Posts Tagged ‘Kim Kardashian’

Top Ten Hollywood Breasts List…YES!

July 3, 2008

Hey, I didn’t come up with this list but I’m happy to discuss it. You know, as I look down at this InTouch Weekly “Best Hollywood Tits” list, I’m actually kind of embarrassed that I know all these broads. Ahh, who am I kidding, let’s get going on this here list. Now remember, this is the list according to InTouch Weekly.. Not us. But we have plenty to say.

1. Jessica Simpson

Yep, the top titty goes to Jessica Simpson. Wouldn’t have been my choice, but I can live with it.

After all, even her pops said that her ridiculous J’s were top notch.

Now you know you’ve got some serious tittay when pops is peeping them on the slide.

2. Tyra Banks

Say what? Now I know Tyra’s got giant J’s, but does she really belong inside the top three of ALL the breast tah sis in Hollywood?

Sure, her fundamentals are sound and she used to have the rest of the body to go with it. But this is a current J list, not a historical retrospective. The classic Janet song “What Have You Done For Me Lately” seems to come to mind. Answer?

Not enough. Not even close.

3. Scarlett Johansson

Ummmm, HELL YES!!! I’m not sure how it’s possible, but I think this chick is underrated across the board. Maybe it’s the lack of a nude photo shoot and sex tape. Hopefully someone can remedy that. But on the boobs front, she’s LOVELY.

Gotta run that one more gin.

4. Carmen Electra

Huh? Is she even in show business anymore? Why not Pamela Anderson? Hell, Loni Anderson.

And maybe it’s just me, but shouldn’t there be a reasonable expectation that the boobs are actually real if you’re going to call them the 4th best set in all of Hollywood? At least pic a chick with a debate, like Kimmy K…. With Carmen, she’ll tell you her joints are fake. Nah, I can’t support that.

5. Lindsay Lohan

Again, anyone who knows this blog understands my affection for Lindsay Lohan.

She’s one of my favorite celebs and yes, those ridiculous J’s have something to do with it.

On the J front, Lindsay has it all and we’ve seen it all.

You can’t hate, not on this discussion. Definitely underrated and waaaaay under appreciated. Her breasts I mean…lol.

6. Katherine Heigl

I recognize that this near no talent chick would be nothing without the superior boobs, but I just don’t like this broad.

That’s right, I don’t like her, can’t stand that character “Izzy” or whatever it is on Grey’s Anatomy and just can’t get past all the bullshit, yes, even for a pair of advanced J’s like those.

She doesn’t even make my list. Terrible. Though she does look reaaaaaally good in this next pic.

Mercy!

7. Audrina Patridge

Whaaat? You don’t mean to tell me we all feel for that completely transparent “I did some nudes back in the day and now they will be released the day before my show so please make me a star” treatment?

You bet we did. And please note how much she has truly stepped up that belly game. Wow. This babe is everywhere right now. If she had a shred of talent she’d really have something too. Though, I must say, having the nude pictures of her to refer back to whenever I see her looking right in a magazine or online is a nice luxury.

8. Jennifer Aniston

Come on now. Jennifer aint been hot since Ross was hittin’. Again, just too old, too romantic comedy. It’s just not right. Sure she’s got some J’s (NSFW), she wouldn’t be in the business if she didn’t.

But come on. She does not have some of the best tits in all of Hollywood. But these NSFW of Aniston are worth a peep. Half the time she doesn’t even have the best tits in her own relationship. She’s literally not in the same conversation with these other babes. Horrible.

9. Megan Fox

Ah, I don’t buy it. This seems very political. I do like that she stands for the fact that a chick doesn’t have to have monster boobs for them to be sexy, but this chick is not a top flight titty talent.

I mean, come on. She doesn’t have the chops and never will until she orders that full upgrade. Right? She’s got average J’s just for a regular girl, but in Hollywood, she’s squarely below average. Hell, most of the regular women walk around with better ones than that. Not even close.

