Posts Tagged ‘Beijing Olympics’

Man Up Monday: Olympic Recap

August 25, 2008

While I didn’t stay up until 2:30am EST (although I guess the start time of that game could have made some sense on the west coast) when Espana had it at four at the two and a half minute mark, I thought Man Up Monday was about to be for the “Redeem Team” and all of USA Basketball.

Then the Black Mamba took over.  (Did he give himself that nickname?  Seriously, where did that come from?)  It does answer my question of whether Kobe can switch on him dominance like a switch  The answer is apparently yes.  That three at the three minute mark with nothing but a jab step from twenty something feet was craaaaazy.  I do like how they just call him “Mamba” now.  Which is not only a deadly snake, but also a delicious candy.  Chew, Chew, Chew chew Mamba!

This time I’ve got a whole bunch of man up moments.  The first goes to German Sprinter Tobais Unger.  Check out this bitchin’ and moanin’.

Unger voiced his complaints about the Jamaican sprinter to BILD sport, saying: “Bolt didn’t even warm up for the semi final. He showed up in shorts and jogging shoes, did his pickups and practice starts, put on his spikes and then ran the 100m in 9.92 seconds.

“Bolt ran a time of 9.8 seconds in May and again at the end of September. He showed no tiredness during training,” an annoyed Unger added.

“They do whatever they want on their island. Nothing happens to them. I’m the only one here at the Olympics who is registering with the doping controllers.”

Bolt apparently didn’t even know how to fill out the doping forms. The American sprinters’ coaches actually laughed when they heard about German doping controls.

Unger, who was cut in the semi-finals, threatened to quit: “I just don’t have the desire anymore.”

And by, “I don’t have the desire anymore”, he means, “I can’t beat any of these people and get into the finals”.  Come on Tobias, we’ve already established that the melanin challenged can’t make the finals of the 100m dash.  Give it up.

Oh, and Usain Bolt just called Us Versus Them HQ with a message for you.  Here’s where you can take that shit.

I also need whoever decides which sports make the Olympic games to man up.  After swimming ended it all went downhill from there.  I was looking for Olympic Hoops and ended up catching…uhhhh Mountain Biking.  This shit was crazy.  It looked like someone ran some tape around some trees and had cats just ride around in the woods.  Up a hill, down a hill around a corner, not enough room to pass each other.  Stupid.  Not to mention the fact that X Games BMX biking in a half pipe makes the cut now too.  How about Badminton?  Why?  Handball?  Seriously, where is that popular?  If you going to do that, why can’t Jai Alai get in there?

That guy wants a gold medal too.  He’s got a helmet and a hook thingy attached on his arm.  He’s a badass.  What about football?  (and the first asshole that points out that the Olympics has “Futbol” gets kicked in the teeth)  Let’s get Ultimate Fighting in there too.  They’ve already got wrestling, boxing, and tae kwon do in there, why not kick it up and drop em in the Octagon?  Anderson Silva needs a gold medal too.  Oh and China, I don’t want to hear about how you “won” the Olympics either.  You won on table tennis, air rifle and the aforementioned badminton.  Just stop.

Oh and a final man up to this dude.

Yes I’m talking about the guy on the right.  My man Matos did not like that disqualification, ok?

So all of the above.  MAN UP!

-Brock

UvT Olympics Update

August 19, 2008

I don’t know if my Tivo ain’t hittin’ right, or if there really isn’t anything on anywhere else in the world other than these Olympics on NBC, but ever since Michael Phelps and gymnastics ended, the Olympics aren’t giving me much anymore.  Honestly, I was in a sports bar this weekend getting my fantasy football on, and we ended up with Olympic trampoline (why is that a sport?) and rowing (ditto).  So here’s a quick recap.

First of all it did me proud to see Cullen Jones in the water in the swimming competition.  Sure, the kid almost drowned when he was 5, but he fought against nature to become a gold medal winning swimmer.  It meant a lot to me, especially since the last time I saw a brother in an Olympic pool, this is how it went down.

Now see, that is why brothers don’t swim right there.  Sure, he was representing Equatorial Guinea but somehow that still ain’t right.  He must be the only brother who can swim at all in E.G.  I need to get my Equatorial Guinea citizenship tight so I can go on ahead and get into those 2012 London games.

Next, you all know Brock loves the gymnasties.  She may have busted her ass and lost the gold, but she wins the UvT gold medal for actually looking like a grown woman during the gymnastics competition.

Holla if you hear me girl.  I know, I know, Be On It, she’s not that good looking.  At least she’s not a Blonde, right?  She’s just the best available.  Her body is just in shape.

You gotta love a chick who goes for the reverse crease.  She doesn’t even go with the traditional ass crease, she goes ahead and drops it in the front.  Hilarious.  Look, the lady even looks reasonable in street clothes.

You know what though.  None of that makes her UvT quality.  Okay, some of that does.  But here is what really tipped the scales.

