Noelia’s sex tape: Mission Accomplished


Attention: Don’t forget to check out our Noelia posts part one and part two for background.


(clearly this shot of her was pre unnatural female enhancement, still sexy though)

Ok, to say we were duped would be a bit much here, because everyone pretty much saw this one coming. Indeed, it’s quite clear now that Noelia, after seeing the success of no talents like Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton (Not safe for work), and Kim Kardashian blast off into American media stardom, released that sex tape to help kick off her her career in the US.


Hey, I aint mad at you mami. Do your thing. But the idea that the sex tape just miraculously appeared juuust before you start work on your first English speaking album is kind of a joke. And it looks like it paid off too. Look at this youtube for Noelia, which to date has over half a million viewers!!!

(she does look kinda good in that dress though)

Anyway, I must admit, pre sex tape I would have given a Noelia song about 5 seconds before I turned the channel (which not so coincidentally corresponds with the length of time I give ANY Telemundo or Univision program now), now she may get a solid 40 seconds out of me if her video appeared on MTV. It’s clear what she should do next though. Get Wyclef to hit errrr give her some Shakira knock off song. Then hook her up with some Scott Storch (“great scott!”) formatted joint. Maybe throw in some kind of duet with some grubby little R&B cat, hmmm, oh yes, Lloyd, Ne-yo or Bobby Valentino will do. Then put her onto some big ballad and then fill the rest of the album up with rump shaking and gratuitous spanish themed sex references. Done deal, right?


(after watching that sex tape right HERE, we now know why Mickey has that perpetual smile and we can certainly understand why the fish’s eyes are nearly popping out of his head)

Hey, this route worked for Kim Kardashian who has some reality show coming out (yawn), so it should work pretty well for this babe who ostensibly has some real talent.


The strategy did not work, however, for total no talent “Toastee” from Flavor of Love 2 an Charm School fame..


And if you think I just put this line of discussion in so that I could get this absurd picture of toastee and this terrible bald cat on the blog (yes, she has a sex tape too), you’d be absolutely right. LOL. Hilarious. Look at that cat, he’s turning red!!! Freaky stuff.

– lake

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