10. Beyonce

Huh? Did I miss something? I don’t know, maybe B’s tittays wrote the lyrics to “Upgrade”…wait no, that was Jay Z. Curses. I hate to do this because I like Beyonce a lot. But she has no damn business on this list.

I think she’s beautiful, but if you forced me to diss her, right after I spoke on that assortment of unacceptable weaves, I’d go right to the breasts. I mean, she’s keeping it real and natural as she should and she looks damn good chest and all.

So there you have it. Are you satisfied? I’m not. I mean, where was Kim Kardashian, Halle Berry, JESSICA BIEL, hell, Mel B., Gisele….I mean, the list goes on and on. Sorry, I can’t endorse this list period. Let me give you my list.

1. Lindsay Lohan

2. Scarlett Johansson

3. Jessica Simpson

4. Kim Kardashian

5. Salma Hayek

6. Jessica Biel

7. Katherine Heigl (what can I say, that pic is still in my head)

8. Halle Berry

9. Mel B.

10. Audrina Patridge (hey, she’s already been mentioned, what could I do?)

Honorable mention: Serena Williams (don’t sleep)

Then I have to add a section for best fake boobs in the business. Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Tila Tequila, Pam Anderson and Heidi Montage.

Damn, after all that, even I’ve grown tired of tittays. I must be getting really old.

– Lake

Kim Kardashian’s Ass(terisk?)

June 9, 2008

Now I’ve been firmly (heh) in the Kim Kardashian’s ass is real camp. Particularly since I saw…ummmm heard…about the way it tucked itself in from the top in that awful sex tape with Ray J. But now I’m shook.

Is that real? Is it fake? I’m about to call in the greatest assologists from all over the world and call an emergency session to make a final ruling based on new evidence. I can’t slap the asterisk on it myself, Lake, can you call it?

-Brock

For Old Times Sake: Kim Kardashian

May 29, 2008

Sure she hasn’t made a sex tape recently (that we’ve seen…yet), but Kimmy K still wants to let you know she’s got the best tail game in the business.

Still crazy after all these years.

She even drops it low with not a scrap of draws in sight.

-Brock

Lunar Eclipse: Kim Kardashian’s Ass Blocks Out the Moon

February 21, 2008

As astronomers talking about the lunar eclipse last night, this asstronomer had his eyes on another phenomenon.  Kimmy K hit the streets to let cats know she’s still got it, and can still get it.  So I’m gonna go back to our roots and give the people what they want.

First let’s take a look at the full on backshot.

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Look people, she is just walking and the crease of her ass completely folded and tucked that dress up under.  If she learned how to clap her booty cheeks together, her ass might be able to fold the dress completely and put it back in the closet for her.

How about the baddest side profile in the business? (Biel makes a good run at it too)

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The slope on that thang is crazy.  She’s giving it some extra arch in the back too.  Help me please!

Now what about when she gets that ass cocked?  No, not like that…although we’ve seen that already.  I mean when she cocks that ass to the side…damn we’ve seen that already too.  Intern!  Run my pic!

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This gives you the real feel.  That waist stays tight while the tail really blows up.  Kim Kardashian, you are on the verge of the Us Versus Them hall of fame.  Just slip Lake that Aubrey O’Day Sex Tape and you will be a lock for a unanimous vote.

-Brock.

I Wonder It OJ’s Bronco Could’ve Done This…

February 5, 2008

I know OJ Simpson is famous for the slow speed chase, but Al Cowlings may still be driving right now if Al had skills like this:

My man must of been a professional stunt driver with skills like that. When the cops finally tracked him down they were serious though. I don’t know about those bump moves the cops were going with, it looked like they were trying to kill my man a few times there.

Speaking of OJ Simpson, his lawyer was Robert Kardashian. And of course Robert Kardashian’s daughter is…

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…our girl Kimmy K. Kim Kardashian hasn’t been around in a while. I couldn’t resist.  That was a cheap ass segue though.  That tailpiece is still bananas.

-Brock

Kim Kardashian Going to Jail!

November 22, 2007

For trying to smuggle two hams out a store in LA.

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I think she might have some stuffing in there too.

