When keeping it real goes wrong


I hate to so blatantly steal Dave Chappelle’s line but I literally couldn’t think of another caption for this wild wedding picture below.


Now before you think you know why this picture is so crazy. Take a bit of a longer look and then read my comments below to see how many of your observations fit with mine.

1. The Feet

Peep the damn flower girl, who should be no older than 8 years of age, standing at 5-11 with those Fischer Price “my first heels” sandals with the stockings…Meanwhile the other chicks have clear stripper heels on, except the one who just said “fuck it” and strapped on some house schools for the occasion.

2. The Mens

Then you’ve got homey on the ground looking like a cut rate Smally Biggs rocking the “smoove airbrush/jailhouse sexy” pose in front of the entire posse and that’s what this is, a posse, followed by the muscle in the back holding the big heat. Now maybe it’s just me, but since 1992 I’ve noticed that whenever cats are openly brandishing semi automatic assault rifles, I see large asses within a 8 foot radius of the tool in question.

3. Chillin with my women friends

Damn, I just have to go back to ole girl standing next to my man with big thangs poppin. I mean, what was she really thinking in the 8 seconds that immediately preceded this photograph:

“Ohw-key, turn sidewayz, ohhh, dats jus- ryte.. yep, dat should show off my backshots fur reel…yep, got it.” AHNT!

LOL sorry, I had to go ahead and buzz that. You know you’re low level when you put that right foot forward, left foot at an exact 90 angle stage right, arch the back and let it fly thinking this is the best thing you have to offer this timeless photograph.

4. What’s missing

My only complaint is that there are no visible tats. I’m not sure if that makes this better or worse… Now I say visible because I’d be willing to bet $11.99, which coincidentally is the same price the flower girl paid for those kicks, that at least one person, man or woman, has a tatoo that says “P-Ta Mon’s” on them.

Jeezus, take the wheel for real… What is the bride thinking during all of this?

– Lake

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