Man Up Monday: Olympic Recap

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While I didn’t stay up until 2:30am EST (although I guess the start time of that game could have made some sense on the west coast) when Espana had it at four at the two and a half minute mark, I thought Man Up Monday was about to be for the “Redeem Team” and all of USA Basketball.

Then the Black Mamba took over.  (Did he give himself that nickname?  Seriously, where did that come from?)  It does answer my question of whether Kobe can switch on him dominance like a switch  The answer is apparently yes.  That three at the three minute mark with nothing but a jab step from twenty something feet was craaaaazy.  I do like how they just call him “Mamba” now.  Which is not only a deadly snake, but also a delicious candy.  Chew, Chew, Chew chew Mamba!

This time I’ve got a whole bunch of man up moments.  The first goes to German Sprinter Tobais Unger.  Check out this bitchin’ and moanin’.

Unger voiced his complaints about the Jamaican sprinter to BILD sport, saying: “Bolt didn’t even warm up for the semi final. He showed up in shorts and jogging shoes, did his pickups and practice starts, put on his spikes and then ran the 100m in 9.92 seconds.

“Bolt ran a time of 9.8 seconds in May and again at the end of September. He showed no tiredness during training,” an annoyed Unger added.

“They do whatever they want on their island. Nothing happens to them. I’m the only one here at the Olympics who is registering with the doping controllers.”

Bolt apparently didn’t even know how to fill out the doping forms. The American sprinters’ coaches actually laughed when they heard about German doping controls.

Unger, who was cut in the semi-finals, threatened to quit: “I just don’t have the desire anymore.”

And by, “I don’t have the desire anymore”, he means, “I can’t beat any of these people and get into the finals”.  Come on Tobias, we’ve already established that the melanin challenged can’t make the finals of the 100m dash.  Give it up.

Oh, and Usain Bolt just called Us Versus Them HQ with a message for you.  Here’s where you can take that shit.

I also need whoever decides which sports make the Olympic games to man up.  After swimming ended it all went downhill from there.  I was looking for Olympic Hoops and ended up catching…uhhhh Mountain Biking.  This shit was crazy.  It looked like someone ran some tape around some trees and had cats just ride around in the woods.  Up a hill, down a hill around a corner, not enough room to pass each other.  Stupid.  Not to mention the fact that X Games BMX biking in a half pipe makes the cut now too.  How about Badminton?  Why?  Handball?  Seriously, where is that popular?  If you going to do that, why can’t Jai Alai get in there?

That guy wants a gold medal too.  He’s got a helmet and a hook thingy attached on his arm.  He’s a badass.  What about football?  (and the first asshole that points out that the Olympics has “Futbol” gets kicked in the teeth)  Let’s get Ultimate Fighting in there too.  They’ve already got wrestling, boxing, and tae kwon do in there, why not kick it up and drop em in the Octagon?  Anderson Silva needs a gold medal too.  Oh and China, I don’t want to hear about how you “won” the Olympics either.  You won on table tennis, air rifle and the aforementioned badminton.  Just stop.

Oh and a final man up to this dude.

Yes I’m talking about the guy on the right.  My man Matos did not like that disqualification, ok?

So all of the above.  MAN UP!

-Brock

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4 Responses to “Man Up Monday: Olympic Recap”

  1. Ian M. Summers Says:

    “Oh, and Usain Bolt just called Us Versus Them HQ with a message for you. Here’s where you can take that shit.” Priceless. The very best one-liner I’ve yet read at UvT. And that German guy can’t be serious, can he? He needs to do what every other white guy does when he can’t beat a black guy in his given sport: take up hockey.

  2. Bill Parcells Says:

    Actually, to beat a black guy, just take up law enforcement.

  3. RosyF Says:

    @Parcells that aint even right but it so true.

    @Brock another great Man Up…I did not know mamba was a snake but did enjoy the tasty soft chews as a youngin.

  4. Stizzo Says:

    Uh, I think the man up goes to both Matos and the ref. The ref for being to inflexible, and Matos, for FUCKING KICKING A REF IN THE FACE.

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