Posts Tagged ‘coke’

What’s up with Tracy Morgan?

November 16, 2007

More proof to my theory that in order to be truly hilarious, like genius level, you have to actually be crazy. Like, on the brink, can’t function normally, got a screw loose, aint right, all wrong, self medicating, chemically imbalanced and just all together fucking loony kind of crazy.

We saw it with Martin Lawrence‘s crazy ass sitting in the middle of the LA Freeway in a plastic track suit with a bag of twizzlers and a .45, we saw it with Eddie picking up that he-she, getting Mel B. preggers and just generally having that weird ass look on his face that says “I aint right” ever since Boomerang, and of course we saw it from Dave Chappelle’s $50 million peace out/back to Africa tour. Now, we see a glimpse of it again. I ask you, what in the hell was Tracy Morgan doing? I guess the craziness is proportional with the funniness, so TM is only but so crazy.. See, if he had Richard Pryor’s skills, he would have been trying to hit ole girl when she leaned up on him.

– Lake

Hingis retires from Tennis amid nose candy and white horse controversy

November 1, 2007

Martina Hingis was a special talent when she broke onto the Women’s Tennis scene in 1995 after great success in the junior ranks.


So why would she throw all that away to ride the white horse, sniff that Lindsay Lo-Han, toot the nose candy, roll with the Bolivian Marching Powder, dance with the white lady, get chalked up with the California Cornflakes, caminar con el diablo, puff with the white dragon, sing with that sweet Christina Aguilera — I mean why would you do that? We may never know why, but what we do know is that she just tested positive for Cocaine and promptly retired. Nice.


And now she’s saying that she’s never done coke. Hmmm, you’ve never done it, though you tested positive for it. Don’t you hate when that happens? And what about your plans to suddenly retire? I know, she’s just retiring, at age 27 mind you, because her body is breaking down not because she’s tested positive for an illegal narcotic.


I’m not exactly sure, but I don’t think Tony’s buying that story.


Anyway, let’s take this time to remember the Czech -Hungarian born tennis player turned “Swiss Miss”. One thing is for sure, the babe was colorful and occasionally, from the right angle, reasonably attractive.


Not only that, wasn’t just a hype tennis star and cocaine addict, she was nasty and would run smack with the best of them too:

  • Referring obliquely to Amelie Mauresmo’s lesbianism on the eve of their 1999 Australian Open final, Hingis told reporters, “She’s here with her girlfriend. She’s half a man already.”
  • When asked in the late 1990s how she felt about the budding rivalry between herself and the then-up-and-coming Anna Kournikova, Hingis responded, “What rivalry? I win all the matches.”
  • After the Williams sisters had complained of discrimination against them, Hingis told Time Magazine in 2001: “Being black only helps them. Many times they get sponsors because they are black. And they have had a lot of advantages because they can always say, ‘It’s racism.’ They can always come back and say, ‘Because we are this color, things happen.'” In the U.S., this comment garnered considerable attention, although elsewhere her comment was mostly greeted with indifference. What a biiatch.
  • At the peak of the Williams sisters and Hingis’ competitive and fierce rivalry, Hingis stated in a press conference during the 1999 US Open referring to the sisters’ remarks, “They always have big mouths. They always talk a lot. It’s happened before, so it’s gonna happen again. I don’t really worry about that.”
  • On the long-dominant German player, Steffi Graf, Hingis said, “Steffi has had some results in the past, but it’s a faster, more athletic game now than when she played. She is old now. Her time has passed.” (Hingis made this comment in 1998 while Graf was on an injury-related hiatus from tennis.)
  • Responding in a 1999 press conference on why she terminated her doubles partnership with former Wimbledon champion Jana Novotna, Hingis remarked, “She’s old and slow.”
  • During her acceptance speech at the 1997 Australian Open women’s singles final, the winner, Hingis, referred to her win in doubles the previous day and said, “I always love to come here to Australia and it’s a great win for me and I will like to come back and win another title. Yesterday, I already won in my doubles so, next time I’ll have to play mixed doubles so, maybe I’m going to win that too. But I also need to give someone else a chance to win an event.”

At any rate, we at UvT wish Ms. Hingis well. We’re not sure what she’ll do with all that money and all this extra time she’ll have, but such is life. We are waiting on that raunchy men’s magazine pictorial that is certain to come soon after this white horse incident dies down.

– Lake


My favorite nickname for cocaine has always been “booger sugar”.


Dirty Harry: Prince’s sex tape exposed?

October 28, 2007

You all probably heard about the plot to blackmail a member of the Royal family with an alleged sex tape that shows a Royal receiving oral sex and doing cocaine.


(Look at Harry with a handful of tittays)

Let’s just call this one straight, we all know it was Harry. Who else would be banging out on tape?


You know Harry was dranking that Chrissy, snorting that cocaine and getting after several hoes on camera. That’s what Harry does. He’s a wild boy, known to be the “naughty one”…


It should be hilarious when the tape actually does come out because as with all things, there’s never just one copy. Especially if they were trying to sell it back to Harry and his fam. If there is one thing I learned in my Brit Lit class it’s that Harry loves the hoes and hoes love Harry!!!!


(Party like a rockstar H)

Gotta be the red headed bandit, right?

– Lake


As a bonus for all you low cats out there, I was looking for a copy of the Prince Harry tape and ran across this. Now normally, my moral code wouldn’t allow me to post this.


But the deleterious effect you crazy readers are having on me is beginning to take hold. Here you go, a sex tape of a 19 year old Argentinian actress, Maria Fernanda Telesco (aka “Chachi”), who starred in their version of High School Musical. If Prince Harry’s tape is this hot, maybe he should change his profession. Uh, did anyone else know these Argentinian babes were this hot? Wow.

Lindsay been hanging with Al Gore III?

July 24, 2007


Dude, usually we leave the Lindsay thing to and such, but I just had to comment on this. Not so much because Lindsay is again drinking, chasing middle aged women in parking lots on a suspended license and tooting the white horse like her name was Mrs. Al Gore III. I mean, all that is great but what’s being lost here is that Lohan actually looks pretty good often times. Maybe that’s obvious to some of you, but something about this coked out mug shot just got me excited. What do you think, Lake n Lindsay? We both love to party. We both want her to drink, stay snortin’ that coca and stay sittin ’round with her breasts and arse exposed. Peep some of these shots we ran across this morning in our production meeting. Gotta like it.


Indeed, very attractive. Just what you want to see. Vacant eyes, Js sittin on dubbs, lips… ok, I’ll just stop there. Next.


(that slim white woman tail is tucked in just right)

Now see, this isn’t something I’d usually do, namely jack a pick from this site,but it illustrates that slim white woman arse. Something we haven’t talked about much here at UvT. It’s not my cup of tea generally, but I must admit that it looks pretty decent in this pick. Man, it brings a tear to my eye.. I was raised on this tail and many like it. A vanilla brother is getting nostalgic.


Sorry Brock.. If this is out of line, just go ahead and suspend me ala Michael Vick/Roger Goodell.


Damn Lake! You trying to get me caught riding dirty? You know the man don’t like a brother like me looking at one of his main ladies. Yeah man, I’m going to have to shut you down for the night.