to catch up to her level. You got the very obvious thorobreds like Ester baxter and that Outkast chik just to name a few, but these Jenny-come-latelys went and got them a quik edge-up just to get in the game! Personally I’m not impressed. King, Black Men, XXL, et al put the pressure on these chix to go get there stuff didd’ed up for the camera.
    I think its all garbage. I’ll take the natural beauty/booty :-).

  20. Lake Arlington Says:

    Will, this will F your world up, but my boy used to date Melyssa Ford, right around the time when she blew up too. No doubt. I met her a few times and it just wasn’t right. Crazy body that you can’t really believe you’re seeing and torpedo J game. Really wild. I mean, this cat was living with her… The real thing.

  21. Slick Jefferson Says:

    Dead up, if I’m going to continue commenting here, I’mma have to change my name — kinda like when Little Dice became Little Zé in City of God.

    @Lake, I agree that J-Lo’s got the photoshop advantage above, but ample evidence abounds that she keeps it real regardless. And I gotta cosign with you and Triple B on the anti-gel tip. In fact, I’ve never really been able to get fully (ahem) behind Vida Guerra because of the fake J’s. That said, two naturally thundrous chicks who never seem to get enough burn in my book are none other than Rosario Dawson (luv ya, baby!) and Leila Arcieri (I mean is there anything that Jamie Foxx ever gets wrong?).

    Raafm… I mean Slick. Out.

  22. otis Says:

    yeah they got a pic of kim in mexico in a bikini on what would tyler durden do

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