Posts Tagged ‘Sole Survivor’

Survivor: China Finale

December 16, 2007

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The finale is here. First things first. DirecTv faded me from the first 15 minutes of the show, so I missed the early recap of the show. I’ll go ahead and assume that not much happened though. I got back in when Jeff was explaining the rules for the reward challenge.

8:18 pm: We get our first shot of Amanda’s blurred ass.

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As you could see in my previous analysis, there isn’t much to blur out.

Denise couldn’t even get past the damn bridge before everyone else was at the end. Later she complains that she is always picked last. Well she’s not very good at much and she quits on herself quite a bit. That will get you picked last every time.

Amanda Pixelpants wins the challenge and gets to pick someone to share her pizza, beer and brownies with someone. Brock doesn’t share his damn pizza and beer with anyone. It is definitely better not to leave hater Todd with anyone else though. By the way…did I miss when they gave the car away this season? When the hell was that?

8:30 pm: Here comes “fallen comrades”. It actually isn’t as boring and drawn out as it usually is. Most of the time it is a ridiculously long hike or paddling in a boat and takes forever. Not only that, but it forces the final four to comment on people they met over a month ago and knew for about three days. At least they mixed in exiled survivors reflecting on themselves. We know, we know, Survivor was a life changing experience. You will never be the same. You have lifelong friends. Thanks for that.

As a quick aside, Courtney goes beyond the negative arse. I know the chick weighs 80 pounds, but the hump in her back sticks out more than the humps in her backside.

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Wow. Frosti thinks that is “out of his league” huh?

8:55pm: Final Immunity challenge. Nice job Amanda. Not only did you manage to steal someone elses buff to rock as a skirt keeping you off the FCC most wanted list, but you are the plate stacking champion of the world. I actually prefer the ridiculously long endurance challenges. Back in the day they just made you stand on a platform for eight hours. Jeff probably put in a call to old Mark Burnett and let him know that he has a four hour limit at challenges before he needs to go back to his custom built luxury trailer back at camp.

So Amanda wins bowl stacking by flipping the last two bowls over, keeping them stable. Actually a huge strategic move. She deserves that final immunity.

9:15pm Denise gets voted out. She actually tried to scramble a bit there at the end. I appreciate the effort but she was always dead meat. Damn, good to know she’s still delusional. She thought she was going to win it all? Really? Denise you are the definition runner up. You are the person who gets to the end because you are decent enough at the beginning to stay on the team, yet you aren’t a big enough threat to get voted out. You can’t convince anyone that you made any strategic moves other than blindly following your alliance. You never made any strong moves at an immunity challenge. You might have gotten more votes than Courtney…might have.

9:30pm. Final Tribal Counsel. “The Power Shifts to the Jury” and all of that. Damn, Denise didn’t have any “jury gear” in the luggage. She looks like she brought a stack of identical tank tops whether she was taking showers or living outside.

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Did she get that smock from the Frodo Baggins collection? She did comb out her mullet though, so she wouldn’t have to continue rocking the Mullet pony tail.

So far this jury isn’t attacking too much. James played it cool. He must know getting voted out was his fault. Jean Robert got smacked down by Todd and went back to his seat. Why isn’t anyone asking Amanda anything? Is she that irrelevant? These two chicks are really handing it to Todd. Amanda looks like she just got caught stealing milk money.

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She won’t stand up for herself. Courtney is at least going hard and claiming her “strategy” was to go along with everyone.

9:51pm. There you go Amanda! Call that cat Todd out for stabbing every single member of the jury in the back. If he is going to go hard, make sure everyone realizes what he did. Oohhh here comes Denise. Look, someone in the final four alliance had to go first.

10:00pm. A little editing trickery from Jeff. Nice transition. I did actually liked seeing Jeff dip out of tribal counsel with the vote bucket tucked under his arm like a football to go jump into his jetski/helicopter/motorcycle to “drive” back to the finale show.

Todd wins. That is a few seasons in a row where the “game player” wins. I guess being an honest killer is the most respected role you can play in this game. I still think Amanda could have won. But she didn’t seem to even be able to convince herself that she deserved it.

Courtney looks like she put on a few pounds. Does that actually mean that she looks better though? I can’t tell.

Is Jean Robert serious with that skull cap? That’s not hot.

Todd. I know you were strategic throughout the show. But pretending that every single move was premeditation is just silly. Come on man, you were good, but you were no puppetmaster.

Uh oh, Denise got her mullet freshly feathered for the final show.  Wait, when did Jeff change shirts?  See, even Jeff keeps it pimpin.  He wasn’t rocking the jungle gear in Hollywood.

-Brock

Survivor: China. The Final Four.

December 15, 2007

 Check out Our Survivor China UPDATE on the Finale HERE.

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The Survivor Finale is Sunday, and we are down to the final four. Amanda, Todd, Denise and Courtney. Other than the joint where I was completely joking and said that Denise was going to be in the finals because she was a damn mute, I’ve gotten every single prediction I made wrong. That being said, a lot has happened. Let’s take it from the top.

James Played Himself:

Let me know if I’ve got this wrong. James got voted out with six cats left and two immunity idols in his pocket.

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That is nothing by greed right there homey. You thought they were just going to let you walk into the final four? Come on, you are built like a cat that should have “I will win every immunity challenge” tattooed on his chest with “vote me out” on his back. Did he really think he wouldn’t have to do any more work to get into the finals? Talk about getting lulled to sleep. He had a guaranteed spot in the final five and blew it.

Amanda is Apparently a Problem with the FCC:

I’ve haven’t seen a survivor that needed a permanent blur over a body part. since Richard Hatch Sure, during a wrestling challenge a titty would fall out, somebody would catch a wedgie and an ass cheek would get too exposed. But Amanda actually got her real clothes back, not the clothes she happened to have on when Jeff pulled his “gotcha” at the beginning of the season where everyone had to wear their draws for a few weeks, the bathing suit she planned to wear on national TV. The chick can’t even walk around without catching the blur from her back to her thigh. The interns pulled together the only two pictures of this chick in that camo bathing suit without her ass blurred out. Let’s take a look.

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If she turned another ten degrees to the left, the censors would be all over her ass, literally. She is a little thick in the thigh though. What else?

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Fine, she’s not working with much, but she propped it on up on that wall. What was up with her and her sister working the bird calls during the challenge. I was waiting for her to start working the Lil Wayne “birdcall”. When you hear the Brrrrrrrrr she ain’t tryin’ ta whistle. This is the same babe who lost her top on day six and didn’t even know it. Gotta be a freak right? My bad, she’s actually a “beauty queen“. She was a “Miss Earth” contestant in 2005.

Denise Can’t Win:

I don’t care who she goes up against, and the field is weak at this point, but Denise can’t win against anyone. Maaaaaaybe Courtney since she sucked at everything. You want to talk about an anticlimactic final vote. Let’s try Denise and Courtney for the million. Frosti, between Denise and Courtney, who should be Sole Survivor?

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Yeah, you ain’t lied. They might have to let the money rollover to next season.

Actually, they will probably do what they did last season to avoid the whole thing and have a three way finale. It will be the first and last three way for Denise.

So the finale is Sunday, and I care more about who doesn’t win than who does. At this point, I guess Todd and Amanda “deserve” to win the most since they at least tried to win the money instead of just riding out. Sure, Courtney put together a few key immunity wins, but otherwise she hasn’t done much but be a non-threat and non-entity.

Now that we’re in the final four, I’m going with Amanda to win the whole thing. Todd has pissed too many people off, and as I said the other two have no game at all.

-Brock