Posts Tagged ‘Thick black woman alert’

Are You Gellin’? The Kardashian Arse Debate Rages On

June 12, 2008

If you’re a loyal reader of UvT you know there has been a crazy debate about Kim K’s ass in the comments section.

A self described and admitted ass geller (lol) “Zsa Zsa Cookie” told us that she knows Kardashian’s ass is not real. She further alleges that Kardashian’s dumper is filled up with the same substance, ass-a-licious love gel, that she put into her very own ass to give herself that synthetic thunder.

I shit you not. And then, she commanded me to google that “Hydrogel Butt Injections” to prove her point. Well, sheeeit, as a committed life long learner, you know her will I did obey and what I learnt astonished me. WOW.. There really is some wild chick flying around the country, selling bagged up ass to the highest bidder! What is this, some kind of bastardized Robin Hood, rob from the lab, give to the needy stripper? And it appears that dat ass is selling like HOE CAKES!!! Dude, I’m like my boy Will from the comments, if the ass gel is so good and so effective in the fight against negative arse-ness, why doesn’t everyone have it? Or do they?

Right and that’s when you start to feel those walls closing in on you. I mean, could you have been hittin gel for all these years and not even know it? If you were running your hands through Barbaro Mane for the better part of your adult life, why not?

Just as an aside, don’t you love how they make the broad so miserable in the “before” pic? I mean, she aint got no lip chap, is in desperate need of Proactiv and from the looks of it just got popped for trying to lift condoms from her local 7-11. I mean, basically they give you a mug shot, right? Then it’s weave time and everything changes. Suddenly our convicted felon has the custom fit and feel of Aubrey from Making the Band. And yes, I’ll resist expounding on Aubrey….this time.

Yo, I’m here to say that I can’t tell you if Kimmy K’s ass is gellin’ like magellean, ok? Lola Luv’s neither.

What I can tell you is that they’re both banging like a benzy and just like Mario Winans, I don’t wanna know. I mean, if you’re gellin, keep it on the lo.

Dude, let’s just try to put that crazy Angel Lola Luv arse into perspective.

I mean, it’s just hilarious to actually think for a microsecond that such an ass could even possibly be “real”. I mean, come on. Has ANYONE seen a body like that? Fine, I’ve seen asses that big, but they’re attached to a regulation sized lower back, a skrong thigh and study calf. I mean, could her shit be any more out of proportion?

I just don’t have that kind of expertise, but the ladies in the comments sections, some that have first ass errr hand knowledge of today’s technology, swear up and down that her ass (and Kimmy K’s) is as phony as a $3 bill.

Man, I hate this shit. It’s like when I first learned that chicks had weaves. Dude, literally, I really didn’t know and I aint been right since! I mean, you can’t trust anything these days. Double D breass-tah-sis have to be looked upon with suspicion, sub prime mortgage backed securities got my 401k actin’ a bitch, Jello allegedly has swine hoof in it (that’s why it’s so good?), and Petro costs $5 a gallon!!! I can’t trust long silky hair without a background check and two witnesses from the hairdressers. 1 in 4 mufuckas in NYC have herpes and now ass aint even ass! Seriously, this is what you call Lake Arlington hell. Forget the culture wars, can a nilla get a honest and wholesome table dance?

Oh yes, it’s all fucked up.

– Lake

Ashanti is Still Thick, Bless Her…uhhhh Heart

June 6, 2008

Dude, I know I’ve been hard on the ladies of late, but I have to pay homage to the au natural goodness of Ashanti one more gin.

Dude, it’s them thighs. Toned up like Big Brown at Belmont waiting on inevitability. I mean, it’s like I’m playing the role of Pookie from New Jack City “cuz they just be calling me and calling me…. I gotta go to it.”

Uhhhhh, I’mma need a drink over here!!!!! Lordy hep meh. From the look on her face, I think dat ass surprised her as much as it did me. Dude, it’s just packed in there tight and right. I mean, this babe is a fine oiled machine right about now. “It’s lovely and I love it (Wu Tang, It’s Yourz)”.

You know what I love most about Ashanti? The consistency. I mean, she always delivers, because it’s the same script, different outfit. She’s gonna stay thick, we know that. She’s gonna hit you with the extra aerobicized KFC thigh piece and then she’s going to give you that all important lean back. I mean, every single string of pics has the patented Ashanti lean back. It’s like the steady and dependable tupperware patented burp seal system to lock in that freshness. Ashanti will ALWAYS give you that angle three lean to compliment the head on and the “look at my azz, yes it’s still thick and right” turn around joint. I love Ashanti!

– Lake

———UPDATE————–

I just noticed.  The funniest thing about this picture is the fact that she is standing in front of promotional photos of herself and the thighs just aren’t the same.  She is photoshopped on up and slimmed out in the back.  The best part?  I prefer the real thickums on Ashanti in person.  She might not want to stand in front of fake Ashanti in the future.