Posts Tagged ‘thick black woman’

Thickness Defined: ASHANTI!!!

May 15, 2008

Dude, maybe it’s just me (it’s not) but has anyone noticed that Ashanti is looking FAN-TABULOUS lately? My word!!! I mean, it’s like every picture of her I see is yet another piece into a tapestry of “GOT DAMN“-ness. So you know I had to ask the question that’s on everyone’s mind: Is Ashanti UvT Quality? We’ll start with “Classy” Ashanti and work our way down:

Very nice. And don’t think that angle on picture one around the middle hip area is lost on me, either…IT’S NOT. In fact, this was the first picture of her that made me let out a Scooby Doo inspired “Zoinks”. Then I saw some more:

Uhhhhhhhhhh, s-s-s-s-say whaaaaaat?!!!! Talk about thick. Fair enough, it’s the JLo gimmick and I get that. But are you fucking serious? Dude, Nelly aint gonna ever need to roll by Popeye’s or KFC again. I mean, I see thigh, breast, fuck, sides and all the damn fixins’!!! BUT DON’T FORGET THE HONEY!!! WOW. Dude, now I know what it’s like to be sippin on that purple stuff because I’ve been in a daze ever since I first laid eyes on this picture. Honestly, where does it start, how can it stop? MY WORD!!! I grudingly move on to exhibit 3, B, IV, shit, who am I?

“I need an around the way girl, that’s the one for meeeeee!!!!!!”

Can I get a J check?

Oh yes indeed. On the real, how many hours per day must this babe put in that gymnasium? 2, 3 or 4? Which brings me back to the question of her UvT Quality status. I say HELL YES. I mean, I believe in a republican (little R) form of blogging and I know I can’t just make unilateral decisions, but do I really have to wait for Brock to scream from the mountain tops: “YES, YES ASHANTI IS UvT QUALITY!!!!!!” I should wait you say?

How about now? That under cheek shot is always a doozy. As my boy “JP” in Manhattan by way of Louisiana would say “she’s very attractive”… yes she is my man, YES. SHE. IS! Angle two on that thigh please:

My goodness!!! With all that leg, she’s about to put KFC out of business. HELP!

– Lake

————-UPDATE——————-

Good eye, Lake.  Good eye.  Ashanti was looking good as hell in that King Magazine spread back in the day, and she definitely looks lovely in that white dress.  You know what’s messed up though?  Ashanti without the personal trainer, dietician, and will to achieve ends up looking like this:

Yup.  That’s Ashanti’s little sister Shia…Shi-Shi what day call her.  If Ashanti has pulled back from one ham sandwich away status to weekend bender with chili cheese fries away status, lil’ Shi-shi here just pushed back from Thanksgiving dinner.  Be aware people, be aware.

-Brock

Mel B. Gets Her Butterface On

March 19, 2008

I know these pictures are a few days old and fairly insignificant in the grand scheme or things, but I just can’t get enough of Mel B. post baby body.

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I mean, I can’t wrap my mind around how this chick bounces back the way she does. It’s no wonder that she keeps a man around. That body is sick. Sadly, equally sick is that dome, but for other reasons.

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Yikes!!!! Damn, that everything looks good but-her-face never rang more true. Baby girl, you need to adopt a little bit of that 50 Cent mentality on this sun exposure. Get a tan, I’m already black, thick I’m already that.

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It’s not that you don’t look hot with a little sun kiss, because I’m sure you do, but that grill piece can’t take any more sandblasting or it just might fall off. Can you imagine how this babe’s body looked before she had those two kids? Wow. I wonder if those J’s are nature’s best?

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Can’t be..can they? Damn.

– Lake

Asymmetrically Thick Chick: Angel Lola Luv

December 10, 2007

Just when you thought you understood all the asses out there, another one pops right up in your face. We almost forgot the Asymmetrically Thick Chick!

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That tail is so stacked that it just started to give up on itself at the bottom. Dude, I want to say that her ass is like Medusa, meaning that you look at it and you’re just stone faced and can’t look away and of course that’s true, but it’s more than that. This joint reminds me of the tractor beam from Star Trek days. You look at it, it scares you, but A. You’re intrigued as to what’s to come and B. You just can’t help but be drawn into it. It’s like Pookie said in New Jack City, “it just be calling me, man, I got to go to it.” I mean, look at this chick at a standard party.

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Ok, all this pic does is set up the outfit, oh and do you see ole girl right there in the purple? I mean, what are those jeans made of, elastic? Just look at the manipulation of that denim. It’s insane. Look at the belt just holding on for dear life….hating itself and loving the experience all at once. I’ll tell you one thing, that belt aint gonna last for long. Who is that chick, a fellow video uhhh “vixen”?

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Ole boy in the white shirt has the right idea. I know exactly what he’s thinking. “I can’t stop looking at this chick in the pretty pank’s ass, but at the same time, I can’t just stare at it all night long.. So I’ll just make sure I know where she is all night long so I can get about 46 to 53 views before the night is done.” I’m with you brother. That’s a good strategy.

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I think Lil Jon said it best, “WHAT?” Yeah, this chick redefines the concept of a “low rider.”

She certainly wasn’t mentioned in Brock’s Assology piece, but now we see that even a cat with a Ph.D in the posterior needs to become a lifelong learner. Well, I’m not being fair, we really didn’t forget her. The Asymmetric Ones are just always poorly represented by used-to-be physical freaks of nature, turned semi big girl. A perfect example of that, of course, is Flavor of Love 2 star Deelishis.

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Yeah, I thumbnailed her because I aint letting her ruin my beautiful post with her “bootyful azz.” (NSFW joint here) And no, by calling her “bootyful” I am NOT giving her a compliment. At any rate, at one point, I’m sure Deelishis was a 19 year old phenom with an unbeatable frame. Truth be told, chicks with bodies like this just can’t afford to carry any extra weight and still look like a homo sapien. They’re already something out of freaky science fiction movie, but when you add extra meat to a chick who is already 36-22-40 (!) you’re just moving into a realm only seedy porn directors have ever fathomed.

Now I say this, but let’s face it, if you have the Asymmetrical ass on the Asymmetrical body, and studies have shown this, you are 30 times more likely to have a kid before the age of 23. That means you’re guaranteed to gain weight. Now, as you gain that weight, there will still be thousands of dudes who will continue to holler at you just for a chance to ride that thing and a few hundred who like you ever more because of the weight gain. Oh they’re out there alright. That’s the kind of dude who looks at this chick, turns to his boy and says, “did you see that ass?” Terrible. Back to nature’s goodness, airbrush style.

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Bang. I’m not sure how you airbrush the jeans, but these cats did. Let’s go anti-airbrush to understand that this chick is the truth.

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I’m not much of a visible ass crack outfit guy, but please note that this babe has a beautiful face, breasts, hair, mind, inner chi and soul… Damn. Let’s get the cell phone cam angle.

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Yikes, intern, hit me with an interpretational, artistic, but I’m still a freak booty ho…angle.

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Un-be-lievable.

At any rate, we’re lucky to have an Asymmetrically thick chick in her prime and her name is Angel Lola Luv. Looking at these pictures brings me back to that look on Nino Brown’s face in New Jack City when he first saw Uniqua. LOL

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What do yall think? Fake Js or not. I know, I know, they gotta be fake, but you’d think that arse was fake too. I own know. They are sittin on high, but not in a grotesquely unreal kind of way.

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I love the airbrush.. Dude, I could errr will post pics of this babe all day.

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Last one.

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I’d be willing to bet she’s got brains but that body is stupid. Later.

– Lake