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Awww, isn’t that cute? It’s almost like she’s adjusting a video camera for her sex tape. It seems so nostalgic. Like a throwback pose.

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Happy Thanksgiving, save the big piece of Turkey for me.

-Brock

Keeping up with the Kardashians: Terrible Show

October 24, 2007

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Ok, this will be short and sweet. After a lot of travel I finally got to a point in my tivo backlog where I could take the time to watch Kim Kardashian’s reality show, Keeping up with the Kardashians. And true to form, Kim’s second television experience was about as lame and uninspiring as her first (yes, for the ones of you who didn’t peep that sex tape, it was pretty boring…well, not all of it was boring, NSFW) one with Ray J.

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Anyway, what I’ve learned is pretty simple.

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(When you’re dealing with Kimmy K, what you see if what you get, nothing but titties and ass)

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The chick is crazy hot and her mama was an innovator by providing the world with that extraordinary breast to waist to ass ratio, so we can only hate but so much on the Kardashians in general.

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Believe you me, it was unlike anything we had ever previously seen on a white woman, but ultimately, mom dukes passed something else on to Kimmy K, a complete and utter lack of personality, swagger and juice! Damn, it’s so disappointing. How can a babe be so good in still shots and so bad in action? I guess we can’t have it all. She looks the damn part, but this babe makes Paris Hilton look like she’s actually got some talent and charisma. I mean, a complete wet blanket on the screen… and the writing for this show.. come on now. “This is my stripper pole that mom and Bruce got me for my birthday, now I’ll rip the dress my sister told me not to wear and let my other sister, who is 12 years old mind you, get up on the pole so that she might be able to propel herself into super ho status before she leaves middle school too…” I know, controversial and shocking and sooooo unscripted. Hey, this show makes The Hills look like a cutting edge, innovative drama with real people and real relationships. What a joke!

On a brighter note, both of her other sisters, even the one who looks like Chyna from the WWE, have ass too. I am especially fond of of Kourtney, who is a slimmed down and arguably prettier version of Kim, but still with tail piece you know and love.

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All in all, the sad truth is that I don’t want to keep up with the Kardashians anymore than I already do, namely, seeing them in sex tapes, still shots and on nude playboy shoots. And Bruce Jenner on this show? Absolutely terrible. I think they got confused when they added that fool onto the cast, even if he is their stepfather.

Damn, it was sad to see ole Bruce fall off like he has. I mean, this cat was the signature athlete in the 80s.

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Now he belongs on Dr. 90210 under the botched sun bathing and wrinkle removal.

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Oh how the mighty have fallen. I mean, he may in fact be the first male cougar with that orangish hue, torrible haircut/wig piece, ghastly gear and blatantly obvious diminished sense of self worth. Bottom line, we’ve got a reality tv bonanza on our hands out here with Tila Tequila, the Bachelor and I Love New York. This show just didn’t make the cut. I’ll watch one more episode, but if I don’t see some ode to Kardashian ass, Ray J does Dallas part duex or Kim channels Superhead (some more) part 6, I’m turning that shit off and never watching it, much less talking about it, again.

– Lake

Thick white woman alert: Kimmy K (this is the remix)

July 24, 2007

Update: Check out our post with Kim Kardashian’s Playboy pics HERE!


Again, we don’t need an excuse to post these Kim K pics. For those who don’t know, that Kim Kardashian/Ray J porno was good n terrible. Good because Kim Kardashian’s body is insane, peep it:

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Silky smooth and right.

It was terrible, well, because Kim wasn’t as active as you’d want from that body. I mean, you’re just expecting a Michael Jordan type performance (or at least a Paris Hilton type performance) and what we really ended up getting was Sebastian Telfair-esque. Don’t get me wrong, she did excel in a few key areas, just not the full performance I expected. At any rate, here are a few more gratuitous Kimmy K, thick as she wanna be pics. Enjoy.

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Classy, smart, smooth and just what you want. I mean, I’m trying to make this tail piece out to be a fluke, but it just isn’t. It’s all her. Great.

– Lake