Posts Tagged ‘Big Brother Ollie and April’

Big Brother 10: Ollie is a Son of A…

August 12, 2008

Preacher man.  What did you think I was going to say?

For those who aren’t up on Big Brother 10 (and why not?  This is solid summer programming)  Let me tell you about Ollie (real name Bryan Ollie).  This brother is the son of a preacher, has never had a sip of the devils nectar (he doesn’t drink), doesn’t curse, doesn’t smoke, played Football on full scholarship at Iowa State.  His father’s church is the real deal.  I’m talking faith healing, speaking in tongues, the whole nine.  I mean he really sounds like a good wholesome dude.

Oh and another thing?  Ollie is banging out April, the blonde haired white girl in the house like the next time might be his last time.

I’m talking about in broad daylight under a blanket.  I’m talking about in night vision.  Not to mention the fact that there is a straight up 24 hour a day live webcam feed going on in the house.  That means that everytime they get busy, that joint is being beamed all over the world live.

Now I haven’t been to church in a long time, but who cares if you don’t drink when you will cut on the internet live?  I doesn’t seem that impressive if you flaunt your principles and you are having sex every which-a-way.  Aren’t we picking our sins here?

I’m sure Ollie has the “I LV GSUS” licence plate.  I’m sure he doesn’t eat pork because he does not “partake in the cloven hoof”.  He is probably firm in his belief that all Jews and Muslims are going straight to hell because they have not accepted Jesus as their lord and savior.  Unprotected, premarital sex?  Hey, everyone needs one vice, right?

Look, normally I wouldn’t point this out, but Ollie ain’t making love here.  Once April won some privacy up in the HOH room, Ollie started fuckin.  I mean gettin it.  Don’t believe me?  Peep this. (NSFW, don’t turn up the volume either)

There hasn’t been night vision action like that since Paris Hilton.  It really starts getting loose at long about the 2:50 mark.  I didn’t watch it, but that is what I hear.  I mean slap it up, flip it, rub it down Ohhnooooooooo!

Look, when I saw that Ollie was that classic, comfortable with everyone football player, but I didn’t know he could run game like that.  I mean is it part of what they cover in practice?

That’s not Ollie, but you can tell they we’re trained in the game at the same school.  Look at this cat.  Got six chicks throwing the shocker.

Ollie.  You have one of the strongest games I’ve ever seen on Big Brother.  In fact, you might be the US Reality pimp of all time.  Sure your lady let an old dude grab her j’s on national tv as soon as she walked into the house, but she’s still a catch.  Oh, and she caught you giving Janelle a little too much love the other night.  Blonde girls are your kryptonite, huh?

Play on Playa.  Us Versus Them salutes you.


Big Brother 10, Episode 2 – Brian Overplays His Hand, Ollie Bags a Babe

July 16, 2008

Forgive me for doing these Big Brother reports, I’m quite sure they won’t last for each and every episode, particularly given the fact that the show comes on three times a week, but tonight was a pretty decent show.

For those of your that watch the show, read on. The rest of you..well, do what you gotta. But anyway, last night was like a text book example of what not to do during the first week of the show. I mean, look at the smug look on this cat, topped off with that “I’m a pure dick” hat piece.

Brian, an arrogant and fairly stupid prick, thought he was the puppet master because he was pulling the strings of an old man who probably has no business on the show to begin with.

But homey thought he had it all figured out like he was just going to come into Big Brother and run the table without ever having to show a little discretion or use any subtle strategy. Like he was just going to power through the whole deal and nobody would know any better. Now look at him, perfectly casted as the BB10 Douche Bag Extraordinaire.

Bottom line in Big Brother is that early on, you just sit back and let things happen and play the cards you’re dealt. Brian is out here trying to make power moves with little to no leverage and a house full of people who’ve watched the game like anyone else. And true to form, that sell out Libra WORKED her yatch magic and got Ollie to betray his alliance. Dog, was it just me or was that chick standing about 6’9″ and weighing in at 228, because she was literally looking down on Ollie when she was spitting her game.

By the way, can someone explain to me what’s up with the back of that alleged hair she has? Say what you like, but it looks extremely suspect to me. And if you believe that a mother of 5 month old twins shouldn’t be on a 3 month long game show, then you’ll really think a mother of young twins shouldn’t be on a 3 month long game show rocking a damn bikini… Jesus.

Why does she even own a bikini? Sorry, but this show is about eye candy and that does not include chicks who just happen to look like gummy bears, ya dig? I mean, wild Renny saw that gut hanging out of them big draws and was besides herself.

And yes, I would do anything to get this picture of her crazy ass into this post. ha.

Moving on, what about this cat Ollie and the game he’s played thus far? One thing I will say about Ollie, he’s got a talent for survival and while he was diffusing that little mini meltdown Libra and April were putting on him, he quietly wrapped up what is arguably the baddest chick in the house.

Not all that impressed you say? Ok, but wait until you hear her little talk about her all natural USDA, kid tested, mother approved J game. In this era of juicing and gelling, you gotta respect an honest pair, right?

And if Ollie is doing this on Monday:

This cat will be righteously (after all he is a preacher’s son) banging out come Friday. But nothing he does in the house can justify that god awful hat he rocked on the first day.

Horrible. But he cleaned it up…a little. I think my man has LL Cool J syndrome, meaning he knows that he looks roughly 87.5% better with a hat than he does without one.

Now Ollie, I know you’re an Ex D1 defensive back, so you probably don’t need any pimp lessons. But when you’ve got a big fish like this on the line, don’t try to reel that sucker in too fast. Be patient my man. Lake Rule Number 22 “Make ‘Em Wait”…at least until Saturday morning.

– Lake


Honestly, the best part of this show is the “show behind the show” if you will. The stuff that goes down in the house that doesn’t fit into the pre-packaged CBS storylines. The the fact that Steven, the gay cowboy, called Libra “the colored girl” as soon as the ‘Big Brother After Dark’ Cameras went off.

That’s right, ol Brokeback cliche’ here is throwing around the racial insults on the third day. Nice. The worst part, my first thought was that the race obsessed “one white child and one black child” Libra probably deserved it since she can’t stop talking about her white husband, her interacial marriage, her interracial children (which I haven’t gotten a really clean look at the “white” one, but I’m sure doesn’t look all that white. Maybe white enough to pass, but black enough so Black people know the kid is one of us. Like that Bob Barr out of Georgia…I see you…and that nose…and those lips.) The hilarious thing, when I heard there was a gay cowboy in the house as well as a dude named ‘Memphis’ in the house, I was sure they were one and the same. The funny thing? They are two different dudes. By the way, there is no way in hell I’m entering the words “gay cowboy” into Google merely for the sake of entertaining you people. I’ve got a pretty good feel for what should and should not be entered into search engines thank you very much.