Daaaaamn.  I know old boy didn’t want to go out like that.  But that is what you get for letting a girl, hell letting anyone, who can probably do handstand pushups hit you square in the jaw.  My man dropped like a pile of bricks.  He can’t be that tall if Alicia was looking him dead in the eye.  That is that big, small man problem there.  Trying to be tough.  Now 788,000 people saw him get knocked out cold.  Great.

You know, now Olympic recap is complete without the men of the Olympics.  The ladies of UvT, have been clamoring for it.  Threatening a boycott.  Invoking Title IX.  Hating on Amanda Cicchini.  So we did the right thing.  We took a closer look at the Olympics, trying to find out what the ladies like.  What is that?  I mean I know I like tight tails and thick thighs.  Do the ladies like skrong arms?  Broad shoulders?  Hey, I don’t want to get too deep into our research techniques.  So here’s a little something for the ladies.  These guys are strong, dressed in tight gear.  Willing to show it all off.  Some of the greatest Olympians ever.

Olympic Super heavyweight wrestlers.  Enjoy ladies.  Don’t say I never did anything for you.

Ha!

-Brock

Misty May Treanor: George Bush Likes It

August 11, 2008

We’ve already asked whether Misty May Treanor is UvT Quality.  Apparently President Bush thinks voting is still open, because he went to check it out himself.

I think this is the first thing President Bush has done in a long time where we’re on the exact same page.  I’ve never seen anyone backhand dat ass before either.  I didn’t know one of the Powers of the Executive Branch was the ability to make a woman drop it like it’s hot on demand.  Hmmmmm.

Brock Hardon For President 2016.

————-UPDATE—————

Ian from the comments would like for us to mention how great May and Walsh are at beach volleyball.  Here is goes.  With Walsh’s length at the net at 6’2″ combined with May-Treanor’s uncanny ability to anticipate the angles for the dig on the defensive end.  This team has been dominating beach volleyball in an unprecedented manner truly elevating the sport.  Now Ian.  Explain to me why they play half buck naked and I’ll stop looking at ass everytime I watch beach volleyball.

It’s Little Thick Chick Season…I Mean Time For Women’s Gymnastics!

July 29, 2008

The Olympics are coming.  I’ve already covered the soon to be big story on doping. In fact we should start a UvT pool to lay money down on which sport will see the first illegal substance abuser.  Track & Field and Cycling are even money.  Weightlifting?  Boxing?  Wrestling?  Archery?  We’re not here to talk about that though.  We’re here to talk about the one sport where this is reasonable.

What is a sport really about when whatever that chick is doing scores you points?  I’ll tell you what though, that calf and thigh are right.  On the list of “porn before the internet”, Womens gymnastics is right between the aforementioned “Kiana Tom Flex Appeal” and trying to make heads or tails (literally) out of the scrambled porn channel.  So ladies, if you are ready to show em what cha working wit…raise your hands.

Well then lets carry on…and I see you on the far right.

Gymnasts let you know the ass piece is just another muscle.  It can be developed.  Sure, these little ladies look a little skrong in competition…no hips, shoulders a bit too wide for comfort, but their are just laying the foundation down for the future.  Don’t believe me?

Fine, let’s go old school.  Dominique Dawes.  Here’s Atlanta 1996.

A little on the slim side, but I appreciate the flexibility.  Here she is now.

See?  She filled out nicely.

Fine, another example.  Betty Okino.  I mean she was in the olympics in what? 88 and 92?

Sure, her abs are about as diesel as the j’s here…but once again, you gotta project the future…you gotta have that eye.

Bam.  She’s bad.  Still not convinced?  Angle 2?

She’s still got the abs.  You feeling me now?  Oh and as an added bonus?  She can stil do this.

That might be the first upside down triple tuck™.

Betty, holla at your boy Brock if you’re out there.

-Brock

———UPDATE————

When I was writing this last night, something wasn’t right.  When I was driving into Us Versus Them HQ, something wasn’t right.  Then Will pinpointed it for me in the comments…

 

These chicks are too young.  Look, my boys know, I like a fresh faced pretty young thang, but they gotta be legal.  I’m from the ATL, but I’m not cool with statutory being set at 16 years old in that state…I’m not a “old enough to bleed, old enough for me dude” (worst phrase ever), I’m no Humbert Humbert, no Mark Chmura, you feel me?

Then I realized, the Olympics are like leap year.  There is a four year gap, and a lot of things change in four years.  I’m talking about 1988, 1992, and 1996 where checking the tail piece of a 16 to 18 year old chick was cool.  It’s 2008.  My perspective is all off.  I’m much younger in leap years than I am in real years…does that make it cool?  Nah, it doesn’t.  I guess it is Beach Volleyball and swimming for me in 2008.

There.  I feel better.  Betty Okino is still bad though.

-Brock