Survivor: China. The Final Four.

 Check out Our Survivor China UPDATE on the Finale HERE.

The Survivor Finale is Sunday, and we are down to the final four. Amanda, Todd, Denise and Courtney. Other than the joint where I was completely joking and said that Denise was going to be in the finals because she was a damn mute, I’ve gotten every single prediction I made wrong. That being said, a lot has happened. Let’s take it from the top.

James Played Himself:

Let me know if I’ve got this wrong. James got voted out with six cats left and two immunity idols in his pocket.

That is nothing by greed right there homey. You thought they were just going to let you walk into the final four? Come on, you are built like a cat that should have “I will win every immunity challenge” tattooed on his chest with “vote me out” on his back. Did he really think he wouldn’t have to do any more work to get into the finals? Talk about getting lulled to sleep. He had a guaranteed spot in the final five and blew it.

Amanda is Apparently a Problem with the FCC:

I’ve haven’t seen a survivor that needed a permanent blur over a body part. since Richard Hatch Sure, during a wrestling challenge a titty would fall out, somebody would catch a wedgie and an ass cheek would get too exposed. But Amanda actually got her real clothes back, not the clothes she happened to have on when Jeff pulled his “gotcha” at the beginning of the season where everyone had to wear their draws for a few weeks, the bathing suit she planned to wear on national TV. The chick can’t even walk around without catching the blur from her back to her thigh. The interns pulled together the only two pictures of this chick in that camo bathing suit without her ass blurred out. Let’s take a look.

If she turned another ten degrees to the left, the censors would be all over her ass, literally. She is a little thick in the thigh though. What else?

Fine, she’s not working with much, but she propped it on up on that wall. What was up with her and her sister working the bird calls during the challenge. I was waiting for her to start working the Lil Wayne “birdcall”. When you hear the Brrrrrrrrr she ain’t tryin’ ta whistle. This is the same babe who lost her top on day six and didn’t even know it. Gotta be a freak right? My bad, she’s actually a “beauty queen“. She was a “Miss Earth” contestant in 2005.

Denise Can’t Win:

I don’t care who she goes up against, and the field is weak at this point, but Denise can’t win against anyone. Maaaaaaybe Courtney since she sucked at everything. You want to talk about an anticlimactic final vote. Let’s try Denise and Courtney for the million. Frosti, between Denise and Courtney, who should be Sole Survivor?

Yeah, you ain’t lied. They might have to let the money rollover to next season.

Actually, they will probably do what they did last season to avoid the whole thing and have a three way finale. It will be the first and last three way for Denise.

So the finale is Sunday, and I care more about who doesn’t win than who does. At this point, I guess Todd and Amanda “deserve” to win the most since they at least tried to win the money instead of just riding out. Sure, Courtney put together a few key immunity wins, but otherwise she hasn’t done much but be a non-threat and non-entity.

Now that we’re in the final four, I’m going with Amanda to win the whole thing. Todd has pissed too many people off, and as I said the other two have no game at all.

-Brock

Survivor China: Jean-Robert Goes All-In

 Check out our UPDATE on the Survivor: China Finale HERE.

Survivor China is back this week and although they teased double crossing and backstabbing, it ended up being a pretty predictable affair.

First of all Jean-Robert starts to figure out the game in week 8 and kicks the poker “strategery” up in an effort to actually win the game.

Up until this point Jean-Robert has simultaneously employed the “make myself worthless so when I actually do something it looks good” strategy, coupled with the threaten everyone who might vote for me strategy. What he should have done is drop in the Evel Dick/Richard Hatch take me to the end because everyone hates me technique. That was his problem. He was only a dick enough to be annoying, not enough so that everyone wants to take him to the end and sit next to him when it is time to vote.

Jean-Robert even tries to surprise James by squaring him up. But James wasn’t going for the banana in the tailpipe. So instead, James slapped J-R with his junk at a challenge.

Peace out Jean-Robert.

Once again the fake idol popped up again with Jean-Robert trying to fake people into believing he would be immune to being voted out. In the end, he got faded out by Jeff.

Since it was a slow week, let’s talk about something important. With the lack of hotties this season, let’s talk about Jeff. This cat has to have the best job in the world. Fifteen seasons of traveling all over the world, working 80 days a year, rocking cargo pants and denim shirts everyday and calling cats out at tribal counsel for B.S. you know they did because you’ve already watched the video tape.

But that’s not the best part, Jeff also bagged one of the hottest chicks to roll through the jungle on Survivor.

Awwwww, don’t they look happy? Yeah, forget that, let’s see what else Julie’s working with.

I see you Jeff, she keeps it silky smooth through the stomach area. What else?

A little side boob and tail piece combo. Let’s not forget that this was the chick that preferred naked sunbathing on the show. Well played Jeff, well played.

-Brock